Squeezing his hand, I smiled bigger. “Preston, go home to your girlfriend. I promise you, I’m all right.”
His eyes searched mine. He knew I was lying, but he nodded and said, “Okay. But I’ll be back later to check on you and Jake.” Preston looked over at Jake, who gave a wide grin and a thumbs-up to Preston.
Oh yeah. My brother was for sure trying his best to put up a front. I didn’t have the energy to even think about it.
“Sounds good,” I said as I closed my eyes and let sleep take over again.
I was soon lost in the most amazing dream. I was chasing TJ in the backyard as we played chase.
My baby. I miss my baby.
Chapter 4
Falling Apart
Preston
Walking through the front door, I dropped my keys on the small table. The kitchen light was on, as was the one in the living room. Sherry came walking around the corner wearing nothing but a long T-shirt of mine that she liked sleeping in.
“It’s about damn time, Preston. What in the hell? You have never gone and stayed at the hospital like this. I mean, what does this family think of you hanging around?” Rolling her eyes, she walked up to me and scrunched up her nose. “Son of a bitch. You stink. Go take a shower and we’ll talk.”
Pushing out a breath, I walked past her. “Nice to see you, too, Sherry.”
“Oh, don’t even lay a guilt trip on me, buddy. I took the time to go pick up dinner, set it all up, get dressed in a skimpy new dress, and—hell, I even lit candles, for Christ’s sake. And for what? Nothing! You decided you wanted to play pity party with some chick who got in a car wreck. What, were you fucking her before the accident or something, you asshole?”
Gripping my hands into fists, I turned and walked up to her so fast she began walking backward until she hit the wall.
“I couldn’t save her eighteen-month-old baby. Her husband died and all she has is a brother who is so fucking freaked out he couldn’t even tell her that her son died. I had to be the one who told her. Me! The fucking firefighter she begged to save her son’s life had to be the one to tell her I failed. I failed to save her baby. Failed!”
Sherry jumped when I screamed out “failed.” “So don’t stand here and give me some goddamn sob story about what a fucked-up night you had. And no, Sherry, I wasn’t fucking her. I didn’t even know her name until yesterday.”
Spinning around on my heels, I stormed into the bedroom and to our bathroom. Slamming the bathroom door shut, I stripped out of my clothes and walked into the shower. The water was hot and felt good on my aching body.
Closing my eyes, I stood there and tried to block out her screams. Block out the look in her eyes when she found out her son and husband had died.
Sherry’s arms snaked around my waist. Grabbing her, I pushed her against the wall and kissed her. I needed to forget. Even if it was just for a few moments, I needed it all to go away. I lifted Sherry up, and she let me do what I needed to do.
Forget.
—
Walking into the firehouse, I looked around. Everyone was moving about their business like normal. Making my way to the bunkhouse, I tossed my bag onto my bed and dropped down as I let out a sigh.
Sharp, another firefighter and one of my best friends, stuck his head around the corner and shouted, “Ward, Cap wants to see you right away.”
I stood and said, “Thanks, Sharp. I’ll be right there.”
Giving me a quick nod, he turned to leave but stopped. “Preston?”
Looking back at him, I said, “Yeah, what’s up?”
When he looked away briefly, I knew what he was about to say he had been struggling with probably all day. Mitchel Sharp and I had started here at Firehouse 37 together. Same day, same scared look in our eyes.
“It’s okay…not to be okay. You know that, right?”
Giving him a head pop and a smile, I said, “I know, Mitch. I’ll be all right.”
Nodding, he flashed me a smile. “Hey, if that ball and chain will let you, let’s hit the club this weekend.”
Laughing, I picked up my pillow and threw it at him. “Shut the fuck up, asshole.”
He pointed at me and said, “Truth hurts!”
Before I could say anything else, he disappeared around the corner. Smiling, I shook my head and headed to the bathroom where I splashed my face with cold water, did a few jumping jacks in place, and made my way to the captain’s office.
Sitting in the chair, I stared at Captain Ryan. Sitting back in his seat, he finally started to talk. “Ward, I’ve been in your shoes and I know how you’re feeling. So wipe that fake-ass confident smile off your face and let me see your true feelings.”
My heart dropped as I stared at him. One thing my father always said was, you hold it in. Don’t let your cap see the fear. Fear makes you weak and there is no room for weakness.
“I’m not going to lie, sir, and tell you that I’m not bothered by the events of the other day. He was a child and his mother pleaded with me to save his life and I couldn’t.”
Shaking his head, he leaned forward. “No, you couldn’t. And even if that had been Sharp, Wister, myself—hell, any of these guys—no one would have been able to save that little boy. His father died on impact and how the mother didn’t die, I have no idea. I guess God has plans for her. There was nothing any of us could have done different, Ward. You need to get that into your head right now and don’t forget it. Do you hear me?”
Nodding, I whispered, “Yes, sir.”
Standing up, Cap reached his hand out to me. I followed his lead as I stood and reached my hand out. “I mean it, Preston. Do not dwell on this. Do not go up and see her again at the hospital, because I know damn well you did because I’d have done the same thing. Don’t get emotionally attached. Move on.”
Smiling, I nodded.
“Now, go eat. Wister made lasagna.”
Walking out of the room, I tried to let his words sink in. There was nothing any one of us could have done to save TJ.
Fate was in control, and as much as I wanted to believe that, I couldn’t.
—
Almost a week after Harmony’s accident, I found myself standing outside the door to her house. Jake had called to tell me Harmony had left the hospital two days ago and was home. I’d only gone back up one other time to see Harmony.
Not sure why I was even here, I turned and was headed back to my car when I heard my name. “Preston?”
Closing my eyes, I tried to push away the drop in my stomach when she said my name. Smiling, I turned and faced her. The bruises on her face were slowly fading, but the bright pink cast was a clear reminder of what had brought us together in the first place.
“Hey!” I said as I walked toward her.
Grinning, she tilted her head. “Did you ring the bell?”
Stopping at the bottom of the stairs, I let out a nervous chuckle. “What? No, I thought I had left my phone in the car.” I began patting all around until I felt my phone. “Nope, there it is. Just in case the station calls or something.”
“Oh, okay. Jake just left.”
Shit. I didn’t really want to be alone with Harmony, and I wasn’t really sure why I didn’t want to be alone with her.
“Are you going to come in or stand out here?”
Coming to my senses, I started up the stairs. “Right, sorry, I just got off shift so I’m a bit tired.”
Harmony’s face fell briefly before she gave me a weak smile and turned toward the house. I followed her in to the living room.
“Want a cup of coffee?” Harmony asked as she made her way into the kitchen. The living room and kitchen were all in one open-spaced room. Looking back at her, I could hear it in her voice. She was putting on a show for me.
“Sure. Black, please,” I said as I looked around. Pictures of Harmony, her husband, and TJ covered the walls. Walking over to the mantel, I smiled as I picked up a picture of the three of them. TJ couldn’t have been more than a few days old.
r /> “Jake will be starting his residency in a few days. I hate that he’s missed so much schooling because of me.”
Nodding, I placed the picture back down and headed to the kitchen. Harmony gestured for me to sit at the kitchen island bar.
“I’m sure it’s fine, Harmony. Jake seems like a pretty bright guy.”
Spinning on her heels, she looked at me. Her eyes filled with sadness. “Fine?” Harmony shook her head and went back to moving about the kitchen. Reaching into a cabinet, she pulled out two mugs. “Oh, Preston, everything is far from fine.”
“I didn’t mean—”
Dropping her head, Harmony cried. I quickly jumped up and went to her. Turning her, I pulled her into my arms. “I have to bury my son and husband tomorrow, Preston, and I don’t think I can do it.” Burying her face in my chest, she gripped my shirt and cried harder. Her legs gave out and I dropped down to the floor with her and held her while she cried on the tiles of her kitchen floor.
Harmony cried until she fell asleep from what I guessed was sheer exhaustion. Looking up, I saw Jake.
“She broke down and I didn’t know what to do but hold her while she cried.”
Jake gave me a sad grin. “Let me show you where to put her.”
Standing up as carefully as I could while I held Harmony, I followed Jake to a room down the hall.
Jake opened the door and stood to the side while I walked into the room. It was fairly bare with just a bed, a dresser, and a small desk in the corner. Jake sighed as he spoke in a hushed tone. “It’s the guest room. She won’t sleep anywhere else but in this room.”
Pulling the covers back, I placed Harmony down and pulled the covers back over her. Her blond hair was pulled back in a ponytail and was spread across the pillow. Reaching down, I pushed a strand of hair back and behind her ear as I stared at her.
Twenty years old and already so much pain and hurt in her life. My heart broke as I watched her sleep for a few minutes more before I made my way out of the room and back into the kitchen.
Jake was leaning against the counter with a somber look on his face. “Trey’s parents couldn’t even give her a few days to get settled back in before they had to do the burial. I’d like to bash their fucking heads together.” Dropping his head back, he swore under his breath before looking back at me. “Do you know I had to threaten to get a court order to keep them from burying Trey and TJ while Harmony was still in the hospital?”
Sucking in a breath of air, I asked, “Why would they do that?”
“I don’t know. Something is so very wrong and I can’t put my finger on it. Trey’s dad is acting really weird. It feels as if they are hiding something, but I can’t put my finger on it.”
Following Jake back to the kitchen, I sat on a barstool and asked, “Could it be he’s just in shock, Jake? I mean, he did lose his son and grandchild.”
Nodding, he agreed. “You’re probably right. I can’t even begin to imagine how they both feel. I called my parents.”
Sitting up straighter, my interest was piqued. “And?”
Shaking his head, he said, “They told me the accident was God’s way of saying Harmony made the wrong choice.”
My mouth dropped open. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
Letting out a gruff laugh, Jake shook his head. “Nope. That’s my parents for you. I told them that was the last straw. For them not to even be there for their daughter during a time like this shows the true hearts they have. They said they would think about showing up. I told them not to do me any favors. I wouldn’t be surprised if I started getting bills for school.”
Closing my eyes, I shook my head and said, “Shit. Jake, I’m so sorry.”
Jake shrugged his shoulders and let out a heavy sigh. “My sister means more to me than their money. If that happens, I’ll work something out. I don’t have that much longer to go so I’m not too worried about it.”
My head tried to wrap itself around all of this. My parents were the total opposite of Jake and Harmony’s. There wasn’t a damn thing they wouldn’t do for me, and I knew that they would always stand by my side no matter what.
Clearing his throat, Jake pushed off the counter. “Listen, I know it would mean a lot to Harmony if you would be there tomorrow.”
Swallowing hard, I felt sick to my stomach. “Um, I’m not sure I can make it.”
Jake’s face fell with disappointment as he nodded. “Sure, I understand.”
Standing, I pushed the stool back in. “Where is it at?”
“Colonial Park Cemetery at one.”
Scrubbing my hands down my face, I let out a frustrated sigh. “I’ll try to make it, but no promises, Jake.”
Smiling, Jake held out his hand. “Hey, that’s good enough for me. Thanks, Preston, for being here for her. I know she appreciates it.”
Swallowing hard, I pushed down the feelings that were slowly growing for Harmony. “Of course. It’s the least I can do.”
Jake walked me out to my car and shook my hand one more time. As I made my way to the driver’s side, I glanced back up at Harmony’s house. My heart stopped when I saw Harmony standing in the window looking out. Lifting my hand, I smiled and waved. Giving me a slight smile, Harmony barely lifted her hand before she dropped the curtain and walked away.
Gripping the steering wheel tighter, I turned the opposite way from my apartment and drove for another hour and a half. Pulling down the gravel road, I instantly felt a weight lift off my shoulders.
I put my car in park behind my father’s truck and got out. Taking in a deep breath, I let the smells of my parents’ country home soak in.
“Preston?”
I spun around to see my mother standing on the front porch. “Mom, damn, it’s good to see you.”
Practically running to her, I took the steps two at a time. Reaching my mother, I wrapped her in my arms and held her.
She held me tighter than normal. “Preston. Talk to me.”
Her voice was my undoing. Finally…my tears fell and it was my turn to be held while I fell apart.
Chapter 5
Just a Dream
Harmony
Closing my eyes, I focused on the sounds of the birds singing all around me as my fingers rubbed the charm that Jake had given me that morning. The engraving was taken from a picture frame Trey had given me on TJ’s one-month birthday. The photo was of me holding TJ when he was only a few minutes old, as Trey kissed me on the check. My mind drifted back to the day TJ was born.
The moment the nurse placed our baby across my chest I knew my life would never be the same. Tears flowed freely from my eyes as I looked at Trey. Smiling, he wiped his tears away as he gazed down at our son. Turning to me, he gently kissed my lips before whispering in my ear, “Everything happens for a reason.”
Each breath felt as if I was battling for air.
This is just a dream.
Jake took my hand in his and gave it a light squeeze. The preacher talked but I didn’t hear a word he said.
Birds. Focus on the birds, Harmony. This is just a dream.
My memory took me back to the day TJ was born and how happy Trey and I were. The way he looked into my eyes and told me how happy he was. I knew in that moment we had made the right decision to keep our baby.
Jake leaned in and whispered in my ear, “Harmony, do you want to lay a flower on their caskets?”
My eyes snapped open. Two boxes. That’s what they were, two boxes that held the two people I loved more than anything.
This isn’t a dream. This is very real. My baby is gone. Forever. My husband…gone…forever.
Swallowing hard, I turned to look at Jake and that’s when I saw him standing about forty yards away. He was dressed in a black suit and I couldn’t help but notice how he wiped his tears away.
Preston.
It was as if he knew I needed something to move my feet and pay my last respects to Trey and TJ. Giving me a weak smile, he turned and walked away. Looking back at the caskets, I grab
bed hold of Jake’s arm.
“I feel sick, Jake,” I whispered.
“Harmony, draw from the strength I know you have. You can fall apart later, sweetheart. Just not right now.”
Slowly nodding, I made my way over to Trey’s casket first. Placing a single red rose on his casket, I kissed my fingers and laid them over the rose. “Trey” was all I could manage to get out.
Jake wrapped his arm around my waist and led me to TJ’s casket. My breathing became labored as I stopped in front of it.
It’s so small. My baby is all alone in the dark.
“Jake, he hates the dark.”
Jake cleared his throat and held me closer. “He’s not in the dark, Harmony. He’s in a beautiful light that has him wrapped up warm and safe.”
Shaking my head, I said, “No. Jake, please tell me I’m dreaming.” Turning to him, I looked into his blue eyes.
“Harmony, sweetheart.”
Nodding and quickly wiping my tears away, I took another rose from Jake and placed it on the small casket. Leaning over, I kissed the casket and let a small sob escape from my lips.
Sounds of people crying surrounded me, drowning out the birds.
Focus on the birds, Harmony.
“Mommy loves you, baby boy. I love you so much and I’m so sorry I couldn’t protect you. I’m so sorry.”
Tears fell freely from my eyes as I kept myself from falling to the ground and screaming. As much as I wanted to, I knew it wouldn’t bring him back. I’d never hold my child in my arms again. Sing to him while he fell asleep in my arms. Laugh while he ran from me during a chase.
“Harmony,” Jake whispered as he pulled me up and turned me around. My eyes scanned all the people. I didn’t even know half of them. They were friends of Trey’s from work, or friends of his parents. Everyone looked at me with sad eyes. Trey’s mother stood up and walked up to me and pulled me into her arms.
“Harmony, darling, we are here for you…please know that.”
Dropping my arms loosely at my sides, I nodded and whispered, “Thank you, Anne. I know you are, and I’m here for you and Dan as well.”