“Or, here’s a great thought! We could rent a larger condo and all stay together!” Ted had said to him.
Poor Adam had to think fast about that because he knew I wouldn’t be receptive to company for the entire vacation—two more mouths to feed at every meal I cooked for two weeks? How could it be a vacation for me if I was entertaining, shopping, cooking, and cleaning up all the time? Never mind listening to Clarabeth the magpie natter on until we all thought we might like to jump off a bridge. Yes, Clarabeth may have been bighearted and generous to a fault, but as we got to know her we realized she could, as my father used to say, talk a dog off a meat truck.
But Ted and Clarabeth under the same roof with us for two solid weeks would have been a prescription for a familial cataclysmic disaster. Fortunately, Adam was on his toes.
He said, “You know what, Dad? Why don’t I see about the arrangements? Let’s see what’s available. But between us? Our boys like to get up with the sun and start raising hell.”
“That’s what little boys do,” his father said and had a little chuckle.
Adam went even further to ensure a separate residence for them.
“Listen, between us? We’re having a hard time getting them to flush the toilets, much less put the seats down. And if Clarabeth likes to sleep in the mornings, she’d need earplugs. For sure.”
Adam said Ted looked at him and ever so slowly a smile of understanding crept across his face. He’d had a wife. He knew the deal.
“My dad’s no dummy,” Adam said. “He said, ‘Tell you what, son. Why don’t you try to find us something near you? A one-bedroom would be fine. We can visit each other. And we’re only staying for one week.’ Thank God!”
While the limited term of their visit was a relief, Ted’s words confirmed what Adam suspected, that Ted was sharing a bed with Clarabeth. We thought, Wow.
“I told him, ‘Whatever you want to do is fine with me.’”
“This will work out just fine,” I said.
“We dodged another bullet,” Adam said nonchalantly, but I could tell he was very happy about the compromise.
So, when July rolled around, we packed our cars to the roof with half of our worldly belongings, including Rufus and this time Crank as well. Mr. Proctor was taking care of the outside animals, but he had developed an aversion to Crank because he claimed she bit him.
“I’m so sorry that happened, Mr. Proctor. Are you sure that you’re all right?” He got too close to her mouth, I thought. Definitely.
He stood facing me in the driveway, awash in disgruntlement, with his bulbous thumb wrapped in what seemed to be a truly excessive amount of gauze bandage secured with surgical adhesive. With the bandages his thumb was twice its normal size, a dramatic statement of his pain and suffering.
“I guess I’ll live. But I’m telling you, Mizz Stanley, I ain’t getting in the ring with that cat ever again. I like all God’s creatures ’cept that one,” he said. “That’s a terrible cat.”
Thus, the Stanley family’s cat, having lived up to its reputation, was headed to the beach to shed with impunity all over the dwelling of an unseen landlord.
Adam got out of his car first and Max jumped out to direct me into my parking spot as though he were a ground crew member working for an airline, guiding a plane to safely park at its jetway.
I laughed and rolled my car into the spot next to Adam.
“Your brother,” I said to Luke, shaking my head. I wondered, did my sons lie around cooking up ways to amuse each other? Or was their silliness just spontaneous?
“He’s a nut!” Luke said and laughed.
We began unloading, carrying suitcases, tennis rackets, endless bags of groceries and tote bags inside. It would take many trips back and forth and hours to set up our residence. Luke took Crank’s crate into the house, struggling against its shifting weight as Crank mewed in loud protest at being zigged and zagged up the steps.
“Don’t let the cat out! Luke? Did you hear me?” I called out. “Not until we are finished unloading the cars!”
“Yes, ma’am!” Luke called back.
“That cat will take off to kingdom come like a bullet,” I said to Adam.
“I’ll keep my thoughts on that to myself,” Adam said.
I could tell by his expression, he was obviously thinking it would be nice if Crank went to that great catnip bar in the sky.
“Come on. You know you love Crank,” I said.
“Right,” Adam said. “That cat’s the spawn of Satan.”
Adam had just slung his golf club bag over his shoulder when a door slammed. There stood Carl and Eve on the steps of their condo.
“Hey, there! Y’all need a hand?” Eve called out.
“Well, look who’s here!” I said. “What a surprise! I’ve been meaning to call you since I got your Christmas card! Where does the time go?”
Eve shot a look to Adam that spoke loudly—Adam and Eve knew that they were going to be there. I knew in that moment that Adam had been keeping secrets.
I’ll deal with you later, I thought.
“Hey! How are you?” Adam said, blushing to a deep red behind his sunglasses. He shook hands with Carl. “How are you, buddy?”
“Good. Good. Uh-oh,” Carl said, filled with devilish humor. “Somebody got very serious about his golf game this year. Look at those clubs. I see some Big Berthas in that bag!”
“Well, yes, I bought new clubs, if that’s an indication of how serious. I guess we’ll see,” Adam said, not exactly challenging Carl but challenging him all the same.
“I hope you brought your wallet,” Carl said and laughed. “Here, give me that.” He scooped up a heavy duffel bag from the driveway behind my car and, to further demonstrate his superior manliness, took the remaining three as well and carried them all inside. “How are you, beauty queen?” He gave me an air kiss.
“Oh, you . . . ,” I said and thought, Okay, it’s not so terrible to see them again, even if he is a bit of a blowhard.
Adam, Eve, and I watched as Carl’s biceps rippled and flexed, and I was a little breathless. Eve was not.
“Did you see that?” Eve said. “He’s a regular Rocky Balboa. I’m married to a real he-man.”
“I feel strangely inadequate,” Adam said. “Short between the trousers.”
I rolled my eyes at him and said, “Oh, honey. He’s just trying to be helpful.”
“Right,” Eve said.
There was a trace of sarcasm in Eve’s voice that was not lost on any of us, and I wondered what had gone on between Eve and Carl in the year we had been apart. She’s probably just tired, I thought, and it is as hot as the bottom floor of hell. Or maybe something had changed. And why didn’t Adam tell me that they would be here again?
“Oh, come on. He’s a darling!” I said. “So, how’s your momma and how is Daphne?”
“Oh, they’re fine,” Eve said. “Cookie took Daphne to the movies. Why don’t y’all get settled in and come on over for an early supper?”
“Oh! That’s so nice! Thank you. But we also have Adam’s father and his, um, girlfriend with us this year.”
Eve’s eyes opened wide over the mention of Adam’s father having a meaningful other.
“No kidding? Wow! How fun! Bring them too. It will give Cookie someone new to talk to. She’ll be thrilled! It’s no problem. I’ll call Pizza Hut!”
I stood there, suspended in time for a moment, and a thought flashed through my mind. Did I really want to pick up where we left off the prior year? How much of this vacation did I really want to spend with Eve and Carl? Then, just as quickly, I realized I’d sound ungrateful if I declined on the spot without a ready excuse. And I would be sending a message that conveyed a chilly wish for distance or privacy that I wasn’t sure I felt. It was Adam’s deception that was bothering me. So, even though I wasn’t sure about anything, I accepted. One supper together? It was a small thing in the larger scheme of a two-week vacation. And it would give Clarabeth some fresh ears to deafen.<
br />
“How’s six o’clock?” I said and smiled.
“Great! We can get all caught up.”
Eve gave me a tiny princess wave and glided into her condo. I thought to myself, How is it possible that she looks younger than last year? And she’s still too pretty for her own good. I wondered what Eve did to herself. Did she have a face-lift? Botox? Fillers? Or one of those other noninvasive treatments? Dang, I thought, whatever she’s doing, she looks amazing.
I wasn’t too happy with my own looks. Childbirth, sun, and probably my family’s DNA were causing slight irregularities in the coloration of my complexion and there were tiny wrinkles in the corners of my eyes when I squinted. My fortieth birthday was approaching and I wasn’t too thrilled about that either. But I wondered if I went back to Greece and measured myself against other Greek women my age, how would I fare?
What am I supposed to do about it? I thought and sighed.
I turned to go inside as Carl was coming out.
“Wow! It’s so nice to see y’all again!” he said. “Isn’t this a happy coincidence?”
So, Carl was unaware as well?
“Yeah, it’s great to see you too! Carl? Could you do me a favor, please?”
“Sure! Just ask.”
“Take Adam out on the golf course and kick his butt.”
“My pleasure!” he said as he crossed the parking lot. His seersucker Bermuda shorts hung from his hips just so and his muscular arms were tanned to a tawny shade of maple. Like syrup.
That sure is one well-made man, I thought. I wonder if he tastes like Log Cabin?
Then I giggled at my naughtiness. I was rarely given to lewd thoughts, but at that moment I wanted to (a) know I was still viable and (b) pinch the ever-loving shit out of the inside of Adam Stanley’s upper arm.
For the remainder of the afternoon while I unpacked, the boys swam in the pool under the watchful eyes of Adam, Ted, and Clarabeth. Crank draped herself like an afghan across the back of the sofa in the streaming sunshine, watching me as I came and went. Rufus slept peacefully, curled up in his dog bed by the refrigerator in the kitchen. He was snoring for all the dogs in Charleston County. I thought, Oh, my old sweet friend, you’re not long for this world. I thought about all the times I’d told Rufus my troubles and how he would put his paw in my lap while I wept. And when I had shared good news with him he got up on his hind legs and danced with me. When I sang, Rufus howled. He had lived on my heels since Adam brought him home. He was a rescue, but in truth, he rescued us, bringing so much balance and happiness to us all.
As I put away the balance of the groceries, I wondered for a moment how I would handle Rufus’s eventual demise and especially how would I handle it with the boys. And then, just as quickly as the horrible thought came to me, I pushed it from my mind. I didn’t want to think about it. I couldn’t bear the idea of life without Rufus.
I could never replace you, I thought, fully realizing the depth of my affection for my dog.
The clock struck five thirty just as I got the boys into clean shorts and T-shirts. They stood at attention while I combed their wet hair into place. I had barely had time for a quick shower to wash away the grime of the sweaty day, but I managed to steal ten minutes while thinking of ways to kill my husband. As the afternoon passed I became more furious, but I kept it inside. Why had Adam lied to me?
“Now go sit quietly and watch television for a few minutes,” I said to the boys.
I went back to my bedroom to finish dressing. Adam was singing like a fool at the top of his lungs in the shower while I threw on a sundress and coiled my hair into a bun at the nape of my neck. He was too damn gregarious for the mood I was in. I was giving him the silent treatment and he had yet to notice. It seemed pointless to be mad at him if he didn’t even know I was mad, so I decided to completely ignore him, as though he wasn’t even alive. If I knew anything about men, it was that they hated to be ignored.
I put on a little makeup and sprayed myself liberally with cologne, a gift from my boys on Mother’s Day. It was just a drugstore fragrance, but I wanted the boys to smell it and know that I appreciated the thoughtful gift.
I looked at Adam’s soapy bare backside through the clear shower door and thought, What if I poison him? Then I felt a little bad about indulging in the very idea of doing physical harm to my husband, who’d been, until a couple of hours ago, a pretty great guy. But what was he hiding? How could I trust him? What other lies had he told me? And what wife doesn’t think about murdering her husband from time to time? As much as I didn’t like confrontation, there was going to have to be one. But I would wait for the perfect moment, I thought, and nail him to the wall like a rat.
Clarabeth and Ted arrived at a quarter to six, ringing the doorbell with an overabundance of enthusiasm. I looked at my watch and became more annoyed. I really hated it when people arrived early, but Ted was my father-in-law, so it wouldn’t be nice to complain.
“I’ll get it! I’ll get it!” the twins said, screaming as though Santa himself was standing on our steps in a Hawaiian shirt and shorts holding a big sack of midyear rewards.
“Calm down, boys! Hey, Dad! Clarabeth! Come on in!”
“I brought you boys a sursy!” Clarabeth said. She reached in her purse and produced two Hershey bars. “I never come visiting without a little something for my sweet boys!”
“Yay!” they said. “Thanks, Miss Clarabeth!”
“After supper,” Adam said to them, meaning they couldn’t eat them at that moment. “We’re going next door for pizza. We’re all invited.”
“Really?” Ted said. “That’s awfully nice.”
“But we’ve already eaten our supper,” Clarabeth said. “I just can’t be eating all the time! You know, it’s not good for your health to overeat—”
“Yes, we had a rotisserie chicken and some salad. We can have coffee, Clarabeth. Who’s the neighbor?” Ted said gently as he put his hand on her arm.
Adam could sense a trace of annoyance in his father’s voice. After all, he and Clarabeth had come to have some quality family time.
“Remember that girl I dated in high school? Eve Church?”
“Vaguely . . .”
For the next few minutes I had the pleasure of standing at the top of the stairs, out of sight, and listening to my husband underplay the importance of his relationship with Eve.
Soon we were on the doorstep of Eve and Carl’s place.
“You okay?” Adam whispered to me.
After a pregnant pause, I said, “Of course. What could possibly be the matter?”
“Am I in the naughty chair?” Adam asked.
But he didn’t seem to realize I had picked up on the uncomfortable fact that he and Eve had apparently arranged the reunion without telling anyone else. He looked right into my eyes, which had always looked at him so adoringly, and saw that they were blank. I was saving it for later.
“Why in the world would you be, darling?”
“Oh, God, I’m a dead man, right?”
“Why are you perspiring, dear?” I smiled.
Carl answered the door and we all moved inside. I looked at Adam and I knew at once he was in an adrenaline-induced fog, his mind racing. Everyone was talking at once. Eve was introducing herself to Clarabeth and giving Ted a hug. I realized then that Eve was Cookie’s clone, except taller. Cookie, who was all of five feet and maybe a hundred pounds, had her eye on Adam, which for some reason unknown to me exacerbated his discomfort. And boy, was she decked out in Chanel from head to toe with enough gold bangle bracelets to choke a horse! I’m no fashion expert, but she seemed overdressed for the beach.
Our twins and Daphne shrieked to see each other again and ran to the kitchen to get pizza and a juice box.
“Isn’t this lovely, y’all,” Clarabeth said looking around, taking inventory. “This is so much nicer than our condo! Don’t you think so, Ted?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Ted said. “We have a nice view and whatnot.”
&nb
sp; “Everything’s on the table!” Eve announced. “Just help yourself.”
“So, Mr. Stanley,” Cookie said to Adam. “Long time, no see.”
“How are you, Mrs. Church? You haven’t changed one bit. Still as beautiful as ever.”
Now this was false flattery if I ever heard it.
“Have you met my lovely wife?” Adam continued.
“No, I don’t believe I have had the pleasure,” Cookie said and shook my hand as though it was something dubious. “And I see you all have twin boys! Well, isn’t that something? Now, is your daddy married to that woman with him? I know that’s not your mother. I remember your mother.”
“No, ma’am. He’s not.”
“Well, that’s fine. He looks like he could use a good roll in the hay.”
“Mother!” Eve said.
“She’s no fun,” Cookie said. She rolled her eyes at Eve, then threw back her head and laughed.
I shot Adam a look. We were both horrified and speechless. Cookie was a fashion plate but served up with a side dish of crazy.
“Remember I told you she was inappropriate?” Eve whispered to us. “I think she’s losing it.”
“It’s okay,” I said and thought, Well, by golly, this could turn out to be an interesting night after all. “Really.”
Carl was standing back assessing me and smiling like he was mentally undressing me. He held a bottle of white wine in one hand and a bottle of red in his other. I felt slightly uncomfortable, but not insulted.
“What are you looking at?” I said evenly with narrowed eyes and a suspicious stare.
“Nothing. White or red?” Carl said to Clarabeth and Ted.
He didn’t even have the decency to blush. At least Adam blushed, I thought. Was Carl serious?