Chapter 12
Flirting With Insanity
Sarah and Greg came by my office after her appointment with Dr. Gerhardt to fill me in on what had happened. She had been very anxious to see him again since her first visit had been so productive. She wanted desperately to fill in the missing hours of December 3, 1981. Arriving early, she and Greg sat impatiently in the waiting until Dr. Gerhardt summoned them into his treatment room. She took a seat in the examination chair and Greg sat in the corner on a stool.
"Well today I feel certain we're going to make some sense out of what happened on the night your baby died," Dr. Gerhardt said. "Would you like that, Sarah?"
"Oh yes, doctor, I really would," Sarah said. "Every night I lie in bed, unable to sleep, desperately trying to remember what happened."
"I understand. Let me warn you though, sometimes the truth is very painful."
"I don't care, whatever happened, I need to know."
"Before I put you into a hypnotic state let's talk a little."
"Okay."
"I understand your father was arrested?"
"Yes, I'm so worried about him. He got in trouble for using some of his customer's money. I'm afraid it's all my fault. If he hadn't of had to pay my attorney's fees and post my bond this wouldn't have happened."
"You shouldn't blame yourself," Dr. Gerhardt said. "Your father did what any good father would do to protect his child. As I recall, you were always there for him when he needed you. I'm sure he doesn't blame you.”
“Really?”
“Yes, the only thing I don't understand is exactly how you got into this predicament. Why you didn't use birth control. It's so easy to get nowadays."
Sarah stared at Dr. Gerhardt silently, seemingly deep in thought.
"Sarah," Dr. Gerhardt said.
She blinked. "Yes, I'm sorry. I don't know much about birth control. It's against our religion."
"Really, that's ridiculous."
"I know it may seem that way, but Mary Baker Eddy did save my father."
"I suspect you and your stepmother had more to do with it than Mary Baker Eddy."
Sarah shrugged. "I don't know."
"Is he still in jail?" Dr. Gerhardt said.
"No, Nate got him out on bond," Sarah replied.
"I thought Nate was in school in Arizona?"
"He was, can you believe he cut two days' classes to come home and get Daddy out of jail? And he had to use $2,500 of his scholarship money for the bond since Joyce refused to help."
"Well, that was very good of him," Dr. Gerhardt said. "They must have established a very strong relationship over the years."
"They have. Sometimes I think Daddy loves Nate almost as much as he loves me. Maybe more."
"No, Sarah. He admires Nate as a potential football star, but he loves you."
"You're right, of course," Sarah said. "I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself."
"That's only normal for someone in your predicament. Anyway, I'm glad he's out of jail, you're going to need his support during the trial."
"I know. I couldn't imagine going through the trial without him."
"Okay, let's go ahead and put you under."
Dr. Gerhardt pulled out his flashlight and began to put Sarah under hypnosis.
"Look at the light. Relax. Okay, I want you to go back to December third of this year. You had just delivered your baby and you heard it cry. What are you doing now?"
Sarah closed her eyes and sank back into her chair. "I feel so weak and tired. The baby's screaming. The apartment is a wreck. I'm picking her up and holding her in my arms trying to quiet her down."
"What are you thinking?"
"I'm scared. She came early. I wasn't prepared to deal with her yet. What am I going to do? She's making so much noise. Someone might hear her."
"Is there anyone in the room?" Dr. Gerhardt asked.
"No, I don't see anyone."
"Is anyone knocking on the door?"
"I don't hear anything."
"What are you doing now?" Dr. Gerhardt asked.
Sarah’s body stiffened. Her head rolled back and forth as if in agony. Then she abruptly stopped as if something had captured her attention.
"Someone's here. The door's open. No! What do you want?" she screamed as she felt someone wrap their hands around her from behind. They struggled.
"Who is it?" Dr. Gerhardt asked.
"I don't know," she moaned, gripping the arm of her chair and twisting in pain. "Don't touch me, you bastard. . . . Ouch! That hurts, cut it out. . . . What are you doing? Leave her alone. No. No, you can't have her. Ah! Don't hurt her."
"Who's doing this?" Dr. Gerhardt persisted.
She began to shake and toss and turn uncontrollably in her chair.
"You can't do this!" she screamed.
"All right Sarah, when I count to three you're going to wake up and remember everything you saw. One . . . two . . . three."
She tried to calm down. She put her hands over her face and tried to breathe, but instead began to convulse. Dr. Gerhardt held her by the shoulders to keep her from hurting herself.
"Who was it?" Dr. Gerhardt said.
"I don't know. I don't know!" Sarah moaned.
Sarah continued to twist and turn in her chair uncontrollably. When she began to choke and gasp for air Dr. Gerhardt stuck his fingers in her mouth to keep her from swallowing her tongue. He yelled for his nurse. After a moment the nurse came running into the room. The doctor said he wanted to give her a sedative. Greg helped hold her down while the doctor gave her an injection. The sedative immediately took effect and she became limp in her chair.
The doctor apologized for what happened. He said Sarah would be okay in a few minutes. “One thing is clear,” he said, “We can’t probe any deeper into Sarah’s subconscious without possibly endangering her health."
“Her health is already endangered,” Greg noted.
“I’m sorry but I must look at the immediate health risk of the patient, not her legal predicament.”
After Greg and Sarah had left I called Dr. Gerhardt's office to get his opinion as to what had transpired. I wanted to make sure Greg and Sarah’s version was accurate.
"You mean you won't be able to find out who killed the baby?" I asked.
"No, I'm afraid not," Dr. Gerhardt replied. "At least not for several weeks, and then I'm not sure her subconscious will reveal the secret. Whatever happened that night must be so frightening that Sarah cannot face it. It would be dangerous to try to force it out of her. We have to wait until she's ready to accept the truth."
"It's going to be dangerous not to try to force it out of her. She's on trial for murder, remember?"
"I know this is difficult. The only thing I can tell you for sure is that Sarah was not alone that night. If she killed her baby, someone helped her. You must continue to search for the truth without any further help from her. She's given us all the information her mind will allow us to have right now."
"Doesn't her subconscious mind realize the consequences of hiding the truth?"
"No, the subconscious mind doesn't work that way. It doesn't usually reason or analyze information. It creates, imagines and formulates ideas which the conscious mind must organize, evaluate and structure into useful conscious thoughts."
I sighed."Dr. Gerhardt, you're familiar with the temporary insanity defense aren't you?"
"Yes, of course.”
“I know you think Sarah is innocent, but if it turns out she killed her baby is it possible that she didn't know what she was doing. Could she have been temporarily insane?"
"Well, it is possible. If she was confronted with a situation so unbearable that she couldn't face it she might react without conscious thought or understanding, which if I remember is the standard for a temporary insanity defense."
"Do you think that she would meet the test?"
"It's possible, but I'd have to know what it was that was so unbearable. It would have t
o be something very extreme.”
“What if she were put into a situation where she had to make a choice between two persons she loved?”
“Yes, if she couldn’t bear the consequences of making the choice. That could drive her to a state of insanity."
"Doctor, these hypnotic sessions you're having with Sarah, are they reliable?"
"Reliable? What do you mean?"
"Is it possible that Sarah could be pretending to remember what happened when in actuality she's making it up?"
"Anything's possible, but I'd be quite surprised in this case if Miss Winters were being anything but truthful. The session today seemed quite spontaneous and completely genuine."
"Well, thank you, doctor. Call me after your next visit with Sarah, okay?"
"I will, and you be careful. I've been reading about you in the newspaper. Why do you think someone is trying to kill you?"
"I haven't figured that out yet."
"Well, be careful. Maybe you should carry a revolver?"
"No, I'd probably end up shooting myself if I did."
Later that afternoon Jodie advised me that Tom was on the line. I was glad to get the call and for a moment fantasized that he had found a way to get me the ten grand he owed me. Unfortunately my hopes were quickly dashed.
"Listen I'm sorry about the check, but you know how those things go."
"Not exactly, what happened? I said. "I heard you were arrested."
"Well, I've been in a little cash crunch lately and I tried to float your retainer check. I had some sales that should have generated the cash to cover it but the bank went berserk on me."
"Well I must tell you, having your $10,000 check bounce caused me considerable grief."
"I can imagine. I’m really sorry."
"Okay. I can forgive and forget, but I need that check replaced immediately. I'm already half way through that retainer."
"I'm working on it. You’ve just got to give me a little time. Whatever you do, please don't withdraw. I can have $2,500 over to you pretty quick. Nate said he'd loan it to me."
"How does he have that kind of money?"
"It's some scholarship money that he won't need for a while. I'll have to pay it back before school starts up again in the fall."
"Okay, get that to me and the rest within ten or fifteen days, okay?"
"No problem, I'll do it."
I put down the phone feeling a little better knowing that Tom at least was concerned enough about the check to call. As I was sitting staring out the window, Jodie walked into the room.
"So what did the deadbeat have to say?"
"He said he'd get us $2,500 soon and the rest in a week or two."
"Do you believe him?"
"I don't know, he's kind of flaky, but he does love his daughter so I suspect he'll somehow come up with the money."
"What if he doesn't?"
"Then I'm doing the case pro bono, I guess. Judge Brooks would never let me out now."
"Why not?"
"It would be too prejudicial to Sarah to have to bring in a new attorney at this late date. The judge would just say I should have got a certified check. I took a risk accepting a company check and lost."
"That stinks," Jodie said.
"Well, I can't worry about that right now. Besides, I’m not sure I would want out anyway. I’ve become kind of fond of Sarah. I better call Snake and fill him in on what's happened."
When Tom had paid his retainer I had given four thousand of it to Snake. Now since the check had bounced I was out $14,000. I needed Snake to give me back the $4,000 or I'd be sunk. My rent was due soon and bills were stacking up. I didn't relish this conversation.
"I'll get him on the line for you."
"Thanks."
Jodie left the room and I resumed staring out the window contemplating the events of the day. After a minute Jodie's voice could be heard over the intercom, "Snake's on line one."
I picked up the phone. "Hello, Harry."
"Hi, Stan, what's happening?"
"Oh, a few things have come up that I need to talk to you about."
"Don't tell me, let me guess. Tom can't get out of jail so we're doing the rest of the case pro bono."
"No, worse. His check bounced."
"Oh, shit. I knew this was going to happen. Tom is such a flake."
"Anyway, he can only come up with $2,500 right now to apply to the check."
"Great," Snake replied cooly.
"Well anyway, that's not the worst news."
"Oh shit, what else?"
"Sarah's last session didn't go so well. Dr. Gerhardt doesn't think he's going to be able to get much more out of her. He says it would be too dangerous."
"Damn it! How in the hell are we supposed to prove her innocent if she can't even remember what happened?"
"I don't know. I’m starting to get concerned that we won't be able to put together a credible defense. Maybe we ought to consider temporary insanity. Dr. Gerhardt says it might fly if we can come up with some good reasons why Sarah has repressed all memory of the incident."
"Like what?" Snake said.
I filled him in on my conversation with Dr. Gerhard.
"What if she thought the baby would be defective because of Richard Stein's drug habit?" I suggested.
"That's possible, but the autopsy didn't show any abnormalities with the baby."
"Yeah, but she wouldn't have any way of knowing that. She could have just let that fear mushroom in her head until it was too much for her," I said.
"Maybe so, but euthanasia isn't legal either."
"Isn't her father a Christian Scientist?"
"Yeah, I think so."
"They're very strong anti abortionists. Maybe Sarah was afraid her father would make her have the baby if he found out about it," I said. "And she figured if she had the baby she'd lose Greg and if she had an abortion she'd lose her father. So no matter what she did she would lose one of the two most important persons in her life."
"That may well be her thinking, but it still doesn't justify murdering her baby," Snake said.
"I know, but what if having to deal with those fears made her go out of her mind?” I asked.
"It's not extreme enough. I don't think Dr. Gerhardt would testify to that effect. Even if he did, I'm not sure the jury would buy it."
"Well, I haven't heard you come up with any brilliant ideas. You're the criminal law expert."
"The only way to get Sarah off is to prove she didn't do it or at least prove reasonable doubt," Snake said.
"But what if she did do it?"
"Convince the jury she didn't do it anyway. Juries ain't perfect my friend. She won't be the first killer that beat the system. We've only got a few more weeks before trial, I would suggest you go back and talk to all the witnesses and suspects again. Maybe something new will come up."
"What are you going to do?" I said.
"Oh . . . I don't know. I’ve got a couple wild ideas I'm going to explore."
"Like what?"
"Well, they're so outlandish I'd be embarrassed to tell you about them."
"I don't care, tell me anyway."
"No, I wouldn't want to bore you."
I paused a moment and then shook my head, "Okay, whatever, I'll talk to you later."
After hanging up the phone I just sat at my desk a moment. What had I got myself into? Sometimes the enormity of my client’s problems got to me, especially if my own problems were looming in my mind. Snake’s attitude didn’t help. He seemed distant and unsympathetic to me and Sarah. Maybe I was expecting too much from my Second Chair. Deep down I had hoped he’d just kind of take over but instead he was letting me dangle. Fortunately Jodie walked in and interrupted my self pity.
“So, is he sending a check?”
“No, he didn’t offer and I didn’t have the guts to ask him directly to return the money.”
“Stan, sometimes you let people walk all over you.”
“No, that’s not it. This just isn?
??t his problem. I took the hot check and now I’ve got to deal with it. I’ll figure out a way out of this mess.”
Jodie shook her head.“Yeah, I know. I just wish it wasn’t so hard for you. I worry about you.”
“Don’t worry. It’s my destiny and I’ve learned to accept it.”