Luke’s breathing increased as he whispered, “Libby …”
I looked into his eyes as they searched my face. He began to walk forward, causing me to step back and run right into the wall.
“Luke … I um … I need to get changed …”
When I saw him look down at my lips, I licked them without even thinking. He leaned down and lightly brushed his lips across mine as we both let out a moan. He slipped his hand behind my neck and pulled me in closer to deepen the kiss.
His tongue moved against my lips making me open them to him. I placed one hand on his chest and the other up in his hair and tugged on it slightly as he moaned into my mouth.
I had been aching for his kiss ever since that day under the bleachers. Dreaming about it.
I wasn’t sure how long we kissed for before Luke pulled back. His eyes were still focused on my lips before they slowly moved up and captured my eyes.
“I love you, Libby. I’ve always loved you.”
In an instant, those eight words turned my entire world, and my heart, upside down.
FINGERS SNAPPED IN front of my face. “Lib? Earth to Libby?” I snapped my head up and looked up at him. “You were off in another world, Lib. Do you want some peach cobbler?”
“Um … no thank you.”
Luke frowned as he watched me. “Why not, Lib? You love peach cobbler.” I swallowed hard and pushed my plate away. My heart was still racing at the memory of Luke telling me he loved me. “I’m really full. Maybe a piece to go and I’ll eat it later?”
The smile returned to Luke’s face as he nodded and called out for Manny to pack a cobbler to go. I sat in my seat and watched him walk away as I tried to figure out the confusing feelings rushing through my head.
I GLANCED OUT the window and looked at the solid line of rain coming our way. Shit. I hate driving in the rain. One quick peek to Libby and my heart was beating crazy again.
I couldn’t stop thinking about when I held her hand as we walked up to Franklin’s. Really, I couldn’t stop thinking about how Libby allowed me to hold it for as long as she did. I knew I had been acting like a dick toward her. Letting out a sigh, I pushed my hand through my hair. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Libby watching me. There she goes biting on that damn lower lip of hers. I smiled slightly; she must like when I do that. Testing my theory, I ran my hand through my hair again. Libby’s mouth parted slightly, causing my smile to turn into a full-blown grin.
The rain began hitting on the windshield, first coming down slow then coming in a downpour. I slowed and turned the windshield wipers on higher.
“Wow, it’s really raining hard. Maybe you should pull over, Luke,” Libby said as she began chewing on her fingernail. It was a nervous habit she had done since I could remember.
I rolled my eyes and said, “Nah, it’s fine.” Right after I said that, the car in front of us hydroplaned and veered into the other lane, causing everyone to put their brakes on. “I think I’ll pull over into that HEB parking lot.”
Libby folded her arms over her chest and mumbled something under her breath. I didn’t respond because I didn’t want to argue with her. This was the first time in months, things actually felt normal. It felt like my best friend was sitting next to me.
I pulled into the parking lot and put my truck in park as it continued to pour. Libby pulled her phone out and began texting someone. She let out a giggle and then looked out her window.
“What are you thinking about?” I asked.
She turned and looked at me and shrugged her shoulders. “Nothing. Just something Grace said to me.”
My younger sister, Grace, was going to the University of Texas and I couldn’t wait to see her. She was a pain in my ass sometimes, but I loved her more than life itself.
“Grace said she was surprised that you had planned the stop at Franklin’s.”
Turning, I looked into Libby’s eyes. “Are you surprised?” She laughed and looked away. “Well? Are you, Lib?”
She slowly turned and looked at me. “Honestly? Yes.”
Swallowing hard, I tried to get rid of the lump in my throat. “Why?”
She shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know. It feels like we’ve grown apart. You’re no longer that fun guy I knew growing up.”
I turned more in my seat so I could look at her. “What am I now?”
She narrowed her eyes at me. “Are we being completely honest right now?” I nodded my head. She took in a deep breath through her nose and blew it out of her mouth in a quick movement. “A jerk.”
Pulling my head back, I opened my mouth slightly. “A jerk?”
She pursed her lips and nodded her head. “We used to be …” Libby looked away and out the window. “I don’t really know anymore what we used to be.” She slowly shook her head. “Anyway, Grace said you’re not spontaneous anymore.” She looked back at me and stared into my eyes. “I have to agree with her.”
My heart ached as Libby’s words echoed in my mind. Not spontaneous? I’ll show her spontaneous. I looked out the front window at the rain. It was beginning to lighten up. I opened the door to the truck and Libby asked, “Luke? Where in the hell are you going?”
Jumping out, I looked at her and smiled. “I’m being spontaneous.” I shut the door and jogged around to the passenger side of the truck and opened the door. “Get out, Libby.”
Libby’s mouth dropped open as she stared at me. “You’re kicking me out of the truck for being honest? Screw you, Luke Johnson.”
Laughing, I reached in and picked her up. She began yelling for me to put her down. “I’m being spontaneous, Libby.”
I pushed the door shut with my foot and walked away from the truck as the rain quickly began to get both of us soaking wet. I set Libby down and looked at how beautiful she was. She was staring at me like I’d lost my damn mind. “What are we doing standing in the rain?”
Grabbing her, I pulled her to me, pulling her body up against mine. She let out a gasp, but instantly wrapped her arms around me. “I’m dancing with you. In the rain.”
The left side of her mouth slowly began to lift as she fought to hold back her smile and lost. I quickly pushed her out and spun her around and pulled her back to me as she let out a laugh.
We danced around the parking lot like we didn’t have a care in the world. Libby ran over to a puddle and jumped in it, causing water to go everywhere. I loved seeing how carefree she was. I ran up to her and picked her up and began spinning her around as she dropped her head back and laughed. I slowly let Libby slide down my body, holding her closer to me as we slowed our dance down. My stomach was flipping all over the damn place. I missed being with Libby like this. Missed feeling happy like this.
Reaching up, I moved a piece of hair off of Libby’s face and tucked it behind her ear. She smiled and it about dropped me to my knees. Wrapping her arms around my neck, our eyes locked as our bodies moved in perfect sync.
I closed my eyes to fight the pull of her lips. I wanted to kiss her, tell her how much I loved her and wanted to make her mine. Opening my eyes again, I caught Libby licking her lips. For one brief second, I moved toward her lips before stopping myself.
She deserved so much better than me. Pulling back away from her lips, I whispered, “Was that spontaneous enough for you, Lib?”
I saw her swallow as she slowly nodded her head. “I um … I need to change before I get back into your truck.”
Letting go of her body, I watched as she turned and headed back to the truck. The rain had stopped and for one precious second, so did life. It was just Libby and me. I jumped when Libby shut the truck door. She walked toward me with a change of clothes. “I’m going to run into HEB and change.” She smiled weakly as she walked past me and into the store as I stood there. I finally came to my senses and walked to the truck for a change of clothes.
I needed to get her to Mason. Then I could go out and put this whole day where it belonged—tucked somewhere deep in my heart.
THE REST OF the
drive to Mason, Libby stared out the window. I tried a few times to talk to her, but no words would form. We were almost to her house when I got the nerve to talk to her.
“So this was a fun road trip, huh?”
She quickly turned and looked at me. I glanced at her as she stared at me. “What? What’s wrong?”
Her mouth dropped open. “Are you serious right now?”
I pulled up to her gate and stopped. “Yeah, what’s wrong?” The anger that moved across her face caused me to swallow hard. She unbuckled her seat belt and opened the door. “What are you doing?” I asked.
She got out as I put the truck in park. She opened the back door and grabbed her bag, slamming the door in the process. She started making her way to the gate when I grabbed her arm. “Lib, what is wrong? Why are you angry?”
She dropped her bag and pushed me, hard. I stumbled back a few steps before righting myself.
“You! You are what’s wrong, Luke.” She began shaking her head as I watched tears fill her eyes. I was always making her cry. Always. I ran my hand through my hair when she walked up, grabbed my arm, and pulled it down. “Stop! Stop doing that!” she screamed.
I took a step back. “Stop doing what?”
Her lower lip began to quiver as she walked away from me. Libby picked up her bag and began walking to the gate. Stopping, she turned to me.
“Why do you do this to me?”
I took a step toward her when she held up her hand to stop me. “Do what, baby?”
She shook her head and stomped her foot. “This! Luke, you can’t keep confusing me like this. One minute you want to be my friend, and then you do something romantic like plan a lunch for me and dance with me in the rain. Then you go to kiss me, only you push me away.” A sob escaped her mouth as she closed her eyes.
“What do you want from me, Luke?”
I knew I couldn’t tell her how I felt. I knew she felt the same way about me, but something kept stopping me. I was so afraid I would hurt her again. I always seemed to hurt her.
“I … I care about you, Libby. You’re my best friend,” I said as I watched a tear roll down her face. I quickly walked up to her and placed my hand on the side of her face and wiped the tear away. My heart was breaking knowing I caused that tear. She leaned her face into my hand and my heart felt like someone was squeezing it.
“I want more than that, Luke,” she whispered as she closed her eyes. “I don’t want to be your best friend.”
Dropping my hand, I took a step back. Libby opened her eyes and looked into mine. It was almost as if she was pleading with me to do something. Say something. I took two steps back and shook my head. “I don’t mean to keep hurting you, Libby. I … I just …”
The moment I saw the hurt flash across her face, I wanted to pull her to me. She cleared her voice and smiled weakly. “I’ll see you around, Luke.” Turning away from me, Libby walked over to the keypad and typed in the code, causing the gate to swing open.
“Lib, let me drive you up to the house,” I called out after her. She held up her hand and continued walking.
“I need some time alone. See you around, Luke.”
“Fuck,” I mumbled under my breath as I watched her walk down the driveway. I turned and headed back to my truck. Slamming the door shut, I dropped my head against the back of the seat. I closed my eyes and was brought back to the night my world changed.
I WAS LEANING against my truck watching Libby out of the corner of my eye. I finally got the guts to kiss her. Why I waited until the night before I left for college, I have no clue. Will was going on and on about something.
Grace and Libby started giggling when Will looked over toward them. I couldn’t take my eyes off of Libby. She had been my best friend since I could remember. We did everything together. Told each other everything. I swear my lips were still tingling from the kiss we shared earlier under the bleachers.
“Our friendships are so important. I hope nothing ever gets in the way of that. We have to make sure nothing gets in the way of our friendships with each other,” Will said as he turned and looked at me. “You’re going off to college and all, ya know what I mean?”
My heart dropped in my stomach. What did I just do? I was so confused by the feelings that flooded my body after Libby and I kissed. Is Libby just as confused? Did she regret the kiss? I turned back and looked at Libby. I just kissed my best friend. Shit. I swallowed hard and looked at Will.
He was now staring at the girls. I pushed off the truck and opened it. “I’m heading off. Tell the girls I’ll miss them.”
“You’re not going to say good-bye?” Will asked as he looked at me with a confused look.
I shook my head. “I did, earlier. It’s best if I leave now. I’ve got to get up early.” I jumped in my truck and began backing up. As I started to pull out, I looked back to Libby. She was standing there with a confused look on her face. I quickly looked away and pushed down the sick feeling I had in my stomach. I couldn’t risk our friendship.
IT WAS MY second day at school and I had already been invited to a party. I glanced down at my phone and saw Libby’s text.
Lib: Why didn’t you say good-bye? Please call me.
Me: Been really busy trying to get used to all this. I’ll call you soon.
Closing my eyes, I pushed my phone into my pocket and looked around. I had met Manny in fishcamp, Texas A&M’s version of freshman orientation, a few weeks back. He was a sophomore, and he and his older brother lived in a house off campus. As soon as I walked through the door, Manny pushed a beer in my hand and then showed me which bedrooms were open if I was interested in hooking up with anyone.
Looking around, I checked everyone out. I was pretty sure I was the only freshman at this party. I took a drink of my beer when I caught her staring at me. I watched as she ran her tongue along her top teeth and smiled. Her wavy blonde hair fell just above her shoulders. She had on a tight, black dress that barely covered what it needed to cover. I gazed down her body to her long tan legs and bright-red fuck-me shoes and then back up till our eyes met. I nodded my head and smiled letting her know the attraction was mutual. She looked at her friend and said something before turning and making her way over to me. She couldn’t hold a candle to Libby.
Libby. I needed to push Libby and the kiss far from my mind. Will’s words replayed in my head about all of our friendships. Did I ruin my friendship with Libby by kissing her? I had such strong, crazy feelings for Libby. If I moved forward with my feelings for her, and if it didn’t work, our friendship would be forever ruined. I’d rather have Libby in my life than risk losing her because of my feelings.
The blonde walked up and stopped right in front of me. “Hey,” she said with an almost purr to her voice. “I’m Karen. And you are?”
“Luke. Luke Johnson.”
Her eyebrows rose up. “Country boy. I think I just fell a little bit more for you.” I laughed as I took another drink of beer. “Want to have some fun?”
Looking her body up and down, I shrugged. “Depends on what kind of fun you’re talking about.”
She glanced over to the stairs that led to the bedroom. “The kind of fun that has you taking off your clothes and me getting to know you better.”
The entire time I followed Karen up the stairs, I rationalized that I was moving on. The kiss between Libby and me had been a mistake. I couldn’t risk our friendship.
It all seemed like a blur. I was lying next to Karen staring up at the ceiling as she traced a pattern over and over on my chest. “I think you and I are going to have lots of fun together, Mr. Johnson.”
I smiled as I pulled her closer to me and closed my eyes.
Libby. I’m so sorry, Libby.
OPENING MY EYES, I shook my head, trying to erase the memory of the night I betrayed Libby. I put my truck in reverse and pulled out of the driveway. Putting it into drive, I pushed the gas and sped away as I looked in the rearview mirror at Libby walking down her driveway. I’d never before had my hea
rt physically feel like it was hurting.
Libby.
“LIBBY? ARE YOU going to peel the potato or just stand there and hold it?”
I looked over at my mother and tried to smile. She looked so adorable. She had her hair in low pigtails and she was wearing black Capri pants with a light-purple shirt. “Sorry. Just thinking.”
She looked at me and gave me a smile. “About?”
“School.”
“How’s school going?”
I smiled. “Great.”
“You getting used to everything? The dorm? The food? Are you making sure you’re always walking with someone at all times?”
I let out a giggle. “Slowly, yes. The dorm is okay, but really small. The food sucks, and yes I am always with someone.”
“Do you get to see your brother and Luke often?” she asked as she placed an apple pie in the oven.
Hearing his name caused my heart to feel like it stopped beating. “Not too often. I’m pretty busy with school stuff and so are they.”
My mother nodded her head and walked back over to the island where she began working on the stuffing. “How was the ride home with Luke?”
I snapped my head up and looked at her. “Fine. Why do you ask?”
She shrugged her shoulders. “Don’t know. It just seems like the two of you used to be inseparable and now it’s as if you hardly know each other.”
I dropped my eyes to the ground and then looked back up. I slowly shook my head. “Why are men so damn confusing, Mom?”
She smiled softly, took the potato out of my hand, and led me to the kitchen table where we both sat. She took in a deep breath and blew it out. “Libby, I wish I could answer that for you. Your father still says and does things that have me standing there trying to sort out what in the heck he was saying or thinking.”