I’d worn black pants that day, and I unzipped them, letting my hand rub over my undies on the way down. He always did that, just a little touch.
I…
“Fuck, Paloma. Stop. Come here. I have to do that. I have to touch you.”
I opened my lids. Tommy had scooted down to the end of the bed. He extended his hand toward me. When had he moved? I linked our fingers together and let him draw me to him.
I brushed his hair back from his ears. “Did you like that? I just started.”
He pointed toward his pants. “See what you did? Yes, I liked that. So much so the bulge in my pants is throbbing. If I don’t get inside of you soon, I’m going to spill myself like a teenager and forget me possibly making a baby tonight. I want in you.”
I leaned forward to kiss his neck. “That’s good, my love. I want you in me, too.”
His mouth met mine, and Tommy kissed me. And kissed me. And kissed me. He pulled back only to undress us both. He wasn’t kidding when he said he was hard. I got a good look at him when he took off his boxers. Yes, he was already straining.
I raised my eyebrows. “Just watching me take off my clothes did that to you?”
He sucked in a breath. “I swear, Paloma, I could feel my hands on you as I watched.”
“That’s because that’s what I was thinking about. Your. Hands. On. Me.”
He was on me then. Forgetting his leg, he pushed me down beneath him. If he was having any trouble maneuvering himself around, I didn’t see it. He pushed himself inside of me all at once. I cried out not in pain but surprise. My muscles clenched around me. I had no doubt what Tommy had done was ownership. I loved being owned by him.
He didn’t move at first. I watched his face, a muscle ticking his jaw.
I reached out to smooth my hand down the side of his face. “What’s the matter?”
“So fucking lucky.”
When he pulled out to press back in, it was slowly. His early thrust that had been so abrupt was entirely different than this. It was as though having lost control for one second like that he was now overcompensating in the other way.
“Tommy.” I touched his shoulders to stop him. “Please, fuck me. That’s what I want. Not sweet. Not tonight. I want to be lost in you, and I want you to lose yourself in me.”
It seemed to be what he needed to hear. Tommy sped up his movements. I loved when it was hard. I craved the feeling of his cock not just brushing my clit but forcing against it. The friction was heaven. Every movement had me calling out louder and louder. He squeezed my breasts, and he wasn’t gentle about it.
“Yes, Tommy. I love it. More, please.” Who was the woman coming out of my mouth? Was I really begging? Yes, I was.
And he loved it. The more I cried out, the more I asked for it, the harder he gave it to me. We were like two animals. Was this how babies were made? By the universe, I hoped so. I lost all sense, my orgasm rolling through me without warning. One second it was pleasure, the next pain. All of it was welcome. I dug my fingers into his back and held on for dear life.
Tommy emptied inside of me, over and over. Covered in sweat, I didn’t know if I’d ever catch my breath again. That was okay. Who needed to breathe?
Tommy snored next to me. It wasn’t a quiet intake and exhale of air. He was out cold, and I wasn’t getting to sleep with him doing that. I rolled over and gently encouraged him to roll over as well. He did, and the breathing silenced. Poor guy, he must be really tired.
A sound caught my attention, and I looked up to see Clay leaning in the doorway. Oh, that was right. Tommy had told them to stay out until he was done. I guessed now qualified. Clay crooked his finger. He wanted me to come to him. Without disturbing Tommy, I climbed out of bed.
When I reached Clay, he bent over to whisper in my ear, “Shower. Then come into the hall. I’m going to be waiting.”
This was unusual. Where were we going? I pointed to my arm so he could see the fertility chip was off. Following a nod, Clay left the room. I cleaned up fast, drying myself and changing into a comfortable pair of black pants and a white t-shirt. I slipped on my shoes as quietly as I could.
Tommy rolled over and proceeded to start snoring again. I hoped he got some good rest tonight.
I met Clay in the hall. The lights were dimmed to match the darkness outside. Unlike on a spaceship or a space station, the lack of light on the planet outside meant it was actually nighttime, not just us pretending it was to keep up with a cycle.
“What are we doing?”
He lifted both eyebrows. “Playing.”
“Ah…” I decided not to question it. I trusted Clay. Whatever this was, I was sure I would enjoy it. “All right then.”
He pulled a bandana out of his back pocket. “Don’t ask me where I got this. It’s clean.”
“What do you propose to do with it?” The cleanliness comment was the bit that bothered me. Why did it need to be clean? Where was he going to put it?
“I’m going to blindfold you.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
“I fucking love you, Paloma. Not one woman in a million would just go okay and go for it. This shows me how much you trust me. I promise this is going to be fun.”
I believed him, so I let him cover my eyes and lead me forward. We walked for a while, at some point leaving the enclosure to go outside. The weather was warm, and I let myself get lost in the feeling of Clay’s hand in mine and the sound of this new planet at night.
There were birds chirping. I’d never heard so many at nighttime. Were all the birds on this planet nocturnal? What did that mean for the ecosystem? I would ask someone.
“Clay, I used to lie in bed at night at the Sisterhood of the Universe. I thought I’d be always alone, that there wasn’t a place in the universe where anyone would love me.” I choked on the words, the unexpected emotion flooding me. Where had this come from? “And here I am… in this strange place with you. You make me feel like…”
My blindfold was off, and Clay’s mouth was on mine. My tears flowed down my cheeks. He didn’t try to stop them but let them flow as he made love to my mouth. Where were we? I didn’t even know.
“Paloma, I never imagined you. I can’t understand why you love me. The others, sure. They’re special. I’m so normal.”
My mind stuttered at his confession. What? Between him and Keith, at least two of my husbands weren’t seeing themselves the right way at all. “Clay, you are so far from normal you can’t even see it in the distance. You’re incredible. Brilliant. Kind. Loving. You care about people to the point of risking your own safety. You love me harder and more in the open than I knew was possible. You are selfless. Funny. You are so incredible in bed that…”
“Stop.” He kissed me lightly on the nose. “Look where I brought you?”
I turned around to see where he indicated. We were at a lake. Lights were illuminated all around it, and standing in front of it was Keith and Quinn. They were too far to hear us unless they’d developed super-soldier hearing.
“This is beautiful.”
He leaned his chin on my shoulder. “Tommy wanted alone time and that’s fine. But rather than fight, we thought maybe a celebration was in order. New days ahead, and whatever or whomever come with them.”
I liked how he put that, so I kissed him really hard, square on the mouth. “I’m so happy I broke all the rules to save you, Mr. McQueen.” That was how I’d thought of him back then.
He cupped my cheek. “I’d change what happened next, but I am so happy you broke the rules so I could know you. The only thing I’d have done differently was grab that stick and run away with you earlier. You wouldn’t have had to survive the bombing, run for your life, and seek us out in the middle of the night. Of course, you did all of that beautifully. Because you’re Paloma, and you never cease to amaze me.” He squeezed my fingers. “Come on.”
When we moved closer, Keith rushed over to kiss my cheek and Quinn drew me into a tight hug.
“Do you swim?
” Quinn asked me.
I shook my head. “Not well. We had lessons in the pool on Mars Station, although it was mostly reserved for the troops to use as exercise. So, I can, but I wouldn’t count on being too impressed with my abilities.”
Keith looked at Quinn, and they both nodded at the same time. The touch of the twin thing again…
From behind me, Clay pulled my shirt over my head. I leaned back against him. “What are we doing?”
He whispered in my ear. “Going swimming.”
They stripped me of my clothes as I giggled through the whole thing. The air outside was warm, but the change from being dressed to not left me tingling. I’d never done this outside before. Not even on Earth. We’d always been indoors.
Keith took my hand and brought me into the water. It was chilly but not too cold. “How did you know about this place?”
“Actually, Jackson told me about it. There are some unwritten rules about it. No one will come here while we’re here. Quinn has been sitting here since before sunset to reserve it for us. Even before Tommy’s message about tonight. And the unwritten rule is that we then don’t come back for a month. I guess Jack has used this himself with some of the women here on occasion.”
I wrapped my arms around Keith’s neck as Clay and Quinn walked into the water. I kissed Keith’s chin, pulling myself closer against him. “You’re shortening his name. Jackson to Jack. Making friends?”
Quinn answered. “We’ve never had friends before. But we’re trying. We’ve always kind of just had each other. Even when the other three lived outside of Sandler space—leaving me behind I might add—they didn’t really make long-term friendships. Other than Ari. And he’s family.”
Clay was on my side and Quinn behind me. I was in a circle of my husbands. I couldn’t think of a better place to be. I leaned my head back on Quinn to look at the stars. From down here, they were beautiful to view. I hated traveling through space, and if I could simply stay on this planet forever, I would.
“I never thought I’d like being gravity bound—that’s what we called living on planets when I lived on Mars Station.”
Clay rubbed my hip. “You had gravity on the station.”
“Sure, but who said a bunch of teenagers trying to act cool had to make sense?”
They all laughed at this, so I continued. “But I do. I like it here.”
“There is some evidence of ancient civilizations having been here but nothing since. It’s habitable and was left alone during the expanse because human tech at that point couldn’t see through the outer layer of the coverage above. From space, this place looks unfriendly for making a go at it. So it was pretty scarcely populated. The farmers are joining us more than anything else—those that lived here. They don’t want Sandler and Evander in their business.” Quinn was a surprising source of information and reinforced what I’d thought, which was that he could help Damian quietly make this planet all ours.
“You guys won’t let me ever let the power go to my head, right? I have to do this thing—lead—for now. And despite what Melissa said, I’m not entirely certain I’m the best person for the job. If I start to be some kind of dictator or it goes to my head, I want you to stop me.”
Keith circled my stomach with his index finger. “If ever there were people cut out to do that, it’s us, Paloma. None of us want to go back to the time of my father. What I think is once this place is big enough, populated enough to warrant it, we’ll have some kind of election. I don’t want you to run then. Maybe by then you can be done.”
I liked that idea. I’d be here right now while things got sorted then let the people decide who they wanted after that. Like it was supposed to be on Earth, even though it wasn’t really. Credits bought power there.
Still, Earth was better than Sandler space.
“Don’t think about this now.” Quinn bit my shoulder. “Let us love you.”
So I did. Hands, legs. I’d never had the attention of three of my husbands all at once before. There was little I could do but hold on and enjoy the moments. Keith’s hands on my breasts, massaging. Clay on my legs. Quinn on my back. They were everywhere. Each one of them telling me they loved me. Each one of them promising me forever. I tried to answer. I tried to focus enough to appreciate every single moment.
I made love to Keith in the water. Quinn and Clay shared me on the warm sand next to the lake. I fell asleep there, nestled between the twins and in Clay’s lap, the stars over our heads and the quiet singing of night birds reminding me there was magic to be found in simple moments with those who loved me.
Clay Sandler
I didn’t think she woke up when we dressed her and brought her back inside, not really. She murmured something but let me carry her, undisturbed in a way that spoke volumes to the way she trusted us. All the terrible things the four of us were responsible for in the universe—Paloma was our redemption. I knew they all felt it, my brothers who I had traveled these many years with, wondering what the hell the purpose of anything actually was.
We’d been silly to wonder. Family. Friends. Love. We’d known that was the reason for everything. It had simply taken Paloma to remind us. By the universe, we loved her.
In our room, I ran hot water and cleaned her off. The sand had been a great temporary bed, but I didn’t want her finding it in uncomfortable places later.
“Clay.” Her pupils were unseeing as she gazed at me. Our girl was tired.
I kissed her shoulder. “Sleep through this. Almost time for the warm bed and the darkness.”
Keith and Quinn watched from various places in the bedroom. Amazing how she made us all gentle. Quinn ran his finger over her big toe, and Keith wrapped her in a towel, drying her off gently.
Tommy appeared in the doorway, leaning on his cane. My big brother was the only person I knew who wouldn’t let an injury like the one he had stop him for a second. “I feel like I missed something.”
Quinn elbowed him. “Tried to dictate terms tonight, big brother. We just decided to make our own instead. Took her to the lake.”
Tommy elbowed him back. “She’s tiny. Was that water too cold for her?”
“We warmed it right up.” Keith winked at him.
I carried her from the room to the bedroom laying her gently down on the bed.
All of my brothers were quiet, and I wondered if they were thinking the same thoughts as me in that second. She was off the fertility chip. We might very well have a family all our own soon. That person would belong to us and would never, ever know the pain of Garrison Sandler in his or her life. I didn’t care which one of us fathered the child. We’d either be fathers or uncles. In any case, that small life would belong to us.
The bed was big, but I’d normally say not enough to hold all five of us. Still, that night the unspoken decision seemed to be that we’d make it work. I liked when she lay on me, so I climbed in, putting her on top of my body. She was a little chilled. Soon, with Tommy and Quinn on both sides of me and Keith scrunching in at the foot of the bed but more like looped around us, she’d be warm. I’d see to it. Blankets were settled around us all.
In the darkness, I knew everything would eventually be all right. In here, and in the universe.
17
Shalom
Ten weeks later
The Farm, Earth Standard Time
Paloma
I stared at the screen in front of me. I’d woken to the dinging on my tablet. Otherwise, I might have slept past lunch, which wouldn’t do for Makenna’s spokesperson on The Farm. I was five minutes pregnant—as Ari had put it—but the hormones were riding me hard. The nausea. The constant need to pee. The overwhelming sleep urge.
My husbands had all gone off to do various things and left me alone in the room. Maybe they’d snuck out. Or maybe I’d just been too dead to the world to hear them get up and go.
I looked at my tablet then sat straight up. I’d all but forgotten my promise to find Garrison’s brothers with everything else that happened. I?
??d never heard from the one who had been talking to me again. It was hard to know with the way communication happened in the Dark Planets if he simply didn’t want to speak to me or he’d lost the ability to do so.
Instead of him, I had a recorded message from River Sandler, Garrison’s youngest brother. Little had been known about him in my research, and my loves, when asked, had said he’d been kicked out when he was eighteen and they didn’t know anything else.
I clicked on the button to see his face pop up. I had to grin at the image. Those Sandler genes again. Waverly might look quite different from the others, but the men all looked like one another.
River was Garrison’s brother for sure. Same slope of the nose, same blond hair and cheekbones. Only, River’s eyes held the same kindness I saw in my husbands that was outright missing from Garrison’s. I clicked the button to hear what he said.
“Hi, I’m sending this message to Paloma McQueen. Or maybe you’re calling yourself Sandler now. Who knows? I wouldn’t blame you all if you changed the name permanently. I’m River Sandler. I am your husbands’ uncle. They might not remember me. They were really little when Garrison kicked me out. Well Tommy and Clay were. Your message makes it sound like there are two more of them. I never knew the younger ones at all.” He paused and three more faces came into the screen. A bald man, a man with sculpted, hard features, and a blond woman with long hair. They all waved, which made me smile. “That’s Bo, Jordon, and our wife, Priscilla. They encouraged me to get back to you when I’d have rather kept my head in the sand over this. Anyway”—the other faces vanished, leaving just River in the frame again—“you wanted to know if I could help you understand Garrison, what he wants, how he thinks.” He sighed in an exaggerated way. “I can, actually. I was the last brother left. He’d managed to oust my older ones, and given what happened—the beatings—to the ones who resisted, I wasn’t going to do that. I just asked him why I had to go. And he told me.”