Although Karen told herself it had been a one time thing, guess what, it happened again. A bunch of kids were over at Jackie’s house, and William offered to drop several people off. It being winter, and him having his dad’s big car. And he just acted like he didn’t quite know his directions when he did this weird loop that arranged for Karen to be the last one let off.
This time, they reached for each other quickly, hotly. Knowing he should get back to Jackie’s house, that any of the neighbors could walk by and see in the steamy car windows. “Let me call you,” he had whispered, and she had given her number.
Then they could meet, secretly, late afternoons after school, sometimes driving around, mostly just finding a private spot for awhile. There was something about him, and about the danger of it all, that they were out in a car or someone might see them, might wonder about him going out with Jackie too. That, combined with sense of reckless Karen felt anyway, the sense of letting go of all her past life, made her take risks with him. Do new things, go farther than she had even with her actual boyfriends.
Just after New Year’s, still on Christmas break, Jackie invited some kids over to her house. Just girls, she said, so nobody has to bother wearing their good jeans or blow drying their hair. Karen jumped at the chance to get out. Her dad wasn’t feeling well again, and both parents and brothers were home moping around.
At Jackie’s they hung around, eating chips and leftover Christmas cookies, comparing notes on presents, complaining about how soon they would have to go back to school. Nobody talked about guys, Karen noticed. The girls without boyfriends tired of the whole topic, the ones who had boyfriends just as soon keeping their activities to themselves.
Karen thought about the last time she had seen William. They had hardly said two words, it had all been physical, animalistic even. She watched Jackie, who sat cross legged on the couch, and wondered what if she and William were doing the same things, or more. It made her feel weird – she had tried not to think about it, but sitting in the room with her, it was hard not to.
Karen stood and went into the kitchen, water glass in hand. JJ appeared at her side as if he had been waiting for her, and demanded that she give him a Coke. She glanced into the other room. There was a can half poured, and she knew they let him have pretty much what he wanted, so she shrugged and poured the rest of it into a cup.
“Ice,” he demanded.
Karen rolled her eyes and dumped in a couple ice cubes and handed him the cup.
JJ motioned her closer and whispered, “Karen and William sittin’ in a car, k-i-s-s-i-n-g!”
“JJ, that doesn’t even rhyme, silly,” Karen said, giving him a friendly poke and trying not to blush. It was like the kid could read her mind.
“No, I saw you. Mmmwah,” he smacked his lips, chortling.
“No, you saw Jackie,” she said.
“No, you, I saw you. At the creek.” He stood up tall, raising his head toward hers. “I saw you and I might tell. You’d be in trouble.” He said the word in two long syllables, looking pointedly toward the living room, where Jackie was still talking.
Karen turned away, frowning, remembering – that first day by the park, kids throwing stones into the water. “Wait a minute, JJ,” she said. “If you were down at the park by yourself, you’re in trouble. You’re not supposed to leave your street.” She felt bad like stooping to his level, but what choice did she have.
He glared at her for a moment, his serious expression a funny contrast to his small size and scruffed, little boy clothes. Then his pout turned into a mirthless laugh and he demanded a candy bar.
Jackie appeared and grabbed him by the shoulders. “Shut up, JJ,” she exclaimed. “Go have a cookie and stop bothering us.”
JJ averted his eyes from both of them and ducked into the living room. Karen observed him acting overly childish with the other girls, almost flirting with them. She didn’t exactly trust him, either to keep the implicit bargain they had just made, or to tell the truth to Jackie regardless – who knows what kind of stories he might tell just to be the center of attention.
She phoned Jackie later, and casually worked a question about William into the conversation. Casual, but Jackie leapt on it, clearly happy to talk about her wonderful boyfriend and how glad she was that they were going together. Every word she said contradicted the way William had talked about her.
By the end of the conversation, Karen felt sick to her stomach, realizing that William had flat out lied, at least to her, and probably to both of them. He had told her that “their thing” was so unique and special and he’d never talk about it to anyone. But who knows, maybe he had other “special girls” other days. Maybe all the guys at his school knew her name, knew she was a slut.
She sat by herself in her room. She could not be part of this, she thought, spine tingling fun as those spicy afternoons in his father’s fancy car had been. Anyway, it’s not like she loved him, she just loved that time out of time that they had. William was out of town with his family, not getting back for another week. But next time he called, she would tell him no. She didn’t think she would need much more explanation than that she was friends with Jackie, that the two girls had talked about him.
And as for Jackie, Karen promised herself she would be strictly hands off any boyfriends, even sort of boyfriends, of friends from here on out. There was no reason to tell her what had already happened, hopefully no reason Jackie would think to ask. Lucky for her, Jackie tended to discount a lot of what JJ said no matter what the topic – that plus JJ’s not wanting to get caught, she would probably be okay. Stopping the thing with William was the right thing to do, never mind she should never have gotten started with him in the first place. Karen swallowed hard, her stomach and nerves still churning, guilt wracked despite her decision.
1981 pretty much sucked so far.