"Then don't think about it. Which route? Left or right?"
"Right," he replied. "I'm coming when you go out."
"Sorry. It'll be a girls' night."
We started off on a light jog. "You two are out to score and fuck knows what sleazy fuckers are around." Could he fit anymore swears into that sentence?
"We'll be careful."
"Chloe, how many times have you and my sister been out on the pull?"
I didn't want to answer because we both knew that was a big fat zero. "We're adults, Logan."
"That's not what I asked."
I glared at him as we turned the corner, picking up the pace. "Fine. None."
"Exactly. If she goes home with someone how do you know he's not a murderer? How do you get home?"
"Well, she'll just have to do him in the bathroom then." He flinched, turning his nose up. "Lighten up. She's older than you for Christ sake!"
"I don't want to know anything."
"Do you think she wanted to see and hear the women that passed through your revolving door?"
He stopped and frowned, eyes darkening. Shit.
I cringed. I hadn't meant to say that and make him feel worse, I knew he regretted the way he was after Jace died. "Logan, I'm sorry."
"You don't have to be. You're right. I literally have no idea how many women I've slept with, not even ballpark. I'd barely remember them if I bumped into them in the street I was so wasted." He'd probably bumped into many of them. "Almost two and a half years of my life is a blur of alcohol. That's it. That's all I have to show for that time - one long hangover."
"I know." Ugh, why did I have to bring it up?
Gulping, he ran his hands over his face. "I'd give anything to go back and change those first couple years."
"Yeah, me too." I was worse than pathetic, barely leaving the house or taking care of myself.
"We're a bundle of fun today," he said.
"No more past talk." I held my hand out and he laughed, gripping it in his own. I thought he'd shake but he yanked me to his chest and wrapped his arms around my shoulders.
With my chest pressed firmly against his, my heart rate trebled. I hugged him back, feeling his taught, muscular back. This was a bad, bad position. Not only was there no space between us but I suddenly realised how well he fit around me, how well I fit tucked into his body. And I could smell him. There wasn't even anything I could compare the smell to, it was uniquely Logan, and it was the most comforting smell in the world.
He pulled back far too soon and let me go. I wanted him to hold me again. I wanted so bad to feel that complete and content as I did just seconds ago.
Although Logan had let me go he didn't let me go far. I was just inches away, not close enough to be touching but too close for a normal, considerate of personal space distance.
His eyes, now deeper, brighter and bluer than I'd ever seen captured me. I knew I should look away and continue the run but I couldn't move. The horrible, selfish part of me wanted him to kiss me. I wanted to physically feel the connection between us.
My lips parted and I took in a small, shaky breath. He was it. He was the one I could see myself with. He was the worst person I could be with but he was the one I wanted.
Logan broke the moment first. His back straightened and nodded ahead. "We should get going if you want to be back at a reasonable time to get ready to pimp my sister out," he said. There was a joke in there but he couldn't quite make himself smile.
I stepped back, half turning. "Yeah, we should. Push ups at the park?"
With a quick nod, he started the run again.
Chapter Twenty-two
Logan
I couldn't concentrate, which sucked because I had a two-hour session with one of the gym's most valued customers. Vivian Braithwaite was a fuck off rich trophy wife that had been my client three times a week since I started years ago.
She was beautiful in that older woman cougar way but the fact that she sold out for money made her almost ugly to me. She was fun and flirty and could've had one of those 'epic' loves that everyone fucking rabbited on about. Instead she was with a wealthy man that she 'cared' about.
The reason I sucked at my job today: Chloe Holland. Bloody girl. She was the only one that was able to make me forget everything but what she was doing to me. Our almost kiss was on repeat in my head. Now she was ignoring me. Yesterday she bailed out of our session with some crappy excuse about a headache. Today she hadn't answered my calls. I knew I had to give her some time but it was driving me fucking crazy.
"Good," I said to Vivian. "Five more and then we'll move to the cross trainer."
She nodded, lifting the light weights above her head and pursing her lips. "Is there something wrong, darling?" she asked, tightening her manicured fingers around the weight as it began to take its toll on her.
"Everything's fine, Viv."
"You're usually able to hold a conversation and you've lost that devilish look in your eye." With a huff, she lowered her arms and handed me the weights. "I'm a good listener. What's her name?"
I took the weights to clean them off before putting them away. "Why do you assume there's a girl involved?"
"There is always a girl involved."
Of course.
"Her name's Chloe."
"Pretty name."
"You should see the rest then."
Viv smiled. "What's the problem? You like her but she doesn't like you?"
"I'm starting to think that maybe she does like me."
With a throaty laugh, she playfully swatted my arm. "Then I don't see a reason for that look on your face."
You wouldn't from the outside but as soon as you learnt one massively important piece of information all of a sudden things changed. Viv would go from charming smile to judgemental frown in an instant. Not that I gave a fuck about what other people thought but I was pretty sure Chloe did.
"Things are complicated," I replied. That was a fairly accurate description of the situation. Fairly understated but accurate nonetheless.
"I understand complicated, darling. You have to work it out if she's worth the trouble."
"She is. I worked that one out a long time ago."
"You're not sure if she thinks you're worth the trouble."
"Bingo."
"If she believes that she's crazy. If she's the one nothing will prevent you being together."
I'd thought of about ten different comebacks before she'd even finished her sentence. I was shocked that she could say the words and keep a straight face. Viv was hypocrite. She could give the best advice but never listened to it herself.
"Yeah, perhaps. Why don't you get started on the cross trainer and I'll bring you a bottle of water over."
***
If I checked my phone again I was going to punch myself. I wasn't a teenage girl waiting and hoping her crush would text back. I was a twenty-two year old guy doing that. I was so absorbed I didn't notice Cassie walking into the room until she sat down beside me.
"How was work?" she asked.
"Alright. You?"
She shrugged. "Same shit, different day."
Sounded like we both needed a strong drink, only I couldn't because I was determined to deal with stuff in a way that didn't end up with my having a raging hangover.
"Has Chlo been round?"
"I don't think so, I've not been in long. Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?"
"She didn't come over yesterday and that's one of your crazy arse exercise days."
"She wasn't feeling well."
Lie. She was avoiding me, again. If it wouldn't push her further away I'd go over to her house and demand she either forgot about it or, even better, we just fucking got together!
"Oh, okay." She yawned.
"You not sleeping well?"
"Not really. I have a lot on my mind. The house sold."
"Yeah? That's awesome, Cass."
She didn't look convinced. "I guess. I mean, it is
. It really is. I can't wait to get my own place and feel like an adult again." Ouch. "But I hate the idea of having to start over. If I find someone else I like what's the odds that they're going to be okay with never having a child of their own?"
"Not every guy is going to let you go because you can't carry a child, Cass. Rick's a twat, it has nothing to do with you."
"Oh, of course, it did, Logan. I don't blame him for wanting a child and I don't blame him for that being a deal breaker. He's to blame for how he went about it but that's it."
"Not your fault either. You got the shit end, too."
"I know. He's off with his pregnant girlfriend now so he's fine."
"You'll be fine too. Some guy will love you no matter what, Rick wasn't that guy so thank fuck it's over before you wasted any more years with the little prick."
She sighed sharply. "Yeah. In six to eight weeks I should have the money left over from the house, we'll get about fourteen thousand each so I can start looking for another place to buy. I guess I should get my new start head on and plan something positive for the future."
"Glad to hear it. You're only twenty-five, you've got time to do whatever you want."
"I think I'm going to buy somewhere closer to town. Rick wanted a more rural location. This time it's all my way."
"Sounds good, Cass. If you need someone to go house hunting with let me know. Don't take Mum."
"Oh God, I wouldn't! She's the worst."
Mum gushed about how fabulous everything was so the sales man knew he could get a few more quid out of her. Dad would never let her buy a car by herself anymore; she'd never get anything knocked off the price.
"Thanks, Logan. I'll start looking when the buyers have had the surveys on ours done so I know they're serious and hopefully won't pull out of the sale. How's your situation going?"
My situation was what people mostly used to refer to my dire financial state. I wasn't in debt but I was so close to being there when I was drinking.
"Better now. Ten months of not drinking and pissing away everything I had and earned is doing wonders for my savings. Got about five thousand saved so only another seven and I can afford a deposit. I'll be moved out by spring next year."
Should've been three years ago but I was in a dark place and could just about haul my arse off to work, then to a bar or club for booze and a shag almost every day. I lost my drive and ambition and although I was a couple years behind where I wanted to be I was fucking proud of what I'd achieved in the last ten months.
Cass gave me her proud smile; it was much like Mum's. "I'm so happy for you, Logan. God, I feel like, although we all still have a little way to go, things are finally looking up for all of us."
Minus my woman troubles things were.
"So what's really the deal with you and Chloe?" she asked with a stupid smile.
Fucking reading between the lines sister.
"I'm an idiot, that's what the deal is."
"What did you do?"
"I almost kissed her."
There was no shouting, which no matter how supportive I knew my sister would be I still expected. She didn't even give me a disapproving glare.
"She was right there, too. There was no screaming at me to get the hell away from her. Chloe wanted it, too, and that's the problem. You know I've had a hard time accepting how I feel about her and trying not to hate myself too much. Chlo is going to be much worse at that than I am. If I was anyone else..."
"But you're not and that's fine, Logan. Yes, Chloe will be beating herself up about it but I honestly don't think it'll stop you two getting together in the long run. She's ready to date now but she's not quite ready to date you yet. Give her time to deal with whatever demons she's battling over wanting to kiss you."
"Why does everything have to take time?"
"Instant gratification doesn't leave you happy for long. If you do everything right away what do you have to look forward to?"
The rest of my life with her. Cass made sense, though.
"Yeah, I guess you're right."
"Of course, I'm right. You should talk to her. When she's hurt or confused or stressed she pulls back and tries to deal with it all on her own."
"I think talking to her will push her away. What if she's not ready for that conversation yet?"
"Then don't have it yet."
I nodded, tapping my leg. "Yeah. I'm gonna call her house, hopefully she'll answer that, and act normal." I ignored Cass snorting at me acting normal and stood up. "Thanks for the chat, loser. House hunting offer stands, just let me know."
"Thanks yourself, poo poo head."
Looking over my shoulder, I laughed. "It was Jace you used to call that."
"Still do," she replied, "but I get a reaction from you."
"You'll be getting a reaction from him, too."
"Yeah, I bet it's him that keeps moving my hairbrush, little shit."
I walked out of the kitchen feeling lighter. Cass was going to be okay, I was going to be okay, Chloe was going to be okay and Jace was a hairbrush moving ghost. All of those things made me grin like an idiot.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chloe
The sharp morning air felt good as Logan and I jogged one of our routes. It was easier now and I felt incredible again. I loved exercising, although that could be because of the company. Working out was never boring with Logan. It definitely didn't hurt that he was nice to look at. Or that my insides turned to mush when he smiled at me.
I'd missed it, missed him over the last few days. My illness excuses were running thin and I knew I couldn't keep it up. I didn't want to avoid him but I didn't want to feel so guilty whenever I was around him.
"I wish summer was over," I said. "I prefer running in winter." The clouds were grey and it looked like it would rain soon but it was still bloody hot.
"So do I," he replied, stealing a lot of not so subtle looks at me.
Logan loved running as the sun started to rise. It was one of my favourite times too, but there was no way I was getting up at five in the morning to do it. I couldn't wait until late mornings.
Logan gripped the bottom of his t-shirt and pulled it over his head, never faltering his steps. I did. I almost fell over. I'd seen him shirtless too many times to count before but it always took my breath away. Flawless, soft skin covered defined muscles in a way that made almost every woman do a double take. And he had the V. The one that sent girls into a frenzy. He worked hard for that body and the female race was grateful - myself included.
I looked away, feeling a deep stab of guilt. I shouldn't look at Jace's brother at all, but it wasn't completely wrong to appreciate a physique so bloody spectacular it made my heart go a little crazy, right?
Stupid, bloody moment last week. I hated that a couple of seconds where nothing actually happened could change things so much.
Logan was too important for me to let things change. I didn't want awkwardness between us. We'd been through too much to let staring at each other a fraction of a second too long do any damage.
I stopped dead just as the sky started to drizzle. This needed to be addressed so it wasn't in my head, driving me crazy. I had to know nothing was going to change or get too weird. Logan halted and spun around. "You okay?" he asked.
We'll see in a minute.
"I think so. Are we okay?"
He shrugged. "Yeah, why wouldn't we be?"
I knew he'd pretend he didn't know what I was talking about.
"Come on, Logan. Last week we..."
"We?"
If he bloody makes me say it!
"Chlo, forget it if you want. I don't want you feeling shitty for something that never happened. That's pointless."
Forget it if you want to? What did that mean?
"Have you forgotten it?" I asked.
"It doesn't matter."
"It does."
"I'm not the one stressing over it, Chlo, so it doesn't."
And what did that mean?
"Logan, you'r
e doing the head fuck thing right now. I don't like it."
Frowning deeply, he took a step closer and we were almost chest to chest. "What? How am I doing the head fuck thing?"
He is actually going to make me say it.
"You basically just admitted that you haven't forgotten it and now you're trying to brush it under the carpet. I don't want there to be something hanging over us. Not us, Logan." I couldn't let anything happen that resulted in me losing him. Any other friend I could just about handle but not Logan or Cassie or Nell
His topaz eyes clouded. "Nothing will ever come between us, Chloe. There is nothing that could happen that would ever make me leave you."
His words hit me like a sodding tsunami. He took my breath away. "Promise."
He took that tiny step closer and our chests touched. Brushing a lock of my hair behind my ear, he very slowly swept his fingers down my jaw. I couldn't look away, I stared at him like an idiot as my heart tried to escape out of my chest.
What was he doing?
Why wasn't I running?
"I promise you will never lose me. I will be here forever."
"Just forever?"
"Alright." He smiled, brushing his thumb under my bottom lip. "Forever and a day."
My body burst to life. Blood scorched in my veins. Longing pooled between my legs. I was going to kiss him. I wanted him. I was going to fucking kiss my dead boyfriend's brother and as his eyes rooted me to the spot I didn't even want to attempt to stop it.
Logan lowered his head a fraction. This was it. I shouldn't want this. My body shouldn't be screaming for his lips on mine and hands all over my body. I knew it was wrong but it didn't feel wrong. It felt like coming home, like we should have been doing this all along.
He didn't look torn, not at all. He was one hundred per cent in this. I wanted him even more.
The rain came down harder, not enough to soak us but enough that we should probably move. We didn't. Logan's other hand pulled me closer, fingers slightly digging into the small of my back while his maddening fingers trailed down my neck.
I thought he was taking it slow so when his lips landed on mine the next second I was a little shocked. It was like he literally couldn't wait any longer, not that I was complaining.
His lips, soft but hard at the same time, moulded against mine. I sank into the kiss, gripping his hips as he took control of everything, of the kiss, of my heart, of my body.