I held my breath, waiting. These were questions I always wanted to ask.
Great-aunt Frances tilted her head and smiled.
"There was someone once. His name was Alex Foster and he worked for his father. too. His father had an export-import business. They were very wealthy people. Very snobby people. too. Alex was very handsome and he was head over heels in love with me, but his mother and father wanted him to marry someone else, someone wealthier. He was very upset about it. They wouldn't stop hounding him until._ until one day he took his own life. Ever since then... oh, why did you ask me?" she cried, pressing her hand over her heart. "I don't like remembering sadness. remember? Besides, don't think about me. Think about yourselves and your wonderful futures. I'm an old lady now. Sweet dreams, girls." she said, smiling, changing expression as fast as she could change the channel on a television set.
She walked away.
"Jeez," Alanis said. "I don't believe it."
"Maybe it's true. She never married anyone," I said.
"No, it's not true."
"How do you knnow?" I asked angrily. She was too positive about everything she thought, and it was beginning to upset me.
"I know because that was the movie we were just watching." she said.
"It was?"
"Yes, it was. You would think she would remember I was sitting there with her watching it. She is bonkers. I wonder if she was always this way."
She thought a moment and then looked at me hard. "Your family's rich and stuff. but you sure have nut-cases in it... your great-aunt, your brother, and from what you've told me, your grandmother ain't all there either. Your father sounds weird. too. You can inherit being nuts, you know."
I felt the tears coming to my eyes.
"No, you can't. Ian would have told me."
"Yeah, right. Ian. Don't worry about it," she said quickly. "I'll let you know if you do anything crazy or you're about to. I'm here to be your best friend. remember?"
I nodded. but I still didn't like what she had said. I tried to finish my school assignments, but the words became hazy on the page. I rushed to end it and then I got myself ready for bed. Alanis went downstairs when I was in the bathroom. I was already in my pajamas and in bed when she returned.
"Well. I got some news," she said. "That telephone number? I called it and a man answered. He told me Toby DeMarco was his mother and she was in the Sisters of Mercy nursing home in Johnsville. It's not that far from here. I thought he might have been the baby in the Moses basket. so I asked him where he was born and he got very uptight, demanding who I was and what I wanted, so I just hung up. What do you think of that?"
"I don't know."
"Why did we find his mother's name and telephone number up there? Why is that attic locked away? Why did your aunt keep it the way it was all this time? Why did this man get so upset when I asked him stuff?" she rattled off at me.
"I don't know."
"I don't know. I don't know. Is that all you can say? Don't you want to know?"
Should I tell her about Ian? I wondered. Tell her about that thing he called telepathy and how I hear him warning me all the time? Would she think I am crazy already, too?
"This is like a real mystery story," she continued as she undressed for bed. "I think we'll be like two detectives. I know what," she said as she was crawling in under the covers, "I'll make it up with Chad and we'll get him to drive us to that nursing home. Maybe we'll go there this weekend. I can make him do whatever I want. Okay?'
When I didn't answer right away, she added. "Don't say I don't know or I'll throw you out the window."
I didn't say anything. She turned over to go to sleep, but a moment later, she turned back.
"Maybe we'll learn something that will help you help your brother. You'd like that, wouldn't you?"
"Yes," I said.
"So there. This could be more than just some fun. Good night," she added.
Was she right? Did this house hold the answers to questions that would help Ian and me? Even Greataunt Frances? I was so tired. but I was afraid that the moment I closed my eyes. Ian's letters would give me nightmares. I tried thinking of happy things, but in the end. I cried silently to myself until I was too tired to even dream.
Alanis was up ahead of me in the morning and shook me awake, When I opened my eyes, she was kneeling beside my bed to look into my face.
"What is it?" I asked.
"The ghost," she said.
I ground the sleep out of my eyes and propped myself up on my elbow.
"What?"
"It's not a ghost. It's your great-aunt. She goes up there and cries and then comes down. I heard her and watched for her. Don't worry. She didn't see me. Now I really want to know who Toby DeMarco is," she added. "And so do you, so don't even think of saying you don't. Get up. We have lots to do and talk about. Your great-aunt's trapped more in her lies and secrets than a fly in a spider's web. If we're smart, we'll unlock more than just an attic door in this house."
Why did she mention spiders and flies? Had she snuck into Grandmother Emma's room and read Ian's letters?
I didn't like spying on Great-aunt Frances. but I couldn't deny I was very curious about it all now. She was as chipper as ever in the morning, making sure we both ate a good breakfast even though she didn't herself.
"Tomorrow. Jordan and I might have a chance to go visit a friend of mine who has a nice house with lots to do in it. There's a game room with a pool table and all sorts of stuff. I have a friend who can take us," Alanis said. "Will that be all right with you. Miss Wilkens?"
"Oh. Well, what does your grandfather say?"
"He says if it's all right with you, it's all right with him," she lied.
"As long as you're both back in time for dinner. I have some plans for our Saturday night dinner. Something special," she added.
"Oh, how can anything be more special than what we've had already?" Alanis cried. "It's so much fun living here, especially with someone as kind and as generous as you. Miss Wilkens."
Great-aunt Frances smiled. I looked down. Surely if I didn't, she easily could tell how much I hated seeing her fooled. I thought.
"Well, nothing makes me happier than seeing the two of you happy," Great-aunt Frances said.
I looked up at her and struggled not to shout out the truth: We snuck up into the attic, we found things and we're about to spy on people. The words got stuck in my throat and made my eyes tear, Great-aunt Frances thought I was just being grateful. She smiled at me and stroked my hair.
"Sweet child." she said.
"C'mon, Jordan," Alanis urged, poking me. "We don't want to miss our bus."
"Oh. I just remembered." Great-aunt Frances said, dipping into her housecoat pocket. "Here's your lunch money again. I hope this is enough for the both of you." She handed me a twenty- dollar bill.
"Oh, it's perfect," Alanis said.
I hesitated to take it but saw if I didn't. Alanis would, Once I had, she practically tugged me to the door.
"Bye. See you later. Miss Wilkens."
"Have a nice day. girls," Great-aunt Frances called back.
"You almost gave us away in there." Alanis complained. "Stop looking so guilty all the time. We're not doing anything so terrible. This money and what we have is important. We'll have to give Chad some for gas,"
"What if she asks your grandfather if he said yes to your going tomorrow?"
"She won't, and even if she does. I'll tell him she got confused over something else we're doing. You're just a bundle of worry." she said.
Your're just a bundle of lies, I thought.
When the bus pulled up and we stepped on. I saw immediately that Stuart Gavin was nowhere in sight. Alanis was curious about it as well and found out from another student, one who lived next to him, that his uncle had died and Stuart and his family had gone to be with the uncle's family for the funeral.
"And I was so prepared to pick on him again." Alanis said.
We parted as soon as we e
ntered the school building because she saw Chad down the hall and went after him.
"Worry not." she threw back at me as she walked off. "He's wrapped around my finger.'
She stepped right beside him and put her arm through his. He paused, smiled and walked on. She glanced back once with an "I told you so" expression.
Alanis sure does know a of about boys, I thought. In her way she was as smart as Ian when it came to sex. I hurried on to my classroom. Maybe it was because I had begun hanging around in school with Alanis and her girlfriends, or maybe it was just because of what I looked like, but still none of the other girls in my class showed any interest in becoming my friend. Would I always feel like so much of an outsider?
Mrs. Morgan didn't collect the homework this time, but she called on us to read our answers aloud, and it seemed to me that she called on me more than anyone else in the class. Some of my answers were very good, but she poked holes in others. Then she announced grades on yesterday's work. She didn't care about everyone knowing everyone else's marks. I wasn't the lowest she gave. but I was barely
acceptable. Although I knew she knew I had not been left back Or was too old for my class, she treated me as if I had been. I could see it in the satisfied faces of the other students who looked at me.
Later, at lunch. Alanis sat with Chad. Nikki and Raspberry were annoyed.
"I thought she was giving him his walking papers," Nikki told inc. "Why is she back with him?"
I closed my eyes for a moment and tried to do what Alanis taught me, pretend I believed what I was about to say.
"I don't know," I said.
I still wasn't good at it. They both looked at me suspiciously.
"I called her house last night and her grandfather said she was still staying over at your great-aunt's house with vou. You two have a party in the basement with Chad and someone else?" Raspberry asked me. "I bet you kept all the alcopops and didn't throw any of it out. huh?"
"No."
"Don't go lying to us. girl," Nikki said.
"I'm not. We didn't have a party. Didn't you ask her?"
"Yeah, we asked her," Raspberry said, glaring at Alanis. "We know enough to know you can't believe Alanis or trust her. She's acting pretty secretive. too. She got something planned and we bet you know what it is."
"I thought she was your best friend," I said.
"She was, but we think she's getting stuck up because of you," Nikki said.
"Me?"
"Yeah. You're a rich kid. right? She has more money on her than I ever seen her have," Nikki said. "All of a sudden we ain't gonna be good enough for her."
I didn't know what to say. I looked to Alanis, who was flirting so much with Chad that the teacher monitor was looking at them angrily.
"Don't you two go haying a party without us," Raspberry warned.
"We're not,' I said. I couldn't eat fast enough and be happier when the bell rang to return to class.
Afterward. Alanis met me in the hallway.
"It's all set," she said. "He's coming by to pick us up at ten tomorrow, I didn't tell him where we're Going exactly or why, so don't say anything. I'll do all the talking."
"Nikki and Raspberry think we're planning to have a party without them." I said. "They're mad at you. They think you're getting stuck up and they're blaming me."
"Forget about them for now. I don't have time for fools," she said and hurried off.
When I turned. I saw Mrs. Browne standing in a doorway with one of the teachers, looking at me. Her face was full of disapproval and suspicion. The two of them began speaking very low as they stared at me. I walked faster, but I could feel her eyes following me down the hallway to my classroom. It actually felt as if they'd been inches from the back of my neck.
In the world I had come from. I couldn't recall any teacher ever having looked at me with anything but a smile on his or her face. What dark boundary had I crossed? Who had I become?
Once again I felt as if events were carrying me off like an ocean current. Would I drown or end up someplace better?
14 Sisters of Mercy
. As soon as we stepped off the bus, we saw Alanis's grandfather coming down the driveway. He was walking so quickly and looked so upset that I thought Great-aunt Frances had told him about our trip tomorrow after all and, despite what Alanis planned to say, he knew she was up to something. Her lies wouldn't work as easily with him as they did with other people.
"I want you over to our house right off. Alanis," he said as we walked up. He pointed to it. "You just get yourself over there right now,"
"Why?" she cried. "I'm living in Miss Wilkens's house."
"Why? I don't care if you've moved into Miss Wilkens's house to be with Jordan, but you still have chores to do at our house."
"Why can't Mama do it?" He looked away.
"It's not fair," she shouted. "I'm doing all her work at Miss Wilkens's house. ain't I? There's not half as much to do in your house. Granddad,"
He glanced at me and then in a softer voice said. "She's not here." It was almost a whisper.
"Well, where is she? She don't hafts be at work this early. I--I"
"Your mother's gone off with that bum Olsen, the bartender. It's just you and me," he added quickly, turned, and walked toward the barn.
His words lingered in the air like heavy, smelly smoke. Alanis stood there looking after him. For a moment she looked as if she would begin to cry. Her cheeks twitched, her lips turned in and out on each other, and her eyes grew gray as a film of tears came rushing in and over them, but if Alanis ever did cry, she didn't cry in front of anyone. I thought.
"You see? I'm right. Be no different if my mother was in a coma, too." she muttered.
She glanced at me and then stomped up the driveway, veering off to the right toward her grandfather's house, her head down, her hands clenched into fists pounding at her own thighs as she walked.
"See you later," she called back without even turning toward me.
I continued to the house, and as soon as I stepped in. I heard Great-aunt Frances call for me. She was in the living room watching her afternoon soap opera, and she wasn't waiting for the commercial.
"Guess who called about you today," she said when I appeared in the doorway.
"Grandmother Emma?"
"No. Your father. I can't remember when I spoke to him last. It seems to me he was just a little boy."
"My father? I thought he went on a vacation."
"I don't know where he was when he called."
"What did he say? Did he say anything about my mother?"
"He asked how you were doing. I thought he sounded sad," she said. "Very sad. I can tell when someone is sad. It's like hearing a familiar song. I asked him if he wanted you to call him and he said no. He said he would call again."
"And he didn't say anything about my mother? You didn't ask?"
"I was so surprised at hearing his voice that I didn't think to ask. I'm sorry, dear. I didn't even ask about Emma. He promised he would call again soon. Oh," she said as I started to turn away. "He said to tell you he sent your letter to Ian."
"He did?"
"That's what he said."
"Then maybe Ian will write me here. We'll have to look at the mail every day."
"I don't get any mail," she said, "Lester gets anything important and takes it to the bank or sends it to Emma's lawyer. The rest, he says, is just junk mail."
"I'd better tell him not to make a mistake and throw away a letter from Ian."
"He won't if your name's on the envelope."
"I'll tell him anyway." I said, excited and not wanting to take any chances. I turned and ran back out of the house. Daddy had called about me and he had fulfilled his promise about my letter. It was as if an overcast sky had started to part and let in some blue hope.
Alanis's granddad was feeding the chickens. He was mumbling under his breath, either to himself or to the chickens, and didn't hear me when I called to him.
"Mr. Marshall," I
called again.
"Yes?" When he turned to me. I thought he looked so much older an almost in minutes.
"My father called. I might get a letter from my brother any day now. His name is Ian March, so any envelope with that name on it is for me."
"Well, well now, that's nice. I'll be sure to get it to you," he said.
He didn't smile like he almost always did when he spoke to me.
"I'm sorry Mae Betty left," I told him, and his eyes widened a bit.
"Yeah," he said, and then he added something very strange. "Maybe we'll be better off."
I didn't know what to say. How could Alanis be better off without her mother? I certainly wasn't. And why was he better off without his own daughter? I turned and ran back to the house, practically charging up the stairway to Grandmother Emma's room. There were two more of Ian's letters to read. I seized the bag and sat on the floor.
.
Dear Jordan,
I am now wrapped around my waist so tightly I can't sit up. I am writing to you lying on my back so my writing might look funny.
It all happens to me at night. It happens very. slowly, so slowly that I can't feel it happening and can't stop it.
The nurse and Dr. Walker pretend they don't see it. They spend most of their time trying to convince me I am imagining it. They plead with me to move my legs and now to sit up. I just smile at them. I know this is a charade they must go through in case some health inspector arrives or in case the highly doubtful thing occurs and Father comes to visit or inquires about me. Of course, they have to be sure Grandmother Emma hears only good things, too. She will. My lawyer, Jack Cassidy, pretends to be very concerned and stands in the doorway' looking in at me and nodding his head and shaking his head as Dr. Walker fills his ears with one lie after another.
I don't want you to worry because no matter what they do to me, I will still be able to speak with Mother. I don't have to move my mouth to speak with her, remember. It all done with my brain and with hers, so even if they put me into a coma finally, it won't matter.
That's ironic, and that means funny in a serious sort of way this time, is that I am talking more with her non' than I did when we -were both at the mansion and free. Maybe it because neither of us has much else to do.