Her body was already heating up in anticipation of what he intended to do to her. She was surprised she didn’t hate the idea of being tied up by him. It was all a question of trust. She trusted him with her body, her life, her pleasure.
Could she trust him with her heart?
She let her arms drift overhead, her fingertips brushing the railing of the headboard. Cool metal flashed against her palms as she gripped two of them. She had a feeling she would need to hold on to something.
“Bring your knees up and spread your legs. I want you open for me.”
She did as he asked. “What’s going on, Connor?”
“Stay like that. I’ll be right back.” He stepped away.
She stared up at the ceiling. What was he doing? He was giving her too much time to think. She turned slightly and looked at the nightstand. It was empty with the exception of an elegant table lamp. It was obvious he’d bought the best of everything, but there was something cold to his furnishings. There were no pictures or knickknacks. No gifts or souvenirs proudly displayed.
“Close your eyes,” he commanded.
A little panic threatened. It was still so close. She could still see Kiki, still hear the gun firing off, still hear Natalia slumping to her death and smell the acrid scent of blood. “I can’t.”
“You can.” His tone was deep and dark, cajoling her to do his bidding. “I don’t want you to think. I just want you to feel.”
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Maybe if he kept talking, she could concentrate on his voice. “Why did you buy this place?”
The bed dipped as he sat beside her. The anticipation was going to kill her. “I needed a place near work.”
“Your work was all over the world.” She could feel her body tightening, waiting for that moment when his warm hands would stroke across her skin. “It would have been easier to get an apartment. Less upkeep.”
“I wasn’t worried about the upkeep. I was worried about showing my father how well I’ve done and just how much I could buy with his money. Don’t scream, princess.”
Something cold touched her right nipple and it nearly took her breath away. She couldn’t help it. Her eyes flew open. Connor was running a piece of ice around her areola. She shivered. “That’s so cold.”
“But this isn’t.” He leaned over and sucked her nipple into his mouth, giving her the hard edge of his teeth. The sensation raced along her skin, flaring out and making her squirm. He licked her and then lifted his head, dark eyes staring down at her. “Are you thinking about anything but me right now?”
She shook her head.
“Then stop complaining.” He brought the ice cube to her lips, dragging it across her mouth. “I have a couple of fun things to do before we get to the main event, so to speak. Everly packed for you. I asked her to make sure she didn’t miss the very important items in your nightstand.”
She gasped as she realized what he was talking about. “Oh my god, how did you know about that?”
He winked and reached down to the side of the bed, coming up with her small pink vibrator. “Princess, I snoop. It’s my job and my nature. And do you have any idea what kind of fantasies I had about you and this little wand? I like it. It’s your fairy princess wand. I’m going to use it to grant a wish.”
She was fairly certain her whole body was on fire with embarrassment. He’d known about her little wand. She’d bought it on a whim. She’d gone to her cousin’s bachelorette party. There had been a woman selling erotic toys and after a couple of margaritas, she’d ordered a little pink wand vibrator. She’d only tried it once and had discovered it didn’t really work on her.
She wasn’t going to tell Connor that. For some reason she didn’t want to stop him. He was relaxed, happier than he’d been before. That made her happier. And she wanted to know the rest of his story. He never talked about himself. Anytime she asked, he cleverly turned the conversation back to her.
He skated the ice cube down her torso, every inch making her shiver and groan. He grazed it down and she stiffened when it hit her clitoris and he stroked cool circles around her little bud.
“Did your dad like it? This house, I mean.” Every word was a pant. She had to force them out because he was slowly driving her mad.
He slid the rapidly melting cube along her labia while his free hand brushed her nipples. “He never saw it. Once he’d given me what I asked for, I never actually talked to him again. He died a couple of years back.”
She watched as he pulled the ice from her pussy and brought it right to his mouth. He licked it and sucked it like it was the richest ice cream ever. “What did you ask for?”
“Twenty million.” He brought the vibe closer, twisting it and putting it on a low hum. “My father was a congressman. Unfortunately, he started life as a drug dealer. That’s how he met my mother. By the time I found him, he’d turned his life around and his father had sold the family ranch for a hundred million. Turns out it was sitting on prime development land and on top of one of the largest natural gas reserves in the country. He’d gone legit and married and had his two-point-five kids. I blackmailed him.”
From what she understood, he’d been left in a terrible position. His mother had been a drug addict. He’d been a child trying to make his way in the world. So smart. So ambitious, but other than his friends, so alone. He’d had to teach himself. She’d had two loving parents. She’d had a family to support her and teach her how to love.
The last day or two, she hadn’t been putting her knowledge to good use.
How would Connor love? Would he stumble and fall like a child needing guidance? The love would still be pure, but there would be a learning curve. Could a man like that make a terrible mistake and try to correct it with all his heart?
The vibrator hummed in his hand, but when he looked down at her, his face was blank. “Are you shocked by that? I took twenty million dollars from him. I signed a document stating that I wasn’t his son and would never contact him again.”
How much of his heart had that cost him? Her poor, sweet Connor. He had a cold home, bought with blood money. He spent his life protecting without ever receiving an ounce of warmth. Only his friends had given him a safe place.
It struck her quite suddenly that was exactly what he sought. A safe place. He’d been a lonely boy and then an outsider even among his friends. He’d found a place in the world with the CIA, but it had pushed him further to the outside.
Peace. He’d said he wanted peace in exchange for the work he’d done.
He’d quit his job and asked her to marry him. He’d offered her the one thing that was very likely sacred to him. A child who would never know want the way he had. A child who would need a father.
She looked up at him and realized that if she rejected him again and pushed him away for what he’d done in service to his friends and country, they could very likely be over. They would go back to being polite strangers who went their own ways after the case was solved.
Lara had hit a fork in the road. She could protect herself. She could ensure that he never had the ability to hurt her again. In some ways, she could have her revenge on him for hurting her in the first place.
Screw the world. I need you. I need you to be Lara . . .
He’d said he needed her, all but pleading for the parts of herself she’d always valued. Warmth and affection. Forgiveness. Kindness. Love. She’d found an endless well for people she barely knew. Didn’t the man she loved deserve all those things from her and more? Yes, real love, intimate love, was so much harder than giving charity to a stranger or even hugging a friend, but she’d never been one to shrink from a challenge.
“Baby, I think you should have gone for an even thirty million,” she replied with a little smile. “Though I do hope you gave some to charity. I know some really nice people who help recovering addicts get back on their feet.”
He stared down at her and she could practically feel his relief. “Whatever you want, princess. It’s al
l yours. And next time I blackmail someone, I’ll make sure to talk to you before I set a price. You’re quite ruthless.”
Okay, maybe he’d misunderstood. “Connor, I was joking. You can’t blackmail people.” She started to talk about how he could achieve his goals without blackmail, but he flicked the vibrator on and placed it against her clit until she could barely think anymore.
“What was that?” Connor asked with a decadent grin as he moved the wand in soothing circles. “I couldn’t hear you over the hum. See, when you start lecturing me, I’ll just ensure you’re too busy to speak.”
“I’ll find a way,” she managed on a shaky breath. “I’m very determined. I chained myself to a park tree when I was eight years old. They were going to tear it down but I knew a family of squirrels lived there. Actually, they were trying to tear it down to build a public water park, and I argued so well at city council that they changed the plans. Yeah, I was unpopular in school.”
He laughed, one of those rare, genuine Connor laughs that she hoarded like gold because he only ever seemed to laugh like that around her. “I can imagine it’s difficult being a preteen crusader.” He moved the wand all around, upping the hum and causing her whole body to tighten. “I was a preteen pessimist, so we’re an odd pair.”
She couldn’t miss the way he relished saying those words. Her hands tightened around the bars of the headboard. Her feet dug into the comforter. So close. She was so close.
And then he pulled the vibe away.
Her eyes flew open. “You’re a sadist.”
He moved between her legs, settling himself on his belly, his face hovering over her pussy. “No. I’m a patient man and you are a very impatient woman. I think I’m going to do the adult equivalent of your squirrel rescue. I’ll chain you to my bed until you promise to marry me.”
“Why marriage?” She watched as he lowered his mouth and placed a reverent kiss on her flesh. “We could date for a while. We haven’t known each other very long.”
“Because when it’s right, it’s right. Because I’ve waited my whole life to find you and I want to start our future now.” He licked at her, and her skin seemed to fire off, pleasure building like a grenade about to explode.
She could read between the lines. He’d waited his whole life for someone to call his own. He’d likely not even thought it would happen. He’d assumed he was cursed to be alone and now that he’d found the woman he wanted, he would move to secure her like the ruthless tactician he was. He wouldn’t feel safe in a casual relationship. He would want her bound to him in every way possible. It was simply the way Connor Sparks was built.
“Tell me you love me,” she murmured.
He jerked his head up, his hands tightening around her legs like he was a little worried this was a trap. Still, he didn’t shirk or shy away. “I love you. I love you so fucking much. I love every inch of you, and the next time you want to save a family of bushy-tailed rodents, I’ll take care of everyone who tries to stop you.”
They were going to have to work on his violent tendencies. “I love you, too.”
“Marry me.” He wasn’t a man to take a small victory when he could push for the end of the war.
And it was a futile battle. “You know I will.”
“You won’t regret it.” He smiled, a wolfish expression, and then the wand was back. He placed it right on her clit and turned that sucker on. “I’ll make sure you don’t.”
He speared her with his tongue, fucking up inside her while he stimulated her little nubbin. She went off like a rocket, her whole body bowing with the pleasure.
After a moment, he kissed her one last time and she felt him leave the bed, turning off the wand. She kept her eyes closed, reveling in the way her body felt. Only one man could ever make her feel like this—languid and beautiful, weak for him, but oh so strong.
She’d made her decision. It might be silly, but she didn’t want to live in a world without him. Love required a leap of faith, and holding out on him wouldn’t change the fact that she was hopelessly, irrevocably in love with Connor Sparks.
Had he been standing with her in Kiki’s apartment, there would have been no negotiation. There would have been no playing the odds and deciding he couldn’t save her. He would have placed himself between her and that bullet, and nothing would have made him move. Tom might have thought he loved her, but Connor had been right. With men, actions spoke louder than words.
“I forgive you.” He needed to hear the words. “I won’t hold the way we met against you. We’ll move on from here together.”
She felt the bed dip again and then heard an odd snick of a sound.
“And I trust you, Lara. I trust you more than anyone in the world. Help me get past my fear. I don’t want anything between us.”
She sat up and found Connor laid out beside her, his gorgeous body on display. His hands were over his head and he’d locked them to the headboard with a pair of silver handcuffs.
He was utterly open and vulnerable to her.
She looked at her gorgeous man, at every scar he wore on his body and the ones no one could see.
She would prove to him that he was safe with her.
SEVENTEEN
Connor hated being vulnerable and thought about the fact that he could probably break the bed, but he’d gone too far with the cuffs. Way too far. He couldn’t pull them apart. He couldn’t drag himself out and that made him damn near crazy. What had he been thinking?
Lara looked down at him, her eyes wide, and his dick didn’t seem to have the same PTSD he had. His cock was straining, preening under her hot gaze. The damn thing reached almost to his navel and he could feel it weeping, wanting to come.
She’d said she would marry him. He’d won her back. Both his relief and his joy were epic. But he knew they wouldn’t be complete until he gave her something she needed: his trust. Lara Armstrong needed to know she was the only one in the world he would give control to.
She placed a hand over his chest, her lips curling up in the sweetest smile he’d ever seen. “I think you picked me for my belief in nonviolence.”
He’d never really known anyone like her. She was unique in his world. “I picked you because you’re you.”
She leaned over and pressed a kiss to his chest, just above his nipple. “You don’t ever have to worry about me hurting you, Connor.” Her tongue laved over his skin and he bit back a groan. “Though I will admit I’ve come to have a fondness for certain forms of torment. What does the Geneva Convention say about sexual torture?”
“I think they’re for it,” he murmured as she ran her hand down his chest toward his waist. He wanted to drag her down and force her to grip his cock hard and pump him while he branded her with his mouth, but this wasn’t his show.
She licked his other nipple, turning them into erogenous zones he hadn’t known he had. Her hair flowed around her, creeping across his torso. It tickled and tormented him, and he wouldn’t have had it any other way. He loved being trapped in her web. It was a safe place to be.
“I also have to say I’ve come to believe that nonviolence isn’t always the best way,” she said.
“Why is that, princess?” He was very still under her ministrations. Her little tongue darted over his skin, tasting and licking and lighting up his flesh like a butterfly flitting from flower to flower.
“It’s been a rough week, babe. We’ve been shot at a whole bunch. It might take me some time to get back to totally peaceful thoughts. I’d kind of like to shoot Tom.”
His hands tightened at the sound of the other man’s name. “He didn’t love you, Lara.”
She kissed along his jawline, her hand brushing up against his cock. “You’re right. I was never safe with him. Even when you were lying to me, I was safe with you.”
He groaned as she ran her tongue along his lower lip. “Always.”
“I think I figured out that we all wear masks sometimes.” She got to her knees, staring down at him. “Kiki blindsiding me was p
artially my fault. I never really scratched below her surface or I would have seen her anger.”
Now he really wanted use of his hands so he could tug her close. “It wasn’t your fault and she wasn’t truly angry with you. Baby, why don’t you let me out of these cuffs and we can talk about it.”
His cock would have to wait.
A little frown crossed her lush mouth and she shook her head. “No. This is my time.” She shifted, throwing a leg over his hips and straddling him. “She harbored some definite anger at the world. I didn’t really listen to her the way I should have, or I