Chapter Eighteen
Lachlan wrapped his arm around her and pulled her into his side. She felt lighter, as if she would float away at any moment. She had carried the weight of her parent’s deaths on her shoulders for so long she hadn’t even realised how much pressure it put on her.
As they strolled back to the car, it occurred to her that just being with Lachlan had already eased her grief. For ten years the only time she hadn’t been keeping up a façade was in her garden, when she was alone. But with Lachlan, it had become almost impossible to maintain the effort because no matter how much she tried to hide from him, he seemed to see through her barriers.
They’d reached the car but rather than open her door, Lachlan pushed her gently so her back pressed up against the passenger door. Leaning in, he brushed his lips lightly across hers and she inhaled his warm, earthy scent.
“You’re the bravest woman I know,” he whispered, resting his forehead against hers. “Thank you for telling me all this.”
A tiny bubble of guilt bloomed inside April, knowing she hadn’t yet finished telling him everything, but she ruthlessly pushed it away. She’d said enough. Unsure of how else to respond, she leaned into him and kissed him again, firm and slow, pressing her body against his.
When they broke apart, he grinned and opened her door for her. “Where to now?”
“Well there’s this stone ruin not too far from here. I thought maybe we could eat our lunch there, out of the wind.”
It didn’t take long to reach the ruin which really was just a square stone room with no roof, a crumbling chimney and gaping holes where doors and windows had once been. But it provided some shelter from the freezing wind and privacy from prying eyes.
They settled themselves into a corner and began devouring the sandwiches Marie had provided, and April grinned at her sister’s matchmaking efforts.
“What’s so funny?” Lachlan asked.
“Marie’s going all out to impress you.”
He shook his head. “No. All this is for you. She just wants you to be happy.”
“Did she say that?”
“As good as,” he nodded. “I want you to be happy too.”
April froze. Just as she’d finally been able to relax and enjoy his company, he spoiled it by getting serious. The whole point of telling him about her parents was so he would understand that things couldn’t work out for them.
“April, am I wasting my time here?” he grumbled when he noticed her tension. “Do you see any future for us?”
“I thought you understood?” she accused, standing up and turning her back to him. “I can’t be with you. I can’t fit into your life the way you want me to.”
Lachlan stood up as well and turned her around to face him. “And I told you I don’t need you to fit into my life, I just want to be a part of yours.” He spoke slowly, patiently, although it was clear by the tone of his voice he was fast running out of patience.
“Do we have to talk about this now?” she snapped. “Can’t we just enjoy the afternoon together?”
“When do you want to talk about it, April? Back at your place where Ben and Marie are around to hear every word? Over the phone where you’ll just ignore my calls again? Look, I understand why you want privacy, okay? I get it. But why does that have to mean we can’t be together. I’m fine with keeping this a secret.”
“You say that now, but what about in a month? Or a year?” she spat angrily. “Would you still be able to keep it secret then? Because, for the next two years, until Marie finishes high school, I will not do anything to jeopardise our home.”
Lachlan dropped his shoulders and exhaled heavily, all the fight went out of him. “That’s only eighteen months from now, not two years. We can make it work for that long.”
“Lachlan, we couldn’t even make it work for five days in Sydney.” She slumped back against the cold stone wall.
“I love you,” his voice cracked as he pleaded with her. “We can make this work.”
She shut her eyes to his pain, forcing herself to suppress the tears that threatened to fall.
“No,” he said shaking her shoulders and pulling her up against him. “Don’t shut me out. Look at me, April. Look at me.”
“How can you love me when you don’t even know me?” She opened her eyes to meet his intense stare. She felt exposed, as if he could see right through her soul and deep into the darkest corners of her being.
“I know you’re brave and strong and loyal. I know that you’re smart and so beautiful that just looking at you takes my breath away. I know your eyes are the colour of a grassy meadow when the sun is shining brightly overhead and that my fingers twitch with need every time I look at you because I just want to run them through your glorious hair. I know you’d do anything for your sister and that you’ve spent the last ten years proving it. I know you’re scared to open up because for so long you’ve been shutting everyone and everything out just so you could hold it together. I know you’re caring and selfless, but you’re also the most stubborn woman I’ve ever met. And I know that I love you. I know everything I need to know.”
April shook her head, trying to shut out his words, not wanting to hear anything more he had to say. She wanted to believe him but his celebrity status was such a huge part of him and it put her in so much risk she couldn’t face it. It wasn’t just about Marie, she finally admitted to herself. It was about herself and how much she feared for her future if anyone identified her.
“Do you love me?” he whispered, wiping a tear off her cheek. When she tried to shut her eyes again he shook her shoulders firmly, reminding her he wasn’t going anywhere. “Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love me.”
“I…” She paused, wanting desperately to be able to ease his pain but unable to force the lie past her throat. “I love you.”
She’d barely breathed the words when he’d wrapped her into his arms, pulling her tight against him. “We can make this work,” he said hoarsely. “We can make this work.”
He pulled away from her only far enough to be able to claim her mouth with his. The kiss was desperate, as if he was in a desert dying of thirst and she was his oasis. She responded with equal fervour, unable to get enough of him. Wrenching his mouth away from hers, he caressed her neck lovingly with his lips, trailing kisses to the small hollow at the base of her throat, his hot breath and wet mouth causing a torrent of shivers to work their way up and down her spine. He unzipped Ben’s jacket and pulled up her shirt, running his hands across her stomach, over her ribs and nudging her breasts.
“I need you,” he moaned and she responded by unzipping his jacket and emulating his movement with her own hands across his back. They spent the next few moments divesting each other of jeans and underwear and when he entered her, April ceased to care about anything except the man she was with. How could she have thought to give this up? Here, in Lachlan’s arms, was where she belonged. They would make it work. They had to.