It was pitch dark, but they carried no light. Ford explained that Sear had designed a series of guiding marks in the caverns which marked the route which would take them out of the Valley. Great blustering draughts of wind along the tunnel made it impossible to keep a torch lit so those who did not know the secret of the guiding marks would be unable to find their way through the dark labyrinth, and would be forced to turn back once their torch blew out, or risk becoming lost inside the hill.
Coming out at last into the daylight, Merlin and Ford rested, each silent with their own thoughts.
Merlin felt strangely isolated. Ford’s parting words to Bramble frightened her. What did they expect her to do? She had not even been able to find out who she was. This wasn’t her world, though it might once have been. The Rememberers called her a stranger and predicted that she would bring disaster. Ford and Sear and now the others, decided this meant she was an omen that would work in their favour against the Citizen gods, but was that really what the Rememberings meant? What if it were the other way round? If she knew who she was and why she had been in the flier, she might know.
She pitied the clanfolk and wished them luck in their struggle against the Citizen gods, but she was not one of them. Until she knew who she was, what she was, she could commit herself to no one, and the predictions surrounding her only made it worse.
She had to find out the truth, and she would not find that in the Hide of the scatterlings.
And then it came to her!
There was only one way to discover the truth about herself. She had tried every other way. The only place she hadn’t tried was the forbidden city. The Citizen gods had to know why and how she had come to be in the flier. They had to know who she was and where she came from. If she wanted to know who she was, there was only one avenue left open to her.
She would have to go to the forbidden city.
Ironically, she found herself resolving to go where she would have gone if Ford had not rescued her, and there was a rightness in the thought of returning to the beginning.
She did not think of going back to the temple. It was one thing to approach the forbidden city as one of a number of prisoners. Another entirely to travel there under her own volition.
11
Ford was too full of excitement at the prospect of working with his brother to notice how quiet she was.
‘This will make a great difference to us,’ he said. ‘As Bramble said, we have always regarded the Lord wardens as the first rank of the enemy. We thought of them as deceivers and traitors, when the truth is that they are victims. I wonder how much Marthe knew of this?’
They were walking along the border of the Region of Great Trees and the Treeless Plain.
Ford looked sideways at Merlin, sensing her preoccupation. ‘You need not be afraid of Marthe’s threats. I told you Sear does not think you will bring trouble on us, but that you are a sign that we must become more aggressive in our harrassment of the Citizen gods. And with the news of Ranulf, he is certain to want to attack them in full force.’
‘Yet Marthe meant it,’ Merlin said quietly. ‘I think you would have killed me, if Sear ordered it.’
Ford shrugged. ‘If it were true that you would bring disaster on us, what else should she have done, or I?’ He seemed baffled by her attitude, while Merlin found his simple savagery repellant. Even to save her own life, she did not think she would be able to kill anybody. She felt suddenly removed from Ford and the events of the night. She had been carried away by her emotions.
‘Humankind kills,’ said the William voice. ‘It is an instinct we have and no matter how we try to tame or divert it, how civilised we become, there are moments when anyone will kill.’
Merlin wondered if her decision to go to the domed city had somehow resurrected the William voice.
‘What if Sear is wrong?’ she asked Ford. ‘What if I do bring disaster down on you?’
Again, Ford gave her a perplexed look. ‘Then we made a mistake. A person can only act as he sees best. You have a strange way of thinking about things. Your mind is like trying to put together the pieces of a cracked birdshell.’
‘That’s exactly what it’s like,’ Merlin said feelingly. ‘You can’t imagine, can you, what it’s like to be in my place – to wake up in a savage world that makes no sense, without any memory.’
Ford stopped. ‘It is true that I can’t imagine that, but I do not believe that you are evil or bring evil with you like a sack of flourseeds. Marthe said only that you were a stranger among us. If it is so important to you, we will find out who you are.’
‘How?’ Merlin demanded. ‘Do you think I will find the answer in the Hide of the scatterlings?’
Ford shrugged. ‘We will ask Marthe.’
Merlin shook her head. She felt as if a great gulf separated her from Ford.
He took her silence for resignation and whistled softly as he walked behind her. But Merlin was silent because she could not think of a way to make him understand what she had decided to do. It would be easier to slip away unnoticed but Ford’s hunting skills made that impossible. Besides, he would need to give her directions to the domed city.
But how to make Ford with his simple, direct motives understand what she meant to do?
She decided to draw him into talking about the dome, but very gradually so that he would not wonder what made her ask. Perhaps she could trick him into giving directions.
‘Why do you call Aran “brother” and Meer “sister”?’ she asked.
‘Because that is what they are,’ Ford said.
Merlin shook her head. ‘But if Meer and Aran have . . . have made a match of it, then they can’t be related.’
Ford laughed aloud. ‘What mad ideas you have. Why shouldn’t they be together? Only firstbloods may not marry. Aran and I are firstbloods. Meer is secondblood to us both. For a time, I was with Meer. We shared a greenstick mating heat.’
‘I don’t understand,’ Merlin said, still puzzled by the relationship of the two youths. ‘Do you and Aran have the same parents?’
‘Parents?’ Ford echoed blankly.
Merlin stared. ‘Mother and father . . . the woman who gives birth and the man who . . .’ She floundered to a halt, much to Ford’s amusement.
‘Women bear children in the clan birthing house, and the children are then assigned to a brother or sister firstblood, or secondblood, if there is no firstblood available.’
‘You mean . . . you don’t know who your mo . . . who the woman who gave birth to you is?’
Ford shook his head. ‘Why should I care? There are so many things in the world to wonder about greater than that. Besides, I daresay I could find out if I wanted.’
‘But what about . . . well, this mating heat? What if a baby comes?’
‘Truly your Region must have strange customs. When Meer is fat with child, she will go to the temple and be cared for and pampered until the baby comes out, then she will return to Aran, or to some other if she has tired of that relationship. Once suckled, the babe joins brother and sister firstbloods.’
Merlin was shocked. ‘No wonder there is no great protest when the children are Chosen, if no one knows who they belong to.’
Ford bridled at the criticism in her tone. ‘Do you think I need to know who spawned a child to care for it? It may seem to you that no one cares since they do not protest the Offering, but you are wrong. Brother and sisterbloods grieve deeply, yet are shamed by their grief because they believe those Offered will have a better existence, immortal and cherished in the forbidden city.’ He gave her an odd look, squinting his single eye as if to see her better.
‘You have forgotten much. It must be a queer matter to wake thus,’ he said, as if for the first time trying to understand how she felt.
Merlin nodded slowly. ‘I can’t remember anything about myself. When I woke in the flier, I didn’t even know what I looked like. I don’t know what I’m like as a person, what I’ve done, where I lived or who I lived with. But I
can remember lots of things that have nothing to do with this world of clans and Citizen gods. Yet some things in your world are familiar. That city where you first saw me – except I remember it when thousands of people lived there and the roads were new.’
‘No one has ever lived there,’ Ford said, a curious note in his voice. ‘In the stories from before the beginning of time, it is said the firstborn of the world left the old places in great flying boats to seek a place called Eden. But these are no more than stories. Perhaps you have muddled up Remembering what will come with what has passed,’ Ford said kindly.
Merlin opened her mouth, then closed it.
‘I think the Citizen gods were taking you to the city when the flier was caught in our trap. I think they caught you and took you, though you had not been Offered. That would explain why the gate-guardians had no mindprint of you. I think they had no collar to put on you and that is why you are sane. As to the forgetting, perhaps your brains were scrambled in the crash,’ Ford suggested seriously.
Merlin suppressed a frustrated urge to hit him on the head.
‘What does it matter anyway? Past is past,’ he said dismissively.
Merlin swung to face him in a sudden rage. ‘You stupid savage! Of course it matters! It matters more than your clans and scatterlings and schemes. Are you so simple that you can’t understand why I need to know who I am?’
Ford blinked as if she had struck him.
‘Look!’ Merlin shouted, rolling down the neck of her tunic and showing him the collar. ‘I’m sure you recognise this! I don’t know how it got there. But I have learnt enough to know who put it there. Your Citizens did! How do you explain that I wear this, and can think still?’
‘But . . . how can you . . .?’ Ford looked dumbfounded. ‘It must be broken,’ he said in wonder.
‘Somewhere along the line your Citizens put this collar thing on me but it didn’t sedate me, or it did and was broken in the accident.’
Ford’s single bright eye filled with excitement. ‘They must have been taking you to the forbidden city. They put these collars on all those Offered. Perhaps there are other clans far away where the Citizen gods also find Offerings. Maybe that’s why no one at Conclave knew you.’ He frowned. ‘If the collar worked you would have stayed near the wreck. I have never heard of collars being broken. That’s why the Citizen gods were so quick to search for you. The Citizen gods say that the collaring separates the spirit from the body, and that they can never be rejoined. The Citizen gods themselves conduct the ceremony. You are proof that this is a lie. That collar might bring them unstuck.’
‘Just before I ran into you in the ruined city, I overheard one of the Citizen searchers talking to another. They were trying to work out if the collar was broken. They seemed scared that I might stumble onto someone,’ Merlin said, now understanding why they had been so frantic.
‘Sear must know of this. It means we can attack the fliers which bring the children who have already been collared. We did not bother before because we thought them beyond saving. All it would take is one child back and the wardens would have to demand an answer from the Lord wardens. The clans would force it . . . We must hurry. You’ll be safe when we reach the camp.’
Merlin shook her head, making a sudden decision. ‘I’m not going to the Hide, Ford. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.’
Ford turned to her, his face tight and unforgiving. Merlin sensed she had offended him by calling him a savage, but there was no point in apologising for something she believed.
‘I have to know who I am, and there is only one place left for me to try,’ she said. ‘The Citizens are the only ones who can know where I come from, and why I have no memory.’
‘The forbidden city!’
Merlin nodded. ‘It all started with the Citizens. They must know who I am.’
‘If you go there, they will kill you or worse, they will make you a Void,’ Fort retorted. ‘You call me a savage, but it is better to be a savage than a fool who will die for nothing. You don’t understand how they are!’
Merlin shook her head. ‘It’s you who doesn’t understand. I’m not going to the dome full of blind hopes. I have to know who I am. It’s worth the risk because right now, I don’t have a life anyway.’
They glared at one another.
‘Then why did you come with me at all? Why didn’t you just stay and go with the others to be Offered?’
Merlin smiled wryly. ‘I’m not a complete idiot. If I went that way, I’d be re-collared and witless before I got a chance to speak. This way, they should be curious enough to give me a hearing. I have no intention of turning up like a trussed chicken.’
‘Cheeken?’ Ford echoed.
Merlin shook her head impatiently. ‘I need to know how to find the domed city.’
‘And you think now I will tell you?’ Ford asked expressionlessly.
Merlin said nothing.
‘I wonder why you think that. Sear would be angry if I fail to bring you to him. He might even kill me. That is the sort of thing savages do to people who betray them. Or do you think savages have no sense of loyalty?’ His voice was full of contempt.
‘I think Marthe was right about me bringing trouble on the scatterlings. It would be better for all of us if you told me where the domed city is and let me go. You could tell Sear you didn’t find me.’
Ford smiled nastily. ‘We savages do not lie as easily as you.’ He glanced at the sky thoughtfully, his eyes remote.
Merlin bit her lip. ‘Listen: if your Rememberers can see the future, and they say I’m going to stop the flow of visiondraught, doesn’t it follow that this will happen whatever I do? Maybe I’m meant to go to the forbidden city.’
Ford gave her an enigmatic look.
‘Will you tell me the way?’ she asked softly.
‘I will take you there,’ said Ford.
Merlin shook her head firmly. ‘No.’
’Yes,’ Ford said. ‘I do this because I have given my bond for you. It is a savage custom, but I am a savage and must live with my own honour.’
‘I didn’t ask you to make any sort of agreement over me so it doesn’t count.’
‘If you refuse, I will not tell you how to find the dome,’ Ford said. ‘I will gag your mouth and tie your hands and that is how you will arrive at the Hide.’
‘What about the others? You have to tell Sear about Aran and Ranulf.’
‘I will tell him later. As you said, the Rememberers saw that you would stop the flow of visiondraught. Perhaps I am part of it too.’
Merlin glared at the scatterling for twisting her logic.
‘Sear will contact Bors to find out what happened to me, then Bors will tell him about Aran,’ Ford said.
‘I don’t want you to come!’ she shouted.
‘You have no choice,’ Ford said coolly.
The following morning Ford wakened her before dawn. After his refusal to leave her he had said little. Somehow the events of the previous day had changed things between them, and Merlin found herself regretting the loss of the old Ford with his banter and smiles.
‘You told me before there was a story that said the people who once lived in the old places had all gone away. Tell it to me,’ she asked impulsively, hoping to restore their comfortable intimacy.
‘They are stories. No one has ever lived there,’ Ford said tonelessly. Merlin felt like shaking him. Since he had forced her to let him come, he might make an effort to behave normally.
‘Did the stories ever say where they went?’ she asked.
‘To Eden,’ Ford answered. ‘To Eden in the clouds.’
‘What about the Citizens? The domed city was there for a long time before they came out.’
Ford nodded. ‘One day the flying vessels came out like seeds exploded from a pod. At first no one knew there were people inside. They hunted and killed many of us before the pact of the Offering. Many died, but at least then we fought with honour and died in honour. Yet I am happy to kn
ow the Lord wardens did not betray us that day when they met with the Citizen gods.’
Merlin shivered, trying to forget where they were going. ‘What do you suppose they really want your people for?’
Ford looked at her. ‘No one knows. But there must be a reason. Maybe we’ll find out,’ he added ominously.
Having given up trying to convince Ford to leave her, Merlin admitted her relief at his presence, despite his sullenness. From what she had seen and heard of the Citizen gods they were a long way from being kind or benevolent. If they were at all like the searchers she had overheard, they were unlikely to regard her questions with sympathy, especially if they realised the scatterlings knew about the failed collar. Maybe Ford was right about that being the reason for their hurried search for her, although she had the feeling the searchers were worried about what she would hear, rather than what she could say to the clanfolk.
She knew the danger but was resolved. Somehow though, she had to make sure Ford was not taken as well. ‘Is there a way to enter this domed city other than by flier?’ she asked.
‘There is a place that opens in the side of the dome. We have seen them go in that way.’ His voice was even and untroubled, as if the danger no longer bothered him.
Merlin felt less composed. She was frightened first that the Citizen gods would simply turn her into a Void without telling her anything. And she was frightened of what they would tell her if they did decide to speak. Maybe Ford was right and the truth was that easy. Maybe she was simply from a remote area where life went on as she remembered. But what of the ruinous city she remembered as whole?
So many questions. Would she find the answers in the forbidden city? And what of the Citizen gods? Had they been inside the dome all that time before they came out? And why had they come out?
More importantly, why had they hunted the clanpeople, then made up the whole Offering charade? What did they do to the children that turned them into mindless Voids? Experiment on them?
Merlin shivered and rubbed her eyes wearily, tired of the blazing glare of the sun. Surely it had not always been so bright and white and painful? Even though they walked in the shade as much as they could, the sun set up a fierce glare that made her eyes and head ache.