And now every fight he picked with me was because he resented and hated me for having what he wanted. Funny how life turned out sometimes.
"I didn't resent you. I resented me. You and Chlo weren't at fault, I was, and I didn't exactly deal with it that well. Anyway, no matter what crap you piss out of your mouth you know that I didn't plan anything to happen between us. I could've said something to you at any point in the time you were with her to make things hard, I could've told her how I felt and let that shit storm play out, but I didn't. You're my brother so I shoved it aside as best I could and kept my mouth closed. I would have never, ever said anything to her."
"But then I died."
"Then we thought you died. The first couple years were awful, we were both a mess, you know all this, and then I got her up. Of course, we became closer and I wanted her, just like I always had, but I wasn't going to act on it."
"So I was out of the picture but you were still going to lock it away?"
"Yeah. I waned to be the one she fell for but I wouldn't do anything to sway her. I supported her - sorta - dating this Rhys twat when all I wanted to do was rip his balls from his body."
"Huh," he said, laughing with no humour whatsoever, "that's exactly what I wanted to do to you when I realised you were together."
I deserved that.
"I started noticing things," I said, ignoring his jibe. "She was acting differently for a while, avoiding me whenever she could and looking at me a little longer than usual. At first I thought I was imagining it." I'd imagined it a lot over the last seven years. "But I wasn't. We kissed and then there was nothing we could do to stop it, not even taking a break or trying to be friends."
"That's lovely 'n' all, Logan, but you still went there."
We were never going to get anywhere. He knew we'd get his blessing if he'd been dead but he wasn't so we weren't getting it.
"Did you really expect her to drop everything when she saw you?" I asked.
"Not at all. I came back here fully prepared to be her friend. I imagined her with a boyfriend and as shitty as that made me feel I knew I couldn't blame her or interfere. What I found is her boyfriend is my brother. You don't go there, Logan, you just don't."
"But we did so now we've got to figure out a way that this doesn't rip the family apart."
"I don't know how to do that."
I held my hands up. "Neither do I. Do you want to try?"
"No idea. Right now I feel betrayed by both of you. I want to knock you out and shake her."
"You wouldn't be able to knock me out and touch her like that and you'll be in A&E." Plus, I was fairly certain that Chloe could take him. The girl could claw someone's eyes out if they pissed her off enough.
"Look at you playing the protective boyfriend."
"I love her."
His eyes narrowed. "So do I."
"Yeah, I know. What are we going to do about it?"
"I'm not sure, Logan. I can't just turn it off. You of all people should know that."
"Oh, I do. I really do get that. I'm sorry we hurt you, Jace, but we didn't know this would happen."
He nodded once, roughly. "I know."
"Come on, mate, do you want to figure this out?"
His hesitation wasn't a good sign. I wasn't willing to let this come between us. Now I wasn't a complete fucking idiot, I knew that it'd take time and probably a lot of shouting but I was determined to stay with Chloe and keep my brother in my life.
"Yeah, I want to figure it out. She thought I was dead and moved on. You thought I was dead and..."
"Couldn't fight wanting her anymore, not when I knew she felt the same. This isn't just some fling, Jace; I wouldn't put me or her through months of agonising over what to do and torturing ourselves for what we want over nothing. I love her and for some reason she loves me, too. I need you to know it wasn't easy."
He closed his eyes and breathed heavily for what felt like ages. "Alright," he said, opening his eyes. "I'm not promising anything and I don't like it but as pissed off as I am you're still my brother. No guarantees, Logan, but I guess I can try to not want to kill you every time I set eyes on you."
I smiled, pretending he hadn't basically just kicked me in the gut. "Good. It's a start."
"Why hasn't she been around much?" he asked.
"You don't really need me to answer that."
"God," he groaned. "I hate that nothing is going to be the same. I just wish that I hadn't gone on that stupid trip, then none of this would be happening."
"We all wish that."
He raised his eyebrow and smirked sarcastically. "I'm sure."
"I mean it. Loving Chloe from afar was nowhere near as bad than thinking my little brother was dead."
That shut the sarcastic little fucker up.
"Well, maybe you should tell her she doesn't have to hide away at her house. She's always hung out here."
There was about a two-year gap where that wasn't true and she'd only visited a handful of times.
"Is that a good idea?"
"We're trying, aren't we?" I nodded. "Then she should be here, trying with us. I'm going back to bed, feeling tired again. Later."
I lifted my chin in a nod, head spinning from him saying he wanted Chloe back over here. Having that girl around me all day sounded like heaven but I wasn't quite convinced that it was a good idea.
It would be awkward if he saw us together and awkward if we had to implement a no touching rule. But the only way Jace would get used to us together was if he saw us together, subtly. Plus, her parents were going away next week and I was looking forward to having her all to myself.
I pinched the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes, feeling a banging headache coming on.
Chapter Forty-Five
Logan
Having Chloe back at the house was, as I'd thought, monumentally awkward. Jace was being false nice and it was pissing me off. Chloe was being extra nice and understanding and that was kind of pissing me off, too. I didn't want her to feel like she had to apologise every five seconds.
Her parents were off on their two-week anniversary trip and we'd been making the most of having her house to ourselves. I wanted to be there right now but she insisted we come to mine because Jace had asked and that meant he was making an effort, and if he was making the effort we should, apparently. I knew she was right but it still felt too soon. Jace clearly didn't like how close we were. His face earlier when he saw me kiss her hello briefly told me that much.
I sat in the living room with her, Jace and thankfully Cassie. We needed that extra person or it was pretty unbearable. My parents were outside, avoiding the whole awkward thing. I was back to keeping my hands off her but this time I had every right to touch her as much as I wanted to. Chlo came over for lunch an hour ago but with Jace hanging around it felt like hours and hours had past.
"Oh," Cass said, finally thinking of something to say. Hallelujah. "Comedy Club this weekend? Apparently, there's this old couple that go up together and talk about things that would make us gag if it was our parents. Could be fun."
"You want to go and watch a couple have an argument on stage?" I asked.
"Heck yeah!" Chloe replied. "We keep missing it."
Alright then. "I'll wait for you by the bar," I said.
Jace laughed but it was that sarcastic little laugh that made me want to punch him. "Why don't you just let her go out with Cassie if you don't want to go."
It wasn't a question. He was being a dick, accusing me of controlling her. If I wanted something to do what I said without argument I'd get a pet.
I clamped my mouth shut, refusing to retaliate. Technically, I was still an arsehole for being with her in the first place, I didn't have a lot of room to snap at him.
"Jace," Cassie said, her voice was a warning.
Things were going to, if possible, get a lot more awkward if he kept on like that. It was his idea for Chloe to come back to the house again so what the hell was he playing at?
; "What?" he said. "I don't get why he'd want to go too, if he'd just stay by the bar. What's the point? Unless he's worried she'll replace him by the end of the set."
"Alright, that's e-fucking-nough, Jace!"
Chloe was on he feet, holding her hands up. "I'm out of here."
"Chloe," I said, leaping up with her. "Wait." If she left in a hurry I always panicked. Her first instinct was to run.
"I just need to leave, Logan, I'm not running."
I needed to hear that. I shouldn't need reassurance as much as I did, I wasn't a fucking child, but she drove me to insanity and I pure and simple didn't want to be without her.
"Don't go, Chloe, I'm sorry," Jace said.
It was a little too late; she was already out the door. I was going to let her go. When she needed her space it was best to give it to her but Jace went after her so I followed them both to get him to leave it.
They were all the way down the path near the front gate by the time I got outside. "I said I was sorry," he shouted.
"I don't care what you said, just let me go, Jace."
Sighing, I made my way down the path. This was a fucking nightmare.
"Enough," I snapped.
"Go back in, Logan, I'm talking to her."
Amount of times I'd restrained myself from punching my brother today alone: seven.
"Oh, for fuck sake, Jace, stop being a little prick." I shouted. "Chloe, you really don't have to leave."
She swiped a tear from her face. "Yeah, I do. I'll call you when I get home but I think we all need to take a few minutes to calm down."
"Shit!" Jace growled. "No, Chloe, he's right, you don't have to leave. I just..." He looked up to the sky and exhaled hard. "This isn't easy."
"It's not easy for us either," she said.
His cocky one eyebrow raise had me more pissed off and no doubt that would only multiply when he said whatever he was about to say.
"I doubt that very much, Chloe. You seemed just fine when you had your fucking tongue down his throat."
"Oh my God," I said. "That's what this is really about. Christ, it was one little kiss and it's going to happen."
"I don't wanna see it."
"Then don't fucking look."
I was being a bit out of order but it literally was one peck while we were in the kitchen alone. We knew we had to make allowances and tone it down a lot but if I wanted to kiss my girlfriend in an empty room I shouldn't have to take a load of shit for it.
"I'm going," Chloe said, spinning around and running along the path.
"Chlo, wait up."
I started opening the swinging gate to follow her when something happened that I couldn't quite process. Jace shouted about nine swear words almost simultaneously. A car revved and mounted the path. Chloe turned and gave a loud scream that was cut off as the bonnet slammed into her body.
I froze up for a second as my body turned to ice. Then I was sprinting towards her, passing Jace and dropping to my knees just after her petite body made a hideous thud on the concrete.
"No, no, no, no, no. Chloe!" She already looked like she was in a deep sleep. Her hair fanned out beside her head. "Fuck, Chloe, open your eyes." I was shaking. I could feel my body shaking and my heart thumping.
Cassie, once she'd stopped screaming, was on the phone, calling for help.
I wanted to pick her up and cradle her in my lap but I knew better than to move her. "What do I do?" I asked, leaning in to make sure she was breathing.
Jace crouched down, wide eyed. He gulped. "Her chest is moving, she's breathing, Logan." He sounded eerily calm. "Give her some room," he said, pushing me back a little with his forearm.
I fell back on my feet and watched Jace check her over. Mum came screaming out of the house, calling Chloe's name the whole way down the path. "What happened?" she asked, dropping down the other side of Chloe's head.
"A car hit her," Jace replied. "Cassie's called 999. She's breathing, she'll be fine."
"How the fuck do you know that?" I spat.
Mum put her hand on my arm, sobbing. "Calm down, Logan." She stroked Chloe's hair. "Hang in there, honey."
I was less than useless. Dad had taken over the phone, speaking to emergency services and Mum, Cass and Jace were speaking to Chloe, telling her everything was going to be fine. I sat back on my legs, still, hollow, watching my life fall apart.
***
"Dad said the Thornberrys have a camera that faces the front door and out on the road. They've probably caught it, he's told the police and they're checking it out," Jace said.
We were in the waiting room. Waiting. Chloe had been whisked off to surgery. She was also going to get scans and all sorts of shit that I couldn't remember because my ears were still ringing and my mind was still half rejecting reality.
"I hope so," Cass replied.
Right now the driver of the car was the least of my worries. My girl was in surgery. Chloe had fucking internal bleeding. Nothing else mattered other than her pulling through.
"Logan, are you okay? You've been staring at the floor for the last half hour," Mum said. "She's going to be fine. You know Chloe, she's a survivor."
She was, but just because she'd been through a lot of shit didn't mean she was immune to fucking hit and runs and internal bleeding.
"I need someone to tell me what's going on," I said. I'd never hated a place more than I hated this waiting room.
Nell bust through the door two minutes later. Mum had called Chloe's parents, who were out of the country, and Nell on the way to the hospital.
"I came as soon as I could. Where is she? What's going on?" she asked.
"She's still in surgery," Mum replied. "Take a seat, love."
Nell sat next to Cassie and looked at me with tears in her eyes. She avoided Jace, which meant she knew why we were outside in the first place. I wanted someone to blame but I knew it wasn't his fault. Jace could have not acted like a twat, I could have stopped her leaving, she could have not run. It was an accident.
"She's been through enough recently," Nell said.
Cassie squeezed her hand, telling her now was not the time. "She's going to be fine. Chlo isn't going anywhere." Cass nodded her head as if to convince herself.
I closed my eyes and lowered my head.
Please, don't leave me, sweetheart.
Chapter Forty-six
Logan
"Why isn't she waking up?" I said for what must have been the thousandth time. She'd made it through surgery fine and was in a room that, thankfully, we were all allowed to be in until she woke up or it got too late. I wasn't leaving.
"The doctor said it could be a good few hours yet," Cass said.
Mum and Dad came back into the room with coffee and snacks from the cafe. "Bill and Bethany's flight leaves at six so they should be in England by midnight. We'll pick them up from the airport tonight," Mum told us.
Her parents must have been going crazy not being here when she was in hospital. I would be a mess if I were in a different country to her.
"Anything from the police?" Jace asked Dad.
"Nothing new. They're still questioning the driver," he replied. They'd caught him not long ago. Thankfully, the neighbours' CCTV showed a clear image of the car so they were able to get the plates and pick him up quickly. It was a kid that hadn't passed his test long so was probably showing off to his mates and lost control.
Jace leant back against the wall and closed his eyes. "I shouldn't have come back. If everyone still thought I was dead she'd be okay."
I gripped Chloe's hand and forced myself to ignore his stupid fucking comment. Mum, Dad and Cass didn't though, instantly telling him how idiotic his thinking was and that Chloe wouldn't want that either.
She wouldn't rather he stayed away and neither would I. He pissed me off and I wanted to strangle him but what happened to Chloe wasn't his fault.
I would deal with Jace's guilt over what happened later, right now all I could concentrate on was Chloe. She was going to be fine,
the doctors had stopped the internal bleeding and her vitals were right where they needed to be, but I couldn't relax until she woke up. I needed those amber eyes looking at me as proof she was alright.
Jace and I had barely said two words to each other since she was hit and I knew full well that I was being a twat by ignoring him but I couldn't seem to help myself. Right now there was nothing I wanted to say to him.
"Logan, why don't you take five minutes and get some fresh air?" Mum said. Nell looked up, she hadn't left the room either and I had a feeling that, like me, she wasn't going to.
Tearing my eyes away from Chlo, I glared at my mum. "What?"
"You've sat there agonising over what's happened since the second we arrived. Take a minute to breathe, you'll be in better shape for her when she wakes up."
Was I in bad shape? Well, yeah, I fucking was, but I hadn't realised it was so obvious. Did I look as shit as I felt?
"I'm not leaving," I said.
"I can see you holding your breath, tensing your body. You're too tightly wound--"
"Mum," I said calmly but firmly. "I am not leaving this room unless it's with her. Okay?"
No one said a word after that, except Nell occasionally demanding that her best friend woke up immediately.
***
Mum and Dad left for the airport to pick Chloe's parents up and the rest of her family that stopped by during the two hour visiting time had left hours ago, promising to come back in the morning. I was left alone with Cassie, Nell and Jace - the three other people that refused to leave. I had a horrible feeling that tomorrow the nurses would try harder to get us to leave.
Chloe was still fast asleep. She was pale but apparently that was normal. That had better be normal. Besides the few times I'd quickly left to go to the bathroom I hadn't been away from her, and I didn't plan to, not until I knew for sure she was alright.
"I'm gonna get some drinks," Jace said. "Anyone want anything?"
"Coffee please," I replied, staring at Chlo's face for any sign that she was about to wake. "She'll want one. Should we get her one?" Of fucking course not! My brain was scrambled. Why the fuck would Chloe want coffee right after waking up from an emergency operation?
Jace looked to Cass and Nell for help. "She won't want anything yet, Logan," Nell said.
"I know."
Shit, I'm an idiot.
"Do you need to take a couple minutes?" Jace asked. "We'll stay."