Agency wouldn’t have green-lighted this op, so he would have needed Roman anyway.
“All right.” Connor sighed. “Bring Gabe and his girl down in the next couple of days. Have Everly make contact with her on her personal e-mail. Tell her a confidential informant gave her Lara’s name. We’ll find out very quickly if they’ve been in contact with the same man. I can’t imagine she’ll turn down a chance to talk to Everly. The minute Ev mentions that she’s Mad’s sister, Lara’s investigative instincts will kick in. She’ll be all over it.”
“And hopefully Everly will be able to girl-talk some information out of her. Then you can get back to real life,” Dax suggested. “Roman told me he’s sure Langley is going to clear you in the next couple of weeks. He’s speculating that they’re tugging on your leash, hoping to rein you in a little.”
They wanted him afraid. They had zero idea how tired he was of all of it. Of course there was always the fear deep down that he wouldn’t be good at anything else, that he’d made his deal with the devil and there was no way out of hell.
A vision of Lara humming while she folded laundry played across his brain. He’d been so calm that evening, peaceful and centered in a way he hadn’t been before.
It had been a lie. The whole time someone had been watching, lurking in cyberspace, waiting to take her out.
He was being lulled into some kind of domestic bliss, like a hungry tiger who thought the zoo was the solution to all his problems.
Fuck that. He wasn’t buying what she was selling. He didn’t need vegan muffins and constipated dogs and women who listened to vagina rock.
“Good. The sooner this is over with, the better. I have other things to do,” Connor spit out. “Even if the Agency reinstates me, I think I’ll take some more leave. I won’t be satisfied until I find Natalia Kuilikov and get some answers out of her.”
“You and me both,” Dax agreed. “I’m staying in a hotel about a block away. Text me when you’re on the move again.”
“Will do. You coming with Roman when I let him in?”
Dax frowned. “You’re really going to do that? She might be able to forgive you for snooping around if you ever tell her the truth, but I’m not so sure you and Roman have the same agenda.”
“Of course we do. We’re both looking for Deep Throat and Natalia Kuilikov.”
“I’m worried Roman will shut down Capitol Scandals. You know he plays hardball when it comes to Zack’s legacy. He always has. If he thinks taking everything away from that girl will protect Zack’s right pinkie from getting a hangnail, he’ll do it and he won’t think twice.”
Lara lived for that rag. Yes, it was a tabloid. But stories about the president’s penis size notwithstanding, she never reported anything that was false or actively hurting the public. What would she do without her site?
Why did it fucking matter? It couldn’t matter. He had to lay aside his odd affection for the girl and finish this mission. “Yeah, I’m going to do it. If I can spare her, I will. If I can’t, well, that’s politics, right?”
Dax’s eyes narrowed. “Now that sounds like the Connor I know. Funny, I was really starting to like the new one. Call me when you’re on the move. I’ll shadow her as long as necessary. I think I kind of like her, too. I finally read the damn site. Yeah, it seems to be nothing but a tabloid, but there’s substance there. She’s found a way to get people to listen. Smart girl.”
Dax walked away and Connor couldn’t help but think that he’d disappointed his best friend.
He stepped back into the building. This was why he needed to get back to his real world. He didn’t fucking fit here. He didn’t belong where fairy princesses made breakfast and did laundry and tried to save the world through impassioned words. He didn’t even fucking understand this world. Everyone around Lara was dirty. Her best friend was screwing a married man. Her ex-fiancé was likely hiding his father’s backdoor dealings. Freddy was up to something. God only knew what he could dig up on her father.
On the ride up to the tenth floor, it struck him that maybe he should confront her with everything. He should find all the dirt under Daddy’s seemingly shiny surface. Her mother probably had a couple of skeletons in her closet, too. He could lay it all out for Lara. Then she would understand his worldview, know that it was right. She would have no choice then but to admit she needed someone like him, who didn’t mind getting his hands bloody or giving away pieces of his black-as-night soul to keep her safe in this nasty world. She would finally grasp that he alone stood between her and a big heaping pile of danger. After that, she would get on her knees and beg him to protect her.
He would do it, but their roles would be clear. She would pay him with that sweet body, and he could hold himself apart because she was just like the others, offering him a deal. After all, nothing was free.
Something nasty roiled through him as he stalked down the hall toward her sunny apartment.
When he headed for her door, Connor realized that if he dumped all his honesty on Lara, she would never offer him the same affection she did the rest of her friends. He cursed under his breath. Damn, he couldn’t keep her anyway. Sure, he could tear her apart and force her to his side temporarily, but he would go back to the Agency because it was his home. Hell or not, it was where he belonged.
So instead of seducing her tonight, he would keep his distance. It was the only gift he could give her.
He would drug her tonight, slip something into that organic wine she liked and let the wolves in. Once Connor had the information he needed, he would disappear from her life. Eventually, she would find her pansy-assed prince. They would have 2.5 kids and he would cheat on her and she would be forty and single and miserable.
And Connor would be alone. That was just how the shit had to fall. He would stay away from her, no matter how much he wanted to sink himself inside and take all that warmth as payment for being cold for so long.
The predator inside him couldn’t fucking stand that she was going to get away. But he would release her because he didn’t want Lara Armstrong to be one more ghost who haunted him.
He opened the door, and the heavenly smell of meat assaulted him. His stomach growled. That was some spectacular-smelling tofu.
Lara stepped out, wearing her clothes from earlier, along with a pink and yellow ruffled apron. She was biting that full lower lip and frowning. “It’s almost ready.” She swallowed then took a deep breath. “Do you like it bloody? Or well done?”
“What are you talking about?” Connor growled because there was no way she could be talking about what he thought she was. Lara Armstrong didn’t bend. She was constant, and that had been a wall between them, one he wouldn’t climb.
She was a little pale. “The, um, meat. How long do you want me to cook it?”
That was when he noticed the spot. It was small, but his gaze caught it because he wouldn’t have ever expected to see a drop of blood staining her pristine apron. She’d cooked for him. For him and not just because she was cooking. She’d given up something important in order to please him.
His fairy princess had gotten bloody for him.
He crossed the space between them and had her in his arms before she could take another breath. She was so small, he just lifted her up so he could get to her mouth.
All of his resolutions from barely three minutes ago went out the window as his mouth descended to hers. He saw a moment of surprise in her big blue eyes, and then her arms wound around his shoulders and she leaned in.
He was all over her. He took two steps forward so her back flattened against the wall and he could press in, surrounding her with himself. The need to rub his body all over her was almost primal and completely irresistible. He needed to mark her, to bury his own scent in her skin so other males understood they would be forfeiting their life if they tried to touch what was his. He dominated, his tongue surging inside and stroking into her mouth in a blatant imitation of what his cock wanted.
That quickly, the most imp
ortant question swirling in his brain wasn’t whether he would keep her for the time being, but whether he would ever be able to let her go.
* * *
Lara was still a little breathless hours later when she finally sat down across from Connor, a glass of wine in her trembling hands. She’d poured him a couple of fingers of his ridiculously expensive Scotch and handed it to him in a crystal tumbler before deciding she needed a little liquid courage, too.
She was so confused. First he’d kissed her like he would never stop. He’d pressed her against the wall. She’d been completely dependent on him. Her feet hadn’t touched the ground and her whole focus seemed to narrow to the feel of his mouth on hers. Over and over he’d kissed her, his tongue tangling with hers, his body harder than the wall. She’d felt his erection between them as she’d wrapped her legs around him, wanting to ride that cock. She’d never thought of it that way before. She’d thought of a penis in clinical terms but that big, hard erection that had rubbed all over her couldn’t be described as anything less than a cock. She’d lost track of time while he’d kissed her.
At least until the smoke alarm had gone off.
Connor had set her down, kissed her forehead, and chuckled as he silenced the loud contraption. She’d burned her first try at making him a burger. Luckily, Kiki had brought her four patties, claiming a man as big as Connor could eat them all.
He’d eaten three and a half. Lincoln had been fed the other half under the table. Yes, she’d caught that. Dinner was pleasant. Connor talked for a change. He’d told her about a group of friends he’d grown up with in small-town Connecticut. He’d asked her about Kiki and Tom. They’d talked about movies they liked. Not surprisingly, he was an action junkie. She preferred romantic comedies.
They’d done the dishes in an easy, companionable fashion, and then he’d turned on a football game. The past three hours had crawled by as she stared at her computer screen, wondering what the hell that kiss had meant.
Ten minutes before, he’d shown up in the doorway to her office and asked her to make him a drink and join him in the living room. She could feel his eyes on her the whole time. Now he was sitting on her couch, leaning back with his Scotch in his hand like a king surveying his palace.
“Why did you cook for me tonight?” he asked, the question a deep, sexy rumble.
She sat across from him. How to answer that question? Right after he’d kissed her, she likely would have blurted everything without thinking. Now, she’d had hours to worry that it was a mistake. He seemed to be in an odd mood, and she thought briefly about a pithy answer. He hadn’t asked her about cooking meat. Just cooking. “I was trying to be a good hostess.”
His eyes narrowed. “Lie. Try again.”
He could be so irritating. Why couldn’t he just be polite like other men? “Why does it matter?”
“It matters to me.” He glowered.
Two could play at that game. “Why did you kiss me?”
“Because I want you very badly.”
“Then why, after you shut off the smoke alarm, did you pretend like it didn’t happen?” That question had been bugging her all night. Had she kissed him wrong? Was she bad at it?
He arched a single jet black brow. “I didn’t do that at all. After dinner, you were the one who said you needed to work. So I tried to spend as much time with you as I could. I talked with you, cleaned up with you, offered to watch TV with you. How was that pretending like it didn’t happen?”
Put that way, it didn’t. “I meant, why didn’t you kiss me again?”
“Ah, that’s what you’re upset about. I didn’t kiss you again because if I had, I would have taken you straight to bed and we would still be fucking. We would likely be fucking until we passed out.”
And that was a problem, why? “So that game just seemed more interesting?”
His eyes narrowed, those dark orbs pinning her to her seat. “I wasn’t interested in the game. I was giving us both a little time. That kiss hit me hard. I’m not a man who normally loses my head like that. I needed time to get my shit together. I wanted you to have time, too. Now that we’ve shared a pleasant evening, you can decide if sex with me is something you really want. I hope you’ve thought about it because if you say yes, we’re going to do this my way and I’m not sure you’re going to like that.”
His way? His way had seemed really nice when he’d thrown her against the wall. Passion had welled up and she hadn’t been thinking about anything but him. It had been simple and he seemed determined to make it complicated. “What’s your way?”
“I’m in charge. I’ll take control and you’ll either say yes or we’ll walk away.”
“That seems harsh.” It was pretty much everything she feared about him. Spencer Connor didn’t seem like a man who understood the meaning of the word compromise. Although he had eaten with her all those days when she wasn’t cooking anything he liked. And he’d given in when she’d pushed him to let her out of the condo earlier in the day. He hadn’t even lectured her about how poorly the venture had gone.
“It’s the only way I’ll have a physical relationship with you, and I pulled back to make sure you understand. You were saved by the bell, so to speak. I’m trying to be fair with you. I want you to walk into this clear eyed and with absolutely no romantic notions.”
She didn’t like the sound of that. “So what you’re saying is all you’re willing to offer me is a few nights of sex and then you’ll leave me to the next man.”
“I didn’t say that at all.” If it was possible, the room got cold. His eyes had turned into stony orbs. “You should understand there won’t be any other men. I won’t tolerate it, Lara. Maybe you believe in modern relationships where two people go to bed whenever they get an itch so they scratch it with whomever seems to be handy. When it comes to you, you’ll find I’m very old-fashioned. I won’t hesitate to defend what I consider mine. Don’t ever use another man to manipulate me. I will end him. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
He was saying if she got into bed with him, she would belong to him. “What do you really want from me?”
His lips curled up. “Now you’re asking the right questions. This is why I gave us time. I don’t go into anything with a lackadaisical, hope-it-works-out attitude. I want things made plain. What do I want from you? I want your warmth and affection. I want your intelligence. I want your loyalty first and foremost. I want you to understand that I’m your lover and you owe me your trust above all others. I want your body. I want to be the man who introduces you to just how sensual you can be, and I want that to mean something to you.”
He hadn’t mentioned a thing about love, but asking for her warmth and affection had done something to her. He was a man who needed it. His admission had lacked sentimentality, but Kiki’s words earlier were ringing in her ears. She’d spent years trying to find the perfect mate only to have it fall apart again and again. She’d been looking for someone like her. Connor was her polar opposite.
Unlike Niall, Connor was being upfront and honest with her. It wasn’t perfect, but it was real.
“And if the sex meant something to me, what could I expect from you? Besides the whole ‘death to any man who touches me’ thing.”
His head fell back and his deep, almost musical laughter filled the room. When he looked back, warmth filled his gaze. “You’re the only one who can do that to me, princess.”
“Make you laugh?” Her hands were shaking as she took a drink. Nerves. Anticipation. Just being near him made her both the tiniest bit anxious and thrilled. Connor was completely unknown territory.
“Make me forget a lot of the reasons why I don’t laugh.” He patted his lap. “Come here.”
She set her glass down. She’d kissed him twice, practically humping his leg both times, and yet sitting on his lap seemed so intimate. There would be no elevator doors opening or fire alarms going off. They were all alone and would be for the rest of the night. This was why he’d given them hours. He’d
let her cool down, given her space to really understand he was different. A tiny part of her resented him for it. If he’d just kept kissing her, taken her to bed, she wouldn’t have to make the decision. Her body would have made it for her.
“I can see you thinking. It’s got to be your choice. I’ll take care of you, but I refuse to be out of control. You can always tell me no, but I want you to use that no with discrimination. Trust me to know what your body needs.”
“And outside the bedroom?” She couldn’t be his doormat. She couldn’t be a plaything he took out when he needed physical gratification.
“I’m in charge of that too, princess, though I think you’ll find I can be deeply indulgent when I’m satisfied. Now answer the question and make your choice. Why did you feed me tonight?”
“Because I wanted to make you happy.” There it was, the only honest answer to his question. But it left her vulnerable.
Connor rewarded her with a toe-curling smile. He patted his knee again, offering her a place. “That’s what I wanted to hear. Come and sit on my lap, Lara. I want you. I want you more than I’m comfortable admitting. I know I should let you go, but I can’t.”
She’d studied this man for days. The men she’d been around would have coaxed her, used their charm on her. Connor was simply honest. When she thought about it, the entire evening had been his version of seduction. Giving her time had been an indulgence, but he needed to know she came to him with her eyes open.
He wanted sex, yes. But he also sought her warmth and affection because he needed those things. If he’d just called her hot and said he wanted her body, she likely could have turned him