Me: Yeah, right. If I was strong then I’d tell everyone the truth.
Greyson: It’s okay to be scared, Seth… I still am sometimes.
Me: Really??? U don’t seem like it.
Greyson: It’s not often, but sometimes when I hear someone say something stupid, I get a little uneasy.
Me: How do u deal with it so well? Because I’m dying to know.
Greyson: Honestly, I just shrug it off. Even though it’s hard, in the end it doesn’t really matter what other people think of you, as long as you’re happy. Life’s too short, you know, to let other people drag you down.
Me: Wow, you’re like super wise. Seriously. Maybe u should be the psych major.
Greyson. Yeah, that’d go well. I may be able to talk to you, but when it comes to complete strangers, I’m not as smooth.
Me: So u used all your smoothness on me, huh?
Greyson: Obviously. I just can’t help it. You’re too adorable.
A ridiculously goofy smile takes over my face as I move my fingers to type back.
“Seth, who are you texting?” my mother asks, interrupting me. “Oh. Is that Sally?”
I bite down on my lip and clench my phone in my hand as something snaps inside me. I think about what Greyson said. He’s so right. Life’s way too short to keep living like this.
I glance at the faint scars on my hand, the ones my mother made me cover up, and it fuels me with enough rage to stand up and confront her in a room full of people.
“Actually, that was Greyson,” I tell her. “You know, my boyfriend I met at college.”
Her face drains of color as her fingers strangle the cup she’s holding. “He’s kidding,” she says to everyone with an off-pitch laugh.
“No, I’m not.” My voice shakes, but I manage to stand firm. “And you know it. You’ve known it for a while now.”
“Shut your mouth,” she snaps, slamming the glass down on the table in front of her.
“”No, I’m not going to stay silent anymore,” I reply, my voice growing firmer. “This is who I am and you’re going to either have to accept it or stop forcing me to come home.”
It grows so quiet you could hear a pin drop. One of my uncles chokes on a cough and my aunt starts crying.
My mother trembles with rage as she rises from her chair and points to the door. “Get out of my house.”
“Gladly.” My legs shake as I pick up my coat and storm out the door. “Fuck,” I curse when I realize my car’s blocked in.
Having nowhere else to go, I slip on my coat and start walking down the icy sidewalk. The air has a nip to it and a layer of snow covers the grass. Goosebumps dot my arms and my teeth chatter, but I continue moving until finally I reach the gas station about a mile away. Inside, the place is practically empty. Even the tiny diner at the back has a total of zero customers. Taking a seat at one of the tables, I pull out my phone to text Greyson, but realizing how much I need to hear his voice, I end up dialing his number instead.
“Hey,” he says as he picks up. “I was just thinking about you.”
I slump back in the seat. “That’s because I’m hard to forget.”
“What’s wrong?” he asks immediately. “And don’t say nothing. I can tell by your voice there’s something wrong.”
I blow out a breath. “So, remember how when we were texting, I said I wanted to scream the truth to everyone?”
“Oh, my God, you did?” He sounds worried.
“Well, not so dramatically, but yeah, I kind of declared to everyone that I was dating you.”
He hesitates before he asks, “And what happened?”
“Pretty much what I thought would happen.” I trace the cracks in the table. “My mother threw me out.”
“Seth, I’m so sorry. I wish I was there with you… But I’m really proud of you.”
“Thanks.” I glance out the window as snow begins to fall. “I think I’m going to drive back to school tonight.”
“I don’t like the idea of you on the road that late. Or spending the weekend by yourself,” he says. “Isn’t there somewhere you can crash until Sunday?”
“My car.” I sigh tiredly. “It’s better if I go back. Being here… It brings up too much painful shit.”
“Well, if you do, call me while you’re on the road and I’ll talk to you during the drive.”
“You know it’s like a three-hour drive, right?”
“What? I can talk for three hours straight,” he says and I snort skeptically. “Okay, well, you can, then.”
“Sounds good… God, I can’t wait until Monday when everything goes back to normal.” I peer over my shoulder as the door dings and someone walks in. When I see who it is, my sullen mood sinks further. “And the day just keeps on getting shittier.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, Braiden just walked in.” I don’t know why I’m so surprised. Mapleville is a small town. I should have known there was a chance I’d cross paths with him.
“Huh? Where the hell are you?”
“At a gas station.” I rise from the chair as Braiden spots me.
He freezes in front of the cash register with a deer in the headlights look on his face.
“Don’t hang up on me,” Greyson begs anxiously. “Just walk out of there, okay? Seth, are you listening to me?”
“Yeah, I’m listening.” I keep my eyes on Braiden.
He looks the same; tall, muscular, with brown hair that matches his eyes. I’m sure he’s still fucking hot, but right now all I can see is the anger he had in his eyes when he tried to break me.
My pulse is racing so quickly I feel like I’m one step away from dropping dead. Somehow I manage to put one foot in front of the other and move toward the door.
Braiden glances over his shoulder at the cashier, who’s reading a magazine and chomping on her gum. He relaxes a bit as he turns around and gives me a tense smile. “Hey.”
My scars pulsate as I force words out of my mouth. “Are you serious?”
His expression drops. “Huh?”
“You seriously think you can speak to me?” I wrap my fingers around the door handle. “You have no right to talk to me anymore. You made that decision six months ago.”
“Seth, if you’d just talk to me, I could explain myself. What happened… I didn’t have a choice.”
“Everyone has a choice,” I snap. “You made yours the moment you showed up in that truck with your so-called friends. And trust me, I regret my choice of not reporting what you guys did to me to the police. ”
“What the hell did you expect me to do? Tell them the truth?” he hisses, stepping toward me.
I raise my hand in front of me. “I’m not going to get into this with you. I don’t want to talk to you, see you, or have anything to do with you ever again. I’m so over it.”
“Seth,” he starts, but I don’t want to hear it.
Turning my back on him, I push open the door and step into the flurry of snow drifting from the sky.
“Are you still there?” Greyson asks as I hike across the parking lot.
“Yeah, I’m still here.” My breath puffs out in front of my face. “I’m headed back home to get my stuff and hit the road. Stay on the phone with me for a little while, though, okay?”
“Of course,” he says like it’s the easiest thing to do. “You know I’m always here for you.”
I shuffle through the snow toward the neighborhood where I grew up. “I know you are.”
Even after all the drama of the day, I manage to smile as the truth warms all the cold around me. It may feel like I’m completely alone right now, but I’m not. Callie was right. I do have people in my life that love me for who I am.
Chapter 13
Greyson
“What’s with the frown, my beautiful little boy?” My mother is melting butter in a pan on the stove as I enter the kitchen, preparing to cook her favorite brownies.
Every room in the house has its own unique style, and the kitchen i
s no exception. Painted on the far wall is a mural of the beach. The rest of the walls are blue to match and the cupboards are yellow like the sun. It’s a little strange, but somehow it works.
“Nothing.” I move beside her and stare at the sizzling butter. “Need any help?”
She glances up from the pan with worry on her face. “Greyson, don’t lie to me. I can tell when there’s something bothering my little boy.”
“I wish you’d stop calling me that.” I lean against the counter. “I’m almost nineteen.”
“Oh, the big nineteen.” She holds up her hands in front of her, mocking me. When a laugh escapes me, she lowers her hands, satisfied. “Just so you know, you’ll always be my little boy, even when you’re ninety.”
I don’t point out that she more than likely won’t be around when I’m ninety, since it would lead to a very long story about how she’ll find me in her next life.
She picks up a spoon and stirs the bubbling butter. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
I open the cupboard, grab a glass, and fill it with water. “It’s Seth. That guy I told you about? Some stuff happened while he was at home and he left to go back to school early.”
I take a sip of water, trying not to think about Seth enduring the rest of the holiday alone on campus, trying to work through what happened by himself. It hurts thinking about him being alone after all that horrible shit happened while he was at home.
“I hope everything’s okay.” She reaches to turn down the temperature of the burner.
“I’m not so sure that he is, even though he says he’s fine.”
“Can I ask what happened?” she asks, wiping her hands on a towel.
I blow out my breath and recap all the details that I know. By the time I’m finished, I feel sick to my stomach, thinking about what he must be going through right now and how badly I wish I was by his side.
“That poor boy. To go through all that… And shame on his mother. Mothers are supposed to love their children unconditionally and always be there for them.” My mom moves the pan off the stove and takes my hands in hers. “If you’re really serious about this boy, you should bring him home with you during your next holiday. I don’t want him spending Christmas alone or, worse, at his house where he can’t possibly feel safe.” She reacts exactly the way I knew she would.
Although she might be a little on the crazy side, I’m lucky to have her as a parent.
“I think… Or I’ve been thinking that maybe I could fly back early.”
She doesn’t say anything. Instead, she opens my hand and studies the lines of my palm. “As much as I hate the thought of us cutting down our time together, I think you should go back early, too, and be there for Seth.”
“Is that what the lines say?” I joke.
“They do,” she replies, deadly serious. “Just like my dream told me you were going to meet someone new when you went off to school. You should know by now that my predictions are always right.” She closes my hand. “Go pack your stuff and I’ll see if I can get you on a flight.”
“Thanks, Mom.” I wrap my arms around her. “And I mean for everything. For not kicking me out of the house. For supporting me through everything. For making me feel okay about being who I am.”
“You’re welcome, honey.” She kisses me on the cheek. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” I pull back and head to my room, eager to pack my stuff—eager to get to Seth.
***
Ten hours later, I’m walking up to Seth’s dorm building. I haven’t been able to get ahold of him, so as soon as I dropped off my bags at my apartment, I headed straight to the dorms. I try his number again, but it goes straight to voicemail.
I rush across the frosted grass. Snowflakes are lightly falling from the grey sky and sprinkle the tree branches. The scene would make a great picture, but I don’t have my camera with me. Plus, I have this dire urge to get to Seth’s room and make sure he’s okay.
When I get to the locked entrance door, I cup my hands around my eyes and peer through the glass. I spot a few people hanging out in the lounge area and knock on the door. A girl glances in my direction, gets up, and lets me in.
I brush the snow out of my hair as I step inside and head toward his room at the end of the hallway. Stopping at his door, I knock loudly since someone has the music cranked up.
Moments later, the music stops and Seth opens the door.
He takes one look at me and his jaw drops. “What are you doing here? I thought you weren’t flying home until Sunday.”
“Yeah, I left early.” I run my fingers through my damp hair. “I thought you might need some company after what happened.”
He rubs his lips together as his gaze scrolls up and down my body. “You didn’t have to do that? I know how excited your mom was to see you.”
“She was fine with me coming back,” I reassure him. “In fact, it was her idea.”
He stares at me for a second or two, then reaches for my hand and yanks me into his cluttered room. Energy drink cans litter the floor and candy wrappers cover his bed.
“Did you go on a sugar binge or something?” I turn in a circle in the small space between the two twin beds, examining his messy room.
“I didn’t feel like going out and eating alone,” he says, closing the door. “I honestly planned on locking myself in here the whole weekend and binging on sugar and vodka, but then I didn’t have any vodka, so,” he shrugs, “I took to the energy drinks.”
I notice how beaten down he’s acting and how his eyes are rimmed with red. I think he’s been crying and it rips open my heart. Before I even realize what I’m doing, I wrap him in my arms and pull him against me.
“I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you,” I say as I hug him tightly. “I’m here now, though.”
He rests his face in the crook of my neck as he grips the bottom of my shirt. “It’s not your fault you weren’t there. And it’s not like I knew the shit was going to hit the fan. Besides, I made the choice to open my mouth and say what I did.”
“Don’t ever regret that.”
“I don’t.”
We hug for a little longer before stepping back. He wipes his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt then blows out a breath. “So, now that you’re here, do you want to go get something to eat?" He makes a face at all the candy wrappers around the room. “I’ve eaten so much junk food, I swear to God I can literally feel my teeth rotting out of my head.”
“Whatever you want to do, the day is yours,” I tell him, zipping up my jacket.
He retrieves his coat from his unmade bed. “You might want to be careful giving me that kind of freedom. God knows where the hell we’ll end up.” He slips his arms through the sleeves, collects his wallet and keys from the dresser, and then pulls open the door. “Wait, how did you even get in here without a keycard?"
“A couple of people were downstairs and they let me in,” I explain as he locks up his room before we head down the hallway. “I tried to call you like a thousand times, but you didn’t answer.”
“Oh, yeah. I forgot I turned it off.” He waves at one of the girls in the lounge before shoving open the outside door.
The snow has picked up and thick snowflakes fall from the sky, making it hard to see anything.
“Why’d you turn it off?” I ask, tucking my hands into my jacket pockets.
“Because my mother kept sending me texts.”
“Apologies, I hope.”
He lets out a hollow laugh as he kicks the tip of his boot at the snow on the ground. “Yeah, right. More like threats.”
I stop under the shelter of a tree and grab his arm, forcing him to look at me. “She’s threatening you?”
He shrugs it off. “It’s nothing I haven’t heard. I can’t ever come home again. Blah, blah, blah.” He rolls his eyes, pretending to be unaffected.
“I’m sorry, but your mother’s a bitch.”
“Oh, that she is.” He pulls the hood of his jacket over his head. ??
?Can we talk about something else, though? I promise I’m not running away from the problem. I just need a break from it.”
“You’re okay, though, right?” I question, knowing I’d be anything but okay had I suffered everything he’s been through.
“Oddly enough, I kind of am. Between telling my mother off and confronting Braiden, I have this strange sense of closure. Like I’ve made peace with what I can’t change and I feel like I’m ready to move on.”