“You’ll figure it out,” he says confidently. I wish I could believe him.
“So, seems like we blew the Dance-Off,” Eric says after a small silent pause.
“I forgot all about it,” I say miserably.
“You can relax now. It seems like we both lost our partners,” he quips. “And, since neither of us is going to be participating, I propose we get drunk instead.”
There’s a grin on his face, but I know that his proposal is serious. It’s tempting, I gotta admit. Alcohol would indeed help me forget this day and get over it.
“What happened to Amanda?” I ask. Amanda is Eric’s partner.
“She bailed on me,” Eric says. “John Bright’s partner fractured her ankle yesterday and he was looking for a replacement. Amanda jumped on the chance as soon as she found out about it.”
John Bright is an ass, but he is also a contender. He’s won dozens of dance competitions over the years, and most likely he’s going to win this one as well. Melissa and I were both hoping to beat him, but now, seeing as we’re not even talking to each other, let alone dancing together, John Bright is probably gonna win.
“It sucks! I was counting on that money,” Eric says.
“You and me both,” I mutter. Melissa is going to forgive me eventually, but certainly not today. It seems like my dream of film school is officially sunk. Unless...
“Let’s dance together,” I say suddenly.
“What?” Eric asks looking up at me.
“We both are good,” I articulate. “We could have a chance to beat John Bright, but only if we work together!”
“We’re both guys,” Eric states the obvious.
“So what? Two guys can dance together. Who cares?”
“I think it’s against the rules,” he mumbles.
“Screw the rules!” I shout.
Eric thinks about it for a moment and then a devilish grin appears on his face. He’s been screwing with the rules all along. So what’s the big difference?
“Come on, let’s do this,” I plead with him. “Can you imagine the looks on their stupid faces when they see us dance?”
Eric chuckles.
“That would be hysterical,” he admits.
“We could win it. I’m sure the judges are tired as hell watching John Bright win every year. I mean, perfection is boring,” I’m getting worked up now. “Two guys dancing, that would make this competition spicy.”
Eric takes his time to think about it, but I can see that he is already ready to say yes.
“Okay,” he says, finally.
“Awesome!” I cry out and pull him into a hug.
25
I feel like I’m taking things under control again. I might have just a chance to make it right. And I think I know how now.
Melissa needs money as much as I do. I want her to win, I do. If it’s not me and Eric winning the competition, then I want it to be Melissa. And I think I know the perfect partner for her too.
All I need to do is talk to John Bright. He knows Melissa is a great dancer. He already suggested that the two of them should pair up. She said no, of course, because she thought that we were going to be dancing together. But now, since she’s free, I think she has a great chance at winning with John. I just need to ask him to ask her to partner up. I’m sure she’s going to say yes this time. Taking into account how pissed she is with me, she definitely will say yes to John.
My newly-found enthusiasm actually helps me find a solution to another problem. Kenan’s been talking about how lonely he felt for months. All he wants is to have a boyfriend. Inadvertently, I ruined his chances with Eric. But Eric was never a good match for him. I think I know the guy who is.
I’m talking about Andrew, the kitchen’s worker and Chef Alan’s apprentice. He would be perfect for Kenan. I actually noticed him staring at Kenan quite a few times, drooling over him basically. I wanted to talk to him and test the waters all along, but I’ve been too preoccupied with my own problems lately and I forgot.
All I need to do is talk to Andrew and somehow let him know that Kenan is available. I’m not sure how I’m gonna do that exactly, but I just have to try. I have to make it up to Kenan. I don’t want him to be angry with me. And plus, I really want him to get a boyfriend, one that would be really good for him too.
Now, I think I’ve figured out how to solve three of my problems… DanceOff, Melissa and Kenan… As for Jake, there’s only one thing that I can do really.
I knock at his door. Nobody responds
“Jake?” I shout. “Jake? I really need to talk to you.”
Nobody answers. But I’m pretty sure he’s there though. I can almost feel his presence. I knock again. “Jake, I know you’re there.”
Silence.
“Just let me explain.”
No response to that either.
“What I said to you yesterday, it’s true,” I begin. I feel like I’m talking to a door, but I’m really hoping that Jake is standing behind it.
“I don’t have any feelings for Eric. We were just fooling around. He got me drunk, and well... I wasn’t in control of myself.”
Well, Jake has probably figured out the Eric part on his own. The big question at hand is Mitch part. What am I going to do about that?
I sit down on the wooden floor and lean against the door.
“When did it get so complicated?” I ask. “Me and Mitch, and you…”
“I don’t know what to do,” I whisper.
There is no response from the other side of the door. Apparently I’m saying all the wrong words. But I’m not done yet. I know exactly what to say, for once.
“But I need you,” I continue. “I really do.”
Still no response…
“Yesterday when I was holding you in my arms, I didn’t want to let go… I want you to know that,” I say. “And that thing I said on the cliff, it’s true.”
I lean back and bump my head slightly against the stupid door.
“I love you,” I whisper. “I love you, Jake.”
No response to that either. Maybe I was wrong about knowing for sure what I was supposed to say to get to him? I give it a moment for the information to sink in. I don’t know what else to say really.
Suddenly the door springs open and I am knocked to the floor.
I look up, hoping to see Jake looking down at me.
Instead, I see something absolutely terrifying. His mom.
“I don’t know what it is you’re talking about, young man,” she tuts. “But I think you’re at the wrong door.”
“Oh,” I say, scrambling to my feet, blood rushing to my cheeks. “I think you’re right. I’m sorry.”
26
I get back to the suite and plop down onto the couch, exhausted.
I just spent nearly two hours hunting down John Bright and trying to convince him to partner up with Melissa for the Dance-Off. He was less than enthusiastic. His chances of winning are pretty solid, with or without her.
My attempts to talk to Andrew about going out with Kenan were pretty unsuccessful as well. He got all red in the face and bolted as soon as I mentioned Kenan’s name. Why did I think I could get him to talk about such a private matter? We’ve only spoken like once, about potato salad. It’s not like we’re best friends or anything. Me telling him that I was gay didn’t help either. When I told him that Kenan was gay, I think I caught a glimpse of a smile on his face though.
But he is simply too closeted at this point to initiate a conversation with another gay guy. He looked as scared as a reindeer caught in the headlights. So that part of the plan didn’t work out either. None of them did actually. This plan failed, as all the other ones. I really should stop wasting time making them.
I don’t know why I even bothered, on my birthday of all days! Nothing ever works out on my birthdays. Period!
And I didn’t even tell you the worst part.
When I walked up to the door of our suite, I saw a note attached to it. It was a note f
rom Eric saying that he couldn’t do it, meaning the Dance-Off of course. Dancing together in front of a whole crowd of people was too much for him to handle apparently.
Well, it is a big deal actually. It’s practically a big public coming out. And taking into account the newspaper guys among the crowd, covering the competition, it wasn’t surprising that Eric chose not to be a part of it. He said he was sorry, of course, but that doesn’t help the situation, does it? He is not a daredevil I thought he was. He is just as afraid as the rest of us.
So I plump on the couch having absolutely no intention to get up from it any time soon. Melissa and Kenan aren’t here. They will be working at the wedding reception. I’m not gonna work today. I’m gonna bail.
Let everything go to hell. I tried my best and failed. People fail all the time. It’s not me, it’s life. That’s just how it works. The sooner I’m gonna admit it, the better.
I just want this day to be over. I want to be done with it. I’m gonna fall asleep right on this couch and not wake up until the next morning. Maybe then I’ll manage to organize the thoughts in my head and think about a better way of dealing with the situation. Although, I’m pretty sure that there’s nothing I can do to fix anything at this point. I lost. And I’m gonna have to accept it.
My restless gaze catches on a heap of my birthday presents in the back of the room. Some of the gifts were cool actually, though most of them were so-so. They are all unwrapped except for one. The one from Jake.
I wanted to open it at first, because I was dying to know what it was Jake has given to me. But I ended up not opening it because I knew whatever it is inside the box, it’s probably meant to declare his love to me. And I didn’t want to know anything about his love at that point. Now it doesn’t matter anymore. So I stand up and approach the heap of wrapping paper. I take the box and tear down the blue ribbon off of it. I open the box then…
It’s a dark-blue T-shirt.
It’s pretty but it’s… so plain… I guess there was really no reason for me to worry. And there I was thinking that there would be something meaningful in the box. It’s just a T-shirt. There are millions of ones like that one out there. There is nothing special about this one at all.
I sigh. It’s a disappointing ending to a disappointing day.
Then I catch sight of some lettering on the front side of the T-shirt. It’s nothing fancy, just a simple white #1.
Oh, Jake! I smile. It has a meaning after all. It has a very very special meaning! It changes everything actually. Now I know what I must do!
27
I make my way towards the dining hall, determined to win the competition, or at least do my best. I’m wearing my #1 T-shirt. Nothing can stop me now!
I enter the hall. There’s music playing and people are clustered everywhere. Half of them are my relatives.
I notice, with some amusement, that the place is decorated to fit both events – Janine’s wedding reception and the Dance-Off. I think some of the guests are a little confused but Janine seems to be fine with it. I can clearly see her and her hubby at one of the tables, her hubby-to-be actually, because the actual wedding ceremony is not going to take place until tomorrow morning, but she is wearing her white dress nonetheless.
I search for Melissa. For a second I get worried, but then I see her, dressed in costume, standing next to John Bright. Apparently John decided that pairing up with her would help his chances after all.
I’m happy for her, but I still feel a pang of regret. I guess I’m gonna have to go it solo.
28
The reception is over and now people are lining up for the Dance-Off. John and Melissa are going first, naturally. They both believe that going first means to actually be first, to be the winner.
I watch them take their positions on the improvised stage. I can see that Melissa is very nervous. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her that nervous before. She’s sweating and her legs are shaking. I guess dancing with John isn’t as comforting as dancing with me.
Her gaze stumbles upon me and our eyes meet. I expect her to scoff and turn away at once, but she doesn’t. She keeps looking at me. I know that look. She is looking for me to support her, as usual. This is my chance. I smile and send her a quick thumbs up, sending all my positive vibes in her direction.
She takes a deep breath and relaxes. Her legs stop shaking and she assumes the confident posture of a professional dancer. She looks at me again and mouths, “Thank you.”
The music starts and they begin their complicated routine.
I scan the crowd for Kenan. He is standing alone on the other side of the stage, watching Melissa dance. He looks happy for her, but I can tell that he’s miserable. I’m about to go there and start begging him to forgive me, but that is the moment I see Andrew stand there in the crowd as well. He is practically staring at Kenan. Kenan is oblivious to that naturally.
“Come on, Andrew, do something! Grab your chance, damn it! Grab it!” I send out a mental command.
And to my surprise, it works! He starts towards Kenan. He approaches him. They greet each other casually. I think Andrew asks if he can stand next to him. Kenan says yes. There’s a smile on his face. I think he likes him! Then they talk.
And talk.
And talk.
People start applauding the second Melissa and John finish their dance. It was beautiful, and technically flawless as far as I can tell. They didn’t do the jump element, of course, but still it’s some of the most impressive dancing I’ve ever seen.
I tell myself that I’m going to go next, but I chicken out at the last second and let another couple go first. These two are dressed in matching green costumes that look suspiciously like broccoli-covered spandex. Well, who am I to judge? I’m wearing a #1 T-shirt; not exactly good taste either.
I watch them dance, trying to remember my own moves. It seems that the harder I try to put it back together in my head, the harder it becomes. I’m afraid that my nerves are going to get the best of me.
The couple finishes and people applaud. Judges judge. I let another couple cut in front of me. These two are dressed well, but I think they are not particularly good dancers, or so I’ve heard. Me dancing after them would probably be a good idea. I just need to pull myself together and do it!
29
I let six other couples go before me and I watch them all dance, still trying to figure out all the elements of my own routine and work up the nerve to actually go up onstage. Now, as the last couple leaves the stage, there’s no more time for waiting. I have to do this. It’s either now or never.
I shakily hobble up to the stage and take the microphone. I’m not a couple and I’m not wearing a costume, so nobody pays much attention to me.
“Hmm, hmm,” I clear my throat into the microphone. The conglomeration of chit-chat does not stop.
“Can I have your attention please?” I say. Nobody looks up.
“Hey, people!” I shout. All eyes swivel towards me.
“My name is Sam Dorsey,” I begin. “Some of you know me, some of you don’t.”
They stare at me like sheep.
“I just want to say a few words… Well, I want to dance actually, but before I do I need to tell you something.”
I find Melissa in the crowd and look at her.
“I’ve made a mistake, a couple of mistakes actually. And I want to say that I’m sorry,” I project. “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, Melissa. And Kenan, the same thing goes for you. It just happened that way. I’m not saying that it wasn’t my fault because it was. But I’m really sorry. I want you to know that.”
I see Melissa bust out a reluctant smile. Kenan does the same.
I find my parents in the crowd then. I can see my mom looking at me, worried. I rush on before I can lose my nerve.
“Now, mom, dad… I’m sorry about the way I’ve acted lately. I know you want the best for me and it was wrong of me to ignore you just because you don’t want me to go to Film Academy. I understand wher
e you’re coming from now. I forgive you if you’ll forgive me.”
My mom smiles. It’s so good to see her smile.
“And… and finally I would like to congratulate Janine and Mark. Some of you don’t know this, but this is actually their wedding reception.”
People chuckle at that, mostly my relatives.
“I wish you every happiness, and many kids, and many wonderful years together. I wish you all the best. This dance is for you,” I look at Janine. She is smiling. I don’t think she expected me to say something so heart-felt. Well, it was wrong of me to be so sarcastic and negative about her wedding. She is my cousin after all. At the end of the day, I do love her.
“Okay, now you’re gonna have to watch me dance, I’m afraid. I trained really hard for this and I want you all to see it, no matter what.”
I put the mic down and wave my hand to an audio-engineer to start the music, but right after the music starts, the main judge comes onto the stage.
“Stop the music!” he shouts. He gives me a look.
“This dance competition is for couples only. If you do not have a pair then you do not qualify to participate,” he explains in a very condescending manner. He is one uptight watermelon.
“I just want to dance. You don’t even have to judge me,” I plead.
“I’m afraid I can’t allow this, young man,” he says. “Unless you have a partner, I’m gonna have to ask you to leave the stage.”
To my surprise, people in the audience start booing.
“He just wants to dance,” someone shouts out.
“Let the boy dance, for God’s sake,” shouts another.
It’s nice to feel the support of the crowd, but it does not seem to affect the judge in any way.
“I can’t allow you to dance unless you have a partner,” he repeats, his tone growing harsher.
“He has a partner,” a voice suddenly emerges from the crowd.