No, I realized, that wasn't the only thing I wanted. A pair of dark gray eyes danced behind my closed lids and they were quickly followed by those lips. I made a sound and pulled my blanket up against my face. That mouth. I could still feel it against mine, the way his lips had moved, how his tongue had explored every inch of my mouth .
I'd kissed exactly five people in my entire life. Ronald, of course, but there had been four others. Jason Keller had given me my first kiss when I was eight and he'd been the older man at ten. I'd played Spin the Bottle the summer between eighth and ninth grade and my former boyfriend Timmy had stolen a kiss then. He'd moved away a few weeks later. My junior year of high school, I'd gone to a party and gotten drunk for the first time. Apparently, Adelle and I had kissed during a game of Truth and Dare. I wasn't sure that counted since I had little more than a fuzzy impression of it. And then there'd been Vincent Ryan, my high school crush, who'd given me a kiss after senior prom .
Not a single kiss had even come close to the one I'd had with my knight in shining armor. I tried telling myself it was just because I really didn't have any good comparisons. After all, aside from Ronald, the other kisses had been when I was young and inexperienced. I snorted at the thought of myself as experienced now, then winced at the pain in my head .
Youth had nothing to do with it. Ronald was an adult and I'd loved kissing him. He'd made me shiver with delight, but I'd never felt my knees turn to jelly when we'd kissed. It had been like that in bed too, I admitted for the first time. I didn't have anyone else to compare him to, but I knew there hadn't been the same kind of fire between us that other people had. Sure, I enjoyed having sex with him and he'd been a fairly considerate lover, but I'd never dreamed about him. Fantasized about him. I'd never felt the need to touch myself because I couldn't stop thinking about his hands on my body .
Not like the hands I'd had on me last night .
“Fuck,” I mumbled .
I knew it probably wasn't a good idea, but I couldn't stop myself thinking about him. From the first moment I'd looked into his eyes, I'd felt desire heating me up. Then we'd kissed and it had been like fireworks or lightning or something else that had a burst of energy and light so strong that it was dangerous. I'd wanted to feel his hands on my bare skin. Running up my back. Cupping my breasts. His fingers between my legs, touching me .
I sighed and flopped onto my back. The sudden movement wasn't a good idea, but it at least broke my train of thought for a moment. I closed my eyes and tried to fall back asleep, but my savior came creeping back in, bringing with him vague fantasies of his body and mine, writhing together in pleasure .
I grabbed an extra pillow and pressed it against my face, letting out a cry of frustration. I had thin walls and the last thing I needed was one of my neighbors thinking I was in trouble and calling the cops .
Why couldn't I stop thinking about him? I wanted to sleep away my hangover, forget about that disaster of a date and move on, but every time I tried to clear my mind enough to drift off, he came popping back in. What was it about him? Sure, he was hot, but so were a lot of people. I mean, Mr. Finkle, the biology teacher, had a certain bookish hotness to him, but he wasn't the one plaguing my thoughts. And it wasn't my ex-fiancé either .
I caught my breath as I realized I’d passed a milestone. For the past two weeks, every thought of Ronald had brought with it pain and longing. Every time I'd used the words 'ex' and 'former,' it had been like a part of me being ripped out. Just now, when I'd thought about him, however, there'd only been a twinge and a pang of regret. Something had changed. Halle-fuckin-luiah .
Had it been my decision to go on the blind date, signaling that I was trying to move on? That was possible, I supposed, but even when things had been going well at the beginning with Steven, I hadn't been able to truly see myself with someone other than Ronald. Was it possible that it had been my white knight? The fact that he'd rescued me, protected me? He'd done what Ronald had promised to do. And then there'd been the desire I'd felt for him, something so strong that I couldn't entirely blame it on the alcohol .
That, I knew, had been the moment I'd first realized I could be with someone else. Without even telling me his name, the stranger had not only rescued me from Steven, but had started to free me from my past .
I groaned in frustration. It so wasn't fair .
My phone rang, the sound cutting through my head in a burst of bright, musical pain. I grabbed for it, not even bothering to look at the caller ID before answering .
“Hey there!” Mindy's bubbly voice came from the other end. “I got tired of waiting for a report on how last night went. I'm hoping this means it went well and you didn't call me because you were too tired from all that hot, sweaty sex .”
I scoffed, a bitter that sound that burst out of me in a huff. “Yeah, not so much.” I sighed and pushed myself into a sitting position. My head throbbed, but the bed didn't spin, so that was absolutely an improvement .
“I don't understand.” Mindy sounded confused. “If you weren't with...” Her voice trailed off for a moment and then she growled. “I'm going to kill him .”
It took me a few seconds to put two and two together, but I got it and didn't have to ask for clarification. It seemed like the walls in Mindy's building were fairly thin too and that Steven had found someone to take home after all .
“Short version,” I said. “Steven was more interested in talking about himself and trying to get me drunk enough to get into my pants than he was in actually being on a date .”
“That bastard.” She practically spit the words out and I knew she was seething .
I smirked. No way was she going to let Steven off easy, especially after I gave her the long version. Mindy was creative when it came to revenge. She'd told me and Adelle about a girl who had once cheated on Mindy's little brother, stringing him along for months. Mindy had snuck into the girl's driveway and hid bits of sushi in her rims and under the hood of her Astin Martin. Rumor had it, the girl had to completely scrap the car because no one had been able to get the smell out .
“Tell me everything .”
I started at the beginning and went through all of it, including my own stupidity at drinking so much as well as my rescue, but when it came time to give the details of my stranger, I held back. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do about him and, for right now, I wanted to keep him all to myself. Once I shared him with Mindy, I'd have to share him with Adelle, and I didn't know how they'd react to me and my inability to stop thinking about my mystery man .
“I am so sorry,” Mindy said as soon as I was finished. “I feel horrible. I'd always thought Steven was a good guy .”
She continued to apologize for the next five minutes, occasionally promising to make him pay for what he'd done. I made appropriate noises in the right places and waited for the chance to end the call. I loved my friend, but I didn't want to talk. I wanted to be alone. There was wallowing to be done .
I showered after I hung up, then wrapped myself in my comfy robe and headed to the kitchen for some crackers to calm my stomach. Ice cream was really better wallowing food, particularly when it came to bad dates, but I didn't think I was ready for that. Crackers would have to do for now. Tomorrow, it would be ice cream time .
Ginger ale and crackers in hand, I headed for the couch. I curled up there, turned on the TV and let myself mope about how my love life sucked. If this had just been a single bad date, I might've just let myself have an hour or two of a pity party then moved on. But coming on the heels of my canceled wedding, it felt like a bigger rejection than it should have .
Although, I supposed if I thought about it, what had happened hadn't technically been a rejection. Steven hadn't walked away or stood me up. Sure, he'd been an asshole, but at least he'd wanted me. I laughed out loud, unsurprised at the bitterness of the sound. What did it say about me that I attracted guys like Ronald and Steven? Okay, it hadn't been like Steven had picked me out of a crowd, but still .
Did
that mean my mystery man was just as much of a jerk as the others? Now there was a depressing thought. Someone who saved me, hadn't tried to take advantage of my vulnerable state, and had given me the best kiss of my life. Was it possible that it had all just been an act? I didn't want to think that. Somehow, that was worse than everything else .
I'd been a hopeless romantic once, believing in fairy tale endings. Sure, I'd understood that relationships were work, but I always thought that true love would figure it out in the end. After Ronald left me, I'd tried to cling to that same idealistic way of thinking and having a handsome stranger come to my rescue had fueled that belief. Now, I wasn't sure anymore .
My day progressed that way for several hours. I'd doze on and off, staring at the television in between naps, but not really seeing what was on. My head was full of questions and replays of all the shit that had happened over the past month. It wasn't until my stomach started to growl for more substance than crackers that I had a different thought .
I needed to prove that there were good guys in this world, and to do that, I had to find my hero. I went to the kitchen to see if I could find any soup, my brain starting to focus on my new task. If I could find him, I could ask him why he'd saved me. I could talk to him, thank him for what he'd done. If his intentions had been pure, it would be proof that there were still good men in this world, dashing heroes racing in to save a damsel in distress without any thought about what was in it for them .
It had nothing to do with the kiss, or how that one touch of the lips made my entire body hot. If a single kiss could do that, what would it be like to have more? To feel his body stretched out on top of mine, hands roaming over my clothes. Under my clothes. Against bare flesh .
I gritted my teeth and pushed the fantasies from my mind. I wanted to thank him for saving me, for restoring my faith in men. I didn't want a relationship, and I didn't do casual sex. What I did want was to believe in hope for the future, and finding my stranger would do that .
Now all I needed to do was figure out where to start .
Six
I was pretty sure Mindy thought I was mad at her for setting me up with Steven because I barely spoke to her all week. Adelle, fortunately, had been busy enough with some charity fundraiser that she accepted my 'details on Friday' text without pushing for more. I hadn't been upset with either one of them though. I'd just been extra busy .
Aside from my classes and grading papers, every waking moment had been spent trying to find the stranger. When I'd made that my goal, I'd known it wouldn't be easy, but I hadn't realized how difficult tracking down someone without a name, picture or personal information could be .
I'd called O'Mallys first thing to see if they remembered the fight. The bartender who'd worked Friday night hadn't been in, so I'd tried again the next day. He'd remembered the fight and me, but he swore he didn’t know the man who'd come to my rescue. After some coaxing, he admitted that Steven had told him to keep the drinks coming, but insisted he didn’t know I'd get so drunk so quickly .
After that dead end, I hadn't known where to go. I considered going back to the bar and waiting to see if the man showed up again, but since I'd talked to the bartender and he'd remembered me, I didn't want him realizing why I'd come back. I told him I wanted to thank my rescuer, but I was pretty sure he hadn't believed me. If I showed up there, it'd look desperate, which I didn't want .
Instead, I parked my car in the O'Mallys parking lot for two nights, grading my papers as I watched people coming and going. Both nights, I'd gone home empty-handed. I wasn't sure which was more depressing, how much my romantic life sucked or how the only guy I really wanted to talk to had vanished .
On Friday night, I was ready for some girl time and wine. I'd already decided that I'd tell everything, including my mystery man. I just hoped my friends could either talk some sense into me, help me, or give me a distraction. I couldn't keep running in circles like this .
“Wow, you look awful,” Adelle said as I took a seat to her right .
“Thanks,” I said sarcastically .
She rolled her eyes. “Come on, Bree. The bags under your eyes have bags. You look worse than you did right after...” She let her voice trail off but I knew what she meant. Her gaze moved around, almost nervously. Then, suddenly, her face brightened. “Mindy! Perfect timing .”
“Why? What's going on?” Mindy asked as she sat on the other side of Adelle .
“Adelle here was just telling me that I look worse now than I did after Ronald dumped me at the alter.” I couldn't help but smile at the expression on Adelle's face. My friend was usually impossible to embarrass or make uncomfortable. I had to take advantage of it whenever possible .
Mindy gave me a small smile, one that told me she was still worried about me being mad at her. “I think you look fine .”
Adelle's eyes narrowed and she looked from me to Mindy and back again. “All right, something's up. No way would Mindy say you looked fine the way you're dressed unless she knew there was some sort of extenuating circumstance. Spill it .”
I took a deep breath and told my story. Mindy winced when I got to the part where Steven had tried to drag me out of the bar and I could see the guilt on her face. I didn't stop to reassure her though. Instead, I continued on with the part she hadn't yet heard, including the kiss this time. When I finished, Adelle and Mindy were both staring .
“Wait, so the reason you've barely talked to me all week is because you've been looking for your mystery guy?” Mindy asked. “I thought you were mad at me .”
I shook my head and patted her on the hand. “It's not your fault Steven turned out to be an ass. You had no way of knowing. He came across all charming at first .”
“Should've gone with my guy in the first place,” Adelle said with a smug smile. “But now you have to .”
“Yay, another blind date,” I sneered, clapping in mock celebration. “That worked out so great last time .”
“What are you going to do, then?” Mindy asked, changing the subject. “Hire some private investigator to track down a guy you kissed when you were drunk ?”
She had a point. It wasn't like I had many options when it came to finding my rescuer. And no matter how much I wanted to find him, there was no way I was telling some detective about what had happened. No kiss was that good .
My body disagreed with that statement, but I ignored it .
“I have to ask.” Adelle leaned forward. “What was it like? The kiss?” Her eyes were glowing with curiosity .
“It was a kiss,” I said shortly. “You know. Lips against lips .”
She grinned. “That good, huh ?”
I glared at her .
“Come on, Bree, details.” Adelle glanced at Mindy. “Was there tongue ?”
“You're an ass.” I threw a cherry tomato at her, laughing as it landed in her cleavage .
“Hey!”
I shrugged. “Shouldn't show it off .”
She plucked the tomato out from between her breasts and set it down on her empty plate. “Seriously, though, Bree. Let me fix you up on a date.” She threw a glance at Mindy. “I'll do better screening than she did .”
“Bitch.” Mindy stuck her tongue out at Adelle .
I laughed, my dark mood lightening as I let myself enjoy my friends .
“Please, Bree,” Adelle begged, her face all puppy dog cute .
“I think I'm swearing off dating for a while,” I said. I held up my hands. “No more men .”
“So women now?” Mindy grinned .
I searched for another tomato to throw as she laughed. “I just mean that I've had bad luck with men this past month and I'm not sure I want to try again .”
“It's not a commitment, Bree. I'm not asking you to marry the guy, just go on a date.” Adelle slid her card into the bill fold .
“You're not going to let this go, are you?” I asked .
“Nope.” She grinned. “You know me .”
Yeah, I did know her. That's
what concerned me. I had visions of her showing up at my house at random hours with strangers she wanted me to meet .
“Besides, you need something to get your mind off of your mystery man,” she said. “You can't keep spending all your time looking for him .”
She had a point. “All right,” I agreed reluctantly. “One date.” Maybe that would be the distraction I'd need .
Seven
A delle must've called half a dozen times over the next week to ask if I'd picked out an outfit to wear on my date for Saturday. Friday night at dinner, she and Mindy had both offered to come over and help me dress. I'd been half-tempted to snap at them both that I'd managed to clothe myself just fine since I was six, but I only smiled and let them know that I didn't need any help .
Now, however, as I stood in front of the mirror, I wasn't so sure that I hadn't been too hasty. Then again, I wasn't about to tell either of them where I'd gotten my new dress. Even though Mindy made pretty much the same thing I did, her parents had paid for her college, which meant she wasn't paying back school loans, leaving her with some extra spending money. She and Adelle might not have shopped in the same stores, but Mindy could afford the lower-priced name brands. The dress I was wearing was a name brand, but I'd picked it up at a thrift store earlier this week .
It was a dark, charcoal gray that fit me beautifully. I was slender enough that I didn't have much in the way of curves, but this dress highlighted what I did have. The neckline was lower than what I normally wore, but not so much so that I felt entirely uncomfortable in it. The hemline was the same length as the skirt I'd worn the other night, so I was at least used to that. My make-up was minimal, and my new haircut didn't require much in the way of styling. I didn't need my friends for any of that. No, I needed them to distract me from the fact that I'd chosen this dress because the color was the same as my stranger's eyes. I could only imagine what Adelle would say if she knew I was going to meet this Cade Shepard she'd set me up with wearing a dress that made me think of another man .