Nah that don't count. You gotta lift, run, drink protein shakes, run again, lift some more, bench press and do squats. I don't date fatties.
SAMUS
Fatties? That's a strong word coming from someone who smells like wet dog.
DANIEL
Hey bro, it's all in good fun. I'm not picky as to whom I bone. Everyone wants a piece of Daniel.
SAMUS
(takes a sip of his drink and looks at Daniel blankly) Wait, who's Daniel?
DANIEL
(He unbuttons his shirt and flexes his chest)
I am!
SAMUS
(takes a longer sip of the drink completely finishing it) Mmm that was good.(looks at Daniel) Oh and Next!
DANIEL
(Gets up from the chair) Pffft! Whatever man! You just missed out on the best sex you would've ever had!(walks away)
SAMUS
Buh bye Bobby! (Waves at the bartender) Need another one! (He smiles and starts humming and dancing by himself in his seat)
CUTS TO:
"DATE #9: DOUG"- Appears on the screen.
DOUG sits down and looks very uncomfortable shifting in his seat.
SAMUS
(Takes another sip of his second drink. Visibly drunk)
So, what are your views on various LGBTQ topics?
DOUG
(looks at Samus)
Oh I'm not Gay.
SAMUS
Oh! So you're bisexual? I've never met a bisexual person before. I think my friend Ursula counts, but she bangs anything with a pulse.
DOUG
No I'm not bisexual either. (he leans closer to Samus) I'm looking for some Aunt Nora? Batman? Big Rush? Bernie's Goldust?
SAMUS looks at him in a confused manner as he continues to sip some more of the drink. DOUG realizes he was getting nowhere.
DOUG (CONT'D)
(lowers his voice)
I'm looking for some Cocaine.
SAMUS
(nods finally understanding what he was hinting at)
Ah okay I see now. Yes, what you want to do is head North on Fifty-Sixth Street and then you will approach a sign that says: NEXT!
CUTS TO:
"DATE #87: HECTOR"- Appears on the screen
HECTOR sits down and SAMUS smiles clearly drunk.
HECTOR
(leaning back on the chair smirking)
I've been waiting to see you all night. I saw that cake when you stood up earlier and I gots to have a bite.
SAMUS
(smiles nodding)
I gotta pee. (He stands up wobbling and walks away from the table.)
HECTOR shakes his head as he watches SAMUS walk away.
As SAMUS drunkenly makes his way toward the bathroom the VO plays.
SAMUS (V.O.)
Okay so maybe speed dating wasn't an ideal way to meet guys. I honestly believed these Upper West Side men were better and saner than the others..I guess I was wrong. Ugh! That's what I get for dancing in the dark..usually my metaphors are more artful but my bladder is about to burst and I'm very, very, very drunk.
I guess if I have to say something, I would say that when one door closes another one opens. It's a fancy way of saying opportunity is always knocking.
SAMUS (V.O.) (CONT'D)
But the scary thing is, you never know what's on the other side of the door. Is it opportunity? -
SAMUS approaches the bathroom door and opens it gasping as he sees someone standing by the door in the bathroom.
SAMUS
(in disbelief)
Dylan?
We see DYLAN standing in front of SAMUS with a look of shock and regret on his face.
SAMUS (VO)
-Or just fate being cruel?
CUTS TO:
"PRESENT DAY"- Appears on the screen.
INT-HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM- EVENING
We re-enter the scene between URSULA, TARA and DOCTOR#1.
DOCTOR#1
I-I'm sorry..for the wait. He's right now resting. It was touch and go for quite some time. He lost a lot of blood. But thankfully the knife didn't rupture any important organs. Aside from the loss of blood, we were able to suture the wound and give him a blood transfusion.
URSULA
(Frantic)
So he's going to be alright?
DOCTOR#1
Yes he is. Right now he is resting.
URSULA and TARA both sigh in relief.
TARA
When can we see him?
DOCTOR#1
Well visiting hours already ended. Your best bet is to come back tomorrow, this way he can get the rest he needs.
URSULA
(interjects)
I'm not going anywhere! I'll stay here until the morning.
TARA
(to Ursula)
Babe, we can't do that-
DOCTOR#1
No it's fine. I'll tell the nurse to bring you some pillows and blankets. Also, there will be detectives tomorrow morning coming in as well to speak to him.
URSULA
(smiles)
Thank you so much.
DOCTOR#1 nods and walks away leaving both women to smile in relief that their friend is alive and well.
TARA
Who would do this to him?
URSULA
I don't know! I'm just glad he is alive.
We pan out as URSULA lays her head down on TARA'S right shoulder.
BLACK.
END OF EPISODE.
EPISODE 5- "THE TRUTH REVEALED"
FADE IN:
CUTS TO:
INT-A NYC GAY CLUB-SPEED DATING EXTRAVAGANZA-EVENING
We re-enter the Speed Dating event and look around at all the candidates laughing and speaking amongst each other as the VO plays.
SAMUS (V.O.)
Have you ever had a moment where your emotions suddenly become split in half like a chainsaw splitting through a log? Where one side of you feels anger and the other side feels forgiveness? Well, this was my moment. And it was pretty obvious Goddess was testing me.
CUTS TO:
We descend down the stairs of the nightclub to find SAMUS and DYLAN standing in front of the bathroom. SAMUS is still drunk but somehow he is able to stand up straight. DYLAN looked like he was trapped with no out.
SAMUS
What are you doing here?
DYLAN
(rubs the back of his neck trying hard to hide his nervous state) I...um my friend invited me to come.
SAMUS
(nods)
Oh? Are you gonna find someone to take out on a date to watch a horrible movie, then when everything is going great, you'll lean in and give him an amazing kiss? But for reasons unknown you decide to go home and block him from every social media account? (hiccups) Are those your intentions on whatever poor sap you meet or was that just with me?
(Looks at Dylan's chest noticing the Blue sticker) Oh you're Blue! I'm Red! Should you 'Next' me or maybe I should Next myself?
DYLAN
(sighs)
I'm not doing this here. (walks past Samus)
SAMUS
Of course you aren't. Why would you? You're a coward. A scared little boy who is afraid to be a man!
DYLAN
(quickly turns around to Samus in anger)
And you're drunk!
SAMUS
(Pauses)
Probably. (shrugs) Atleast I own up to who I am, unlike you! (Beat) So tell me. Did you block me because of the kiss? Or were you just too embarrassed to be seen with me?
DYLAN
(looks around)
I am not going to do this here.
SAMUS
Ooooh yeah you're right. Should we go back to the theatre so you could take my heart out and throw it on the floor-(looks down at the metaphorical heart he pretended to throw on the ground but gets distracted)-Oh wow! These floors are super clean.
DYLAN
(shakes his head)<
br />
I knew it was a mistake to come here.
SAMUS
(straightens his posture)
Then why did you come? Huh? Why would you block me? Was I too Ugly? Fat? A bad kisser? Or did my breath smell? I mean yes, I ate a tuna sandwich with onions and garlic a few hours prior, but I brushed my teeth and gargled?(ponders)I think?
DYLAN
Look, Samus..It's none of those things. I promise you were amazing..It's just I wasn't in the right mindset to be there with you.
SAMUS
Oooooh! So now you're playing the 'Crazy Card'? I play that card during Jury Duty and when my neighbor's kid tries to sell me Candy for her school.
DYLAN
I'm not-?Look Samus please I don't want to talk about this here.
SAMUS
Okay, do you want to Facebook me? Or text it to me?(pauses) Oh wait! Ya can't do that!
DYLAN
(angrily shouts)
You need to get coffee!
SAMUS
And you need to eat m-(he pauses and holds his mouth feeling as if he was seconds away from throwing up)
Oh crap!
SAMUS turns around and runs into the bathroom leaving DYLAN to rub his forehead trying to piece together everything that happened. It was clear that DYLAN had something to hide.
We hear SAMUS in the bathroom, exaggerating comically as he "vomits" offscreen and DYLAN turns away from the bathroom door. He was debating whether he should leave the club while SAMUS was occupied and never look back, or maybe he could go in the bathroom to check on him.
After a few seconds of debating DYLAN lets out a sigh to calm his nerves and he walks into the bathroom.
CUTS TO:
INT-SAMUS' APARTMENT- TEN MINUTES LATER
TARA and DYLAN lay SAMUS face down on his bed. DYLAN places the blanket over him and they both exit the room quietly.
TARA
Thank you so much for helping me get him here. I apologize; he isn't much of a drinker. I guess I pushed him too hard to come to this event.
DYLAN
I assure you, this wasn't your fault. I'm partially to blame.
TARA
(confused)
You two know each other?
DYLAN
(nods)
It's a small world.
TARA
It really is. Which is-(she feels her phone vibrate and takes it out of her pocket where she reads the text she just received.) Crap! I have to get back to the club.
DYLAN
I can stay here and watch Samus..in a non creepy way. But I feel like that came across as creepy.
TARA
(smiles)
I trust you D-Dawg! You're the brother I neva had.
DYLAN
(flinches at the nickname)
Please stop calling me that. I've always hated that nickname since Junior High.
TARA
(playfully punches his right arm)
Which is why I gave it to yo. There's extra blankets and pillows in the hallway closet. Oh and if you need to shower, there is an extra towel located in the bathroom under the sink.
DYLAN
So specific. Does he have OCD or something?
TARA
(snorts)
Or something. Call me if anything happens.
TARA waves at DYLAN and walks toward the door where she opens it and closes it behind her. DYLAN looks around the living room unsure of what to do with himself. He felt uncomfortable being in someone else's apartment.
CUTS TO:
A few minutes later, DYLAN walks out of the bathroom wearing a shirt and his boxer briefs holding a pillow and two blankets. He places the pillow on the floor and shakes the blanket folding it, he accidentally hits a stack of papers off of the coffee table.
DYLAN
Son of a-!
He bends down and picks up the stack of papers where he reads the title of the first page.
DYLAN (CONT'D)
(reads it)
'A Magical Kiss'?
He looks over at SAMUS' bedroom and sits down on the sofa reading the article to himself as the VO plays informing us what is on the paper.
SAMUS (V.O.)
Kisses are little drops of chocolate' handcrafted by the hands of God, Goddess or whatever Deity you believe in. Now take all that pleasure you get from one piece of candy and apply it to the actual kiss. As in two strangers, placing their lips against each other, creating this beautiful spark of electricity. My first kiss ever was with my ex, but I just had a kiss with an amazing guy..a Free-lance photographer named Dylan. The kiss we shared wasn't electrifying. It was Magical!
DYLAN stops reading and he smiles to himself at the thought of the kiss. He looks at the next sheet of paper, and we see that it's titled: "Retraction/Failed Draft". DYLAN read it to himself as the VO once again plays.
SAMUS (V.O.)(CONT'D)
So I went to text Dylan a few minutes ago and found out that he blocked me. He blocked my calls, texts, he even blocked me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc.
Four weeks chatting and he just manages to block me in less than an hour of meeting me in person. Did I do something wrong? Was I too embarrassing?..It's just my luck. I find a great guy and he manages to run for the hills? I hate myself so much.
DYLAN places the papers back on the desk and he continues to make the sofa into his own personal bed by putting the sheet on it. Something weighed heavy on his mind, which was made obvious as he made the sofa into his bed for the night. We watch as he places the pillow on the sofa and turns the light off calling it a night.
DISSOLVES TO:
INT-SAMUS'BEDROOM-THE NEXT MORNING
We are in SAMUS' bedroom as he is sleeping soundly. The sound of pots falling on the ground off screen causes him to open his eyes. Completely hung over from the previous night, he holds his forehead as another pot falls. He slowly gets out of bed and walks toward the door of his bedroom.
SAMUS
If you're here to rob me, take what you want?just do it quietly.
SAMUS walks out of the bedroom and freezes as he sees DYLAN standing in his kitchen holding a few pots in his hands.
SAMUS (CONT'D)
(surprised)
What are you doing here? Did we- (whispers)-Hook up?
DYLAN
(Shakes his head smiling)
Not at all. You were completely wasted last night and Tara had to go back to the club, so I decided to stay with you to make sure; you know, you weren't going to fall out of bed and bang your head against anything. Or drown in your own vomit.
Instead you just jumped out of bed at 3am and started reenacting the entire first act of the Terminator.
SAMUS
(completely embarrassed)
Oh Gosh! I am so sorry. Most people get drunk and just act a fool. When I get drunk I just?act.
DYLAN
Oh yeah definitely Academy Award worthy. (He places the pots gently on the stove and points to a drink on the counter) I made you my world famous 'Anti Hangover Potion'. Drink it slowly.
SAMUS
(approaches the cup on the counter and looks at it. He exhales deeply and looks at Dylan.) Dylan..we need to talk about what I said yesterday-
DYLAN
(Interjects)
No please..let me explain. (He places the pots back in the cupboard and leans his back against the counter facing Samus) Look, I didn't block you because you did anything wrong. The date was amazing, the movie..not so much. And while that movie was dreadful, I had a great time because I was with you. I really, really, really like you Samus.
SAMUS
Then why did you get all Joe Jonas on me?
DYLAN
(He inhales and deeply exhales again; clearly he had something important to say)
When we first started speaking online, I knew you were different. You weren't interested in exchanging nude pictures; you always and somehow, found a Mean Girls meme to respond back to whatever I said.
(smiles)I..r
eally enjoyed our conversations and knew I had to come and meet you.
SAMUS
(rubs his head)
You're losing me very quickly and I could feel a year's worth of food about to come up.
DYLAN
(Walks to the counter and hands Samus the cup of 'Anti Hangover') If you drink this you wouldn't be feeling those symptoms.
SAMUS
(takes the cup from him and looks at the liquid)
I am not going to drink this until you tell me what the hell is going on.
DYLAN
If you drink it I will-
SAMUS
-Stop changing the damn subject!-
DYLAN
(angrily)
I'm HIV Positive!
SAMUS' eyes widen and for a few seconds there is a silence between them. He takes the drink and downs it with one quick gulp.
DYLAN nods to himself and he walks over to the living room.
DYLAN (CONT'D)
(grabs his pants off of a chair and starts to put them on one leg at a time) I know what that silence means and I'll leave. But this is why I blocked you..I didn't want you to stop liking me.