“So it’s true then, Ian? I mean I suspected, but this is just awesome. Why didn’t you just tell her?" I asked.
“I didn’t think it was an appropriate time," Ian said shortly, trying his best to avoid eye contact.
“Could someone please fill me in here? What am I missing?" Molly asked, irritation oozing from every word.
“He belongs to you now babe, sorry," I said with a snicker.
“What does that even mean?" she asked, exacerbated. She looked to Ian accusingly and then back to me with a look as if to say, "what the heck is going on?"
“It means he is your Guardian. As in, for the rest of your life, that big fashion-challenged brute will be following you around," I said as a look of horror filled Molly’s eyes.
“But I already had Guardians, what do you mean he’s mine? I don’t understand," Molly said panicked.
“They sold you some lies, Blondie. In our kind there is one Guardian for every Seer. You just happened to get super lucky and get me," Ian said with a wink.
“Um, no. Isn’t there some sort of return policy? Clearly this will not work," Molly floundered as she made wild gestures between Ian and herself.
“Afraid we don’t get to choose babe. It kind of gets chosen for us," I said, laughing at the look in Ian’s eyes. He was wearing the look he wore in training. He looked determined. Poor Molly had no idea what she was in for.
“Ugh, can I just go back to the lab? I feel like I’ve fallen through the freaking looking glass. Ever since you lot showed up things have gone straight to hell. I’m blaming you," Molly said in my direction without any real heat.
I shrugged my shoulders and went back to watching the rise and fall of Kennan’s chest. Ian pulled two extra chairs into the room and we sat around eating and chatting. It felt weird to talk around Kennan when he couldn’t be a part of the conversation, but it was nice to have all of the people I trusted in one place.
A few hours later Molly started yawning and Ian proclaimed it was time she got some sleep. She looked at him with an arched eyebrow and he changed his proclamation to a suggestion very quickly. It was going to be so much fun to watch Ian beaten down by the tiny Molly. I just shook my head at the two of them and said good night.
I leaned forward and rested my head against the bed. I wouldn’t leave Kennan, no matter what anyone said. I don’t know how long I slept before I felt the fingers running through my hair. I shot awake, pinning the hand down to the bed. I tried to gain my bearings as quickly as possible. I had trouble remembering where I was. I looked down and saw Kennan lying on the bed and he was awake. I released his hand quickly.
“You, you’re awake. Or am I still dreaming?" I asked blearily.
“No, it’s real," Kennan croaked, barely above a whisper.
“Oh, don’t talk. I don’t want you to hurt yourself," I said, brushing my fingers across his perfect lips.
Kennan reached up and grabbed my hand, holding it in place before gently kissing my fingers. He moved his hand back to my face and brushed my cheek with his thumb. A gesture so familiar and safe, it brought tears to my eyes.
“I love you too, Izzy," Kennan croaked out.
I stood frozen. He’d heard me. Even as his life was fading away, he had heard me. I looked down at his face and I needed to know what kind of love. If it were just familial love, then I was in big trouble.
“Um, just one word answers okay? I don’t want you to strain, but I need to know. Do you love me like a sister?" I asked.
“No," Kennan said, waiting for my next question.
“Like a niece?" I asked.
“No," he said, staring at me in a way that sent shivers down my spine.
I steeled myself for the next question afraid of what his answer might be. I felt brazen even to ask it. I took a deep breath and prepared myself for rejection, knowing that it would make no difference. I wouldn’t be able to leave Kennan even if I tried.
“Romantically?" I asked, looking down at my shoes, wishing I could melt into the floor.
He tilted my chin back up to where I was forced to look at him.
“Yes, gods help me. I have since the first night you walked into the pub," he said wincing at the end. I knew he was in pain so I once again brushed my fingers over his lips and then thought of a better way to keep him quiet.
I bent over the bed and gently brushed lips over his. Every fantasy I had conjured about this moment paled in comparison to the reality. His lips were hard and soft simultaneously. Nothing could have prepared me for my reaction to him. Heat pooled in the pit of my stomach.
I started to pull away for fear of hurting him, when suddenly he pulled me closer and kissed me fervently. His fingers entwined in my hair preventing any escape. Like I would go anywhere, honestly. This single moment was worth all of the hell of the past few weeks.
Suddenly, doctors came rushing into to the room and we stopped. We looked up surprised and the doctors tried to look anywhere but at us.
Doctor Thomas was the first one to speak. “His heart beat became elevated. We grew concerned. Now we see there is nothing to worry about. However, might I suggest taking it easy? You need to heal and you can’t do that if you are straining yourself. So no more talking or violent kissing tonight, am I understood?" He looked at us pointedly as though we were two teenagers caught doing nefarious deeds in the dark of a basement.
I blushed crimson and tried to hide my face in Kennan as the doctors left the room. He chuckled at my embarrassment. I had so much I wanted to ask him, but I knew I should let him rest. He looked at me and then around the room. Kennan’s eyes came to rest on a tablet of paper on one of the tables. I walked over and grabbed it and found a pen as Kennan elevated his bed a little more.
“Are you sure you are up for this?" I asked, not wanting him to strain himself further than he already had.
He grabbed the pen and paper from me and wrote, “Yep.”
Alright then, I guess I could get an answer to the question that had been nagging me since I was pulled out of the dreaming. I needed to know how he had gotten on the floor and why he did not fight more.
“You were on the floor when I woke up," I said, hoping that he would understand the question I was too afraid to ask.
He nodded and then set about writing. It took several minutes before he handed me the tablet to read.
“We tried to find you in the building. The teams had to split up to cover more ground. After what seemed an eternity in hell, I finally found the floor you were on. I got there before the rest of the guys. When I found you I started into the room only to hear a voice behind me. It was my brother. He said, ‘Well isn’t this quite the family reunion. Too bad she’s mine now. You should have killed me when you had the chance.’ Before I could do anything he had taken his gun and pistol whipped me across the head and knocked me out. The last thing I remember thinking was that he was right. I should have killed him." Kennan’s words terrified me.
I looked up and saw that he was brushing his hand across a bruise that had taken up residence just over his temple. I reached up and replaced his hand with mine, gently brushing over the bruise. I let my hands roam over his face. I couldn’t get enough of touching him. His blue eyes twinkled at me with bemusement, and I once again began to blush. I felt self-conscious around him now. Every part of my being was hyper-aware of him and there was no way to tone it down. If I was being honest with myself, I didn’t want to tone it down.
“What are you thinking right now, Red?" he croaked out. He looked at me in a way that sent fire straight down into my stomach and made all of my being stand to attention.
“I’m wondering how long it will take you to get better. I would really like to kiss you thoroughly. If I’m being honest, I have been thinking about it for quite a long time," I said smiling down at him with what I hoped was a coy expression. For all I knew I looked like I was having an epileptic fit.
Kennan reached for the notepad and started scribbling on it again. He wrote h
urriedly and handed it back to me with a look of apprehension on his face. I was suddenly afraid of what he might say.
I looked down and started to read. “Izzy, I’m sorry it took me so long to come around. I’ve been in love with you since the first moment you walked into the pub over two years ago. I just feel like I am somehow betraying your father if I’m with you. I have had a really hard time wrapping my head around your being his daughter. I can’t fight it anymore. I don’t think I could even if I wanted to. The minute I thought I lost you, I was lost. It still feels wrong, but there is nothing I can do about the way I feel." I finished reading his words with tears in my eyes.
“Hear me when I say this, Kennan O’Malley. I know how much my father loved my mother. He was not stupid. He had to have known that the same thing might happen with us. My mom sort of told me that was part of the reason they thought it was best you left. I think he knew it was a possibility. So just please stop fighting it, because I really can’t anymore. I don’t have the strength to," I said on a sigh, hoping that his guilt could be put to rest.
He just looked at me and smiled. All of the guilt seemed to melt away in his eyes and he motioned for me to climb up on the bed with him.
I climbed up beside him and pulled the blankets around us. Luckily the hospital beds here were almost queen sized. Although, with Kennan, it still didn’t leave me much room. I basked in his warmth and snuggled my body as close to his as I could manage without infringing upon the duties of the medical monitors and tubes. I sighed contentedly and found that I was at real peace for the first time since this whole thing had begun.
**********
The fog surrounded me and I heard the crunch of steps behind me. I looked over my shoulder but could not find anyone. I started to run without any real direction. I slowed when I came to the edge of an all too familiar forest. I looked behind me once more to see if I could find the person following me.
In place of a person I heard the howl of wolves. I cried out and ran as fast as I could. I didn’t want to be torn to shreds again. I couldn’t handle it. I tripped over a root and fell hard on my stomach. I whimpered in pain and hoped that they didn’t find me again. I crawled over to a tree as I spotted the first pair of oddly illuminated eyes. The wolves descended and as I curled into the fetal position I remembered I could get out.
I tried to pull my focus to reality and started to shout in frustration as the wolves began shredding me apart.
**********
I was being shaken by the doctor. He looked down at me with fear in his eyes, and I noticed that I had wrapped my hands around his throat and I was squeezing. Kennan pulled on my arms and I dropped them to my sides as I stared at the doctor in abject horror. I had shot out and almost hurt this complete stranger without even realizing it.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean," I said, unable to finish the sentence.
“Are you alright Miss Boone?" the doctor asked as he rubbed his throat.
“It was just a dream." I was trying to convince myself as much as I was trying to give an explanation.
“It was the wolves again," I added, as though they should all know what I was talking about.
“Will you allow me to check your vitals?" the doctor asked with concern.
I started to object, but Kennan gripped my arm tightly, forcing me to make eye contact with him. He gave me a hard expression that brooked no opposition. Hidden in the depth of his eyes was barely masked concern.
“Yeah, but I’m fine. I’m more worried about any damage I might have done to you or Kennan," I said, looking back at Kennan to see if I had pulled out any of his tubes inadvertently.
“I’m fine," Kennan croaked.
“You, stop talking. You’re not going to recover your vocal chords if you keep pushing," the doctor admonished. “And you, I think it would be best if you slept elsewhere until Mister O’Malley fully recovers. He had to push the alert button to call us in. You were screaming and thrashing when we got here. You might inadvertently hurt him if these dreams continue.”
He set about checking my vitals, and my eyes began to fill with tears. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I didn’t want to be the kind of person that was capable of that sort of thing. I understood the concern for safety, but I was terrified to be away from him. I sat there trying to numb my pain. I found myself growing increasingly more and more agitated as the seconds passed. Xavier might be dead, but he had taken his toll on me in a way that marked my very soul.
The doctor finished checking my vitals and informed me that I needed to go to the living quarters for the rest of the evening. He gave me time to tell Kennan goodbye, but waited just outside the door. I looked back over to Kennan and felt an immense sense of guilt. I selfishly wanted to stay with him. I couldn’t risk it though.
“I’m sorry," I said before brushing my lips across his and rising to leave.
He grabbed my hand and pulled me back to him.
“We will get better." He whispered his declaration and I hoped against all hope that he was right.
The doctor led me to the second floor. Along the way several people stopped and looked at me. Some seemed curious. Most seemed afraid. The doctor located the room he had been looking for after a second look at his clipboard. He knocked on the door and Molly opened it moments later.
“Miss Boone will be joining you. You should be aware that she has dreams from which she cannot wake, and may have violent outbursts as a result. If you feel unsafe with her we can make other arrangements," the doctor said clinically.
I suddenly felt very tired. I looked up at Molly and hoped that she wouldn’t turn me away. I was bereft and I had a feeling it would be a long road before I ever felt like myself again.
“Oh, shove it white coat. And you stop looking so sad and get in here," Molly said grabbing my hand. She pulled me into the room, practically slamming the door in the doctor’s face.
“Thanks, but he’s right. I almost choked him back in Kennan’s room. It might not be safe," I said, afraid I would find the same fear in Molly’s eyes.
“Yeah, like I can’t just jump in your head and yell at you. Come on, we’re fine. Plus, it is ridiculously boring in here on my own," Molly said, pulling me further into the room.
We spent the rest of the night talking. I told her all that had transpired between Kennan and me. It was nice to have a girl to talk about all of my mushy feelings with. It was also nice to escape the darkness that seemed to be lingering around my periphery. I couldn’t shake it. I told her the events that had led me to being booted from the recovery room. She shook her head and promised I was fine.
After a while we both started to yawn and we made our way to our beds. The room was set up like a hotel with two full sized beds. I went and laid down on the one she wasn’t using and stared blankly at the ceiling. I felt a sense of panic wash over me. I had thought that once I left the lab things would be fine. But I had just had another dream. What if for the rest of my life, every time I closed my eyes I would find torture?
I fell into a dreamless sleep with the prayer of peace on my lips.
**********
TWENTY EIGHT
The next few weeks passed in a flurry. Kennan was healing rapidly and I knew that the doctors must have been using some of their special healer juju on him. I went and saw him every day, spending as much time as they would allow. We talked about everything that was going on outside of his recovery room. Every time I would leave him for the evening, he would get a look of concern in his eyes.
I knew it was written all over my face that I wasn’t doing well. I had tried to hide it the first few days. After a week of no sleep, there was no disguising the bluish purple tint that had taken up residence under my eyes. I had dropped ten pounds and felt like I was losing myself. All I could think was that I needed to be strong for Kennan. So I never told him that I was still being tortured every time I closed my eyes.
Molly had tried to convince me to block myself from the dreaming, but I refu
sed to cower. I didn’t want to cut myself off from such a huge part of who I was. Instead I went to sleep every night, and battled whatever demons were thrown my way. I wasn’t sure if I was doing it to myself or if it was still the Corporation pulling the strings. I was more afraid that it was someone here at the Council.
I took to sifting through people’s memories when they weren’t expecting it. It got to the point that everyone but Ian, Molly, and Kennan avoided me. They all thought I was completely insane. I supposed that wasn’t as far from the truth as I would have liked it to be. In retrospect, the forced therapy shouldn’t have come as such a shock. I was resentful, nonetheless.
“So, you have to go talk to the shrink today, huh?" Kennan asked. His voice had mended, but there was still a slight rattle that hadn’t been there before.
“Yep, I have to go and get my head shrunk. They keep spouting terms like PTSD and survivor’s guilt. I just want them to stop wasting their time. I’m not sure I’m even fixable," I sighed. In the last month I felt like the darkness had completely enveloped me.
“I have some good news," Kennan said as he looked down at me with a gleam in his eyes.
“Yeah?" I asked hopefully. I was in need of something good.
“I get sprung today and I instructed them to move your stuff into my room," he said with a hint of heat in his eyes.
“Aren’t they worried I will shank you in your sleep or something," I said skeptically.
“I didn’t really give them another option, Izzy. I need you near me. I need to help you fix this. I see you slipping away and I haven’t been able to do a damned thing sitting in this hospital bed. I can’t stand being away from you for another second. In fact, I’m coming with you to the therapy session," Kennan said as he stood, pulling me up beside him.
“I don’t know if they will let you in. Dr. McQuack is kind of a pretentious asshat. I think he would complain that you were ruining his feng shui or some other nonsense," I sighed.
“Well, he can just suck it. I’m coming. You’re my Seer and I’m finally able to perform as a Guardian again. So now I’m doing my job. I’m getting you back. I told you, I would come for you always. Even if that means saving you from yourself, Red," Kennan said, pulling me up for a quick kiss.