He tapped his nose. “Right on. Yes.” Clay paused. “Don’t go anywhere.”
I laughed, which felt amazing. The joy of actually finding something funny was so unusual lately. Sure, sometimes we all laughed, but it wasn’t because whatever happened was amusing. It was because it was less horrible than everything else had been. But that had been funny, actually laugh-worthy.
Tommy came out of the bathroom, wearing bottoms but no top and leaning on his cane. If he hated the thing, he didn’t say so. Instead, he grinned at me before limping, leaning, walking to the bed. Clay stopped to kiss me on his way out the door.
“One more day, and then we’re back to Diana’s. This old ship has been good to us, but man, I’d love to be back on a planet.”
I nodded at him as he left. “I never thought I’d prefer planets, but I do, too.” I turned to Tommy. He sat up in the bed, his gaze open with longing. Tommy extended his arms, and I walked to him, half lying on him in the process.
He wrapped his arms around me. “Hi.”
I snuggled against him. This was what I’d been missing. I needed all of them. With Tommy not okay, I hadn’t been okay. It was that simple. If that somehow made me dependent, then so be it.
“You’re taking your current leg issue very well. Are you faking it?” I had to know.
“The leg issue? No. How could I fake it? That showed up on the scan, Pa-loma.” He was deliberately misunderstanding me. I could tell from the mispronunciation of my name, although I would have gotten it without that since Tommy was never obtuse.
I pinched his arm. “You know what I meant.”
He was quiet for a second. “Listen, I almost died in a dungeon. My brother had to pull out his inner psychopath to get us out of there, and my wife showed up to rescue me. I’ve had a lot of time to think. I can get very caught up in the small things and forget big picture stuff. I’m alive. You’re here, lying on top of me. I made it through when, for all intents and purposes, I should be dead. Can I promise that this wonderful new perspective is going to last forever? No. But right now, the leg feels like I can figure it out.” He kissed my head. “I’m just grateful to be here.”
I lifted my head. “I’m so glad you’re here, too.”
“I’d love to get you naked, but I’m not quite up for that. Kind of tired all of a sudden.” He yawned. “Lie next to me and tell me about killing the dude on the space station.”
I rolled over, pressing against his side. “Not much to tell. He was going to kill Clay. I killed him. I’m not sorry.”
Tommy nodded. “I get that. I wouldn’t be sorry either.”
I knew he would understand and this would be the last time he brought it up. If there was one thing I could count on Tommy to know, it was when enough was enough. I lay next to him while he fell asleep. I was so grateful for each inhale and exhale. He rolled over, tucking me closer against him. Tomorrow, we would figure out the future. Tonight, Tommy breathed.
13
Because Nothing Is Easy
I woke up to a very hard Tommy still asleep next to me. The night before, he’d been too tired, but his body was acting quite differently now. Of course, he wasn’t really awake. A thought dawned on me, and I grinned. There were lots of ways to wake someone up in the morning.
Moving the cover gently so I wouldn’t disturb him, I scooted down. His penis was hard and tempting. I quickly adjusted his boxers so he was fully exposed through the slit. Without giving it any more thought, I took him in my mouth. He tasted like pure male deliciousness and like nothing else I’d ever tasted. He was long, hard. He was all mine. Tommy must have really been asleep because it actually took a few times of moving him in and out of my mouth before he woke up.
“Fuck, Paloma. I thought I was dreaming.” His voice was low, gruff. Tommy moved his hand until it was in my hair. He massaged the back of my scalp. “Nice way to wake up. You don’t have to do that.”
I knew I didn’t have to do it. I wanted to. Silly, man. I continued to suck on him, trying each time to get him deeper down my throat. He moaned, shifting his hips until he pushed his cock deep into me. I loved that he was quickly losing control. I was wet from the thought of it alone.
He moaned. “No, stop. Been too long. I need you. Please. Need. You. Inside of you.”
I stopped what I was doing because of the please. Tommy pulled me to him, and I quickly rid myself of my clothes. His gaze roamed over my naked body. “I didn’t imagine it. You are the most beautiful woman in the universe. When you’re in a dungeon sometimes you think you make the outside world better than it is. I didn’t overdo it with you. You’re so gorgeous.”
Love flooded me from him, not because he thought I was beautiful, but because of what I knew it took Tommy to express how he felt, and he’d done it in such an incredible way. I knee walked over to him, straddling his lap.
It didn’t take long to take him inside of me, but when I did it, was all consuming. My muscles were tight around him, and I had to stretch to fit him inside. Still, I loved it. We moaned together, and his hand came to my hip, squeezing hard.
“I don’t know how long I can last.”
I nodded. “Not going to need long, Tommy. Missed you.”
I let my head lean back as I started to ride him. I closed my eyes. Each time I drove myself down onto his cock, it rubbed my clit, which was heaven. My body tingled.
“Paloma, look at me. I need your eyes. Please.”
I opened my lids. The heat in Tommy’s gaze scorched me in flames of his adoration. I loved this man. Every bit of him. “I love you.” I had to say it. Somehow, even using the word love wasn’t enough. I wished he could understand.
Maybe it was what he needed to hear. He surged his hips up, changing our pace, taking control of our lovemaking from the bottom. I let him. I didn’t want to change a thing. Colors passed in front of my eyes, and I came on a loud yell that even I couldn’t believe came out of my mouth. Tommy grinned, a look of pure male satisfaction before he followed me into the warm certainty of knowing we were connected in the purest way two people could be—love.
I rested my chin on his chest. “You must want to get up and get moving.”
He smirked. “I can’t think of a time I ever wanted to move less. But, yes, I suppose I should get myself up and rejoin the world of the living.”
I nodded and sat so he could move around when he was ready. “I was thinking…”
My plans to tell him how I wanted to start a family when we were finally off this ship immediately stopped as the Artemis banked left and we were both thrown from the bed. I was on my feet, fast. “Are you okay?”
He winced. “Yes. Just can’t jump up like I’d like to.” I gave him my hand, which he took, and then I grabbed the cane so he could get around without my assistance. I threw on my clothes. Artemis didn’t make huge, sudden movements unless something was wrong.
I pushed the speaker device on the wall. Much as I loved this old ship, it would be nice to be back in the tablet world of Tommy’s shuttles. Someday. After I’d had a nice long break from space travel altogether.
“What’s going on?”
It was Clay who answered. One word. “Dad.”
I gulped. That wasn’t good news. Not at all. “Warn the farm. We’re too close for them to not be on alert.”
“On it,” Keith responded back.
I shoved on my clothes, shocked to find that Tommy was already dressed. Bad leg aside, he was still the most capable person I’d ever known. With my heart in my throat, we sprinted from the room. He kept up with me using the cane, and I should have guessed that something that would destroy other people—their leg not working correctly—wouldn’t stop Tommy at all.
“This place is like looking at something out of a history museum,” he shouted at me, and it took me a minute to understand he meant Artemis. Tommy still hadn’t seen her.
“She’s very good luck. Old but sturdy. I love her. We rescued you off of Sandler One in her walls. Artemis survives.?
??
I wouldn’t have known I felt so impassioned about the ship until I spoke those words.
“All right,” he answered me. “Then she’s my new best friend.”
We reached the control room. Artemis was all circles and hallways. She didn’t have the grid the modern ships did, and the bedrooms couldn’t be any further away from the control room unless they were on another ship entirely.
“How bad?” I sat down next to Keith. Jackson stood over his shoulder, looking down at the readings. Behind Clay stood Rohan and Canyon. Rohan stared at the screen and Canyon the monitors. Ari hung toward the back of the room. Clay joined the group behind Canyon.
The women we’d rescued weren’t anywhere to be seen. I hoped they weren’t terrified. On that thought, I pushed the ship wide speaker. “Everyone hang tight. All will be well.”
I might have been lying. But I blew things up. I shot people. Lying was inconsequential in this moment.
“I’m Thomas Sandler.” He spoke to Jackson, Canyon, and Rohan. “Tommy to my friends. Let’s assume we’re friends. What’s going on?”
Rohan answered. “We’re getting fired on by one of your father’s ships. Right now, we’re trying to judge who’s on the ship based on their attack stance. Canyon and I have been studying past descriptions of your father’s ships, their captains, and how they conduct themselves. You were quite the impressive character Thomas—sorry, Tommy—back in your Sandler Cartel days. Much more effective at war than you’ve been lately.”
I waited for the explosion, but Tommy smirked. “You speak the truth. My days of war need to be left in the distant past. The second I stopped doing it, I lost my knack for it. That’s okay. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear that was Holden captaining the shuttle. He always darts back after he fires instead of charging forward. But we killed him.”
“You didn’t.” Waverly inched forward through the doorway. “Sorry. I should stay in my room, but I thought maybe you’d need help. He’s not dead. He wasn’t on the Rochambeau when you blew it up. If that seems like him, it’s probably him. He used to be kind to me, but lately he’s changed. Mean. Aggressive.”
Tommy nodded. “He was always an asshole.”
Quinn ran a hand through his hair. “And he’s not our cousin. He’s our brother.”
I’d never get used to that idea.
“Well,” Clay added, “whatever he is, he’s going to try to blow us from the sky again in ten seconds if his darting about is any indication.”
The comm dinged, and I stared down at the indicator. “He wants to talk.”
“He wants to talk?” Canyon raised his eyes toward the screen. The metallic glint to them shined for a second. “Is this standard protocol for battle?”
Waverly sighed. “No, but he’s always been different.”
“I don’t think we’ve met.” Ari stepped away from the wall. “I’m Ari Bennett. I’m their cousin. But I don’t think we’re related.”
Tommy sighed. “Sorry. Little distracted. No you two are not related. Ari is our cousin on our mother’s side. Waverly shares a father with us. Not related.”
“Hi.” She extended her hand, and he shook it.
Holden’s face appeared on the screen. “I just wanted you to know who was going to kill you.”
Rohan broadened his stance. I wondered what that was about, but I had no time to dwell on it. Tommy groaned, loudly, in a way that indicated he was trying to be dramatic. “Holden. Holden. Holden. Didn’t I already kill you?”
Technically, that had been Quinn, but we didn’t have to get into specifics right then. Holden pointed at the screen. “I always hated you, Tommy.”
“Must be hard to be Dad’s bastard,” Tommy answered him. “Must have been so hard to watch us in our palace, having everything, while he wouldn’t even acknowledge you were his son.”
Holden turned red. There was no doubt the person on the other side of the screen was a Sandler. Blond hair, blue eyes. The shape of his nose was different than my husbands’, and his cheekbones protruded a little bit more. I supposed they could have been thought cousins, but to me they were absolutely brothers.
“Holden, you don’t have to do this.” Waverly stepped forward. “This isn’t going to make Dad happy with you. It’s really not. When he cools off, he’s going to want them back, not dead. There is nothing in the universe Dad wants more than Tommy. Firstborn son. You know the deal.”
Holden pounded on his control panel. “When they are gone, I will be the firstborn son, Waverly. And why are you there? You’re supposed to be on an auction block.”
“You knew they were doing that to her, man, and you let it happen?” Jackson, who had been quiet, spoke up. “She’s your sister. That’s disgusting.”
I agreed. My husbands had found out, and we’d gone to get her, despite Quinn’s initial spouting off at the mouth. Holden had presumably known her a lot longer than they had, and he’d done nothing?
“I’ve said my piece and…”
Tommy interrupted him. “That’s good. I’m glad you did because it gave us a chance to do what we had to do without you noticing. What was the first rule in flight school all those years ago when we were twelve? Never get distracted. Goodbye, Holden.”
His eyes widened. For just a second, I saw realization in his eyes. Clay hit a button. The inside of Holden’s control room lit up like a fireworks display as the ship exploded. Then there was nothing but blackness on the view screen.
Clay sat back in his chair. “I do love your bombs, Rohan.”
Waverly cried out and covered her mouth. I tugged her into a side hug. “I used to have a really hard time with death and violence, too. Unfortunately this is life.”
She wiped at her face, sucking in her sob to stop. “No, it’s not that. Sorry, I know better than to lose control of my emotions. There was a time when Holden was the only person I knew. Dad kept me locked away on his estate in the northernmost part of Sandler One. After my mom died, Holden was the only person outside of the staff who spoke to me. He would come once a year. He was my friend.”
Quinn turned to his sister. “I’m sorry you were alone. We would have loved to have a sister around. We knew we had sisters. There are more, I think. Very, very young. I don’t even know where they are. But we’re glad to have you now, Waverly.” I couldn’t get over how sweet Quinn was being. My heart surged with love for him. “But Holden had to die.” And there he was. I grinned at my husband.
Quinn was who he was and that was fine, because, like his other three brothers, he was perfect for me.
Clay threw a card down in front of me, and I tried not to grin. We’d been playing this game, Max’s Delight, for hours. I hadn’t known it when we started, but I’d caught on fast. I was about to beat him for the first time.
“You need to know how to hide your face, gorgeous.” He sighed. “You’re about to beat me. You don’t lie well.”
I threw down the card. “Well, it’s not going to be fun to do it now.”
He opened his arms. “Come. Give me a hug.” I rose and did as he asked. Clay pulled me down onto his lap, and I decided to stay right there for the foreseeable future. He sighed, and wrapped his arms around me tightly. “I don’t think we hug enough. Let’s make a rule that you have to hug me ten times every day, at least.”
I snorted. This was the same man who had pressed the button and blown up Holden’s ship. “Are you doing okay?”
“Sure. Why wouldn’t I be doing okay?” With my head pressed to his chest I could hear his heartbeat, hear the air coming in and out of his lungs.
“You blew up Holden.”
Clay was quiet for a moment before he answered me. “I don’t know what it says about me that I don’t feel bothered by that at all, but I’m perfectly fine. You shot someone on the space station. How is that sitting?”
I closed my eyes. “Maybe we’re just both really bad people because I’m also perfectly fine.”
Maybe we were just who we had to be to live
in this world. I couldn’t go back. I could only move forward.
Not much had changed on the farm in the time I’d been away, except that Diana was huge. I hadn’t been able to see her stomach when we’d communicated about needing Ari, but now I could see her belly just fine.
She waddled over to a chair across from where I sat in the cafeteria area. I’d been picking at some eggs for a few minutes. Tommy was with the doctors while they decided whether or not they could fix his leg. Quinn and Keith were in a discussion with Wes and Judge about some device Wes had made. Clay had clients pop up on his tablet who needed help. Jackson had taken Waverly to get her settled into a place to live and put her through security clearance.
That had left me alone, and I was okay with the quiet. Diana showing up was a treat I hadn’t expected. “How far along are you?”
I knew very little about pregnancy. I didn’t remember my mom being pregnant with Amber. I’d only been two years old.
“Oh, I could pop any day.”
That wasn’t a great visual. I swallowed my anxiety. If I wanted kids, then someday I was going to be in exactly the same situation. “How are you feeling?”
“Cumbersome.”
That was such a Diana response. I couldn’t help but grin. “I’m sorry about that. Almost over. And then you’ll have the baby.”
“The actual labor is the part that scares me. Neither Cash nor Lewis have ever delivered a baby. Uncle Dane has. He delivered all my siblings, but that is a little weird for me.” She sighed. “I’m hoping Ari will deliver her.”
I drummed my fingers on the table. “Has Ari delivered a baby?”
“Yes.” She nodded. “I’m glad you rushed him back in time. Thanks for that.”
I leaned forward. “Do you think, realistically, that Cash and Lewis are going to let Ari deliver your baby?”
She smiled. “If they don’t want to have a raving wife in labor, screaming and yelling, then yes, they are going to let Ari deliver the baby.”
Fair enough. “How are things here?”