I circled her wrist with my fingers and moved her hand so I could kiss the center of her palm. As heartfelt apologies went, it was a pretty good one and it went a long way toward smoothing some of those jagged edges she’d left when she ripped apart my heart.
“I … well … we … um … your father and I need some time to process all of this.” Deb reached out and put a hand on Russ’s leg. “I’m so sorry you thought you had to keep this to yourself, Kallie. We’re your family. We want to be there for you no matter what you’re going through.”
Kallie smiled and it was easy to remember why I’d loved her the way I had. “That’s what Dixie told me you would say.”
Deb huffed, “You told your sister before you told us?”
Kallie laughed and muttered, “Of course I did. I knew Dixie wouldn’t judge me. After the way you guys wrote Wheeler off without a second thought when you thought he wronged me, I wasn’t so sure you would understand how hard all of this was.”
Russ made a strangled sound in his throat and shifted his gaze to mine. I saw remorse and regret heavy between each blink but that didn’t undo what had already been done.
“You’re our baby, sweetheart. How else are we supposed to act when you come to us heartbroken, alone, and pregnant?” Deb sounded defiant but Russ had the good grace to look down at the ground.
“I appreciate the shelter you offered me, but putting Wheeler out in the cold wasn’t the right move, especially since he’s always going to be family. He’s this baby’s daddy, which means he’s always going to have a place in our lives.” She made it clear there was absolutely no room for argument.
“We thought we were doing right by our daughter, son. Surely, you have to understand that. You’ve always been welcome in this house, we considered you one of our own. It wasn’t an easy decision to put Kallie first when things fell apart between the two of you.” Now, that was an apology that could use some work. I knew deep down Russ was just a man that was trying to protect his child but it didn’t lessen the sting of being cast as the villain when all of this went down.
“It might not have been an easy decision but it’s one you made anyways, Russ. I spent most of my teenage years and a solid portion of my twenties making sure I never gave you a single reason to regret letting me date your daughter, and it took you no time at all to turn on me even knowing Kallie liked to stir the pot and burn bridges. Neither one of you gave me the benefit of the doubt.” I looked between the two of them and had to clear my throat before I could finish what I wanted to say. “You were the first people that showed me everything a family could be, you made me feel like I belonged, and then you shut the door in my face. I’ve had to stare at that closed door a lot in my lifetime, Russ. I never planned on you being on the other side of it.”
Deb made a whimpering sound and Kallie’s father cleared his throat. Before he could speak, I held up a hand and went on. “Kallie and I are both moving on but we’re also moving forward together. I want my kid to have as much love as possible, as many people to call family as we can find. I’m not holding a grudge but I’m also not letting myself fall back into thinking you’re going to be the people I can rely on when I need to. I don’t want to fall and end up on my ass. I’m happy you guys didn’t let Kallie twist in the wind, not that I thought you would, but she’s been terrified about how you’d react and all that stress is bad for the baby. Now, after I’ve had the chance to meet Roni and Kallie gets the opportunity to spend some time with the woman I’m seeing, we can work toward getting all of us together and figuring out how this is all going to work.” I gave Kallie a final squeeze and got to my feet. “Everyone in this room wants what’s best for the baby and for Kallie, so we’re gonna make sure that is our only priority.”
I gave Kallie a wink and started toward the front door only to be brought up short when Russ called my name. I looked at him over my shoulder and told myself not to be taken in by the stark distress that was caught in his gaze. “Believe it or not, we all want what’s best for you too, Hudson. We’ve just done a piss-poor job showing you that lately.”
They really had done a terrible job but that wasn’t my problem; tracking down Poppy’s mother so I could put Poppy’s mind at ease, that was my problem.
“I’ll see you around, Russ.”
As soon as I was back in the Caddy, I had my phone to my ear and was making the long-distance call to Texas. It rang for so long that I figured no one was going to answer, but just as I was about to hang up a slightly accented male voice barked a less than friendly hello into my ear. Knowing what I did about Poppy’s parents, I knew there was no way I could outright ask the man to put his wife on the phone. He would never allow her to speak to some strange man and would more than likely get mad and take it out on her if he thought she was interacting with someone without his permission.
“Hi, my name’s Hudson Wheeler and I’m looking for Paola Cruz. She has a ’64 Barracuda listed for sale and I’m interested in purchasing it.”
There was absolute silence on the other end of the phone until the man snapped, “You have the wrong number. My wife doesn’t own a car. If she needs to be somewhere I take her.”
“Are you sure this is the wrong number? I’m looking at the listing on the Internet right now. Can I speak with her just to verify I have the wrong information? The car is a real beauty and I’d do just about anything to get my hands on it.” I was laying it on thick but I couldn’t think of another way to get Poppy’s mother on the phone to find out if she was indeed all right.
“My wife does not converse with strange men; that is unseemly and inappropriate. I assure you she does not have a car for sale. Do not call here again.”
The line went dead and I swore loudly as I put the phone back in my pocket. It was easy to see why Poppy didn’t want that asshole anywhere near her and I wanted to give Salem a hug for doing whatever she did to keep him away from my girl. I had an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach as I pulled away from the Carmichaels’ home.
Poppy didn’t owe her mother a goddamn thing but something told me she wasn’t done trying to save her and that would mean she had to walk right back into the fire she worked so hard to put out. Good thing the only time I was going to let her burn was when she was in bed with me.
Poppy
I stared at the beautiful blonde woman seated across from me with a mixture of fear and admiration. I was waiting for her to rage at me, to yell and make a scene the way she had done when she showed up at her sister’s apartment to confront Wheeler after he called their engagement off. She looked like a supermodel but I knew she had the temper of a reality-TV housewife. Along with being nervous that she was going to snap on me, I was in awe of how friendly and welcoming she seemed to be. She’s been asking Wheeler for weeks to set something up so that she could meet me and I’d finally given in, more so he could get some peace and quiet than out of any real interest in meeting the woman who was pregnant with his child. That being said, my reserve was met with nothing but warmth. Kallie even brought me a fancy jar of artisanal honey as a cheeky gift, though Christmas was several weeks past.
I’d spent the holidays with my sister and Rowdy, as well as with Sayer and Zeb and their son. Salem whined about the fact she would just be starting to really show when she was supposed to be a bridesmaid in her friend Cora’s upcoming wedding, and Sayer bought out an entire Toys “R” Us for Hyde’s first Christmas with his dad. All in all, it was the perfect mix of family and friends even though I missed Wheeler. He’d agreed to spend Christmas day with Kallie and her family. I understood why, but I knew we both would have preferred that he got to spend the day with me. It was good practice for the choices we were going to have to make when the baby came, and while it wasn’t easy for either of us, knowing we were doing the right thing for the baby took some of the sting out of it. My willingness to let him go when Kallie needed something from him was one of the reasons she’d been so desperate to meet me. The first thing she did when I walked into
the coffee shop was throw her arms around me, tell me I was a saint, and then burst into tears as she apologized for all the havoc she caused in my relationship with Wheeler.
It was a lot to take in, which is why I was waiting for her to swing the other way emotionally. Wheeler warned that she was a naturally dramatic person and that her now raging hormones had made her even more so. He’d gotten really good at picking and choosing which of her whims he was going to cater to over the last month or so, making himself available only when she really, truly needed him. He told me he’d been taking care of her for so long that she still hadn’t quite figured out how to be okay on her own.
I wrapped my fingers around the warm, white-and-green cardboard cup in front of me and listened patiently as Kallie rambled on about how they were going to find out the sex of the baby at her next appointment. They’d gone right before the holidays started but the little thing had been uncooperative and refused to get in position for the ultrasound. They were still in the dark about what they were having, much to Wheeler’s dismay. I obviously already knew they were anxiously awaiting a determination because even if he wouldn’t tell her, Wheeler had told me on numerous occasions he was hoping for a little boy. Her excitement was nearly palpable, and after a few minutes of endless one-sided conversation, I realized that her nervousness was too. She was just as anxious as I was about this little get-together.
“This is going to be weird. No matter how hard we try and not make it weird, we both love the same man.” I lifted an eyebrow and let a tiny grin tug at my mouth. “We both know what he looks like naked and that he snores when he sleeps on his back.”
She blinked wide blue eyes at me and cut off her flow of words with a grateful nod. “I didn’t want it to be weird. I know you know why Wheeler and I split and why we’re not getting back together. I thought knowing that there wasn’t a chance in hell that he’d ever come back to me, or that I would ever try and take him from you, would make it easier.” She returned my grin. “It didn’t. I’m sitting over here thinking about how stupid you have to think I am. You know exactly how good I had it and I threw it all away.”
I shrugged and traced the logo on my cup with my thumb. “I don’t think you’re stupid at all. I think it would have been far more foolish to stay in a relationship that didn’t make you happy.”
She looked down at the table. “I probably would have stayed if my secret hadn’t gotten out.” She lifted her eyes back up to mine and there was shame and embarrassment threaded throughout. “I didn’t know anything else, how to love someone else, and I was terrified to live a different life. Wheeler always made everything so easy; he took care of everything and I knew no one else would do that.”
I tilted my head to the side and considered her thoughtfully before telling her truthfully, “That’s why a lot of women stay in failing relationships, even ones that are dangerous and unhealthy. It’s all they know and they don’t know how to walk away. They’re scared to be alone, scared no one will understand what they’ve been through, and won’t try to understand why they couldn’t leave. They feel like damaged goods, like they’ve somehow brought everything bad that’s happening to them upon themselves. The lucky ones eventually find their way out and find their way to something better.” I cleared my throat and reached up to push my hair out of my face. “But far too many stay.”
She wrapped her hands around her own drink, a hot chocolate, and copied my pose as she looked back at me with serious eyes. “Would you have stayed? If things hadn’t happened with your husband the way they did, if he hadn’t kidnapped you and hurt you, if he hadn’t shot himself, would you have gone back to him?”
This wasn’t the kind of conversation I planned on having with her. I thought we were going to make small talk about the weather and chat about the baby. I thought she was going to ask me if I was serious about Wheeler and serious about staying a part of his life after the baby came. I wanted her to like me because that would make things easier for all of us but I had no plans on letting her into all those dark corners where the scary parts of my past lived.
I shifted uncomfortably in my chair and shrugged again. “I don’t know. I’d like to say that I would have left for good; he broke my arm and beat the crap out of me, which was what sent me running to my sister in the first place. There was no more hiding or covering up the abuse and I was ashamed, but when the bones were set and the bruises faded, he was still going to be my husband, the man I promised to spend the rest of my life with, and I didn’t take that lightly.” I bit down on my lower lip and felt my brows knit together over the bridge of my nose. “He wanted to have kids, that’s what we were fighting about the night I left. He wanted to know why I wasn’t getting pregnant. He called me terrible names, told me God left me barren and empty because I’d had sex before marriage. He told me I didn’t deserve a baby because of my loose ways and claimed that’s why I’d miscarried my first pregnancy when I was a teenager.” Kallie gave an audible gasp from across the table and lifted her hands to her horrified face.
“I could take what he threw at me. Like I said, I think part of me believed that I hadn’t been the best daughter, sister, girlfriend, wife I could be, so I deserved it. But I knew there was no way on earth I could subject a child to that kind of life.” I shook my head a tiny bit and swallowed back the bitter taste in my mouth that talking about Oliver always left. “So I can’t honestly say that I would have left for me, but I know without a doubt I would have left to keep him from hurting anyone else.”
“That’s so scary, Poppy. He would have killed you.”
I nodded in agreement. “Yes, he would have, which is why I do my best to make sure anyone in a similar situation knows that there are options, knows that there is someone out there that has been where they are and can show them that it gets better once they get out. The person I am today never would have given Oliver the time of day, let alone married him. The woman that survived all of that knows life is a precious thing, that time is limited, and none of it should be wasted on people that want to cause you pain.”
Kallie sat back in her chair and put a palm over her belly. She was a month further along than Salem, so she was just now starting to show. The burgeoning bump was adorable and I couldn’t stop the pang of envy that worked under my skin as she caressed it.
“This baby is going to be so lucky to have you in its life, Poppy.” The sincerity of her tone warmed me up more than my latte had. She was actually very sweet and I could see why Wheeler had been so into her from the start.
“Well, I feel pretty lucky that both you and Wheeler are allowing me to have a place in your baby’s life. That’s not a responsibility I take lightly. It means the world to me.” It really did. Thinking about babies and everything that I’d lost used to paralyze me, the pain of that loss crippling me and stealing my motivation to move on from the past, but now the idea of cuddling a newborn, of touching that baby-soft skin and smelling their innocent, sweet smell, brought nothing but joy. I was going to be the best auntie in the world and I was going to soak up every minute I got with Wheeler and Kallie’s baby. Watching the man I was undoubtedly falling in love with figuring out fatherhood was a fantastic motivation to keep putting one foot in front of the other every day. Slowly but surely, I was leaving what was behind me and moving solidly into what could be.
“Well it’s obvious that you mean the world to Wheeler. He’s different with you, I mean he’s still great, still pretty much the most perfect guy anyone could ask for, but he seems … happier.” She made a face at me. “That was a hard pill to swallow at first. I thought I made him happy but seeing him with you … I wasn’t even close.” She leaned forward in her chair and her ocean-colored eyes doubled in size. “Did he tell you today is the day we were supposed to get married? I tried to call him and check on him but he didn’t answer.”
It was my turn to fall back in my chair with a horrified expression stamped across my face. “No, he didn’t mention it. I told him I was coming to mee
t you for coffee and he said he was going to take Happy for a walk.” He hadn’t seemed upset or withdrawn but I was learning that he was really good at locking down anything that might lash out and touch anyone else. I wanted to tell him that nothing he let escape could be anywhere as bad as the monsters my father and former husband had set free, but in order to do that I needed him to know I wasn’t scared of his brand of dark and dangerous. I’d spent a lot of time in hell, so I was intimately acquainted with all variety of demons and devils. Wheeler didn’t have it in him to be evil and purposefully malicious. The boy should have a halo tattooed around his head.
I pulled my phone out and fired off a text asking where he was. He’d been putting a lot of hours into the Hudson lately, so I was hoping he was going to reply that he was at work. What I got back instead was:
Had things to do at home. I’ll touch base tomorrow.
It was more dismissive than he ever was with me and the absence of his usual “honey” made my jaw lock and had my eyes narrowing on the short response. I lifted my gaze back up to Kallie and saw that she was watching me intently, clearly waiting to see what I was going to do.
I slipped my phone back in my purse and picked up my drink as I rose to my feet. “I’m sorry to cut this short but I need to make sure he’s okay.”
A grin tugged at her mouth and she nodded in understanding. “I didn’t really expect anything less. I knew today was going to be hard on him because I woke up sad and felt like shit. I knew that I was the last person he was going to want to see. I’m glad he found you, Poppy.”