Produced by David Widger.
*SEA URCHINS*
_By_
W. W. JACOBS
1899
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CONTENTS
SMOKED SKIPPER A SAFETY MATCH A RASH EXPERIMENT THE CABIN PASSENGER "CHOICE SPIRITS" A DISCIPLINARIAN BROTHER HUTCHINS. THE DISBURSEMENT SHEET RULE OF THREE PICKLED HERRING TWO OF A TRADE AN INTERVENTION THE GREY PARROT MONEY CHANGERS THE LOST SHIP
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SMOKED SKIPPER
Wapping Old Stairs?" said the rough individual, shouldering the bran-newsea-chest, and starting off at a trot with it; "yus, I know the place,captin. Fust v'y'ge, sir?"
"Ay, ay, my hearty," replied the owner of the chest, a small,ill-looking lad of fourteen. "Not so fast with those timbers of yours.D'ye hear?"
"All right, sir," said the man, and, slackening his pace, twisted hishead round to take stock of his companion.
"This ain't your fust v'y'ge, captin," he said admiringly; "don't tellme. I could twig that directly I see you. Ho, what's the use o' tryingto come it over a poor 'ard-working man like that?"
"I don't think there's much about the sea I don't know," said the boy ina satisfied voice. "Starboard, starboard your hellum a bit."
The man obeying promptly, they went the remainder of the distance inthis fashion, to the great inconvenience of people coming from the otherdirection.
"And a cheap 'arf-crown's worth, too, captin," said the man, as he putthe chest down at the head of the stairs and thoughtfully sat on itpending payment.
"I want to go off to the Susan Jane," said the boy, turning to awaterman who was sitting in his boat, holding on to the side of thesteps with his hand.
"All right," said the man, "give us a hold o' your box."
"Put it aboard," said the boy to the other man.
"A' right, captin," said the man, with a cheerful smile, "but I'll 'avemy 'arf-crown fust if you don't mind."
"But you said sixpence at the station," said the boy.
"Two an' sixpence, captin," said the man, still smiling, "but I'm a bit'usky, an' p'raps you didn't hear the two--'arf a crown's the reglerprice. We ain't allowed to do it under."
"Well, I won't tell anybody," said the boy.
"Give the man 'is 'arf-crown," said the waterman, with sudden heat;"that's 'is price, and my fare's eigh-teen pence."
"All right," said the boy readily; "cheap, too. I didn't know the price,that's all. But I can't pay either of you till I get aboard. I've onlygot sixpence. I'll tell the captain to give you the rest."
"Tell 'oo?" demanded the light-porter, with some violence.
"The captain," said the boy.
"Look 'ere, you give me that 'arf-crown," said the other, "else I'llchuck your box overboard, an' you after it."
"Wait a minute, then," said the boy, darting away up the narrow alleywhich led to the stairs; "I'll go and get change."
"'E's goin' to change 'arf a suvren, or p'raps a suvren," said thewaterman; "you'd better make it five bob, matey."
"Ah, an' you make yours more," said the light-porter cordially. "Well,I'm---- Well of all the----"
"Get off that box," said the big policeman who had come back with theboy. "Take your sixpence an' go. If I catch you down this way again----"
He finished the sentence by taking the fellow by the scruff of the neckand giving him a violent push as he passed him.
"Waterman's fare is threepence," he said to the boy, as the man in theboat, with an utterly expressionless face, took the chest from him,"I'll stay here till he has put you aboard."
The boy took his seat, and the waterman, breathing hard, pulled outtowards the vessels in the tier. He looked at the boy and then at thefigure on the steps, and, apparently suppressing a strong inclination tospeak, spat violently over the side.
"Fine big chap, ain't he?" said the boy.
The waterman, affecting not to hear, looked over his shoulder, andpulled strongly with his left towards a small schooner, from the deck ofwhich a couple of men were watching the small figure in the boat.
"That's the boy I was going to tell you about," said the skipper, "andremember this 'ere ship's a pirate."
"It's got a lot o' pirates aboard of it," said the mate fiercely, as heturned and regarded the crew, "a set o' lazy, loafing, idle,worthless----"
"It's for the boy's sake," interrupted the skipper.
"Where'd you pick him up?" inquired the other.
"He's the son of a friend o' mine what I've brought aboard to oblige,"replied the skipper. "He's got a fancy for being a pirate, so just tooblige his father I told him we was a pirate. He wouldn't have come if Ihadn't."
"I'll pirate him," said the mate, rubbing his hands.
"He's a dreadful 'andful, by all accounts," continued the other; "gothis 'ed stuffed full o' these 'ere penny dreadfuls till they've turnedhis brain almost. He started by being an Indian, and goin' off on 'isown with two other kids. When 'e wanted to turn cannibal the other twoobjected, and gave 'im in charge. After that he did a bit o' burgling,and it cost 'is old man no end o' money to hush it up."
"Well, what did you want him for?" grumbled the mate.
"I'm goin' to knock the nonsense out of him," said the skipper softly,as the boat grazed the side. "Just step for'ard and let the hands knowwhat's expected of 'em. When we get to sea it won't matter."
The mate moved off grumbling, as the small fare stood on the thwarts andscrambled up over the side. The waterman passed up the chest, anddropping the coppers into his pocket, pushed off again without a word.
"Well, you've got here all right, Ralph?" said the skipper. "What do youthink of her?"
"She's a rakish-looking craft," said the boy, looking round the dingyold tub with much satisfaction; "but where's your arms?"
"Hush!" said the skipper, and laid his finger on his nose.
"Oh, all right," said the youth testily, "but you might tell me."
"You shall know all in good time," said the skipper patiently, turningto the crew, who came shuffling up, masking broad grins with dirtypalms.
"Here's a new shipmate for you, my lads. He's small, but he's the rightstuff."
The newcomer drew himself up, and regarded the crew with somedissatisfaction. For desperadoes they looked far too good-tempered andprone to levity.
"What's the matter with you, Jem Smithers?" inquired the skipper,scowling at a huge fair-haired man, who was laughing discordantly.
"I was thinkin' o' the last party I killed, sir," said Jem, with suddengravity. "I allers laugh when I think 'ow he squealed."
"You laugh too much," said the other sternly, as he laid a hand onRalph's shoulder. "Take a lesson from this fine feller; he don't laugh.He acts. Take 'im down below an' show him 'is bunk."
"Will you please to follow me, sir?" said Smithers, leading the waybelow. "I dessay you'll find it a bit stuffy, but that's owing to BillDobbs. A regler old sea-dog is Bill, always sleeps in 'is clothes andnever washes."
"I don't think the worse of him for that," said Ralph, regarding thefermenting Dobbs kindly.
"You'd best keep a civil tongue in your 'ed, my lad," said Dobbsshortly.
"Never mind 'im," said Smithers cheerfully; "nobody takes any notice o'old Dobbs. You can 'it 'im if you like. I won't let him hurt you."
"I don't want to start by quarrelling," said Ralph seriously.
"You're afraid," said Jem tauntingly; "you'll never make one of us. 'It'im; I won't let him hurt you."
Thus aroused, the boy, first directing Dobbs' attention to his stomachby a curious duck of the head, much adm
ired as a feint in hisneighbourhood, struck him in the face. The next moment the forecastlewas in an uproar and Ralph prostrate on Dobbs' knees, franticallyreminding Jem of his promise.
"All right, I won't let him 'urt you," said Jem consolingly.
"But he is hurting me," yelled the boy. "He's hurting me now."
"Well, wait till I get 'im ashore," said Jem, "his old woman won't knowhim when I've done with him."
The boy's reply to this was a torrent of shrill abuse, principallydirected to Jem's facial shortcomings.
"Now don't get rude," said the seaman, grinning.
"Squint-eyes," cried Ralph fiercely.
"When you've done with that 'ere young gentleman, Dobbs," said Jem, withexquisite politeness, "I should like to 'ave 'im for a little bit toteach 'im manners."
"'E don't want to go," said Dobbs, grinning, as Ralph clung to him. "Heknows who's kind to him."
"Wait till I get a chance at you," sobbed Ralph, as Jem took him awayfrom Dobbs.
"Lord lumme," said Jem, regarding him in astonishment. "Why, he'sactooaly cryin'. I've seen a good many pirates in my time, Bill, butthis is a new sort."
"Leave the boy alone," said the cook, a fat, good-natured man. "Here,come 'ere, old man. They don't mean no 'arm."
Glad to escape, Ralph made his way over to the cook, grinding his teethwith shame as that worthy took him between his knees and mopped his eyeswith something which he called a handkerchief.
"You'll be all right," he said kindly. "You'll be as good a pirate asany of us before you've finished."
"Wait till the first engagement, that's all," sobbed the boy. "Ifsomebody don't get shot in the back it won't be my fault."
The two seamen looked at each other. "That's wot hurt my 'and then,"said Dobbs slowly. "I thought it was a jack-knife."
He reached over, and unceremoniously grabbing the boy by the collar,pulled him towards him, and drew a small cheap revolver from his pocket."Look at that, Jem."
"Take your fingers orf the blessed trigger and then I will," said theother, somewhat sourly.
"I'll pitch it overboard," said Dobbs.
"Don't be a fool, Bill," said Smithers, pocketing it, "that's worth afew pints o' anybody's money. Stand out o' the way, Bill, the Pirit Kingwants to go on deck."
Bill moved aside as the boy went to the ladder, and allowing him to getup four or five steps, did the rest for him with his shoulder. The boyreached the deck on all fours, and, regaining a more dignified positionas soon as possible, went and leaned over the side, regarding with loftycontempt the busy drudges on wharf and river.
They sailed at midnight and brought up in the early dawn in Longreach,where a lighter loaded with barrels came alongside, and the boy smeltromance and mystery when he learnt that they contained powder. They tookin ten tons, the lighter drifted away, the hatches were put on, and theystarted once more.
It was his first voyage, and he regarded with eager interest the craftpassing up and down. He had made his peace with the seamen, and theyregaled him with blood-curdling stories of their adventures, in the vainhope of horrifying him.
"'E's a beastly little rascal, that's wot 'e is," said the indignantBill, who had surprised himself by his powers of narration; "fancylarfin' when I told 'im of pitchin' the baby to the sharks."
"'E's all right, Bill," said the cook softly. "Wait till you've gotseven of 'em."
"What are you doing here, boy?" demanded the skipper, as Ralph, findingthe seamen's yarns somewhat lacking in interest, strolled aft with hishands in his pockets.
"Nothing," said the boy, staring.
"Keep the other end o' the ship," said the skipper sharply, "an' go an''elp the cook with the taters."
Ralph hesitated, but a grin on the mate's face decided him.
"I didn't come here to peel potatoes," he said loftily.
"Oh, indeed," said the skipper politely; "an' wot might you 'ave comefor, if it ain't being too inquisitive?"
"To fight the enemy," said Ralph shortly.
"Come 'ere," said the skipper.
The boy came slowly towards him.
"Now look 'ere," said the skipper, "I'm going to try and knock a littlesense into that stupid 'ed o' yours. I've 'eard all about your sillylittle games ashore. Your father said he couldn't manage you, so I'mgoin' to have a try, and you'll find I'm a very different sort o' man todeal with to wot 'e is. The idea o' thinking this ship was a pirate.Why, a boy your age ought to know there ain't such things nowadays."
"You told me you was," said the boy hotly, "else I wouldn't have come."
"That's just why I told you," said the skipper. "But I didn't thinkyou'd be such a fool as to believe it. Pirates, indeed! Do we look likepirates?"
"You don't," said the boy with a sneer; "you look more like--"
"Like wot?" asked the skipper, edging closer to him. "Eh, like wot?"
"I forget the word," said Ralph, with strong good sense.
"Don't tell any lies now," said the skipper, flushing, as he heard achuckle from the mate. "Go on, out with it. I'll give you just twominutes."
"I forget it," persisted Ralph.
"Dustman?" suggested the mate, coming to his assistance. "Coster,chimbley-sweep, mudlark, pickpocket, convict, washer-worn--"
"If you'll look after your dooty, George, instead o' interferin' inmatters that don't concern you," said the skipper in a choking voice, "Ishall be obliged. Now, then, you boy, what were you going to say I waslike?"
"Like the mate," said Ralph slowly.
"Don't tell lies," said the skipper furiously; "you couldn't 'ave forgotthat word."
"I didn't forget it," said Ralph, "but I didn't know how you'd like it."
The skipper looked at him dubiously, and pushing his cap from his browscratched his head.
"And I didn't know how the mate 'ud like it, either," continued the boy.
He relieved the skipper from an awkward dilemma by walking off to thegalley and starting on a bowl of potatoes. The master of the Susan Janewatched him blankly for some time and then looked round at the mate.
"You won't get much change out of 'im," said the latter, with a nod;"insultin' little devil."
The other made no reply, but as soon as the potatoes were finished sethis young friend to clean brass work, and after that to tidy the cabinup and help the cook clean his pots and pans. Meantime the mate wentbelow and overhauled his chest.
"This is where he gets all them ideas from," he said, coming aft with abig bundle of penny papers. "Look at the titles of 'em--'The Lion of thePacific,' 'The One-armed Buccaneer,' 'Captain Kidd's Last Voyage.'"
He sat down on the cabin skylight and began turning them over, and,picking out certain gems of phraseology, read them aloud to the skipper.The latter listened at first with scorn and then with impatience.
"I can't make head or tail out of what you're reading, George," he saidsnappishly. "Who was Rudolph? Read straight ahead."
Thus urged, the mate, leaning forward so that his listener might hearbetter, read steadily through a serial in the first three numbers. Thethird instalment left Rudolph swimming in a race with three sharks and aboat-load of cannibals; and the joint efforts of both men failed todiscover the other numbers.
"Just wot I should 'ave expected of 'im," said the skipper, as the matereturned from a fruitless search in the boy's chest. "I'll make him abit more orderly on this ship. Go an' lock them other things up in yourdrawer, George. He's not to 'ave 'em again."
The schooner was getting into open water now, and began to feel it. Infront of them was the blue sea, dotted with white sails and funnelsbelching smoke, speeding from England to worlds of romance andadventure. Something of the kind the cook said to Ralph, and urged himto get up and look for himself. He also, with the best intentions,discussed the restorative properties of fat pork from a medical point ofview.
The next few days the boy divided between seasickness and work, thelatter being the skipper's great remedy for piratical yearnings. Threeor four times he received a
mild drubbing, and, what was worse than thedrubbing, had to give an answer in the affirmative to the skipper'sinquiry as to whether he felt in a more wholesome frame of mind. On thefifth morning they stood in towards Fairhaven, and to his great joy hesaw trees and houses again.
They stayed at Fairhaven just long enough to put out a small portion oftheir cargo, Ralph, stripped to his shirt and trousers, having to workin the hold with the rest, and proceeded to Lowport, a little place somethirty miles distant, to put out their powder.
It was evening before they arrived, and, the tide being out, anchored inthe mouth of the river on which the town stands.
"Git in about four o'clock," said the skipper to the mate, as he lookedover the side towards the little cluster of houses on the shore. "Do youfeel better now I've knocked some o' that nonsense out o' you, boy?"
"Much better, sir," said Ralph respectfully.
"Be a good boy," said the skipper, pausing on the companion-ladder, "andyou can stay with us if you like. Better turn in now, as you'll have tomake yourself useful again in the morning working out the cargo."
He went below, leaving the boy on deck. The crew were in the forecastlesmoking, with the exception of the cook, who was in the galley over alittle private business of his own.
An hour later the cook went below to prepare for sleep. The other twomen were already in bed, and he was about to get into his when henoticed that Ralph's bunk, which was under his own, was empty. He wentup on deck and looked round, and, returning below, scratched his nose inthought.
"Where's the boy?" he demanded, taking Jem by the arm and shaking him.
"Eh?" said Jem, rousing. "Whose boy?"
"Our boy, Ralph," said the cook. "I can't see 'im nowhere. I 'ope 'eain't gone overboard, pore little chap."
Jem refusing to discuss the matter, the cook awoke Dobbs. Dobbs swore athim peacefully, and resumed his slumbers. The cook went up again andprowled round the deck, looking in all sorts of unlikely places for theboy. He even climbed a little way into the rigging, and, finding notraces of him, was reluctantly forced to the conclusion that he had goneoverboard.
"Pore little chap," he said solemnly, looking over the ship's side atthe still water.
He walked slowly aft, shaking his head, and looking over the stern,brought up suddenly with a cry of dismay and rubbed his eyes. The ship'sboat had also disappeared.
"Wot?" said the two seamen as he ran below and communicated the news."Well, if it's gorn, it's gorn."
"Hadn't I better go an' tell the skipper?" said the cook.
"Let 'im find it out 'isself," said Jem, purring contentedly in theblankets. "It's 'is boat. Go' night."
"Time we 'ad a noo 'un too," said Dobbs, yawning. "Don't you worry your'ed, cook, about what don't consarn you."
The cook took the advice, and, having made his few simple preparationsfor the night, blew out the lamp and sprang into his bunk. Then heuttered a sharp exclamation, and getting out again fumbled for thematches and relit the lamp. A minute later he awoke his exasperatedfriends for the third time.
"S'elp me, cook," began Jem fiercely.
"If you don't I will," said Dobbs, sitting up and trying to reach thecook with his clenched fist.
"It's a letter pinned to my pillow," said the cook in trembling tones,as he held it to the lamp.
"Well, we don't want to 'ear it," said Jem. "Shut up, d'ye hear?"
But there was that in the cook's manner which awed him.
"Dear cook," he read feverishly, "I have made an infernal machine withclockwork, and hid it in the hold near the gunpowder when we were atFairhaven. I think it will go off between ten and eleven to-night, but Iam not quite sure about the time. Don't tell those other beasts, butjump overboard and swim ashore. I have taken the boat I would have takenyou too, but you told me you swam seven miles once, so you can eas--"
The reading came to an abrupt termination as his listeners sprang out oftheir bunks, and, bolting on dock, burst wildly into the cabin, andbreathlessly reeled off the heads of the letter to its astonishedoccupants.
"Stuck a wot in the hold?" gasped the skipper.
"Infernal machine," said the mate; "one of them things wot you blow upthe 'Ouses of Parliament with."
"Wot's the time now?" interrogated Jem anxiously.
"'Bout ha'-past ten," said the cook trembling. "Let's give 'em a hailashore."
They leaned over the side, and sent a mighty shout across the water.Most of Lowport had gone to bed, but the windows in the inn were bright,and lights showed in the upper windows of two or three of the cottages.
Again they shouted in deafening chorus, casting fearful looks behindthem, and in the silence a faint answering hail came from the shore.They shouted again like madmen, until listening intently they heard aboat's keel grate on the beach, and then the welcome click of oars inthe rowlocks.
"Make haste," bawled Dobbs vociferously, as the boat came creeping outof the darkness. "W'y don't you make 'aste?"
"Wot's the row?" cried a voice from the boat.
"Gunpowder!" yelled the cook frantically; "there's ten tons of it aboardjust going to explode. Hurry up."
The sound of the oars ceased and a startled murmur was heard from theboat; then an oar was pulled jerkily.
"They're putting back," said Jem suddenly. "I'm going to swim for it.Stand by to pick me up, mates," he shouted, and lowering himself with asplash into the water struck out strongly towards them.
Dobbs, a poor swimmer, after a moment's hesitation, followed hisexample.
"I can't swim a stroke," cried the cook, his teeth chattering.
The others, who were in the same predicament, leaned over the side,listening. The swimmers were invisible in the darkness, but theirprogress was easily followed by the noise they made. Jem was the firstto be hauled on board, and a minute or two later the listeners on theschooner heard him assisting Dobbs. Then the sounds of strife, ofthumps, and wicked words broke on their delighted ears.
"They're coming back for us," said the mate, taking a deep breath. "Welldone, Jem."
The boat came towards them, impelled by powerful strokes, and was soonalongside. The three men tumbled in hurriedly, their fall being modifiedby the original crew, who were lying crouched up in the bottom of theboat. Jem and Dobbs gave way with hearty goodwill, and the doomed shipreceded into the darkness. A little knot of people had gathered on theshore, and, receiving the tidings, became anxious for the safety oftheir town. It was felt that the windows, at least, were in imminentperil, and messengers were hastily sent round to have them opened.
Still the deserted Susan Jane made no sign. Twelve o'clock struck fromthe little church at the back of the town, and she was still intact.
"Something's gone wrong," said an old fisherman with a bad way ofputting things. "Now's the time for somebody to go and tow her out tosea."
There was no response.
"To save Lowport," said the speaker feelingly.. "If I was only twentyyears younger--"
"It's old men's work," said a voice.
The skipper, straining his eyes through the gloom in the direction ofhis craft, said nothing. He began to think that she had escaped afterall.
Two o'clock struck, and the crowd began to disperse..Some of the bolderinhabitants who were fidgety about draughts closed their windows, andchildren who had been routed out of their beds to take a nocturnal walkinland were led slowly back. By three o'clock the danger was felt to beover, and day broke and revealed the forlorn Susan Jane still riding atanchor.
"I'm going aboard," said the skipper suddenly; "who's coming with me?"
Jem and the mate and the town policeman volunteered, and, borrowing theboat which had served them before, pulled swiftly out to their vessel,and, taking the hatches off with unusual gentleness, commenced theirsearch. It was nervous work at first, but they became inured to it, and,moreover, a certain suspicion, slight at first, but increasing inintensity as the search proceeded, gave them some sense of security.Later still they began to eye each other
shamefacedly.
"I don't believe there's anything there," said the policeman, sittingdown and laughing boisterously; "that boy's been making a fool of you."
"That's about the size of it," groaned the mate. "We'll be thelaughing-stock o' the town."
The skipper, who was standing with his back towards him, said nothing;but, peering about, stooped suddenly, and, with a sharp exclamation,picked up something from behind a damaged case.
"I've got it," he yelled suddenly; "stand clear!"
He scrambled hastily on deck, and, holding his find at arm's length,with his head averted, flung it far into the water. A loud cheer from acouple of boats which were watching greeted his action, and a distantresponse came from the shore.
"Was that a infernal machine?" whispered the bewildered Jem to the mate."Why, it looked to me just like one o' them tins o' corned beef."
The mate shook his head at him and glanced at the constable, who wasgazing longingly over the side. "Well, I've 'eard of people being killedby them sometimes," he said with a grin.
A SAFETY MATCH