“You’re lucky that male seemed tame. He could have taken off with you. You’d be inside a room with him instead of me. He wouldn’t be getting this close to you to prove a point. I might not have been able to find you. Tracking isn’t my best strength out here. Do you have any idea what kind of nightmare images flashed through my head while I looked for you? I heard your scream and believed I’d find you dead or not at all.”
He breathed in and out until he leashed his desire to take the lesson further just for an excuse to touch her. He wanted to. His dick began to harden but he ignored it despite the wet cotton making it uncomfortably noticeable.
“I’m sorry.”
“You are lucky to be safe right now. I trusted you to have the good sense to help me keep you out of danger. I’ve learned my lesson.” He released the counter and backed away. “I hope you’ve learned yours. Strip and take a shower. I’ll get you something clean to wear and place it on your bed. You call me the second you are decent. We’re not done.”
He spun, stormed into her room and closed the door between them to give her privacy. He paused, listening. Her ragged breathing made him feel worse. He guessed she fought the urge to cry but finally the water turned on.
Her bag was packed with feminine things he didn’t feel comfortable sorting through but he located a gown similar to the one she had worn when they’d first met. It had tiny straps at the shoulders and the soft cotton was very thin. He dropped it on the bed and used the hallway to enter his own room. It only took him seconds to switch the wet boxers for dry ones. He tended to his feet next. The cuts weren’t bad but they’d be painful for a few days until they totally healed.
He couldn’t allow Beauty to shrug off what she’d done. Next time he might not reach her in time or the male might not be civil enough to be so polite. She needed to understand the dangers. The females at the dorm had coddled her too much but it wasn’t her fault. That’s how Gift Females were treated.
“Damn,” he rasped.
Beauty dried off and checked both her feet. There was a little damage to one heel but she’d gotten off lucky. Shadow couldn’t say the same. She used her damp towel to clean up the bloody footprints. She was filled with both regret and shame. He’d gotten hurt because she’d done a thoughtless thing. Worse, he’d seen her cry. The last thing she wanted was to appear weaker than Shadow already believed her to be.
It had seemed so harmless at the time. She’d just wanted to go outside, never thinking it would really be dangerous. Shadow had marked the area and Species didn’t hurt other Species. All men avoided her. It was a good thing she’d been wrong about that, considering Torrent had saved her life.
She opened her bedroom door and was in for a shock when Shadow stood facing her. She’d heard him in his room and thought it would be safe to quickly dress. She covered her bare breasts with her hands and twisted away, trying to hide her lower half.
“Shit.” He spun around. “Sorry. I didn’t think you’d walk out naked.”
“I thought you were in your room.”
“Your nightgown is on the bed.”
She darted to it and yanked it over her head. In her haste the straps didn’t want to fit her arms as they tangled with her wet hair. Things couldn’t get much worse. He was angry and he’d just seen her naked. She tugged down the nightgown after untangling herself and stared at his broad back.
“I’m decent.” Heat still warmed her cheeks when he faced her again. “Sorry.” I don’t think this is what Breeze meant when she said to show him my bare body. No way was she going to ask him to have sex with her now. There was no missing the glint of anger in his eyes when she dared to meet his direct gaze. “I’m really sorry.”
“I’ve been thinking.”
Dread gripped her. “You want to return to Homeland? I blew it, didn’t I?” She hugged her waist, a habit she hated but couldn’t stop.
He glanced down at her chest and then looked away. “No.”
The sick feeling grew worse. “You’re going to have someone else stay with me?” She wanted him, not a different man living with her.
He shook his head. “I’ll sleep on your floor in here. That way you won’t be tempted to take any more strolls alone since you’ll have to step over me to do it. You aren’t to leave my view unless you’re showering.”
His words sank in and she was torn between hurt and anger. He hadn’t offered to share her bed but preferred the floor. That rejection deeply wounded her. The part where he thought she might make the same mistake twice was insulting to her intelligence. She wasn’t a total idiot.
She walked to the window to stare out but only saw her own reflection since the light in the room made it impossible to see anything else. Her hair fell in a wet mass over both shoulders. No wonder he didn’t want to sleep with her. She looked like a drowned rat. Worse, she felt like a mouse. A frightened, timid one.
“Those are the new rules.”
“Are they?” Her anger built. She was tired of being told what to do and what not to do. She was free and wanted the right to do as she pleased, the way all the other Species did. She faced him. “So you’ve spoken? It’s final? No discussion between us first?”
His eyes narrowed. “What does that mean?”
“I said I was sorry. Neither of us knew there were dangerous animals out there. I went outside to get some fresh air but then wanted to see the river. I know you peed on the trees to mark the area to keep other men away. I’m Gift so none of them approach me anyway. I’m a leper in our society or may as well be.”
“A what?”
“Don’t you read? I do. It’s someone with a contagious skin disease. It’s called leprosy. That’s how I’m treated. It’s as if I have it and someone might catch it from me if they come too close.”
“Males avoid you out of respect and concern for your well-being.”
She was fed up with hearing that. Everyone was trying to be so protective that they may as well wrap her in bubble wrap and lock her inside a room. It wasn’t fair and it wasn’t right. She wasn’t Tiny or Halfpint and she was tired of being lumped in with them.
“That’s a crock of shit.”
His eyebrows shot up.
“That means bullshit. No one asked me if I wanted to be labeled with that title or treated the way I have been. I just wanted a normal life. I’m entitled to the same things as any Species.”
“You’ve been abused.”
Is he kidding? Her anger boiled. “So have you.”
He paled slightly. “It’s not the same. The things done to me didn’t break my spirit.”
“I’m not broken either.” He was really pissing her off. “Do you think I haven’t heard the stories from some of our people? I have. Some of the women were raped by guards while they were at Mercile. Their size and strength saved them sometimes but not always. Only one man hurt me and I know it could have been a lot worse.”
“I don’t see how.”
“I could tell you. Halfpint and Tiny never want to be touched, ever again. They are broken inside to the point that men terrify them. They want to be protected and kept away from everyone who has a dick. I can’t even imagine some of the horrible things they’ve survived. It wasn’t a picnic for me but Master wasn’t some deviant sex freak.”
“He wasn’t your master.” Shadow snarled. “Don’t ever call him that again.”
“It’s the only name I have to call him. I could call him dickhead or asshole but you get the point. He was an old man and I probably could have fought him off but I knew how much worse things could be if I did.”
He frowned. “Explain.”
“The guards, Shadow. He was the only thing keeping them from raping me. He paid them to watch me and keep their hands to themselves. Not that they kept their mouths shut. I never had a doubt what they wanted to do to me because they were often vocal about it. They tried to bribe me into allowing them to do sick things to me for more food and a promise I wouldn’t tell on them. I’ve been really hungry
in my life but never that much. I had words to use as a weapon. That’s all I ever dared have.”
“Words?”
“As in threatening to tell on them if they touched me.”
“He touched you.”
“Yes, he did. It wasn’t nice either. I was an object to him instead of a person. I knew it. I felt it. I was something he owned. He’d have me dress in pretty outfits so he could admire how I looked as though I were one of those paintings he had upstairs. I’ve got emotional scars, sure, but I felt lucky after I spent time with the other Gift Females and heard their horrible stories. And, besides, I grew up there. I didn’t know people lived any other way. It was traumatic and scary but that was normal to me. I didn’t know anything else existed.”
He gaped at her.
“Do you know what Halfpint suffered? The man who owned her showed off his half-animal woman and would let them touch her.” Tears filled her eyes just thinking about what a hellish nightmare her friend had suffered. “He’d sit in a chair and watch them do whatever they wanted. There was only one rule. They couldn’t bruise or scar her. He liked her looking good.”
Shadow snarled.
“Tiny was given to a guy who was into stuff that makes me sick to my stomach. She’ll never allow a man to touch her again. She’d rather die. I don’t even want to repeat the things she spoke of. It made me feel guilty for feeling sorry for myself. The one who had me only forced me accept him into my body. It hurt and was emotionless but he didn’t beat or humiliate me by doing it in front of others. He didn’t make me say I loved the things he did to my body. I was never bound while he forced me to take him into my mouth or…” She grew quiet, trying to rein her raging emotions.
Shadow stared at the floor, his hands fisted at his sides. She calmed.
“I refuse to allow my past to ruin my future. I’m not physically as strong as the other women but I’m not broken inside either. I’m healing. I refuse to do anything less. The more I learn, the more I’m grateful for. Do you understand?”
He looked up. “Yes.”
“I feel shame sometimes for not fighting.” It was her turn to stare at the floor. “I did everything he asked because I was too afraid he’d stop protecting me from the guards. I was terrified that he’d die when he got sick and there would be no stopping them.”
Silence stretched between them.
“We should get some sleep.” Shadow walked to the doorway. “I’m going to get my pillow to sleep on the floor here in the hallway.”
“I thought you were sleeping in my room.”
He paused, his back to her. “The hallway is better. It puts me farther from you.”
Ouch. “Would you do that if I were Rusty or Kit? Sleep on the floor? I have learned to never leave the cabin without you. I’m aware of all the dangers now. You don’t need to babysit me as if I were a child. I’m not.”
His gaze dropped to her breasts. “I’m more than aware.”
Her heart rate increased. She didn’t need to ask him what he meant by that. His attention to her chest made his meaning clear. He presented her with his back but didn’t leave.
“You can sleep in your room instead of on the floor. I give my word, I will never do anything like that again. I will ask you to take me to the river next time.”
“Why would you even do it?” He glanced back.
“Go to the river? I walked outside to get air and heard it. I was curious. I thought you were sleeping and didn’t believe it was a big deal. I could make out shapes well enough to believe I could reach it without falling into a hole or into the water.”
He combed his fingers through his hair, breaking eye contact. “Fine. I will accept your promise.”
“Thank you.”
He hesitated. “No, I wouldn’t offer to sleep on the floor for the other Species females. You’re not them though.”
“I’m less, right? Weak? Perhaps useless?” Kit had told her that the men saw Gift Females that way. “Look at me.”
He spun around. “What?”
“I’m just a woman, Shadow. I’m getting stronger every day and I refuse to be locked inside a box while you and everyone else toss away the key. I might not be as physically fit as our women but that doesn’t make me less.” Her chin rose. “I’m shy and less inclined to be brutally blunt but give me time. I want a normal life and that’s something I’m going to have to earn in order to be treated equal around here, isn’t it?”
A soft growl rumbled from him. “You want to be treated the way they are?”
“Yes.”
His gaze drifted down her slowly, taking in every inch. “You shouldn’t say that right now. You don’t know much about Species males, do you?”
“What does that mean?”
“I just saw you bare and you’re demanding for me to see you as if you are any other Species female.” He softly growled. “Be careful what you wish for, Beauty.”
Her heart accelerated as they stared at each other. She glanced down his body and noticed for the first time that his shorts were tented from his semi-erect cock. She was surprised at his aroused state. They’d been arguing but it seemed to turn him on. That made no sense to her.
“Good night.” He stepped out of her view to return to his room.
Beauty hesitated then rushed after him before she could chicken out. “Shadow?”
He spun, a low growl passing his parted lips. “What?”
“Tell me more about Species men.”
His eyes widened and his hands reached up to grip the top of the doorframe of his bedroom. “Not now.”
“You said I don’t know much about Species men. Tell me what you think I should understand about them.”
He seemed to be studying her face before he spoke. “You can’t be that innocent.”
Her outburst of temper still fueled her courage. “Are you attracted to me?”
“You know I am.” He glanced down at the evidence. “It’s obvious. There’s no hiding it in these boxers.”
Beauty followed his gaze and gawked a bit at the sight of Shadow’s cock straining against the material. The outline of it was thick, big and intimidating. She wasn’t sure how she’d missed noticing his condition until he’d mentioned it. Then again, he had such beautiful eyes that they distracted her. So had his bare chest and broad shoulders. Every breath he took made her appreciate the sight of both. There was just so much about him that she found fascinating.
Shadow wouldn’t do any of the things Master had. She was willing to trust him even if he wasn’t so sure of her faith. First though she needed to figure out if he was so resistant to them becoming closer because she was a Gift Female or it was a result of his life traumas. His mouth said one thing but his body showed interest.
“Do you want to sleep with me?” She couldn’t believe she’d just blurted out that question but it beat staring at the ceiling all night berating herself for being a wimp. “I thought you were angry. I’m confused. I don’t understand how you could have that reaction when you don’t like me.”
“I’m furious.” His had a death grip on the wood. “I have all kinds of things going on inside me.”
“What kinds of things?”
His chest rose as he sucked in air before exhaling it slowly. “I don’t dislike you. That’s the problem. You could have been killed by the wolves or taken away by another male. That awakes certain instincts inside me.”
“What kind?”
He closed his eyes and turned his head to the side to rest his forehead against his inner arm, frustration pretty clear on his face.
“I’m trying to understand,” she explained softly. “It’s not my fault I was kept away from Species men and don’t know that much about you.”
His head snapped back in her direction, his eyes opening. “I’m male, not a man.”
“I told you, I’m working on the language thing.”
“You did.” He released the doorframe and took a few hesitant steps forward as his hands lowered to his sid
es.
She didn’t retreat, though part of her wanted to. He was big and mostly naked but it was Shadow. It surprised her when he suddenly dropped to his knees before her, making their faces almost the same height. He stared deeply into her eyes as he gently encased her hips within his grasp. She had no words despite wanting to know what he was doing.
“I’ll explain,” he rasped.
She nodded, refusing to look away from him.
“You’re mine to protect. I know in my mind that you don’t belong to me but my impulses say otherwise. Another male got too close and I know what he could have done to you. It makes me kind of crazy inside.”
“What do you think he would have done to me?”
One blond eyebrow arched. “Are you sure you want the truth?”
She nodded sharply.
“He would have stripped you bare and seduced you. He would have mounted you when you were willing to accept him.” His voice deepened. “He would have turned you around and taken you from behind. That means sex.”
“Breeze said to tell a man to take me facing him because of my past.”
He paled slightly. “Why?”
“That’s what…” She paused, remembering he hated the term “master”. “The asshole did to me. He always took me from behind so he didn’t have to look at me and know it caused me pain.”
Shadow hung his head until his forehead almost rested against the top of her nightgown. His hot breath fanned through the thin material right between her breasts. She only hesitated for a second before reaching up and lightly brushing her fingers through his short hair.
“How did it hurt?” His tone was gruff.
“I don’t understand.”
He kept his head down. “Was it just because you’re small and him being inside you was painful or was it because you didn’t want him and weren’t wet?”
He was blunt enough to stun her. She wanted to be as honest with him. “I don’t know. I didn’t want him to do that and it just hurt.”
He released her hip with one hand and slid an arm around her waist, holding her. “Did it ever feel good? Even once?”