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“I just can’t. I can’t open up my heart up to have him leave me. I can’t be left again, Ari. I can’t and I won’t allow that to happen. ” Heather’s whole body started to shake.
Oh my god, she is so not over her parents’ death. She’s nowhere near it.
“Heather, what makes you think he’s going to leave you, baby?”
“Everyone leaves me. My parents left me. I needed them more than anything, and they just left me alone. I can’t do that again. He’s going to leave me, Ari. He won’t be faithful. ”
Heather lost it and started crying. I’d never seen her cry so hard. I tried to get up and hug her, but the pain that shot through my side just about made me fall.
Then, I heard Ellie let out a gasp.
“Ari, don’t move! Heather, oh my god, sweets. What’s wrong?”
Ellie came rushing over to my side and helped me back into a sitting position on the bed. I couldn’t take my eyes off of Heather. It was like she was having a breakdown. Finally, she’s letting out the pain and hurt from her parents’ death.
“Just go help Heather, Ells, I’m fine. ”
Ellie walked over and dropped to her knees in front of Heather and hugged her. I didn’t think it was possible, but Heather cried even harder. My heart was breaking. She was so afraid of being left again that, she wouldn’t open her heart to the one man who loved her.
Ellie rubbed her back. “It’s okay, baby. Just let it out, Heather. It’s okay. ”
“I can’t do this, Ellie! I can’t do this alone anymore. They left me. Oh my god, they left me alone. ”
Ellie looked over at me and I could see the tears rolling down her face. I tried to fight the tears, but I felt them stinging my eyes. Heather had been trying to be so brave for so long. It broke my heart to realize that she’d been feeling like this for over a year.
I looked up and saw Jeff and Josh standing in the bedroom doorway.
Heather just kept repeating herself over and over again. “They left me. They left me alone. ”
Josh looked like he was about to get sick. He started to walk toward her, but Jeff grabbed his arm,pulling him away.
“Princess, what’s wrong?”
Oh shit. The moment Josh called her princess, Ellie and I glanced at each other. Heather looked up at him. I thought she was going to lash out at him. Instead, she broke down, crying again, as she got up and ran into Josh’s arms.
What the hell?
Josh looked just as confused as the rest of us. He held on to her. “What’s wrong? he kept asking.
She pulled away from him and took a few steps back.
“I’ll always love you, Josh, but…I just can’t do this. ”
She brushed past him as she went out the door. Josh just stood there for a few seconds before he finally snapped out of it. He turned and ran after her.
Ellie got up and walked over to my side. She leaned down and kissed me on the cheek.
“You okay, baby? Do you need to talk?”
If one more person asks me that, I’m going to throw something big and heavy at his or her ass.
“Really, I’m fine. I think I just need to take a nap. ” I looked over at Jeff and smiled.
Ellie gently hugged me good-bye. “Okay. Um, Grace said she made some stuff for dinner. I guess I’ll go see if Heather is okay. I love you, Ari. Call me if you need anything okay?”
She walked over to Jeff.
“Are you okay, Jefferson?”
I couldn’t pull my eyes away from his. He didn’t even look at Ellie when he shook his head. My heart broke. I could see the tears building in his eyes, and I knew he was blaming himself. A part of me blamed his as well, but I was trying so hard to push it down.
Jeff smiled at me and then turned to Ellie. “Ellie, can I talk to you for a minute?” Then, he followed Ellie out of the room.
I closed my eyes as the tears rolled down my face. I slowly moved onto my side and grabbed a pillow to hug.
You left us. You left us, sweet baby.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
JOSH
My heart felt like someone had just reached in and ripped it out. Why is Heather so upset? We had been arguing right before Jeff and Ari had shown up, but she had seemed to be more pissed-off than upset.
I followed her to the room she was staying in. She pulled out her bag and started to pack up her stuff.
“I thought you were planning on staying? What about Ari?”
Heather looked up at me, and it felt like someone just kicked me in the stomach. Tears were just rolling down her face. Holy shit.
I took a few steps toward her until she held up her hand.
“Stop. Please don’t come any closer to me. I don’t think I have the strength to push you away right now. ”
“Then, don’t. Heather I don’t understand this. One minute, you say you want me, and the next, you push me away. You tell me you love me, but then you push me away again. Why are you doing this?”
“I can’t do this right now. I just need to… I just need to get away from here… from you. ”
“What the fuck did I do? I can’t fix it, Heather, if you don’t tell me what I did. ”
Heather stopped packing and looked up at me. “That’s the problem, Josh. You can’t fix it. I think it’s best if we both just move on. There can never be anything between us. You can never be with just one girl, let alone me. Come on, we both know that’s true. ”
“You won’t even give me a chance to prove to you how much I love you and how much I just want to be with you. Heather, I don’t want any other girl. You’re the only girl…woman… I’ve ever wanted, and the only woman I’ll ever want. Princess, please just let me. ”
“Oh my god, please stop! No! It’ll never work, so we need to just stop this now. I don’t want to be with you. I said I love you, and I do, but. . . I don’t think you are. ”
“You don’t think I’m what?”
Heather took a deep breath and turned away from me.
“I don’t think you’re the one. ”
I just stood there, rejected again. How many times am I going to do this to myself? How many times is she going to hurt me?
Just then, my phone beeped. I took it out and looked at it. There were three text messages from Lynda.
“Fine, Heather. I’m done being turned down and pushed away by you. If you want me to leave you alone, you got it. ”
I turned and started to walk out the door as I hit Lynda’s number.
“Josh, please can we still be friends?”
I turned back and looked at her. My heart was hurting so bad that I couldn’t even talk to her. I just stood there with my phone up to my ear. I knew the moment Lynda answered, I was about to break Heather’s heart, but maybe this was what I needed to do. She wanted us both to move on.
“Hello, handsome!” Lynda anwered in a chipper voice.
“Hey, Lynda, how about dinner tonight with me? Are you in the mood?” I said. Then I turned and walked away from the only woman I would ever truly love.
***
I hardly heard a word Lynda was saying. We were sitting in a small restaurant in Fredericksburg that she had wanted to try. I’d told her earlier that I was heading to the restroom, but what I really did was call Jeff to ask if Heather had left yet. She’d left almost as soon as I’d left. Now, all I could think about was what had gotten her so upset and why she’d told me she loved me only to leave.
“Josh? Are you even listening to me?”
“Um, yeah. I’m sorry, Lynda. I guess I’m just thinking about Jeff and Ari. ”
“Well, it was nice of you to let them have the house to themselves this evening. I can’t even imagine how they both feel. I have to say that I’m relieved that Jeff is not the father of Rebecca’s baby. I’m sure he and Ari feel the same way. ”
I couldn’t even think straight. I just stared at Lynda until she finally smiled at me.
“Are
you okay?” she asked.
I laughed. “I’m fine. ”
“The last two days have just been emotionally draining. That’s all, Lynda. I’m actually thinking about heading back to Austin tonight. I think Jeff and Ari need to be alone with each other. ”
Sitting up straighter, Lynda raised her eyebrow at me. I knew what she was thinking. Do I want to go there? It had been months since I’d been with a girl. I only wanted Heather, but that wasn’t gonna happen.
I reached up my hand and called our waitress over. She had been flirting with me all night, but Lynda didn’t seem to care one ounce. As long as I was walking out the door with her, I don’t think she would care who flirted with me.
***
As we walked back to my truck, I pulled my phone out to see if maybe Heather had called. Nothing. I sent her a quick text message to see if she’d made it to Austin yet.
I wasn’t even in my seat when I got a reply back from her.
Heather: In Austin…out with a friend.
What the fuck does that mean? I knew her friend wasn’t Ellie or Ari. So who the fuck is she with? I looked over at Lynda. She was staring at me…again.
“I um…I need to step outside and make a phone call that’s kind of personal. Do you mind?”
“No, Josh, not at all. Take your time. ”
I walked a few feet away from the truck and dialed Heather’s number. I didn’t think she would answer, but she did.
“Is everything okay with Ari?” Heather asked in a panicked voice.
“What? Oh yeah…ah, she’s fine. ”
“Okay. Well then, what did you need?”
“I just wanted to make sure you were okay, Heather. You were so upset when you left, and you never did tell me why you were crying. I, um…I just wanted to make sure you were okay. That’s all. ”
“Thank you, I appreciate that. I’m fine. ”
“Who are you with?”
“I don’t think it’s any of your business, do you?”
“Heather, listen, I know you aren’t with Ellie or Ari. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t alone and that you’re okay. ”
“I happen to be perfectly fine. I’m on a date. Then, her voice sounded farther away. “I’ll be right there, Jerry, in just one second. ”
Jerry? Who the fuck is Jerry?
“You’re really out on a date? You move fast, Heather. ” I was so pissed off that I couldn’t even think straight.
“Me? How are you enjoying your dinner with Lynda?”
“We’re about to move onto dessert. ” Fuck. The second that came out, I regretted it.
“You’re an asshole. ”
I went to apologize, but then I realized she had already hung up. I wanted to scream and just throw my fucking phone. My hands were shaking, and I couldn’t stop seeing Heather dancing with that guy from last night. I turned back to my truck and got in. I looked over at Lynda sitting there, smiling at me.
“Do you want to go back to Austin with me tonight?”
“I thought you would never ask. ”
***
I dropped Lynda off, so she could pack up her stuff. I told her I would be back as soon as I could.