Sergeant Smelly and Captain Chunder would have to work quickly if they were to defeat Prime Minister Onionman. They rushed back to his office in Downing Street. Well, they would have, if the only mode of transportation hadn’t been the ONION MOBILE.
They finally reached Downing Street three hours later. In the future they would only be able to work quickly when they were the owners of a new SUPERHERO MOBILE, so for the moment they had to work slowly.
Sergeant Smelly and Captain Chunder were twenty metres from Prime Minister Onionman’s office. The onion guards alerted him of the superheroes presence and he marched out of his new office an angry onion.
"Oh not you two meddlesome fools again. Didn’t you get the message last time? You will never defeat me. I am the Prime Minister now so there is nothing you can do. If you harm the Prime Minister, you will be thrown in prison for the rest of your life and your arms and legs will be replaced with green string. It’s a new law I just made up."
Sergeant Smelly spoke up, "Why would you replace our arms and legs with green string?"
"So you wouldn’t be able to walk you smelly fool," replied Prime Minister Onionman.
"Yes, but why string, and why green?" asked Sergeant Smelly again.
"SILENCE YOU SMELLY LITTLE BORE - IT’S GREEN STRING BECAUSE I SAID SO!"
"Fair enough. I was just asking. There’s no need to be so aggressive. And I am not a bore."
Prime Minister Onionman could take no more of Sergeant Smelly trying to bore him to death.
"ONIONS, CEASE THEM!"
Onion 735 whispered in Prime Minister Onionman’s ear.
"Sorry, ONIONS, SEIZE THEM!"
A hundred evil hench-onions surrounded them in a circle.
It did not look good for Sergeant Smelly and Captain Chunder.
19. The Final Battle (Introduction)
Was this the end of our dynamic superheroes?
Would they have their arms and legs removed and replaced with green string?
Would Sergeant Smelly and Captain Chunder’s first superhero mission come to a smelly and disappointing end?
Would there be no more Sergeant Smelly and Captain Chunder books?
Would there be any more questions before this chapter ended?
20. The Final Battle (Part 1)
The superheroes were surrounded by onions of the evil hench variety, but Sergeant Smelly was fuelled for battle and he was fit to burst, as he had eaten;
• 2 helpings of his favourite Haggis, Pepperoni and Baked Bean pie
• 4 Spicy Onion tarts with Haggis and Anchovies
• Baked Beans on toast with Chilli sauce
• 24 Brussel Sprouts
• Chocolate Ice Cream with a Chilli sauce
Captain Chunder produced a chair from nowhere. He was a superhero after all.
"Quickly Sergeant Smelly. Kneel on this chair."
Sergeant Smelly obeyed and knelt on the chair. "Hold on Sergeant Smelly. We’re going for a spin!"
Captain Chunder held on to the back of the chair.
"Where did you get this chair?" asked Sergeant Smelly bemused.
"I stole it back at the evil not-so-secret lair. It’s called The Chair that spins around really fast. It spins around really fast when I hit this large red button labelled The Button that makes The Chair spin around really fast," replied Captain Chunder.
"How do you know it’s called that?" enquired Sergeant Smelly.
Captain Chunder replied, "It has a label on the back that says The Chair that spins around really fast. Are you ready to produce the goods Sergeant Smelly?" asked Captain Chunder.
"Yes, but I don’t like things that spin around really fast," replied Sergeant Smelly.
"Tough onions. Hang on!" Captain Chunder pressed the button labelled The Button that makes The Chair spin around really fast and The Chair that spins around really fast started to spin around really fast, just as the name suggested.
"What on earth are they doing with my invention The Chair that spins around really fast?" asked Prime Minister Onionman.
His question was answered as Sergeant Smelly let off the loudest tuba trump he had ever produced. The loudest tuba trump anyone had ever produced. It was heard from ten miles away. His bum was a fire breathing dragon, and the smell was even worse than a dragon’s breath after eating burnt, rotten cabbages stuffed with rancid anchovies.
The chair spun around really fast, as described in the name of the chair. He was dreadful at naming things, but the chair did exactly what the name said it did. Onionman was annoyed, as he never found a use for The Chair that spins around really fast and now it was being used against him.
The chair spun around really fast and the fire breathing butt monster called Sergeant Smelly sprayed fire all around him. Most of the onions caught fire and ran away, which in turn set the other onions on fire, but a few brave onions jumped over the fire.
But the brave onions were stopped in their tracks.
It wasn’t the fire that stopped them.
It wasn’t the onions on fire running away that stopped them.
It wasn’t the rotten cabbage smell that stopped them.
No, it was something completely different.
21. The Final Battle (Part 2)
The last remaining onions were wiped out with something other than Sergeant Smelly’s farting superpowers. This time it was Captain Chunder's superpower that destroyed the onions. A superpower they did not know existed. He forgot he shouldn't go on things that spin around really fast. The last time he was on anything this fast was the Waltzers when he was ten years old. He vowed never to go on anything that spins around really fast ever again. But that was many years ago and he forgot all about his vow.
Until now!
Captain Chunder finally lived up to his superhero name and puked all over the brave onions who were jumping over the fire trying to reach the superheroes. His vomit sprayed over the unsuspecting onions and quickly melted them. It was truly a wonderful sight to behold…sorry…it was truly the most disgusting sight to behold!
The Chair that spins around really fast, slowed down and Sergeant Smelly and Captain Chunder finally stopped farting and puking.
Thousands of onions lay on the ground either burnt to a crisp or melted into the road from Captain Chunder’s superheroic vomit.
The people who had been crying and depressed were no longer depressed, as the onions that were causing their despair were destroyed. The people who weren’t depressed because the onion flu had the reverse effect, were depressed again.
"Hooray for Sergeant Smelly and Captain Chunder. They have saved the day," shouted the crowd joyfully.
22. The Beginning part at the end
"Sergeant Smelly, you are charged with the crime of,
Producing exploding fire-farts due to eating too many Haggis, Pepperoni and Baked Bean pies and being unable to control your soldiers, not to mention your bottom.
How do you plead?" asked Army Judge Mental.
"I plead guilty Judge Mental," replied Sergeant Smelly, "but who are you to judge me."
"I am Judge Mental, and I have to be judgemental as I am a Judge. But I suppose you do have a fair point. Okay, seeing how you and Captain Chunder saved the day, I will let you off and you can have your old job back," said Judge Mental.
"Thanks, but I won’t be needing my job back, Judge Mental. I am a superhero now and I have a sneaky feeling I’ll be needed to save the day again," replied Sergeant Smelly superheroically.
And the crowd stood up, took their hats off and threw them in the air.
"Hooray for Sergeant Smelly and Captain Chunder who saved the day!"
23. This is the End?
But one onion escaped and ran away as fast as he could. He managed to stay clear from the fire and vomit by holding a few onions in front of him who sustained the damage. He sneaked away and went to his other secret cave - The Secret Cave that I use in case I have to hide for a while after being defeated.
&nbs
p; "Curse you Sergeant Smelly and Captain Chunder. I will rule the world one day, and next time YOU WILL NOT STOP ME," shouted Onionman starting to cry.
"Don’t worry Onionman. You’ll get used to being defeated. All us evil villains do," uttered a voice from the corner of the cave.
Onionman looked up gnashing his teeth.
"Oh shut up Bunion Man."
THE END
Thank you indeedly for reading this book.
I hope you enjoyed it, and if you wouldn't mind, could you please leave a review.
Thanks muchly.
See you soon and may the farts be with you!
Sergeant Smelly
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
James Sharkey was born in Hobbiton in the Shire before being expelled for being too tall.
He was transported to the real world in Fife in Scotland, where he currently lives alone with his partner and son.
He is currently writing the 7th book in the amazing Sergeant Smelly & Captain Chunder series which will be out in 2015.
Other books by James Sharkey
Sergeant Smelly and Captain Chunder Save The Day Again
Sergeant Smelly and Captain Chunder: Lost in Time
Sergeant Smelly and Captain Chunder: Dimensions
A Sergeant Smelly Christmas
Sergeant Smelly and Captain Chunder: Aliens
Sergeant Smelly And Captain Chunder Save The Day Audio Book
Coming Soon in 2015
Sergeant Smelly and Captain Chunder: Aliens Revenge
www.sergeantsmelly.co.uk
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