“I wanted to get a picture of you and Bianca. She said you had left, but then luckily we found your mother waiting on you,” Mr. Nathenson said to me.
Bianca stepped forward and hooked her arm through mine. Kara stood by Bianca’s mom so she could take a picture, too.
“Charlie, take your hood off,” Kara said to me.
“No,” Bianca’s mother complained. “I love the hood; it wouldn’t be Charlie without it.”
I smiled through gritted teeth – I wanted to get away from them – to get my mom away from them. I was halfway hoping Britain would chose to follow us out – this desire to run was never a problem when he was close; that’s odd, considering he seems to bring that emotion out of everyone he’s around.
“Sorry,” Bianca whispered behind her smile.
I rolled my eyes, knowing she wasn’t.
“Perfect,” Mr. Nathenson said. “Well, I’m sure all of you are eager to get on your way. I’m disappointed that we won’t see Charlie this summer.”
I felt my stomach drop. I could only hope my mother hadn’t told them where I was going. As I looked back and forth between my mother and Mr. Nathenson, my heart started to race and my ears burned.
My mother nodded and looked at me as if to tell me to say my goodbyes. I looked at Bianca.
“I’ll see you around,” I mumbled.
She smiled innocently. “In no time.”
The sick feeling in my stomach was so powerful, I had to tell myself to breath. I felt like the world was closing in around me – that my worst fears were about to come true. I just didn’t know what they were.
“I’ll let you how that case works out,” Mr. Nathenson said to us as we walked away.
My mom looked back and smiled, then reached her arm around my shoulders.
“What case?” I asked once we were far enough away not to be heard.
“innocent..,” the shadows mocked.
My mom tightened her arm around me. “Apparently, Mr. Nathenson was concerned about the delivery boy that brought the food to your little party. So he asked his friend at the DA’s office to look into it, and now they’ve linked several cases matching deliveries and robberies. They even made a few arrests.”
I was very careful not to let the confusion I was feeling surface in my expression. Bianca had admitted to me that she had given me what she thought was valium – now they’re saying that her alibi was real? The whispers began to laugh. I didn’t understand. It was as if they were on Bianca’s side – it didn’t make any sense that they were always silent around her. I couldn’t shake the terrified emotion that was chasing me.
“Did you tell them where I’m going? Do they know about Salem?” I asked in a low tone.
My mother looked down at me and squeezed my shoulder. “I didn’t tell them anything beyond that you were going home…if they figure it out, I’ll deal with it. You’re safe in Salem…do you understand me?”
I didn’t answer; I couldn’t through the fear I felt. I knew my mom was wrong, but I had no way to back up what I was feeling.
“My car’s over here – ride with Kara; I have a few calls to make, and I don’t want you to be bored.”
I nodded slightly and walked in a daze at Kara’s side to her car.
“Charlie…you’re going to be fine – trust us,” Kara said under her breath.
“I don’t see it that way,” I mumbled.
She stopped behind her car and looked at me. “Why did you say that?” she asked.
I didn’t even try to hide my fear as I looked at her. “I feel it.”
“See it, or feel it?” she asked.
“If I could see it, I’d be able to tell you why – tell you that this is a bad idea.”
“If you could see, you’d be running to Salem - not tucked away in a dark hallway with that boy.”
“See? I think you’re taking my words too literally. I wasn’t tucked away. I was just talking to him.”
“That’s not what it looked liked to me – mom is right: that boy thinks you’re with him, and I can only hope he’s wrong because if he’s not – you’re in more trouble than I thought.”
“Sometimes our eyes lie, Kara – he’s not a bad guy – at least, I don’t think he is…if I figure him out, then I’ll be able to stop something.”
“What?” she asked, clearly disappointed in me.
I didn’t understand her tone - she was acting like I was cheating on someone with Britain – and that was insane. Right now, he was the only guy I could clearly recall in my life. As I thought those words, I felt my heart break and a sick feeling consume me. I felt dizzy. I braced myself on the side of the car.
“I don’t know,” I mumbled as I tried to find air.
“Let’s go home,” she said as she hit the ‘Unlock’ button on her keys.
I got in, put my seatbelt on, and slouched in my seat. I couldn’t keep my legs still; I bounced them along with the rhythm of the song I was playing in my mind. Without even realizing it, my fingers started to move against the seat. I felt my breath start to come back to me. I was still anxious, but it was more about getting home as fast as I could – I felt like I had to get there before Bianca – but that didn’t make any sense…what would she want there?
Kara climbed in and glanced down at my fingers moving in random order against the seat. She smiled slightly and mumbled, “Already getting better.”
I pulled my fingers into a fist. I was starting to dread the idea of playing…of being really bad at it. I didn’t want to give my mother another reason to hate music. I figured if I didn’t mention music or the guitar, she’d forget about asking me to play.
I furrowed my eyebrows as I remembered her asking me to – the emotions and the flashes of memories that didn’t seem to belong to me. I unclenched my fingers and started to move them to the sound I was hearing again. I felt a calm come over me, and my breath was starting to come on its own again.
The whispers started to mock the sound I was pretending to create. I stopped the flow of my fingers again to hear them laugh at me. I shook my head and chose to ignore them. The more I focused on the song in my mind, the clearer the memories I had last night became. I could feel the vibration of each string – I could hear my fingers command a sound to life. It was an unexplainable feeling – it felt like I was trying to take control of a life that didn’t belong to me.
Once Kara got out of the parking lot, she pointed at the radio. “Go ahead, play your music – as loud as you want.”
I smiled and shook my head no. “I don’t listen to the radio.”
She turned the radio up anyway.
“I don’t want you to be tense,” she said, shaking her head and mocking what Britain had said.
A few minutes later, she turned down the radio and glanced at me. “So…let’s talk about music…what’s your favorite song?”
“The one I hear right now ,” I said, pointing to my head, “– is track 1 – I don’t know the name of the band.”
“Track one on what?” she asked, prodding me to open up to her.
“My phone…it’s a good song… great sound…perfect voice.”
Kara looked down at my fingers still moving along with what I could remember of the song. She relaxed in her seat. “Let’s talk about that song… looks like it’s helping you.”
“Kara, please, let’s not talk about music – I’m freaked out enough that mom wants me to play for her.”
“That’s understandable,” Kara said, smiling slightly. “I told you she’d come around one day – I guess she was just waiting for the right moment.”
“Come around? Right moment? Does this look like a right moment?! I can’t play – no clue on how to – she should have come up with this ridiculous request ten years ago, when I had nothing else to deal with.”
Kara moved her head from side to side as she drove. I could tell she wanted to give me some kind of lecture – shake me out of whatever fog I was in, but something was holding her back. I almost
wanted her to – I hated feeling like this – it’s one thing to be afraid, but to be that way and have no idea why is a whole other ball game – one I didn’t want to play.
Kara didn’t say anything for almost an hour, then she stretched in her seat. “I should have let you drive,” she complained.
I looked at her like she was crazy. I had taken Drivers Ed and passed with flying colors, and I’ve had my license for almost a year now, but I live in the city; driving was something I never did...it just took too long.
“What? You don’t think I’m driving you around all summer, do you?” she said, winking at me.
I sat up in my seat, not believing what I was hearing, “You’re going to let me drive your car – really?”
“I didn’t say that,” she said, laughing.
I crossed my arms and slid back into my seat, realizing she was just trying to get me to talk to her.
She just smiled slightly and turned up the radio. As we came closer to Salem, shadows from the trees alongside the road started to move – and almost reach for the car. I would flinch, and Kara would glance in my direction, then change lanes and move us to the brighter side of the road.
An hour later, mom called and told Kara to go to the restaurant first; she was starving. I was hungry, too, but I wanted to change before we went out. I hated wearing this black dress. I looked down at my hoodie covering it and decided I didn’t look as uptight as I thought I did. I lowered my hood and adjusted my pony tail, then pulled it across my shoulder before I raised my hood again.
“Are you really going to keep that hood on?” Kara asked as we pulled in the parking lot.
“Don’t worry, Kara; I have lots of these. I’ll let you borrow one if you want,” I teased.
“Maybe so, but I’m the one who packed your bags.”
“What? Tell me you packed them?!” I said, not sure if she was teasing or not.
“Calm down; hoodies, tank tops, and jeans all packed,” she said, reaching to pat me on the knee.
My mother parked next to us. She was on the phone and waved for us to go on without her. I was sure it was some business call. She honestly worked every day, all day. That infuriated me – I felt like she was wasting her life away on something that wouldn’t even matter one day.
As we walked in, I purposely avoided the shadows that were stretched across the sidewalk. Kara wasn’t surprised by my awkward path; she even avoided them to make me seem more sane. I heard the whispers laugh, “Come, Charlie – come.”
“Never,” I said under my breath. Apparently, I said it loud enough for Kara to hear. She sighed and held the door open for me. I heard the music and murmur of conversation and focused on that sound, ignoring the whispers.
It was almost one in the afternoon, but the restaurant wasn’t crowded at all. Kara walked over to the hostess and whispered something quietly to her; she nodded, then turned and went toward the kitchen.
“Kara ,you better not be planning some kind of song or something – I’m serious, don’t do that to me.”
She shook her head. “I’m not - quiet lunch…no surprises,” she said under her breath, obviously concerned about me. She pulled out her phone and began to text.
I let out a jagged breath, anxious to know what she was up to. I glanced at the dining room, taking in the personality of Salem; I really had forgotten how it felt to live a suburban life…I missed it here.
I felt like someone was watching me, and my eyes found them. In front of the window at one of the tables, a boy around my age was sitting with an older man. I locked gazes with this boy and literally felt my heart stop – the simple ability to breath was too much to ask my body to do.
He looked so perfect from this distance. His hair was dark and wavy, not long, but long enough to make him not look uptight. His complexion was flawless, which made his dark features even more attractive. Normally, I’d glance away, but I couldn’t. I felt pulled by to him something that I couldn’t explain – I had to tell myself to stand still - to not walk over to him in some kind of insane trance. I felt completely out of control. Emotions that were too random to name made my eyes glass over. He smiled slightly, and I remembered to breathe. I couldn’t understand how such a simple gesture could make him look even more perfect.
I looked down and told myself to blink, and when I felt the moisture in my eyes, I turned away from him to wipe them dry. My awkward composure had captured Kara’s attention, and she was now studying my every move.
“Charlie…are you OK?” she asked quietly, stepping closer to me and glancing over her shoulder at the dining room.
“I...I want to go home. Can you just order something?” I asked as I balanced myself on the hostess stand. I couldn’t comprehend what my body was doing to me.
“You’re home…let’s just eat – you’re fine.”
I dared to look at the boy again. He was still gazing at me. I swear, I could see anger in his placid expression…but it wasn’t a mean anger…it was painful anger. My chest started to rise and fall heavily, and heat flushed in my cheeks. I wanted to talk to him…but I didn’t know what to say – I didn’t think I could come up with any words that would make any sense.
The hostess returned and nodded at Kara, then grabbed our menus. She began to lead me and Kara in the direction of the boy’s table. I found it easier to breathe with each step – I swear, I could feel every part of my body tingle with an energy that was beyond comprehension. My heart was still racing, but I could handle the rhythm.
I could still hear the whispers behind the hum of the dining room…but they seemed to be struggling to make themselves known…they would grow loud, then instantly go silent over and over again. I didn’t really care how loud or quiet they were – my body was numb, and the only thing in this world at that moment was me and this stranger that I could not take my eyes off of.
He wasn’t staring into my eyes anymore. At first, I thought his was looking over my body, but then I realized he was looking at the space around me. I felt like he was trying to see something that I couldn’t even see right now.
The man with him must have said something to him because I saw his eyes move back to him, then he reached for his phone, which was lying on the table. I watched as he picked it up and began to text. The man with him looked over his shoulder in our direction, then causally back to the boy he was with.
The booth where we were seated was two away from them, and it looked out at the row of tables by the windows. On purpose, I scooted to the center so I could steal a glance or two from this boy. I had to figure him out – why he was causing such an absurd reaction in me.
Trying to make it not look obvious, I looked him over again. I could tell his eyes weren’t as black as mine; from here, they looked almost hunter green. Around his neck, he wore a leather cord, and a guitar pick was the only thing hanging from it. I knew then that he either loved music or played; either way, that was a plus in my book. He was wearing a black hoodie that was zipped almost all the way up, so I couldn’t see if he was wearing any kind of T-shirt that would tell me what bands he listened to. The Celtic cross that was on the left chest of the jacket and his overall image gave the impression that, at the very least, our taste in music was compatible.
Kara ordered our drinks, and when the waitress stepped away I stole another glance; this time, I found his eyes waiting on me. I slowly reached for my hood and let it fall behind me. I pulled my ponytail loose and leaned forward on the table. I wasn’t posing, not at all; I’m too shy for that. It was just that for the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel like I needed the security blanket of my hood. I wanted to see out, and I wasn’t sacred of letting someone else see in. The boy smiled slightly again. I could still see the painful anger I saw before, but I could also see a confidence in his expression. I smiled back. My simple response made the anger I could see vanish in his expression. The man with him looked over his shoulder and nodded once at me before turning back to the boy.
“If mom doesn’t
hurry up, I’m just going to order for her,” Kara complained as she checked her phone.
She leaned out of the booth to look out the window at my mom’s car, which was right behind the table where they were sitting. I blushed, thinking she’d given them the impression that we were talking about them. Thankfully, they were talking to the hostess, so they didn’t notice.
“That call could last forever; you might as well order it to go,” I said, not meaning to sound so sarcastic.
My mom had a tendency to lose herself on business calls; when she said, “Just give me a second,” it always turned into an hour.
The boy and man got up from their table. As they passed us, the older man nodded once again in my direction. Now that I could see him clearly, I was almost certain he was the boy’s dad. He was just an older version of him. The man carried himself in the manner that I imagined my father would if he were still alive, like a free spirit that didn’t care what others thought but somehow made people fall in love at a distance. If I had to guess, I’d say that he either inspired or had a passion for music, too. I don’t know how I did it, but I could spot a musician from a mile away. They don’t even have to dress a certain way; it’s just the energy I feel coming from them. I know that sounds stupid – I know you can’t really feel something like that, but I knew I always felt something around them.
As the boy came closer, my heart started to race. The whispers I had managed to ignore began to grow louder – they were calling my name, but also the name of another…one I couldn’t clearly make out…it almost sounded like ‘Raven’. I blocked them out by remembering the song I loved so much and began to move my fingers against the table.
As he came closer, the boy glanced down at my hands. I swear, I saw his eyes sparkle. As he passed my booth, he reached his hand out and let his fingers dance across the edge as he locked eyes with mine. I wanted to smile – to make some kind of sane acknowledgment, but I couldn’t make my body work – I was paralyzed by his direct attention.