I washed, brushed my teeth and headed for my bedroom. I thought I heard something and stopped to listen, but it was only a window shutter rattling. Practically diving into bed, I pulled my cover around me, said prayers for my parents and Ian, then tried to drown out the sounds of the storm by pressing my ear to the pillow and practically pulling the blanket over my head. I wondered again about Alanis. Had she come home? Had she gone to a friend's house? She couldn't be wandering about the streets in this storm, I thought, and then I imagined that was just what she was doing and felt sorry for her.
Sometime after I had fallen asleep. I woke to the sound of a telephone ringing. I listened, and it stopped. I had no idea how long it had been ringing. Or what time it was.
"Great-aunt Frances?" I called to the open bedroom doorway and the hall. I waited, but I didn't hear her call back or moving about. The storm had stopped and there was just a light wind circling about the house now. I could hear the water still running down the gutters. It sounded like marbles. After a few more moments of listening. I fell asleep again and didn't wake this time until sunlight crawled over the bed and nudged my eyelids with soft fingers of brightness,
Eager now to see Great-aunt Frances. I rose quickly and dressed. Then I looked first in her bedroom and was terribly disappointed to see she wasn't there and the bed hadn't been touched. I hurried out. Miss Puss wasn't at the door, which gave me hope. I practically leaped down the stairway, calling for Great-aunt Frances as I descended, but when I reached the kitchen. I saw she wasn't there. She wasn't anywhere, I discovered Miss Puss in the living room near the sofa, and for a moment. I just turned about, stunned and confused.
She can't still be up in the attic, I thought. She can't.
Nevertheless. I returned to the attic door, listened, and knocked, and called. There was no response, and it was still locked. I couldn't help but start crying a little, and then...
I looked down and saw the ants.
They were coming out from under the door. Ian's ants!
Streaming out in a thin line right toward me.
I screamed and backed away, nearly falling over in my haste to retreat. Spinning around. I charged down the stairway and tripped, just catching myself on the wobbly banister. I heard it cracking and let go, balancing myself.
Crying harder now. I continued down and charged out the front door.
Lester Marshall, wearing paint-stained overalls and carrying a can of paint and a brush, was heading toward me. He stopped for a moment. I simply screamed "'Ants!" and he dropped the can of paint and the brush and ran toward the house.
"What is it?" he asked.
I was sobbing so hard that I couldn't breathe or speak. The words just wouldn't form.
"Miss Jordan, what's wrong?" he asked.
I was choking now. I felt the porch floor start to wobble and the whole world begin to turn, as if I'd been in a huge bubble and it had started to roll.
I heard him call out to me. and I felt his hands reach out and catch me under my back just before I hit the porch floor.
That was all I remembered until I woke up in the living room on the sofa. I felt the cold washcloth on my forehead. Lester Marshall was standing there looking down at me, a glass of water in his hand.
"Drink some of this." he said. He knelt down to help me lift my head, then guided the glass to my lips. I drank some and closed my eyes. "Where's Miss Frances?" he asked.
"She's... up in the... attic," I said. "The attic?"
"She's been up there all the time. The door's locked. And now ants..."
"Ants?" he said, twisting his lips. He stood up, looking very concerned.
"Ian's ants." I muttered. "He said to watch out,
"You babbling, child. You just rest here a while until I see what is what," he said.
He turned and left the living room. I heard him going up the stairway. Then I saw Miss Puss appear. She walked toward me, stood looking up at me, then curled up beside the sofa. I closed my eyes. My stomach was churning and turning, and I was still very dizzy.
I know I called out for my mother. It seemed as if I was doing it in a dream.
And then. I was sure. I was positive. I heard her. Ian was right. The telepathy would work. Mommy would hear me. She called my name. She told me not to be afraid. She said she would watch over me. She said everything would be all right. I felt myself relax, and moments later. I was asleep.
When I woke again, there was a great deal of noise and activity around me. A kind-looking woman in a paramedic's uniform was at my side, smiling down at me. She knelt and told me I shouldn't be afraid.
"I know," I said. "My mother just told me that, too...
"Oh, did she?" She held her smile. I thought she had very pretty dark brown eyes, more like the shade of pecan brown with tiny gold specks. "When did you see her?" she asked.
"I didn't. She's in the hospital in a coma, but she talks to me through telepathy. Ian taught her how to do it."
"Ian? Who's Ian?"
"He's my brother."
"Oh. Well, that's very nice. I'm happy for you.
Would you like to sit up? Do you want to eat something?" I remembered being nauseous and shook my head. "I was nauseous," I told her.
"I'll give you something to help that. In the meantime. I want you to drink some water and then we'll make sure you're fine, okay?"
I nodded.
She was very nice. Mother would like her, I thought. Ian might even trust her.
"Where's Great-aunt Frances?" I asked.
"We're taking care of her." she said. "Don't you worry. Your name's Jordan. right?"
"Yes."
"I'm Alexandra, but everyone calls me Alex."
I heard more noise just outside the living room and sat up to see other paramedics carrying a stretcher on which Great-aunt Frances lay. They had one of those bags with what looked like a wire going into her arm, just the way my mother had. Oh no, I thought, she in a coma, too. I felt the tears filling my eyes.
"Great-aunt Frances is in a coma."
"No, she's not. She needs medical help, but she's not in a coma. Don't worry."
Everything started to come back to me. I rattled it off. babbling. Alex seemed to be pleased. though. Another paramedic arrived and spoke with her, and then he left. I saw Lester Marshall for a moment talking to what looked like a policeman this time.
"Is Alanis back?" I asked.
"Alanis?" Alex asked.
"She's Mr. Marshall's granddaughter. She ran away."
"Oh. I don't know. I haven't seen anyone, any other girls about."
"Where's Miss Puss?" I asked. "Miss Puss? The cat?"
I nodded.
"Oh. I saw a cat in the hallway. I think she's just hiding from all the noise and people. I'm sure she's fine." she said. smiling.
The other paramedic returned to the living room doorway. and Alex went to speak with him. Then she returned to me.
"Well now, someone is coming for you. so I don't want you worrying any. Jordan,"
"Who's coming?" I asked.
"Your father's coining." she said. "He'll be here as soon as he can."
"My father?"
"Uh-huh. Evervthing's going to be fine," she said. "Drink some more water for me. okay?"
I started to drink when I remembered
something important.
"What about the ants?" I asked.
"Ants?"
"In the attic. Ian's ants:'
"Oh, there weren't many ants. No problem," she said.
I suddenly became a little suspicious. Would Ian trust her after all?
"They were coming out from under the door," I said. "I saw them."
"If there were any, there were just a few." she said.
Lester Marshall returned and stood in the doorway, looking in at me.
"How's she doing?" he asked.
"She's stable. I gave her something for her nausea. She'll be fine," Alex said, smiling at me. "Right?"
I looked at Lester.
/> "Did you see the ants?" I asked him. "Coming out of the attic?" He pulled his head back and then looked at Alex, who held her smile but widened her eyes.
"Oh," he said. "Right. There were some ants. but I sprayed. They're gone now," he said. "No worries." he told me. "You just relax. Miss Jordan. Your daddy's on his way."
"Is Alanis home?"
"She's home," he said, losing his smile. "Don't concern yourself about her,"
I looked from him to Alex, and then I closed my eves and lay back again. I don't know how long I slept this time, but when I awoke. I heard my father's voice. I heard Felix and I heard Lester Marshall. Moments later, my father wheeled himself into the living room. Felix was right behind him.
"Hey. Jordan," Daddy said, wheeling as close to the sofa as he could. "How you doing?"
I blinked and stared. Was he really here? Was I really awake, or was this another dream?
"Great-aunt Frances wouldn't come down from the attic," I told him. "And there were ants."
"Yes. I know. We'll talk about all that later." he said. "Nancy is upstairs getting your things together. I'm taking you home," he told me.
"Nancy?" I looked at Felix. "I thought Nancy wasn't working for you anymore."
My father laughed. "She's changed her mind. There are a few other changes at the mansion. too," Daddy said. "Kimberly is gone. She decided I wasn't quite worth all the effort after all. Your grandmother will be pleased,"
"My gandmother," I muttered. Should I just tell him everything now?
I glanced at Felix, and his face seemed to have the word Wait! written across it. Was it possible that he knew everything?
"Yes, your remarkable grandmother," he said. "She's sitting up, writing, getting speech therapy. There's the terrifying possibility she'll be coming home soon," he added and laughed.
"I spoke to Mammy," I told him.
He raised his eyebrows
"Ian told me how to do telepathy."
"Is that so?"
"I knew everything would be all right. She told me it would be." My father looked up at Felix and then back at me.
"Well, maybe. Who knows what is and is not possible anymore? Certainly not me," he added.
We saw Nancy in the hallway. She had my suitcases. Felix moved quickly to take them from her. Then she came in to see how I was.
"I missed you," she told me. "Your room is all set for you at home."
"I'm not going to live here anymore?" I asked my father.
"No. Your father is going to try to be a responsible adult again. Not that I ever was, according to your grandmother," he added. "There's no one to look after you here anyway. Jordan. Great- aunt Frances needs care herself."
"What happened to her?" I asked.
"Something upset her and she took a few too many sleeping pills, but fortunately, thanks to you, she'll be all right. Later, you can tell me what upset her." He smiled. "You do know what upset her, don't you. Jordan?"
I wanted to shake my head. I bit down on my lower lip. Felix wasn't there. Nancy was standing and looking down at me. Lester Marshall was doing something else with someone outside. Alanis wasn't in the room to help me make up a story. There was too much noise and too many people around me to try Ian's telepathy and speak with my mother.
I struggled with my thoughts, turning this way and that in my brain, looking hard for one of Alanis's convenient exits. Everyone has to lie, she'd told me. You'll find out. You'll have to be, too.
Can you swallow down the truth? I wondered. And if you do, will it keep coming up like a burp?
Until you can't stand it anymore and you have to get it out, just as Mrs. DeMarco had.
Daddy sat there in his wheelchair, already having spent months and months feeling terrible about himself, wishing he'd been dead, maybe looking to hide, hating everyone and everything, willing to give me up and disappear.
He looked like he was coming back, going home, just like me. Should I tell the truth?
Grandmother Emma once told me people who lie are afraid and weak. Was that what I was? Afraid and weak? Or was Alanis right? Sometimes, you do it not to hurt someone you love.
No matter what. I couldn't help but love my father.
I shook nay head.
"No, Daddy," I said. "I don't know why she was upset."
17 No Secrets. No Lies
. Before we left. I did eat some hot oatmeal Nancy prepared. With the way she was flitting about the kitchen. I felt as if I'd already been back at the mansion. Afterward. I went upstairs to see if there was anything being left in my room that I wanted. I found the doll Great-aunt Frances had given me the first night and decided I would take it with me. I wondered if Grandmother Emma would remember it if I showed it to her.
"Won't I see Great-aunt Frances anymore?" I asked my father when I was ready to go.
"Oh, sure," he said. "Well either come here or she'll be brought to see us."
"She should be," I said. "She says she has never been at the mansion."
"Yes," Daddy said. "As far as I know, that's true."
Felix wheeled him out and Lester Marshall helped let him off the porch, because there was no ramp like we had at the mansion. I waited and watched while they transferred him into the backseat of the limousine and then folded and put his wheelchair into the trunk. Then I went around to get in when Felix opened the door for me. Before I did. I looked toward Lester Marshall's house.
"Who's going to feed Miss Puss?" I asked.
"I'll take care of her. Don't worry," Lester Marshall said.
"Can't I say good-bye to my friend?" I asked my father.
"Sure," he said. "Why not?"
I looked at Lester Marshall. He was not pleased about it.
"She's not coming out," he said. "And your daddy's got to get started."
"It's all right." my father told him. "I'm fine. Let her go say good-bye, Lester. I have a few things to discuss about the property with you while we wait."
Lester shook his head and then approached the limousine. I ran toward his house. Bones, as usual, had planted himself safely between the main house and Lester Marshall's. I saw that Miss Puss was lying near a basement window watching him. She was more of a guard dog than he was. Bones lifted his head and watched me hurry to the front steps. I knocked on the door.
"Alanis, it's me. I have to leave."
She must have been standing right there, because almost before I finished my sentence, she pulled the door open.
"What do you want?"
"I came to say good-bye."
"Good-bye," she said and started to close the door.
"Why are you mad at me?" I asked. She held the door and looked down.
"I ain't mad at you. I'm just mad I got to come back here."
"Where else could you go?"
She looked up sharply.
"That's what I mean, stupid. I got no place to go. I got no rich family looking after me,"
I winced and her face softened.
"It's not my fault." I said. It seemed silly to say it. How could it possibly be my fault? But I didn't know what else to tell her.
"I'm not saying it is. I said I'm not mad at you," She looked toward the limousine. "Where you going?"
"I'm going back to live with my father. I'm sure you could come visit. Maybe you could come with Great-aunt Frances when she's well enough." "She's not your great-aunt."
"I know." I said. Now I was looking down. "You didn't tell, did you? Well?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"I don't know. I didn't know what to say."
"It's not hard. You say that woman back at the mansion is not your mother. Daddy. She's your aunt and the woman you think is your aunt is your mother."
"I know," I said.
"You look like a big girl, but you're still a baby."
"No. I'm not. I just don't want to hurt anyone," I said. I saw her expression soften again.
"Well, my granddad got no right to be so mad at me for taking you to see Mrs. DeM
arco. You had a right to know the truth.
What you do with it is your own business. I suppose, but he's got no right to be punishing me. Am I right? Well? Am I?"
"Yes," I said. She softened some more and stepped out on the porch.
"You're going back to that big mansion. huh? You going to attend a private school again, too?" "Probably."
"We both got screwed-up families," she said. "but it don't hurt none to be the rich one."
"I didn't mind living here. We were having lots of fun."
She studied me to be sure I wasn't just saying it, and then she let go of her grip on a smile, let it out and nodded.
"I usually have a lot of fun no matter what." "I'm glad you're my friend."
"Yeah. yeah." She waved her hand to shoo off a fly.
"I am. I didn't have any friends like you back at the mansion and probably still won't."
"Yeah, maybe," she relented. "Well. maybe I'll do you a favor and visit."
"Will you? Please."
"If Granddad takes off the ball and chain." "What do you mean?"
"Lets me go. stupid." She smiled. "What are you going to be like when your brain catches up with your body. huh?"
"I don't know."
"I do. You going to have lots of boys' names to write on your shoes. You just make sure they don't write your name on theirs. hear?"
"Okay."
"Okay," she mimicked, then took me by surprise and hugged me quickly.
She turned and went back into the house. "You know why I'm coming to see you, don't you?" she asked, holding the door open. I shook my head. "I want to meet that weird brother of yours. I think I'd like him. You tell him I'm coming and you tell him I read his letters and I'm still coming, understand?'"
I nodded.
"I'll look after your... great-aunt," she said and closed the door. "And make sure your granddad feeds Miss Puss." I shouted.
Lester Marshall stepped back from the limousine and looked my way. I stepped off the porch. patted Bones on his head, and hurried to the limousine. Felix was still standing by the door, waiting. Ike smiled at me. and I got in. Nancy was sitting up front.
"You okay?" my father asked when I slid in and Felix closed the door.
"Yes, Daddy."
"Your friend can come visit you know." "I told her."