Fear of Flying
There is a long romantic tradition of childhood sweethearts who dream of eloping to Gretna Green in Scotland to marry against the wishes of their tyrannical parents, but not many actually do it. Arthur and Betty ran away together the moment they were both sixteen, they loved each other so much that they wanted to be married as soon as was legally possible. These days we don’t expect love to last, let alone teenage love, but Arthur and Betty were married in 1963 when it was still mostly considered a “once in a lifetime” union. Unlike most marriages however this passionate beginning to their marriage never faded to the mundanity that most couples endure. Almost fifty years later they were still in love and in all that time had never been apart except during the day when Arthur was at work. Not even one night apart. Can you imagine that with your modern mind? Real, true love just like you see in the movies. Now retired, they were fully immersed in their relationship, without work to interfere and with their two adult children, Tom and Karen, getting on with their own lives.
There was just one fly in their happy ointment – travel. More precisely, flying. Betty had a genuine fear of flying and so they had never managed to enjoy an exotic holiday. Yes, they had been abroad, but only to the nearer reaches of Europe which they could get to by ferry and car (and later the Eurotunnel). Arthur loved France, Spain and Italy but he yearned to go further afield, more specifically to America. He adored America and all things American and had done since he first heard the young Elvis Presley on the radio as a teenager. Rock and Roll. Country. Jazz. These were what transported Arthur to another world. He imagined going to a bar on Bourbon Street in New Orleans and losing himself in smooth notes of jazz while eating fried catfish, grits and collard greens. He dreamed of renting a Cadillac and driving along the curving Mississippi and past plantations with their vast houses and memories of slavery, lives lived hard and fortunes gained and lost, of visiting Memphis and touring the home of the King.
But it wasn’t to be. He had long since resigned himself to the fact that he would never be able to go to America, because Betty couldn’t get on an aeroplane and he wouldn’t dream of travelling without her. He’d quietly looked into cruise ships as an alternative but it was prohibitively expensive to travel both ways by sea unless they took an inside cabin, which wouldn’t be very pleasant. So Arthur put Betty before his silly American dream and made do with listening to music and watching movies to get his American fix. It never even crossed his mind that Betty loved him so much that she would make his dream come true.
Betty woke early that morning, anxiety and excitement bubbling in the pit of her stomach. Fifty years! The time seemed to have passed in an instant, she could hardly believe they’d been together so long. She looked to her right at the wonderful man sleeping next to her. Her Arthur. They’d been together since they were children and she loved him more than anyone or anything, perhaps even more than her own children. He’d looked after her for half a century, provided a home and stability. Yes, sometimes money had been tight but she’d never had to worry that the mortgage wouldn’t be paid or that there wouldn’t be food on the table, he’d always made sure that she and the kids were warm and had full stomachs. She’d made the right choice all those years ago and she was very grateful for the life that they’d had together. The only thing that made her sad was that she knew she had prevented Arthur from fulfilling his one dream, which was to go to America and see the Deep South. Were it not for Betty he would have gone years ago, probably several times by now. Who knows, maybe he would have moved to America? He loved everything about it so much, in particular the music. Oh, Elvis! Betty knew the words to all his songs, she’d heard them that many times. She continued to look at Arthur’s sleeping face, smiling fondly. Arthur was better than Elvis to her. He might not look like a movie star but he was still better, because he was kind. Even sleeping he seemed to emanate love and kindness and he always had done, which was why for their fiftieth wedding anniversary she was making a huge sacrifice for him. She had booked a holiday for the two of them to go America. It was all arranged. She’d been to an independent travel agent in town and they’d tailor-made the trip of a lifetime which would take in Memphis, Nashville and New Orleans.
The problem for Betty of course was that getting there involved flying, but she was determined to do it for her husband, as a thank you to him for being the very best husband that a woman could ever wish for. So to this end she had been reading a self-help book about fear of flying which contained lots of tips and tricks to help relieve the anxiety. This, together with the support of her husband (and the tranquillizers that her understanding doctor had prescribed) would enable her to get through the trauma of getting on an aeroplane. She was determined to do it. Betty smiled nervously to herself as she got out of bed and went downstairs to make their breakfast.
“Good Morning my darling wife of fifty years!” Arthur walked into the kitchen wearing his navy blue towelling dressing gown and his dark red felt slippers. He was carrying a bunch of roses which he must have bought the previous day and hidden in the car or the garage.
“Oh, Arthur! They’re beautiful! Thank you!”
As he handed her the flowers he dipped his hand into a pocket on his dressing gown and took out a little red velvet box which he placed in her free hand.
“Because I love you as much today as I did when you did me the honour of marrying me,” he said, his eyes moistening slightly as he spoke.
“Oh, Arthur, you shouldn’t have! What have you gone and bought?!” she pretended to be annoyed at the unnecessary purchase as she carefully lifted the lid on the box to see what was inside. As it hinged open the light from the kitchen window hit it and Betty saw a tiny sparkle. Then another one. The box contained a beautiful pair of diamond studs. “Oh! They’re beautiful Arthur! Thank you so much!” She put the flowers down and walked into the hall where she held one of the studs up to her ear. Arthur stood behind her watching and smiling.
“I wanted to get something that lasts forever, like our love, so I thought diamonds would be perfect. They sparkle just like your eyes” He moved in behind her and rested his head against her neck, looking at her in the mirror. “I love you so much Betty,” he whispered softly.
“Oh, Arthur! I love you so much too! The earrings are absolutely beautiful, I love them. I’ll wear them tonight at dinner.” They were going for a romantic meal at their favourite French restaurant in town which they’d been frequenting for the last twenty-five years, ever since it opened. It reminded them of a place they’d visited several times in Dijon. “I’ve got you something too. It’s on the kitchen table. I hope you like it.” She smiled coyly as she spoke. Arthur responded with a quizzical look and together they went back into the kitchen.
Arthur saw that there was an envelope on the table with his name on it so he picked it up. He looked at Betty as he opened it – she was almost fizzing with excitement, her tense, grinning face staring hard at him and at the envelope. Inside was a folded sheet of paper which he slipped out and opened up. It was an itinerary confirmation from a travel agent. He scanned it and saw that it started with a British Airways flight to Houston, connecting with United Airlines to New Orleans. That couldn’t be right. Flights? Planes?
“I don’t understand,” he muttered, a deep furrow appearing in his brow, “they must have given you the wrong confirmation, this is for America...” He looked up at Betty as he said this. She was beaming nervously.
“There’s no mistake,” she replied, “that’s the right itinerary. We’re going to listen to jazz in New Orleans, have dinner on a paddle steamer, drive to Graceland and stay at the Heartbreak Hotel, see the Sun Studios, then to Nashville where I’ve booked us tickets for the Grand Ole Opry with a backstage tour. I know you’ve dreamt of something like this all our lives. I love you so much I wanted to make it happen.”
“But, we can’t! You can’t... It means flying over the Atlantic and there’s no way you can get on a plane, you’ll get too stressed and I couldn’t
bear to see you upset!”
“It’s ok Arthur, I’ve been learning how to control the anxiety and Dr Fitzgerald has given me something to help with my nerves. But really, as long as you’re with me I’ll be ok. You’ve been so good to me these last fifty years that I want to do this for you. You’re not to say no – it’s all booked and it’s non refundable and I’ll be upset if we don’t go. I’ll be fine, you’ll see. I just want you to finally see the home of Country and where Elvis is.” He smiled at her mention of the “King”.
“Oh Betty, I don’t know what to say! I can’t believe you’d do this for me! And that you found a travel agent able to put it together!”
“That was the easy part. I’ve checked our passports and done all the paperwork. All you need to do is pack a case because we’re leaving next Tuesday. Tom and Karen have both taken the day off work and they’re going to drive us to the airport. So it’s all sorted.” She smiled again and took a step toward him. He responded by taking her in his arms and hugging her tightly. Over the last half a century she’d changed a bit, now in her late sixties she’d started to lose a bit of weight and he could feel the bones of her slightly curved back through her dressing gown. He didn’t think it was possible to love anyone more than he loved Betty.
“My darling, darling girl. What did I do to deserve you? This is going to be the best holiday we’ve ever had! Thank you for the best anniversary gift – I love it, and thank you for having a go at flying for me.”
Betty smiled warmly and hugged Arthur back as hard as she could. She was dreading the flight. Each time she thought about it she thought she might faint with the anxiety of it. But no. She had to try to stop thinking about it this way. She was going to go through with it for the sake of her beloved Arthur. She’d read all the statistics about the safety of flying, rationally she knew there was nothing to worry about. She was intelligent enough to know that but despite the statistics she would still worry about the whole experience on the day, however with the tranquilizers, the breathing techniques she’d been learning and with Arthur by her side to hold her hand she’d be just fine. Totally fine.
The night before the flight to America neither Arthur nor Betty slept, Arthur due to his excitement at the trip of a lifetime and Betty due to dread of the flight. She hid it well though. When they got up in the morning Arthur was beaming like a child on Christmas morning, although he was still concerned for his beloved wife.
“Are you sure you want to go ahead with this darling, because we don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” he asked as they got out of bed and put their dressing gowns on.
“Yes. I’m absolutely fine dear. A bit nervous but the breathing exercises have been wonderful. I only wish I’d known about them years ago – we could have been jetting around the world all this time!” She laughed lightly to underline just how ok she was, although Arthur could see that there was a rather brittle aspect to her smile. He brought her close to him and hugged her tightly.
“Thank you,” he said as he leant down to kiss her on the lips. Betty closed her eyes as she kissed him back.
Tom and Karen turned up at lunchtime and together the four of them drove to Heathrow chatting excitedly about the trip. Tom and Karen had both been to America before and Arthur had always been secretly rather jealous of them. Now he was finally getting to go there himself!
After the kids had dropped them off at the airport and they’d said their goodbyes it was time to check in and go through security. Betty was amazed at just how vigorous and serious the security was. Poor Arthur had to go through the body scanner three times before they would acknowledge that it was his replacement hip causing the alarm to go off. They wandered around the shops and Betty was shocked at the cost of duty free goods. She’d had no idea that handbags could even cost that much money, what on earth did they cost in a normal shop? And the jewellery and watches – did people really spend that much money on trinkets? She was obviously living on another, more lowly planet. Despite the prices she actually enjoyed seeing everything in the shops, because it took her mind off the thought of the imminent flight. Arthur was doing his best to distract her too, chatting brightly and making jokes with her. He looked so happy, and his obvious happiness helped to lessen her anxiety. She was with the man she loved, her husband, her partner for life, and he would be with her on the plane, which she knew from all the literature was the safest mode of transport, and whatever happened he would always be with her, looking after her. She was safe with him.
After a half hour wait at the boarding gate they were finally allowed onto the plane. When they walked into the cabin Betty was surprised at just how calm she was feeling. The inside was much larger than she’d expected so it felt more sturdy and reliable than a small plane (she thought, never having actually been on one), the cabin crew were really kind and helpful and made quite a fuss of her and Arthur – the travel agent had clearly told the airline that it was their fiftieth wedding anniversary trip.
All the while, as the doors were closed and the engines started to rumble, Arthur held Betty’s hand. He whispered in her ear how much he loved her and that it was the best present he’d ever had in his life. Betty felt great – her little hand being enveloped by Arthur’s much larger one took away any last vestiges of fear. The flight passed uneventfully and Betty wished that she’d known it would be so easy – imagine the wonderful holidays they could have taken over the years! As long as Arthur was with her, holding her hand, she could probably go into space on a shuttle!
They landed safely in Houston, cleared immigration and took their connecting flight to the city of New Orleans. Again, Arthur held Betty’s hand, never letting go, and so she felt no fear whatsoever.
There followed ten days of absolute bliss. Arthur was like a kid in a candy shop the whole time. Betty’s travel agent had put together quite possibly the perfect itinerary for a lover of Country Music, Jazz and Rock and Roll: they began by listening to live Jazz in New Orleans, took a car along the Mississippi up to Baton Rouge and then to Vicksburg where they ate catfish on a floating casino. They followed the river, visiting old plantations and absorbing the atmosphere of the Deep South until they reached the highlight of the trip for Arthur – Memphis, home of Elvis and Sun Studio, birthplace of Rock and Roll. They even stayed at the Heartbreak Hotel, a stone’s throw from Graceland and quite possibly the tackiest hotel they’d ever stayed in, and all the more wonderful for it. From there they drove to Nashville to see the Country Music Hall of Fame, staying at the Gaylord Opryland Hotel for the climax of the trip – an evening at the Grand Old Opry to see the latest country music stars perform live on stage, followed by a backstage tour. It was quite simply the best holiday they had ever had together. Arthur thought that he would never forget this trip as much for its content as for the fact that his beloved wife had conquered her fear of flying just for him. She, in turn, was pleased to see him smiling constantly and knowing that she’d been right to book this holiday.
On their last night they ate dinner in the hotel restaurant, a delicious meal of rib-eye steaks with the crispiest french fries imaginable and salad that came with copious amounts of blue cheese dressing, something you don’t really see in the UK. They skipped dessert because Arthur was getting heartburn after over a week of American portion sizes and he didn’t want to have a bad stomach on the flight home. Once back in their room and snuggled up together in bed Arthur leaned over to Betty and said:
“Betty, I want you to know that this has been the best ten days of my, our, life, and I’m so proud that you’re my wife. Marrying you was the best thing I ever did. I love you, Betty.” He leant over and kissed her gently on the lips, looking into her eyes. She could see his eyes were moist with tears and so clearly filled with love that her tummy did a little somersault, just like it used to when they were kids.
“I love you too, Arthur,” she replied, putting a hand to his cheek and smiling, “now let’s go to sleep, we’ve got a long journey tomorrow.” He smiled back a
t her and they both settled down to sleep.
Betty woke with a start from a terrible dream. Immediately that she was conscious she couldn’t remember exactly what the dream was about, but she was feeling terrified, distraught, sad and angry, amongst other emotions she couldn’t quite put her finger on. Almost too many emotions for her to process. Images of ambulances, hospital rooms and police kept popping into her head. What on earth? Arthur! She looked in panic at the body beside her.
“Arthur! Arthur! Wake up!” She grabbed his shoulders and shook him hard, “Come on, wake up!”
Arthur’s eyes popped open, startled.
“I’m up! I’m up! What is it Betty?! We haven’t slept in have we?! The flight’s not till lunchtime!”
“Oh, Arthur! I’m so sorry, I had a bad dream and I thought something had happened to you!” She sighed with relief, her panic starting to fade. “Thank God it was just a dream, I don’t know what I’d do without you!”
“Ah, my poor love, don’t be silly, I’m absolutely fine,” he leant over and kissed her forehead. “I’ll never leave you, you know that. Always together, you and me. I wouldn’t want you flying home on your own for a start!” He laughed at this and Betty paused, then laughed herself. How silly to get so upset by a dream.
“I’m sorry Arthur, I shouldn’t be so dramatic! I think it just made me realise how much I love you and how I’d miss you if you weren’t here. Anyway, enough silly talk, let’s go down for breakfast and then get packed up to check out.”
“I’m not hungry, still got a bit of heartburn from last night. Why don’t you go down and have a bite to eat and I’ll get us packed.”
“Are you sure? Last chance for an American breakfast?”
“Yes I’m sure, you go and enjoy their funny bacon and I’ll see you back here, all packed,” he smiled at her and she got washed and dressed then went down to eat.
In the restaurant Betty was surprised to see that the staff were all very quiet. Normally they beamed brightly and were eager to talk to all the guests. This morning they seemed very subdued, and the waitress that took her breakfast order seemed as if she was on the verge of bursting into tears. She mentioned this to Arthur when she got back to the room.
“I’m sure it’s nothing. You’re in a funny mood because of your bad dream and you’re probably sad that it’s the last day of our trip,” he said, “so don’t worry about it dear, look, I’ve done all the packing, just your toothbrush left.” She saw that their cases were neatly packed and he’d even managed to get a trolley to put them on. Always so organised, her Arthur.
“You’re a star! What would I do without you?” she responded.
Betty brushed her teeth and put the toothbrush into her case, then they made their way down to the lobby with the trolley.
“Darling, why don’t I go and get everything into a cab while you check us out,” said Arthur, “it’ll save us some time and you don’t need to worry about the cases.
“Good idea,” replied Betty, and she walked over to the reception where she was greeted by a young lady with a sad face.
“Morning!” Betty said brightly,
“Good Morning, Mrs Andrews, how are you feeling?” the young girl asked. Her name tag announced that she was called Charlene and she had one of the most sorrowful faces Betty had ever seen, more so than the restaurant staff.
“I’m fine thanks, just checking out today. We’ve had such a wonderful holiday, I hope we can come back again.” Betty saw a quizzical look on Charlene’s face to add to the sorrow.
“Um, yes. Of course. Checking out? Right. Is there anything else I can do for you? Anyone I can call?”
“That’s very kind, but no, just the bill please,” Betty continued. What a strange girl, she thought. Their stay had already been prepaid by the travel agent so there wasn’t anything else to settle. Betty signed the check-out slip under the sympathetic /worried gaze of Charlene then went outside to find Arthur. He was waiting for her inside a taxi and she told him about the funny girl on reception on the way to the airport. He thought that Betty was still out of sorts from her dream and told her so. She added that she thought even the taxi driver was looking at her funny in the mirror, which Arthur said simply underlined his point and he laughed.
They were nice and early for their flight and had no trouble at all going through security this time. Arthur joked to Betty that with so many old and fat people in America the x-ray machines were probably specially calibrated to ignore replacement hips!
They had over an hour to kill before their departure time so they sat in a cafe where Betty had a coffee.
“Are you sure you don’t want anything Arthur? You haven’t had any breakfast so you must be starving, maybe a tea with some sugar for energy?” she asked.
“No I won’t have anything, my tummy’s still playing up a bit. Best I give it a rest, besides, there’ll be something to eat on the plane won’t there?” he responded.
“Yes, I suppose so,” Betty said. She looked at Arthur fondly. She ought to be in a panic, being at the airport and about to board the plane, but she was absolutely fine, because Arthur was with her. She should have known she’d be ok with his support. How ridiculous not to have flown in the past, it was so easy and safe! She knew she wouldn’t be able to do it on her own or indeed with anyone else, but with Arthur she would always be ok. When they got back she’d get some holiday brochures, the kind they’d never bothered with before that had pictures of exotic temples, azure blue sea and koala bears on. Yes. He’d like that. Betty slipped into a reverie of exotic places and before she knew it it was time to board.
Once again Arthur held Betty’s hand on the plane. This was just a short hop of ninety minutes to connect with the transatlantic flight. The transit was as smooth as it was on their arrival and before long they were on their British Airways flight back to London. Dinner service was provided, but once again Arthur declined to eat anything.
“I don’t want to be ill on the plane. A lot of people have to use those toilets so it wouldn’t be fair to everyone else if I eat something and get sick. Besides, we’ve eaten so much in the last ten days I think it’s just my body telling me I need to take a break.”
“Well, if you’re sure, Arthur,” Betty said, “but if you still don’t feel like eating when we get back then I’m booking you a doctor’s appointment, no arguments.”
“Yes, dear, that’s absolutely fine. I’m sure I’ll be better by the time we land.” He took her hand and squeezed it, looking at her lovingly. Betty was comforted by this, each time he touched her it was like she was being enveloped by a warm blanket of love. “I love you Betty,” he added, smiling fondly.
“I love you too Arthur,” she replied.
The flight landed on time and they disembarked quickly, walking briskly to immigration where there was only a small queue for British and EU passport holders. At baggage reclaim Arthur got a trolley for their cases and together they pushed it to the exit, where they looked for their son, who was picking them up to drive them home.
“Mum! Mum!” cried a familiar woman’s voice. Betty looked around and saw that it was her daughter Karen calling her, tears streaming down her face.
“Darling! What are you doing here? Tom’s picking us up. What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” she asked in a flurry.
“Oh Mum! I’m so sorry! We didn’t think you’d get the flight back! We were going to come out and get you, oh Mum, I can’t believe it! What are we going to do?!” Karen was weeping uncontrollably now, she put her arms around her mother and hugged her for all she was worth. Her brother Tom had appeared next to her, his eyes red-rimmed and his face puffy.
“Mum, you’ll be ok, we’ll all be ok,” he said, “Poor Dad. I’ve been in touch with the Foreign Office and they’ve been really helpful, they’re going to get everything sorted. We’ll get through this together, as a family...”
“What are you both talking about? I don’t understand? What do you mean “Poor Dad”? Arthur, have
you any idea what they’re on about?” Betty looked behind her for Arthur, but he wasn’t there. She scanned the hordes of people swarming past her to their loved ones or their drivers or to no one, but there was no sign of him. “Arthur?” she called out. “Arthur?”
“Mum, what are you doing?” asked Karen, “Dad’s not here, he’s still in America...”
“What do you mean? Don’t be so ridiculous, he’s right here, we just collected the bags! Arthur?!” She called out again.
“No Mum,” Karen looked at her brother with worried eyes, “don’t you remember? You’re bound to be in shock. Dad died yesterday. You called me. Tom’s been dealing with the police and the hospital. He had a heart attack at the hotel. We weren’t expecting you to fly back on your own but the police said the hotel told them you’d gone to the airport. We’ve been worried about you. Oh Mum!” Karen started to sob as she hugged her Mum. Tom was standing to one side with tears pouring down his face.
Betty couldn’t move. She couldn’t comprehend what was happening. Arthur couldn’t be dead, he was with her on the flight! He was with her just now! He held her hand all the way home. Had she lost her mind? She couldn’t make sense of it. He’d told her in the hotel that he’d never leave her, that they’d always be together, “Always together, you and me. I wouldn’t want you flying home on your own for a start!”
Betty’s blood ran cold and she started to sob violently, shaking uncontrollably as she was seized by grief.