Callie’s eyes swarm with confusion. “What was that all about?”
I hook my arm through hers, deciding just to rip the band-aid off. “We need to talk.”
We push out the doors at the end of the hallway and step outside beneath the grey sky. Dry leaves gust across the grass and the trees move with the wind.
“Are you going to tell me why you’re looking at me like you’re about to tell me my dog died?” she asks as we head for the parking lot.
I drag out the silence for as long as possible, rummaging to get my keys out. “I have something to tell you and I don’t know how you’re going to take it.” I let go of her arm, unlock the doors, and get in.
I start the engine, crank up the heat, then scroll through my playlists on my iPod. “Kayden borrowed Luke’s truck.” I set the iPod down and internally cringe as I say, “To go back home for a few days... to go to prom.”
She buckles her seatbelt. “Okay, why are you acting weird?”
I shove the shifter into reverse and glance over my shoulder as I back out of the parking spot. “Well, because he didn’t say anything to you. Wait a minute. Did he tell you?”
She shakes her head. “No, but why would he? We barely know each other.”
I don’t like her reaction at all. It shows how little self-esteem she has, and makes me hate the guy that hurt her even more. It also makes me kind of hate Kayden for adding to her pain. “Callie, you made out with him last night and let him feel your boob.”
“Hey,” she protests, crossing her arms over her chest. “I told you that in confidence.”
I steer the car onto the road. “Relax, I’m just pointing out how big a step that was for you. An important step. You wouldn’t just do it with any guy.”
“I like Kayden, but it doesn’t mean he has to tell me everything he does. I’m not his girlfriend. “
“So what.” I turn down the stereo volume. “He should have said something instead of just taking off. He knew you’d probably want to see him. And you know his darkest secret, Callie, which is the hardest part about getting to know someone.”
I glance down at the scars on my arm and think about the secrets connected to them. The only person I’ve ever told was Callie and my mother. My mother refused to acknowledge anything happened. She wouldn’t let me report the assault, said no one would care. In a way, I hate her for it, for not being there for me when I needed her, for making me feel so ashamed.
Chapter 8
Seth
I’m still avoiding Greyson to the point that I cut out on English class again. I never replied to his offer of going to see the art show next Friday and haven’t heard anything from him since. I’m starting to think he’s given up on me and even convince myself I’m grateful. Clearly, I’m not ready for another relationship yet.
But if that’s true, why do I feel like a walking depressant all the time? I want to be my sparkling self again, the one who runs wild, laughs all the damn time, and feels comfortable in his own skin. I’m seriously one step away from going all emo, locking myself in my room, and putting the dreariest song I can find on repeat.
Thankfully, I have Callie and her problems to keep me preoccupied from doing so.
“Why do you keep making air quotes?” she asks me during class.
Even though she’s been reluctant to talk about how she’s feeling, I’ve keep pushing her to open up. I can tell she’s upset about the Daisy thing even though she won’t admit it.
I lean over in the desk and whisper. “Because I’m quoting what it said in my psych book?”
“Your psych book talked about my problem?” she asks, unzipping her bag.
“Not specifically, but it was close.” I chew on the end of the pen as I sit up straight in my chair.
She drops her books into her bag and I jot down a few notes before class lets out. We wait until the room has cleared before we head down the stairs.
Professor Jennerly, a gangly man who likes to wear sport coats with elbow patches and eighties style glasses, is waiting by the door when we walk out.
“My classroom is not for outside chit chat,” he scolds. “If you two want to talk, then I suggest you stay out of my class.”
“We’re sorry.” I glance at Callie and roll my eyes. “It’ll never happen again.”
He scowls at us as we exit the room. “It better not.”
I roll my eyes again. “What a drama queen.”
Callie giggles. “Well, we were talking through half his class.”
“That’s because it’s either talk or fall asleep.” I force a yawn then loop my arm through hers. “That class is seriously so boring.
She laughs again as we head down the hallway toward the exit doors. She starts staring out the window at the domed football stadium in the distance, the one where most of Kayden’s games are played.
“Are you thinking about him?” I ask, nudging her in the side.
She rips her attention away from the stadium and focuses on me. “Thinking about who?”
I shake my head. “Callie, you need to either forget about him or talk to him. You can’t just keep avoiding him, yet wanting him.”
“I don’t want him,” she lies. When I frown, she sighs. “Alright, fine. Yes, I think about him. A lot. But I’ll get over him. God, I barely know him.”
“Yet you two shared a lot,” I flatten my palm to the door and push it open. “You saved him. He was the first guy you ever trusted. He gave you your first real kiss.”
“I trusted you first.” She digs through her purse, pulling out a pack of gum.
“That’s not the same.” I hold the door and we step outside. “I’m a friend. Kayden was more than a friend.”
“I don’t know if that’s true.” She pops a piece of gum into her mouth and offers me one. “I don’t know what I feel for him or if it was good or bad. In fact, sometimes I still feel like that scared little girl who doesn’t know what to do with anything.”
I take a piece of gum, unwrapping it before chewing thoughtfully. “Well, maybe you should do whatever the hell you want instead of what you think you should do.” I pause as soon as I say it, processing the full meaning of my words.
Callie isn’t the only one who could benefit from the advice I’ve been giving her the last few weeks. I’ve been lecturing her over and over about coming out of her shell and going after what she wants. I’ve urged her countless times to stop allowing her past and her fear to control her, but here I am doing the same Goddamn thing with Greyson.
Fuck me. Why have I been so blind?
The question is, what am I going to do about it? Continue hiding or stop being so damn scared?
She aims a finger at me accusingly. “You just quoted that from the list.”
I let out an evil laugh, throwing my head back. “That’s because it’s quote day. Didn’t you get the memo?”
A laugh escapes her lips. “Darn it. I forgot to check my messages today. I must’ve missed it.”
I swing an arm around her shoulder and pull her close. “The question is, what do you want to do? And I mean really, really want?”
I know what I want. I really, really do. I just need to find the courage to go after it.
She stops near a bench and gazes at the stadium. “I want to have fun.”
“Now fun is definitely something I can help you with.” I thrum my finger against my lip. “I just need to know how big you want to go.”
She considers my request. “I want to go big. Because it’s either go big or go home, right? And the last thing I want to do is go home.”
“Me, too.” A mischievous smile spreads across my face. “All right, my Callie girl. Let’s go have some fun.”
***
Five hours later, the sun has set, the night has come alive, and Callie and I are smack dab in the middle of it. It’s been a long time since I’ve gotten out and had some good old drunken fun and with five drinks in me, I’m feeling pretty good. So good, in fact, that I’m okay with being a
t the frat party where we’ve somehow ended up. Callie and I are dancing and letting our hair down, partying like rockstars.
“I’m so glad we decided to do this!” Callie shouts over the music, fanning her hand in front of her face.
I glance at the people around the room, dancing, laughing, drinking, all in their own little worlds. “Me, too!”
She giggles and I giggle.
“I really have no clue what’s so funny,” I say through my laughter. “But God, it feels so good to laugh!”
I let the music take over and really get into it, but slow down the energy when I spot Greyson in the corner with that girl Jenna and her boyfriend. Greyson is drinking from a plastic cup and the three of them are laughing at something. I wonder if he knows I’m here and if so, why he hasn’t come over and said hello. Then I remember what an asshole I’ve been lately. Even if he realizes I’m here, I wouldn’t blame him for not approaching me.
Tearing my attention away from Greyson and his friends, I search the room for the alcohol, but end up stumbling across something way more interesting than vodka. Luke and Kayden are standing by the front door with two girls, neither of whom are Daisy. Goddamn him. I seriously want to hurt him right now for doing this to Callie.
“Whatcha lookin’ at?” Callie asks with a slight slur to her speech.
I glance down at her big, glossed-over eyes, deciding it might be time to cut her off. “Nothing.” When she starts to glance towards the door, I grab her by the shoulders. “Okay, it’s not nothing.” I sigh. “Kayden’s here… and he’s not alone.”
Her eyes widen. “He’s with a girl?”
“Yeah… maybe we should just go. You can walk out of here with your head held high and pretty much tell him to go fuck himself. Wouldn’t that be fun?”
She smashes her lips together, shakes her head, and turns around. “I want to talk to him,” she mutters before stumbling through the crowd toward Kayden.
She weaves around people and I follow her, trying to gauge Kayden’s reaction. He seems surprised to see her and, oddly, kind of relieved. I cross my fingers and toes that both girls are with Luke and Kayden came here in hopes of running into Callie.
Please, please, don’t let him be a douchebag.
When Callie reaches him, she flings her arms around his neck. “Kayden’s here,” she says, hugging him like he’s a giant teddy bear.
He puts his hand on her back, a protective gesture that calms me down a bit. “Are you drunk?”
She pulls back, bobbing her head up and down. “A little.”
“No, she’s wasted.” I roll up the sleeves of my jacket and wipe the sweat from my forehead. “And I mean fucking trashed.”
Callie rests her head on Kayden’s chest and he stiffens. “I thought she didn’t drink that much?” he asks me.
I shrug, my focus wandering to the corner of the room. Greyson is still there and a group has formed around him, something I find deeply amusing. He says he’s so awkward, yet people obviously like and gravitate toward him. I really don’t get his reservations about his personality. Even I felt comfortable around him. Well, as comfortable as can be expected around someone who makes my heart race and my palms sweat. I want to go tease him about it, and I think I might have just enough alcohol in my system to do so.
“She doesn’t, but tonight she did.” I glance back at Kayden. “Look, can you watch her for just a little bit? There’s someone I need to talk to.”
He nods, tracing his fingers down her spine. “Sure,” he says, so absorbed with Callie that he doesn’t even glance in my direction.
He almost looks like a lovesick puppy. Granted, a terrified-out-of-his-mind lovesick puppy. That doesn’t mean I fully trust him, though. He has a lot of wrongs to right if he’s going to prove he’s good enough to deserve my Callie.
“And make sure to keep your hands to yourself,” I back away with my finger pointed at him. “She’s drunk enough that she won’t remember a thing, which makes any touching on your part wrong.”
His jaw drops somewhere near his knees. “What kind of guy do you think I am?”
I stare at him pointedly, raising an eyebrow. “I have no idea.”
I turn on my heel and push my way through the crowd and over to Greyson. His eyes widen when he sees me coming.
“Hey, what’re you doing here?” he asks, gripping the cup in his hand.
With my gaze fixed on him, I try to ignore the people around us and hitch my thumb over my shoulder in Callie’s direction. “Callie wanted to have fun, so I took her out and got her drunk.”
His eyes light up as he laughs. “So that’s your idea of fun.”
I bob my head from side to side, considering. “One of many, I guess.”
He glances at Jenna, who gives him a knowing look and offers me a wave.
“Hey, Seth. How’s it going?” In her sparkling silver dress with diamonds in her hair, she looks like a bag of glitter threw up on her.
“Good. I’ve been meaning to call you so we could go shopping.”
“I totally should’ve called you the other day when I was out, but…” She trails off when Greyson gives her a pressing look. “You know what, I think I’m going to go get a drink.” She snags Ari’s arm and tugs him off toward the kitchen area.
I look at Greyson. “Did I say something wrong?”
He shakes his head, looking uneasy, and raises the cup to his lips to finish off the drink. I use the opportunity to check him out. He’s wearing a black shirt with a red logo on it, his jeans are the perfect fit—not too tight or too lose—and his hair has a sexy bedhead look to it.
He lowers the cup, crunches it in his hand, and chucks it into a nearby trashcan. When he locks his eyes on me again, I know what’s coming and prepare myself for the impact.
“So, I haven’t seen or heard from you pretty much since the carnival.” He stuffs his hands into the back pockets of his jeans and rocks back on his heels. “At first I thought maybe it was because you were avoiding me, but then I realized how self-centered believing you’d actually cut class over me seemed.” He studies me closely and I try not to get all wiggly. “Is everything okay?”
I don’t know how to respond to him. My first thought is to feed him some hyped up, overdramatic excuse because I’m good at giving those. But then I remember my revelation in the campus yard about how I need to start taking my own advice.
“Actually, I was avoiding you,” I shamefully admit.
His lips part in shock. “Wow, I didn’t expect you to be so honest.”
“Usually, I’m an honest person. Too honest sometimes. But I get where you’re coming from. I haven’t really been myself around you. Not completely, anyway.”
He swallows hard. “Is it something I’ve done or said? Because I know I can get a little weird—”
“No, it’s not you at all,” I cut him off, feeling like the biggest asshole. “It’s me.” He looks befuddled, so I add, “Some stuff happened to me in my past that makes me…” The scars on my hand throb. I feel so vulnerable standing there in front of him, trying to explain the secret I’ve kept locked inside me. “Hesitate.”
His gaze flicks to the scars on my arm. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Maybe in the future.” Once I say it, I realize how much I mean it. One day, I hope I can tell him what happened without being terrified out of my mind. “But tonight was supposed to be about fun.”
“So, you want to have fun, then?” he asks with a dare in his eyes.
I feel like I might be getting in over my head, but I’m too drunk to back down. “That all depends. What did you have in mind?”
Lust fills his eyes and the look instantly fills my thoughts with lots and lots of dirty images of the fun things we could do. He stands up straight and motions for me to follow him through the dancing crowd. I trail at his heels and note every single person that so much as glances in our direction, wondering what they’re thinking or if they’re thinking anything. I really wish my mind w
as calm, but it’s racing a zillion miles a minute.
My adrenaline goes up a thousand notches when Greyson makes a right and turns down a hallway lined with a few open doors, all of which lead to bedrooms. I start to get so turned on just thinking about going in one of them. But the last time I was with someone intimately was with Braiden. Since I can’t even talk about what happened yet, I don’t think I’m ready to go down that road, despite how much my body wants to.
I open my mouth to tell Greyson I need to leave, but close my trap when he enters a room with a heavy game of poker going on.