They just smiled, and we walked on to the fastfood pizza. I wasn't really hungry yet. It hadn't been that long since breakfast.
"Shouldn't we wait for lunch?" I asked.
"Lunch? This is going to be our breakfast." Raspberry said and they all laughed again.
Maybe hanging out with older girls wasn't going to be as much fun as I had imagined. I thought, but I wasn't going to start complaining. It was better if I didn't say anything. I just listened to them talk about their summer and some of the things they had done. Almost everything involved one boy or another I didn't know, of course,
"Wait," Alanis said suddenly, putting up her hand like a traffic policeman. "I got to tell you how Jordan here nicknamed Chad Tadpole."
I looked up sharply, "No. I didn't." I said.
"Sure, you did. Here's what happened." Alanis began, and she told her girlfriends how I had discovered her and Chad in the basement and what I had asked her about it later. I wondered why she wasn't too embarrassed to tell, but soon, they were all laughing so hard that other kids were looking enviously at us.
"I can see you're going to be lots of fun to be with. Jordan." Nikki said.
I know I should have been happy they wanted to be my friends, but if anything, their laughter and smiles made me feel smaller and even more of an outsider. I knew they were taking advantage of me. None of them had any money. They spent nearly twenty of my thirty-five dollars before they were finished. I watched Alanis pay the bill. She glanced at me, and then she gave Nikki and Raspberry the remaining fifteen dollars.
"You two go get Jordan some notebooks, pens and pencils. I'll show her around the mall and we'll meet back here in twenty minutes," she said. Nikki took the money.
"Sure, we don't mind, and we know just what you'll need for third grade."
"C'mon," Alanis said, guiding me out and off to the left. "Let's go window shopping for when we get some real money. We both need new clothes. You like my friends?"
I nodded even though I didn't.
"Well invite them to our party tonight," she said. "It'll just be us girls. Next time, we'll invite some boys, too. We'll have to put our heads together and think of someone for you."
"Someone for me? You mean, a boyfriend?'
"He doesn't have to become your boyfriend. Jordan. But boys are like shoes."
"Shoes? How are they like shoes?"
"If you don't try them on, you don't know if they fit. right?"
She laughed and we walked on. I did enjoy listening to her talk about the boyfriends whose names she had written on her shoes. She was proud of how badly she had treated each eventually. She also talked about the girls she liked and disliked at school.
"Just because we have a small school doesn't mean we don't have our share of snobs," she said. "Someone bothers you, you come tell me. hear?"
"Why would they bother me?"
"They justwill." she insisted. She paused and added.
"Especially when they hear or see where you live and who you're living with. Whenever I ride the school bus, they jeer and howl when it stops at the gate. A few times, they saw your great-aunt out walking, wearing one of her silly hats or walking with an umbrella when it wasn't raining,"
"She didn't want the sun on her. I know people, my grandmother's friends, who do that."
"Pal I'm saying is they make fun of her and they will of you, so be ready for it. They don't dare make fun of me," she added, already looking furious enough to get into a fight.
What she was telling me made me even more nervous about attending a new school.
By the time we went from one end of the mall to the other. Nikki and Raspberry rejoined us. Raspberry handed me a bag with notebooks, pens and pencils and a ruler in it. I saw what looked like a little calculator. too. and plucked it out. "What's this?'
"We thought you might need it." Nikki said.
"It was free today if you bought ten dollars' worth." Raspberry added.
"Thank you." I said.
"Jordan and I decided to have a party tonight in Miss Pig-- I mean, her great-aunt's basement."
"Great, who we inviting?" Raspberry asked.
"Just us. It's a planning party. Well plan who we are going to be friends with and who we ain't and what boys are worth our time and what ain't."
"Good idea," Nikki said.
"What do we have to drink? Any alcopops?" Raspberry asked.
"No. You guys bring them. You got money, I suppose," Alanis said. "Right?"
"Right," Nikki said. smiling.
"What's an alcopop?" I asked.
"You never heard of it?" Raspberry asked me. I shook my head.
'Don't forget she lived in a castle,' Alanis told them.
"It wasn't really a castle. It's just a big house."
"And she's only seven."
"So? I drank vodka and orange juice when I was seven," Nikki bragged. They all laughed.
"Alcopops is just fruit-flavored rum and stuff." Alanis said quickly. "Don't worry about it. We got something more important to think about," she told the other two.
"What's that?" Nikki asked.
"I'd like us to think of someone for Jordan for later."
"She's only in the third grade!" Raspberry said.
"That's why we have to think of him. stupid." Alanis responded.
"Yeah, well, you tell me a boy who's gonna wanna be with a girl in the third grade," Raspberry countered.
I looked from one to the other, not sure what I should say but sure I should be saving something. After all, they were talking about me.
"Look at her. She's pretty cute," Alanis said, but not with as much confidence.
The three of them turned their gazes on me, making me feel very uncomfortable.
Then Nikki poked Raspberry with her elbow and nodded at someone down the mall corridor.
"You see who I see?" They all turned to look.
"Stuart Gavin?" Alanis said, then nodded. "Yeah, good idea. Stuart Gavin."
A tall, lanky boy with hair the color of faded hay thatched over his head lumbered down the mall. He carried a box under his right arm.
"He's only in the eighth grade," Raspberry said.
"Stuart works for his father. He drives a truck and delivers propane gas after school and on weekends," Nikki explained.
"He's only in the eighth grade and he drives and has a job?" I asked.
"He's like us. He was left behind a year," Nikki said.
"I wasn't left behind," I said. "I wasn't!" Wouldn't she ever believe me?
She shrugged.
"When you meet him, tell him you were anyway. He'll be happier."
"I don't tell lies," I said.
Raspberry and Nikki laughed. "I don't!"
"Take it easy," Alanis said. "They're just teasing you. I'm sure Stuart will like you when he meets you."
"When will he meet me?"
"Tonight," Alanis declared. She turned to her friends. "No sense wasting time. Well have to guide them into a romance-- you know, be Jordan's romance advisers or romance minders."
The other two laughed.
Alanis leaned in to whisper to me.
"We'll make you our Love Project just the way your brother made you his Sister Project."
"Sister Project? What's that?" Nikki asked.
I felt blood come into my face. Alanis saw and said. "Forget about it for now,"
I was happy she didn't tell. I didn't want to say anything about it. They were nowhere near as smart as Ian.
"Well, what's it about?"
"We'll tell you later," Alanis said, then nodded at Nikki. "Go invite him. Tell him to be there at eight and tell him to wash behind his neck."
Nikki's eyes brightened with excitement. She looked at me, then charged off after Stuart Gavin. We all watched her catch up with him and seize his arm. He almost dropped his carton. After she spoke, he looked back at us and shrugged.
Then he walked on.
My heart was pounding with expectation.
"What he say?" Alanis
demanded as soon as Nikki returned.
"He said he had to bring a tank of gas to her great-aunt tomorrow anyway so he'll just bring it tonight and hook it up before we party or right after."
"See. That's a responsible boy. He don't want to waste his time or his daddy's gas," Raspberry said, and they all laughed.
"What gas would he hook up?" I asked.
"For your great-aunt's stove." Alanis said. "Didn't they bring gas for your grandmother's stove, or was everything electric?"
"I don't know what was or wasn't brought. The deliveries were always made in the rear of the mansion."
"Rear of the mansion?" Nikki asked. 'What's she talking about?"
"Oh, forget about it. We'll see you girls later. C'mon. Jordan, we'll start for home. There's this candy store on the way that sells cigarettes to minors. The old lady running it can hardly see or hear and I'll tell her I'm eighteen. We'll call Granddad from the pay phone there and get him to pick us up."
"See you later," Nikki said.
"Don't forget. I want to hear about Jordan's brother, Ian,"
Raspberry said. "And the Sister Project!"
We watched them walk off then started for the exit.
"See? They're very interested in you. I knew they would like you and want to be your friend, too. You can see why those two are my best friends," Alanis said. "And best of all, you don't have to worry about anything you tell them."
If I had anything to worry about, I thought, looking at Nikki and Raspberry, it was whatever I would tell them. In my heart I knew they weren't trustworthy. Ian would say they had mouths with broken zippers.
I kept it to myself and walked on, thinking about what Alanis said about boys. It applied to friends. too. I thought. You had to try them on for size. Right now, I didn't think Alanis and her friends fit. but I was too frightened to say so. I didn't want Alanis to get align, at me and think I was a snob.
What should I do? I wondered, What should I tell them and what shouldn't I tell them? Whom could I ask about it?
I certainly couldn't ask my mother, who was in a coma, or my father, who had gladly sent me off, or my grandmother, who was in a hospital and would never want to be bothered with such questions. Certainly I couldn't ask my great-aunt Frances, who made me feel as if I'd been the adult. For one reason or another, none of them could help me understand and make the right decisions now.
I'm not just lost, I thought.
I'm lost and forgotten.
Maybe, just maybe, Ian can help me. I'll find his address the envelopes in the paper bag and then I'll write to him and ask him questions. Great-aunt Frances had already said she would mail my letters to him, and now that I was at her house. I would get the letters he would send to me. She wouldn't hide them from me as Grandmother Emma had done.
Ian and I would be brother and sister again. And maybe I wouldn't feel so alone.
7 My New Minder
. Alanis wasn't kidding about the woman in the candy store. She wore glasses so thick that they looked like a pair of goggles, and she didn't really look at us when she handed Alanis the cigarettes. After Alanis bought them, she went to a pay phone to call her granddad to come for us. I waited outside while she talked.
"I told him we were walking along because it's such a nice day, so don't mention the candy store and the cigarettes," she warned when she stepped out. We started walking. "You've got to think about everything you tell adults before you speak. Sometimes, they listen very closely and pick up on things. Always do what I do, count at least to five before you answer any questions. That will give you a little time to be sure you don't make mistakes and dig a hole for yourself."
She paused to look at me and I stopped walking, too.
"You come from a rich family, but you ain't rich right now and you're more alone than I am. girl. You better be listening to all the advice I give you. hear?"
I nodded, I didn't mean for her to think I wasn't listening, but I was thinking about so many other things while she talked. I wondered how I was ever going to visit my mother. Would my father take me in his special car? When would I ever speak to or see Grandmother Emma again? What if I hated it here, hated the school? Would my grandmother Emma let my father take me back? Would he want to?
"Now then," she continued as we walked on. "just because your family's scattered and broken, it don't mean you can't be happy and have fun. No one is exactly jealous of my life, but do I look like someone who mopes about all day? No," she said, answering for me before I could even think of it. "That's because I know how to look after number one. You know who number one is. right?"
"No," I said,
"Number one is you, girl. You have to be number one to yourself. Forget about everyone else, that brother in that place, your mother, who you can't help now, and your father, too, who ain't doing much to help you anyway. Your great-aunt lives on another planet. You and me ain't really that different. We both got to look out for ourselves."
She stopped again and I stopped. Her eyelids narrowed,
"I don't trust no one," she said. "but I'll take a big chance with you. You want to be more than a best friend? You want to be like my sister? Well?" she snapped.
"Yes," I said, and she smiled.
"Okay, then. We'll be like sisters. Between us there will be no secrets, no lies. That's our motto. Whenever I look at you and you look at me, no matter where we are, we think, no secrets, no lies. Deal?" she asked, holding out her hand. I looked at it and then slowly put my hand into hers. She held on to it and whispered. "No secrets, no lies. Say it."
"No secrets, no lies,'" I repeated.
"Sisters protect each other first and worry about everything else second. No matter what, you never tell on me and I never tell on you. We die first. Say it. We die first."
"We die first." "Good."
We walked on in silence, she with a big grin on her face and me worrying about all that I had sworn to do and not to do. Suddenly, we heard her granddad's car horn and saw him pull to the side of the road. He didn't look happy.
"Why did you take that girl on the highway. Alanis? I told you I'd come for you at the mall!" he shouted as we crossed the street to the car.
I thought she had said she'd told him we were walking. Why was he so surprised?
"Stop treating her like a baby, Granddad. And me, too. I think I know how to walk along the side of a highway. Besides, she wanted to see what ifs like here. She got to know her way around. I won't always be hanging around with her. She's only in the third grade."
"One thing you'll never run low on is smart answers. Get in." he ordered.
Alanis flashed a smile at me and opened the rear door. We both got into the rear seat this time.
"Home, please. Mr. Marshall," Alanis told him. He glared at us. "Put on them seat belts!"
We did, and he pulled away from the curb, drove to a place where he could turn around, and did so.
"Mama still home?" Alanis asked him.
"Yeah, she's home. Matter of fact, she just got herself up. I told her to get herself over to the farmhouse and finish cleaning before she thinks of doing anything else today. I told her you'd be on our house as soon as I brought you back. The kitchen needs tending to." he added.
"That chauffeur come back?" she asked him. I perked up. Had Felix returned? Had Grandmother Emma sent him back to take me home after all? Maybe he had told her how run-dawn everything was and she didn't want me living here.
"No, but he'll be back. That's for sure." Lester Marshall said.
"Well. I know you're doing the best you can, Granddad. They can't blame you."
He looked back at her and shook his head.
"Don't sweet-talk me. Alanis. You do your chores and you don't get yourself in no trouble at school this year. I don't want to hear about no cigarettes or you bad-mouthing your teachers or nothing."
"Yes. Granddad."
He grunted. I was sure he would be very angry if he knew what she had just bought. How could she lie to him so easily
and quickly? I think she saw the shock in my face. She reached across the seat to squeeze my hand so I would look at her.
"We die first," she whispered.
I bit dawn on my lower lip, looked at her granddad and nodded.
She smiled and looked out the window. When we arrived at the farm, her granddad reminded her about cleaning up the kitchen. She told me she would see me later.
"You know where and when." she added and hurried to her house. Mr. Marshall went to the porch, where he was repairing floorboards, and I went in to look for Great-aunt Frances. I had no trouble finding her. It was her soap opera hour, and she was sprawled on the sofa just as she had been yesterday, her eyes and ears fixed so hard on the television set that she didn't hear me enter or realize I was standing in the doorway. I heard the vacuum cleaner going upstairs and went up to put my school supplies in the bag Great-aunt Frances had given me.
When I entered my bedroom, the first thing I noticed was that all the letters had been taken out of the paper bag and two of them had been taken out of their envelopes. I put the school supplies down and looked at the letters. Would Great-aunt Frances have come into my bedroom and started reading these even before I had? Looking around the room. I noticed that it was cleaner, the furniture dusted and the cobwebs gone. Itwas Mae Betty, I thought. She snooped.
I heard a door close down the hallway and looked toward the room reserved for Grandmother Emma. Mae Betty emerged, carrying a fistful of dust rags and a can of same polish. She looked back toward me.
"Make sure you don't leave things lying about your room, and don't leave no wet towels on the bathroom floor," she warned. "I'm not coming up here more than once a week."
"Did you look at my brother's letters?" I asked her.
"I don't know nothing about no brother's letters," she replied and went to the stairway. She glanced back at me and then descended.
Was she telling the truth?
I felt guilty about anyone else reading the letters before, I had. Ian would be very disappointed. I returned to my desk and took them out one by one. The return address on every envelope had been torn off. Had Grandmother Emma done that? How was I going to write back to him? I took the bag and lay back on my bed. I decided I would do nothing else before starting to read his letters. There was no address on the letters themselves, either, but at least they were dated. so I knew which one came first.