SANTA, RUDOLPH, AND AN ELF…
A Christmas Trio Joke Book
By
Donald Ray
Copyright 2014 Donald Ray
License Notes
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
Dedication
To my daughters, Haley and Emily
TABLE OF CONTENTS
The Reasons Why I Wrote This Book
Santa, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, and an Elf…
Mrs. Claus, Frosty the Snowman, and a Shepherd…
The Grinch, the Three Wise Men, and a Penguin..
Jack Frost, an Ice Skater, and Carolers…
Ebenezer Scrooge, The Nutcracker, and a Polar Bear…
The Gifts from The Twelve Days of Christmas…
About Donald Ray
Connect with Donald Ray
Other Books by Donald Ray
A Sample from A GHOST, A WEREWOLF, AND A VAMPIRE: A Supernatural Trio Joke Book
A GHOST, A WEREWOLF, and a VAMPIRE…
THE REASONS WHY I WROTE THIS BOOK
There is a traditional joke form that begins “A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar…. I imagined a new joke form where a Christmas trio would walk into a bar or do other activities together, and the hilarity that would ensue!
Also, it’s Christmas. Enjoy!
(P.S. Readers of this book are invited to go to my social media websites (see Connect With Donald Ray in the back of this book) and submit their own Christmas Trio jokes!)
SANTA, RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER, AND AN ELF…..
Santa, Rudolph, and an elf walk into a bar.
What do they order?
Santa gets spiked egg nog to go with his cookies.
Rudolph orders one of everything! (He’s an alcoholic! Where do you think he got that red nose?)
The elf orders Top Shelf Liquor because he wants to be “The Elf on the Shelf”
Santa, Rudolph, and an elf shop at Wal-Mart.
What does each buy?
Santa doesn’t buy anything. He covers the break of the Wal-Mart associate playing Santa.
Rudolph buys a new red light bulb for his nose.
The elf buys elevator shoes to make him taller. (He wants to date Smurfette!)
Santa, Rudolph, and an elf each have songs they hate.
What are they?
Santa’s is “Father Christmas, Give Us Some Money!” by the Kinks.
Rudolph’s is “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer”
The elf’s is “Short People” by Randy Newman.
Santa, Rudolph, and an elf each have movies they abhor.
What are they?
Santa’s is “Bad Santa”
Rudolph’s is “The Fog”
The elf’s is “The Wizard of Oz” (He hates the Munchkins. Their voices are too squeaky!)
MRS, CLAUS, FROSTY THE SNOWMAN, AND A SHEPHERD…
Mrs. Claus, Frosty the Snowman, and a shepherd walk into a bar.
What do each order?
Mrs. Claus orders hard cider and aspirin, (She has a headache from having her husband around the house 364 days out of the year!)
Frosty the Snowman orders a frozen daiquiri.
The shepherd orders wine in a wineskin and a saucer of milk for his lamb.
Mr. Claus, Frosty, and a shepherd have songs they love.
What are they?
The shepherd's is "The First Noel" ("The First Noel, …was to shepherds..")
Frosty's is "Let It Snow".
Mrs. Claus's is "Santa. Baby".
Mr. Claus, Frosty, and a shepherd have songs they hate.
What are they?
Mrs. Claus's is "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus",
Frosty's is "Here Comes the Sun".
The shepherd's is "Baa, Baa, Black Sheep" (he doesn't like black sheep).
Mrs. Claus, Frosty, and a shepherd shop at Wal-Mart.
What do each buy?
The shepherd buys new shears.
Mrs. Claus buys yards of red fabric because her hubby's "bowl-full of jelly" has expanded.
Frosty buys a snow cone maker, (Unlike Santa, he has lost weight).
THE GRINCH, THE WISE MEN, AND A PENGUIN…
The Grinch, the Three Wise Men, and a penguin walk into a bar.
What do they order?
The penguin orders a scotch with a lot of ice cubes.
The Three Wise Men order a Triple Sec with three straws.
The Grinch orders an (extremely) sour mash.
The Grinch, the Wise Men, and a penguin shop at Wal-Mart.
What does each buy?
The penguin buys a new tuxedo.
The Grinch buys sour pickles, sour candy, and de-louse-ing powder.
The Wise Men buy three gift cards because they’re much easier to carry over long distances than gold, frankincense and myrrh.
The Grinch, the Wise Men, and a penguin each have songs they love.
What are they?
The Grinch’s is “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch”.
The Wise Men’s is “We Three Kings of Orient Are”.
The penguin’s is “Every Girl Crazy ‘bout a Sharp-Dressed Bird(Man)”
The Grinch, the Wise Men, and a penguin each have movies they hate.
What are they?
The Grinch hates “It’s A Wonderful Life”.
The Wise Men hate “Dumb and Dumber-er”.
The penguin hates “Happy Feet” because he can’t sing OR dance!
JACK FROST. AN ICE SKATER, AND CAROLERS…
Jack Frost, an ice skater, and carolers walk into a bar.
What does each ask for?
The carolers ask for hot tea and honey to soothe their tired throats.
The ice skater asks for hot chocolate.
Jack Frost asks for the Hispanic waitress who he turns into a “Frozen Margarita”.
Jack Frost, an ice skater, and carolers shop at Wal-Mart.
What does each buy?
The ice skater buys gloves and leg warmers (just look at her picture!)
The carolers buy the sheet music for “Ludacrismas” by the rapper Ludacris-just to shake things up!
Jack Frost buys all the ice scrapers the store has. (This is why Wal-Mart is always sold out of them when there is an ice storm!)
EBENEZER SCROOGE, THE NUTCRACKER, AND A POLAR BEAR…
Ebenezer Scrooge, The Nutcracker, and a polar bear walk into a bar.
What drink does each get?
The polar bear gets a Coke (of course!).
The Nutcracker doesn’t get a drink. He just wants a crack at the nuts in the bowl sitting on the bar.
Scrooge stiffs the bartender for his drink. He tells the barkeep that the Ghost of Christmas-Yet-To-Come will pay him sometime in the future!
Ebenezer Scrooge, The Nutcracker, and a polar bear shop at Wal-Mart.
What does each buy?
Scrooge buys a goose for the Cratchit family and Tiny Tim.
The Nutcracker buys unshelled peanuts because his jaws are tired.
The polar bear buys a refrigerator with an ice maker ‘cause he thinks the ice caps are melting due to global warming!
THE “GIFTS” FROM “THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS”….
The “Gifts” from ?
??The Twelve Days of Christmas” shop at Wal-Mart.
What do each buy?
Twelve drummers drumming buy ear plugs. (Can you imagine how LOUD twelve drummers are?)
Eleven pipers piping buy lip balm for their tired, pursed lips.
Ten lords a-leaping buy trampolines.
Nine ladies dancing buy ballet slippers.
Eight maids a-milking buy hand lotion and eight buckets.
Seven swans a-swimming buy surfboards so they can be “Seven swans a-surfing!”
Six geese a-laying buy heat lamps to incubate their eggs.
Five gold rings buy jewelry cleaner.
Four calling birds buy new smart phones.
Three French hens buy French fries.
Two turtle doves buy tie-dyed shirts with “Peace” signs on them
And a Partridge in a pear tree David Cassidy (from “The Partridge Family) buys a ladder so he can pick pears.
ABOUT DONALD RAY
Hi, I’m Donald Desch. “Donald Ray” is my pen name because “Desch” is so difficult to spell correctly in a search.
I am a divorced dad with two daughters, Haley who was recently married to Anthony Nickerson, and her younger sister, Emily who is still in high school.
I liken myself as “The Literature Pulitzer Prize Winner of Wal-Mart” where I have worked as a cashier for a good long time. (That is why all my supernatural trios shop there.)
I love jokes and puns, as you can tell by this book.
I also write serious poetry, as you can see below in OTHER BOOKS BY DONALD RAY.
I also wrote a Halloween joke book entitled “A Ghost, A Werewolf, and A Vampire: A Supernatural Trio Joke Book”. Check out the sample in the back of this book!
CONNECT WITH DONALD RAY
Email:
[email protected] Facebook: www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100006643157411
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/pub/donald-ray/9B/405/264
OTHER BOOKS BY DONALD RAY
ODE TO A PROTRUDING GAP FILLER; A Multi-Themed Poetry Collection
FIRST LETTER BOLD & BRAVE (Alphabetic Acrostic Poems on Emotions)
A GHOST, A WEREWOLF, AND A VAMPIRE: A Supernatural Trio Joke Book
A sample from:
A GHOST, A WEREWOLF, AND A VAMPIRE: A Supernatural Trio Joke Book
A ghost, a werewolf, and a vampire walk into a bar.
The bartender says he can't serve them.
"Why?", they ask.
The bartender says, "The ghost is not a person.
We don't allow dogs in the bar.
And the vampire keeps sticking people for drinks"