A large shouldered man with a full beard approached. A friendly grin spread over his florid cheeks. “Shale, is that you?” His brown eyes wrinkled at the corners. “Shale!”
My heart leaped. The sound of my name on his lips. Had Brutus, my father, ever said that when I wasn’t around? I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.
He hesitated, then opened his arms and took three quick steps towards me in a warm embrace. Could that be sweet love?
“You don’t know how long I’ve waited to do that.” He stepped back leaving his hands on my shoulders and studying my face. He chuckled. “It’s good to see you don’t have the Snyder nose.”
“The what?”
“Oh, never mind. A joke.” He laughed. “At last I can see you and touch you.”
“Uh.” I looked at his large nose. “It’s good to be here with you, too.” My fingers toyed with the egg in my pocket. He didn’t appear to be as my mother described him. Could I trust my feelings? As if in a mirror, I stared into his brown eyes that reflected back a part of who I was.
A door slammed behind me. I turned.
Scylla’s eyes flashed. “Oh, excuse me.”
Not catching her expression, my father beckoned to her. “Come here and meet Shale.”
Scylla laughed. “We met yesterday.”
I had hoped to have this moment with my father all to myself. I didn’t want to share it with her.
My father remembered. “Oh, that’s right, yes.”
She glided smoothly through the room towards a bench close enough to hear us. She tossed me a fake smile and ran her hand along his broad biceps.
My father picked up a silver cup from the table and poured some wine. “Love, would you like a sip of wine?”
“Of course,” Scylla said. “We must honor our visitor with a toast.”
My father handed her a cup and popped a surprise kiss on her cheek.
“Love you, honey,” she said.
He then walked over and sat on the bench by Nathan. Leaning back, my father stretched out his legs. “Tell me about your trip, Shale. Everything went well? No problems?”
“Everything went fine,” I said glibly.
“That’s good to hear.” An awkward silence followed. He took several sips and burped. “It was a long trip from Jerusalem. I came as quickly as I could, once I received word of your coming.”
I fumbled with the egg in my pocket, not saying anything. A few minutes passed. My father gulped down the last of his drink and set the cup on the table. “Shale, let’s take a walk outside and get some fresh air.”
“Sure, that sounds great.” As we headed to the door, Scylla’s beady eyes followed me like a radar gun.
Outside, Daniel rounded the corner. “Good afternoon, Mr. Snyder.”
“Did you meet my daughter, Shale?”
Daniel smiled and nodded. “Yes, sir. A very nice young lady.”
“Good, good.” My father reached over and gave me another warm hug.
We left the back courtyard and headed out on the dirt road that led to the front of my father’s rich estate. Without jealous ears eavesdropping, I could study him—his mannerisms, the way he walked, the inflection in his voice.
“Shale, it’s good to see you. I don’t want to lose you again.”
How different my life would have been if he hadn’t left when I was young. The gentle knocking of rocks by our sandals in the gravel was the only sound.
“Scylla and I have been married for a few years. Time passes quickly. She’s the best wife I’ve had. Maybe after the fourth, I can get it right, huh?”
“I suppose.” I wouldn’t say what I really thought—like what do you see in the woman besides her fading beauty?
After a while, we turned to head back.
My father said, “I have to return to Jerusalem tomorrow. There has been a lot of trouble with the Jews. They are a noisy bunch, prone to causing disturbances. It’s my job to keep the peace.”
“What is it you do?”
“I’m a diplomat for the Roman government. I speak several languages—Latin, Greek and Hebrew, among others.”
“You speak Hebrew?” I asked.
“Yes. It helped me to get this job.”
“What about me? Am I to stay or go back?”
“You and your mother didn’t discuss that?”
“No.”
“Oh.” My father rubbed his eyes.
Four doves flew off out of the tree nestled in the bend of the road. Worldly Crow had spooked them, eavesdropping.
My father shuffled his feet. “We’ll discuss it more when I return. I shouldn’t be gone long.”
“How long?” I asked.
“A few days, perhaps. I left in the middle of a potential uprising, but I had to see you. I couldn’t wait. Is there anything you need? Money?”
“A few days? Promise?”
“It won’t be fourteen years again.” He laughed. “I need to be sure we don’t have a revolt on our hands. Jerusalem is restless with rumors concerning the prophecy of a new king. Thirty years ago, strange signs appeared in the heavens, and a political massacre of young babies in Galilee occurred. The prophecies have yet to be fulfilled. Some believe the time is right. A man named John the Baptist has stirred up the masses.”
I wanted the answer to one question. “Why did you leave my mother?”
“Why did I leave your mother?”
“Yes.”
“Let me see.”
A minute passed, and he didn’t say anything. I counted the goats in the field and the butterflies on a nearby bush. Would he respond?
“The truth is, I couldn’t get along with your mother.”
I laughed. “I can understand that. I can’t get along with her either.” At the expense of not making her look bad, I added, “but she means well.”
“I’m sure she does,” my father said blandly.
“But even if you couldn’t get along with my mother,” I pointed out, “you didn’t have to be a stranger all those years.”
“I know. That was my mistake. I should have tried.”
“Why didn’t you?” I persisted.
“I didn’t want to interfere. She had her life, boyfriends, and then she remarried—it would have been difficult and complicated. I didn’t want the conflict.”
“I know she doesn’t like you, but it’s sad that I couldn’t have a relationship with you.”
My father reached over and gave me another hug. “Listen, if you need anything, Scylla will be here. Daniel takes good care of Nathan in my absence.”
“Can Nathan talk—at all?”
“The only one he can talk to is Daniel.”
We walked for a while without saying anything else. I was glad to be with him, but it would never be enough to make up for the fourteen years of his absence.
“Do you know what it feels like to be abandoned?” I asked.
“I didn’t abandon you. I sent your mother money and sent you presents.”
“They all arrived broken. Whether you call it abandonment or not, that’s what it felt like. I didn’t have a father like most of my friends—to do things with me, to love me, to hug me, to be there for me.”
“You do now—since your mother has remarried.”
“If you didn’t abandon me, what did you do?”
My father shrugged. “I met your mother on a blind date. She was controlling—too controlling. We weren’t made for each other.”
Why was this so difficult? I needed to know the truth. I’d try again. “I used to wonder what it would be like if we met. I dreamed of spending time with you. I didn’t like growing up without a father. Something was missing. I felt as if I were a doughnut with a big hole in the middle. Mother never understood me—and she sure didn’t like you by the time I was old enough to realize everyone else had a father but me.”
“I was always afraid—it’s difficult to be rejected once, but what if it happens twice? I don’t know which is worse, rejection or abandonment, but in the end, they f
eel the same.”
My father grimaced at my bluntness. “Shale, I’m glad to see you. I really am. I won’t leave you again.” He hugged me reassuringly. “I hate that I can’t stay here longer, but I have to head back to Jerusalem tomorrow.”
I reached into my pocket fumbling for the egg. “By the way, I have something to show you.”
“What’s that?”
I pulled out the gift he had sent me.
A frown crossed his face when he saw the broken pieces. “How did that happen?”
“I don’t know. The package arrived broken.”
A dark shadow fell on us as the sun slipped behind some clouds. “Are you sure your stepfather and mother didn’t break the egg?”
“What?” Why would he accuse them of such a mean thing? “I received it when the box arrived. I opened it.”
He eyed me skeptically.
“Actually, everything you’ve sent me arrived broken.”
“I’m sure they broke them.”
“They didn’t.”
My father looked away irritated before he regained his composure. “Shale, I really am glad you’re here. I never want to lose you again.”
He stopped and gazed into my eyes. That instant, I believed him.
“Shale, do you need anything?”
“Yes. I’d like something to write on.”
“Write?”
“Yes, so I can keep a diary.”
“I can get you a reed-pen and papyrus paper.”
“That would be great.” My father gave me one last squeeze.
When we returned to the house, a messenger from Jerusalem had arrived on an important business matter. My father took him into his private quarters, and I waited in the veranda. They spoke another language, but I heard my name a couple of times.
I wandered about the room, picking up pieces of pottery, examining them, and setting them down, passing the time until he was finished. Why was I here? I related better to the animals than I did my own family. I felt as if I were a stranger rather than my father’s daughter.
Nathan stared out the small window—which was how he spent most of the day. With our father here, he had perked up, perhaps anticipating spending time with him.
I walked over and sat beside him. Both of us were trapped in similar ways.
Scylla walked in, surprised to see me. “I thought you were still out for a walk.”
“We just came back. He’s talking to someone.”
“Oh.” She walked past us and stuck her head in the door. I wasn’t sure if she understood the conversation.
She shrugged. “Mari, can you fix us another drink.”
I didn’t know how they could drink that horrible stuff.
“Did you and your father have a good conversation?”
I nodded.
“He’s a brilliant man. I’m sure you must have inherited some of his talent. You look like him.”
“That’s what my mother told me.”
“How is your mother?”
“She’s fine.” I didn’t want to talk about my mother. She was nicer to me when my father was nearby. Would she talk this way to me in private?
Soon my father came out of the room with the messenger. He looked distracted—indecisive.
I didn’t want to admit I was like my mother or my father. I wasn’t even sure if I met one of them on the street, I’d want to be friends with either.
Regurgitating noises came from Nathan. He threw up on the floor. The suddenness caught us all by surprise. My father grabbed some rags from the table and rushed over to him.
Father patted him on the back and Nathan grunted, looking embarrassed. “It’s okay, Nathan. We’ll clean it up.”
Scylla rolled her eyes at the mess and walked out. “I’m going to be sick,” she mumbled.
I laid the rags on top of the mess.
“I’ll come back later,” the messenger said. Mari and I were left to finish clean-up. My father escorted Nathan off, gently speaking to him. I was encouraged that my father had compassion for Nathan. It gave me hope.
Mari smiled at me. “You’re a good daughter,” she said. “You have a kind heart.”
Later that evening in my bedroom, I stared out the tiny window at the stars, counting how many I could see. A shooting star skimmed across the sky, and I made a wish, skeptical that it would come true. When I returned my gaze to the inside, dark cartoon characters were once again climbing the walls.
Chapter Sixteen
DISTURBING DISCOVERY