I straightened the green vest. And pulled down the sleeves of my yellow shirt. Then I pushed open the gym doors and walked inside.
I stepped into a roar of voices. Shouts and laughter swept down from the tall bleachers and echoed off the gym walls.
Cheerleaders huddled together on the floor in front of the bleachers. I gazed up to the top. Just about every seat was taken.
I spotted a space at the very top and started to climb the metal stairs. I had climbed only a few steps, when the gym suddenly grew silent.
I thought it was because the pep rally was about to begin. I didn’t realize it was quiet because of me.
Not until I heard the first shouts.
“Blakemoor girl!”
“Booooo!”
“Get out of here, Blakemoor! You don’t belong here!”
“Booooo! Who invited her?”
“Get out! Get outta here!”
It took me so long to realize they were shouting at me.
My heart stopped. I turned and I saw—
I saw…
I saw how they were all dressed. All down the bleacher rows. The whole gym. Everyone…
Everyone dressed in red and blue.
Red and blue. I knew in a second. I knew what Jada had done to me.
Red and blue were the school colors at Elmwood.
And I was wearing yellow and green.
“Out! Out! Out!” The whole gym was chanting now. The bleachers rocked. Kids jumped to their feet. Clapping as they chanted.
“Out! Out! Out!”
I turned back to the gym floor and nearly fell. My foot caught on the metal step. I swung my arms and caught my balance.
“Out! Out! Out!”
I knew I was blushing like crazy. I jumped down the few steps to the floor.
And saw Jada enter at the other side of the gym. She was wearing red and blue. She must have changed after she took my coat.
She flashed me a big grin and started to climb into the bleachers.
“Out! Out! Out!”
“Get Blakemoor out!”
A teacher had stepped up to the microphone on the gym floor. He waved his hands in the air and shouted for everyone to calm down.
In their red-and-blue uniforms, the cheerleaders stood in a line, staring at me.
“Out! Out! Out!” Stamping and clapping. The chant grew louder.
I let out a loud cry. I didn’t know what to do. Where to turn.
Holding my hands over my ears, I spun away from the bleachers and ran.
Out the gym door. Down the long, empty hall. Back outside.
No coat. Jada had hidden my coat somewhere so that the whole school would see. Everyone would see the wrong school colors I was wearing.
The whole school would always remember that I was the girl who wore green and yellow on her first day at Elmwood. Everyone would see me and remember. How was I going to survive a whole month here?
With a cry, I started to run. The wind blew dead leaves against me, as if trying to push me back. I lowered my head into the wind and ran.
Down the school walk.
Into the street.
A car horn blared. I didn’t look up. My shoes pounded the street. The wind blew my hair up behind me.
Where was I running? I didn’t know. I just had to get away.
I didn’t know there was no escape.
No escape from Jada and the terrifying plans she had for me.
8
I ran the two blocks back to Jada’s house. By the time the little white house came into view, I was shivering from the cold.
I’ll change my clothes, I decided.
Then I’ll go back to the school and pretend that nothing happened.
I climbed the front stoop and pounded on the door.
How will I ever pay Jada back for that mean trick? I asked myself. “I’ll think of something,” I said out loud.
“Open up!” I pounded on the door again. I pressed the doorbell, holding the button down. I could hear it buzzing inside.
“Come on, Aunt Janet. Come on!”
I hugged myself to stop my shivers. The wind whipped around the side of the house, nearly pushing me off the stoop.
Silence inside. I buzzed again. I tried the door. Locked tight.
No one home. My aunt must have gone out.
I realized I didn’t have a key.
Another blast of wind sent me hopping off the stoop. I have no choice, I decided. I can’t stand out here all day without my coat. I have to go back to school. Even in this awful, embarrassing green and yellow outfit.
So I ran to the street and raced back to school. By the time I stepped into the warmth of the building, my whole face was numb and my skin was absolutely blue!
I had no idea where to go. I had to wander the halls until I found the principal’s office. The secretary looked me up in the computer. Then she took me by the hand and led me to my classroom.
Of course everyone stared as I stepped hesitantly into the room. I glanced quickly across the room. Everyone in red and blue.
I spotted Jada in the front row. She flashed me another big grin.
That grin made me want to explode. Violence makes me sick. But I wanted to run over there and punch her face until it was red and blue too!
Instead, I introduced myself to Miss Colgate, my new teacher.
She smiled and said, “Hi, Selena. Welcome.” But her eyes were on my outfit. “I’m afraid you picked the wrong colors to wear today.”
The teacher turned to Jada. “Jada, you should have warned your cousin about what to wear,” she scolded.
“I tried to,” Jada replied, still grinning. “But she wouldn’t listen.”
“That’s not true!” I cried. It came out much more shrill than I intended. I sounded like a whining baby.
Miss Colgate pointed me to an empty desk. I could feel all eyes on me as I slunk across the room and dropped into the chair.
I wanted to vanish into the floor. I wanted to be invisible.
Why doesn’t Jada want to be my friend? I wondered.
Why does she want to be my enemy?
After school, I couldn’t wait to get home. I started to walk to the front door of the school, but Stan moved to block my way.
He wore a brown leather bomber jacket. The leather was streaked and stained, and one pocket was nearly torn off. He tugged a wool ski cap down over his ears.
“Guess you had a bad day,” he said.
I nodded. “It wasn’t the greatest.”
“Sometimes Jada’s jokes can be kind of mean,” he said.
“Kind of,” I muttered. I pushed open the door and stepped outside.
“I think she’s stressed about you staying with her,” Stan said. “I mean, she doesn’t know you or anything.”
“Well, she isn’t exactly trying to impress me!” I cried.
I waved and trotted away. Wrapping my coat around me, I hurried home. I couldn’t wait to change out of the awful clothes.
Aunt Janet let me in. “How was your first day at Elmwood?”
“Don’t ask,” I groaned. I hurried up to the bedroom I shared with Jada.
I dropped to the floor and pulled my suitcase out from under my bed. I opened the lid. Leaning over it, I pulled out a pair of faded denim jeans and a gray sweatshirt.
I started to close the suitcase. Then I saw a white envelope tucked between some sweaters. A letter. Yes. The letter my mom said she wrote to me. I had forgotten all about it.
I dropped the jeans and sweatshirt. Pulled out the envelope. Ripped it open and unfolded the letter.
As I began to read, my hand started to tremble. My heart started to pound. I had to hold the letter in both hands to keep it steady.
No. No…! This can’t be real, I thought. My mom didn’t write this—did she?
9
Dear Selena,
Soon you will learn the truth.
You will know why I acted so strangely, why I was so sorry to say good-bye to you.
Your mind will be spinning with all you have found out.
The hardest part is knowing that things will never be the same.
It will be hard for you. And it is terribly hard for me.
You are on your own now. You must make your own way.
Please, please forgive me, Selena.
Don’t think of your life with me as a lie. Try to understand why I couldn’t tell you the truth.
Try to understand why I could never reveal what I knew. Even though it was on my mind, day and night.
I know it’s hard. But you must know that this is even more painful for me than it is for you.
I will miss you and love you always.
Don’t forget me.
Your Mom
10
I was on my knees on the floor, reading the letter for the third time, when Jada burst into the room.
She tossed her coat and backpack onto her bed, then turned to me. “What’s up? What are you doing down there?”
I held the letter up. My hand was still shaking.
The words in the letter didn’t make any sense to me. No sense at all.
What was my mother talking about?
“This letter—” I started to tell Jada about it. But then I stopped. And stared up at her as a wave of anger swept over me.
“How could you do that to me?” I shrieked. “How could you play such a rotten trick on my first day of school?”
She had started to twist her blond hair into a ponytail. But she stopped and let her hair fall over her shoulders. A grin spread slowly over her face. “It was pretty funny,” she murmured.
“Huh? Funny?” I shrieked, jumping to my feet. “Jada—how can you be so cold!”
And then I exploded.
I leaped at her. And wrapped my arms around her scrawny waist. Tackled her. And sent her sprawling on her back onto her bed.
With a startled cry, she pulled herself up quickly. She raised both hands to protect herself.
But I jumped at her again. And before I realized what I was doing, I was wrestling with her.
Jada stumbled over my open suitcase. I gave her a hard shove and pushed her to the floor. Then I threw myself on top of her, screaming at the top of my lungs, “Why are you so horrible? Why?”
“Stop! Stop this—right now!”
Aunt Janet’s shrieks from the doorway made us both freeze.
“What on earth—!” my aunt exclaimed, both hands pressed to the sides of her face.
I stood up, panting like a dog, my heart hammering in my chest. My hair was damp from sweat. I blew a strand from over my eye.
Jada stayed on the floor. Straightening her T-shirt, she sat up slowly. “We…we were just kidding around,” she choked out.
Aunt Janet uttered a cry. “Kidding around?”
“Yeah. Really, Mom,” Jada said.
“We weren’t really fighting.” I took up Jada’s lie. “Just wrestling around. You see, I was a little angry. And I guess…well…”
Aunt Janet lowered her hands to her waist. She gazed at us both suspiciously. “Why were you angry, Selena?” she asked.
I glanced at Jada. “Well…Jada played kind of a mean trick on me this morning. It was Spirit Day at school, see. And Jada told me to wear this.” I motioned to the green vest, which was twisted around me from our wrestling match. My yellow T-shirt, green slacks.
Aunt Janet stared at my outfit. Then she burst out laughing. “Jada told you to wear green and gold?”
I nodded.
My aunt shook her head. “Jada and her sick sense of humor,” she said, chuckling. “I don’t know where she gets it from. It must be from Will’s side of the family. My family was totally serious all the time. In fact, they were grim.”
She turned and started to leave. “Straighten up, okay, girls? Better keep this room neat. It’s hardly big enough for one person, let alone two twelve-year-old slobs.”
“I’m not a slob,” Jada said, finally climbing to her feet. She frowned at me. “You can thank me for getting you off the hook with Mom.”
I shook my head. “I’m not thanking you for anything,” I said bitterly. I picked up Mom’s letter from where it had fallen onto the floor.
The doorbell buzzed downstairs. “That must be Stan,” she said. “I’m going over to his house to hang out for a while.”
She grabbed her coat and hurried out the door.
I waited until I heard the front door slam. Then I made my way to the telephone on Jada’s desk.
I’m going to call Mom, I decided.
I’ve got to find out what this letter means.
Why did Mom say I’d know the truth by now? Why did she ask me to forgive her? Why did she write as if I’d never see her again?
I sat down in Jada’s desk chair. Set the letter down in front of me. Picked up the phone and started to punch in my number.
11
One ring. Two rings. Three…four…
I let the phone ring twelve times before I hung up.
I glanced at the clock on Jada’s bed table. Mom must have gone out, I realized.
But it’s odd. She usually leaves the answering machine on during the day. I guess she forgot.
I clicked off the phone and set it down. I had a fluttery feeling in my chest. My throat suddenly felt very dry.
I smoothed Mom’s letter out on the desktop and started to read it again. My eyes slid down the page, catching a phrase here and a phrase there.
“Soon you will learn the truth.”
The truth? About what?
“The hardest part is knowing that things will never be the same.”
Why does she say that? What is changing?
“Don’t forget me.”
My eyes stopped at that line. The words repeated in my head like an endless chant.
Finally, I folded the letter up and tucked it away in my dresser drawer. I didn’t want to read it anymore.
I didn’t want to read it until I could talk to Mom and find out what she meant.
“Hey—!” I cried out as an idea flashed into my mind.
Beth!
Beth should be home from school. Beth will cheer me up, I decided.
I’ll tell her about Jada and how horrible she has been to me. And maybe Beth will have an idea about what Mom was writing about in her letter.
I already began to feel better as I punched Beth’s number into the phone. I missed Beth. I really did. I didn’t have anyone I could talk to here.
The phone rang three times. Then I heard Beth’s familiar voice. “Hello?”
“Beth, hi. It’s me!” I said excitedly.
To my surprise, there was a long silence at the other end.
“Beth—it’s me,” I repeated. “Selena. I’m in Chicago.”
“Oh. Hi,” she said finally. She sounded very surprised.
“How are you?” I asked. “I’m so glad to talk to you. What’s up?”
Another long silence. Then she said very softly, “I—I didn’t think you’d call.”
“Excuse me? What do you mean?” I asked. “I just wanted to talk to you. I haven’t seen you since Friday.”
“I know,” Beth replied, almost in a whisper.
“It’s so weird here,” I said. “Jada hasn’t changed a bit. She’s still horrible, Beth. And today she played the meanest trick on me. She—”
“I really can’t talk,” Beth cut in.
“What? Are you busy or something? I can call back later if you want.”
“No!” she said sharply. Then another long silence.
I could hear her breathing. Rapid, shallow breaths.
I suddenly had a heavy feeling in my stomach. “What’s wrong, Beth?” I asked.
“I—I can’t talk to you, Selena,” she said. “I’m really sorry.”
Her voice cracked. She sounded about to cry.
“I don’t understand!” I cried. “What are you saying?”
I could hear Beth take a deep breath. “They told me I can’t talk
to you,” she said. “They told me we’d both be in danger.”
“Who told you?” I shouted. “Who? What is this about, Beth? Why can’t you talk to me? Answer me!”
“Please,” she whispered. “Please don’t call here again.”
I heard a click, and the line went dead.
12
I sat at Jada’s desk, staring at the phone. I don’t know how long I sat there.
Beth’s tight, trembling voice repeated in my ear. “Please don’t call here again.”
How could Beth say that? She is my best friend!
I picked up the letter. I felt shaky and weird as I made my way down to the kitchen. “Aunt Janet—can I show you something?” I asked.
She was at the stove, dumping dry spaghetti into a pot of boiling water. “I’m trying a spicy new tomato sauce,” she said. “Hope you like spicy foods, dear.”
“I—I want to show you this letter from my mom,” I said.
She dried her hands and took the letter from me. Frowning, she moved her lips as she read. Finally, she handed the letter back to me.
“What does it mean?” I asked in a high, shrill voice.
“Your mother must have been very upset when she wrote this. But I have no idea why.” Aunt Janet placed a hand on my shoulder. “My sister always was a moody one. Maybe she was just having one of her bad days. Don’t worry too much about it, Selena. The next time I talk to her, I’ll find out what she meant. I promise.”
After dinner, my aunt and uncle drove to the mall to do some shopping. Jada was downstairs in the living room, watching a show about supermodels on MTV.
I sat at Jada’s desk in our bedroom. And pictured Jada as a model, walking down a runway in a short skirt, so tall and skinny, her long legs gleaming in the bright lights, her blond hair flying behind her.
I turned to the phone. I couldn’t stop thinking about Mom’s letter. My stomach felt knotted and tight. At dinner, I’d barely touched my spaghetti.
“Come on, Mom,” I said out loud. “Be there, okay?”
I punched in the number and pressed the phone to my ear.
It rang twice, and then I heard three very loud, very shrill beeps. And a recorded message came on. A woman’s voice, speaking very slowly and clearly: