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Well, then, leaving books aside and speaking more materially and simply, when all is done I find that love is nothing else but an insatiate thirst of enjoying a greedily desired subject. [68] Nor Venus that good housewife other than a tickling delight of emptying one’s semenary [69] vessels, as is the pleasure which nature giveth us to discharge other parts, which becometh faulty by immoderation and defective by indiscretion. To Socrates, love is an appetite of generation by the intermission [70] of beauty. Now considering oftentimes the ridiculous tickling or titillation of this pleasure, the absurd, giddy, and hare-brained motions wherewith it tosseth Zeno and agitates Cratippus, [71] that unadvised rage that furious and with cruelty enflamed visage in love’s lustful and sweetest effects; and then a grave, stern, severe, surly countenance in so fond-fond an action that one hath pell-mell [72] lodged our joys and filths together; and that the supremest voluptuousness both ravisheth and plaineth, [73] as doth sorrow. I believe that which Plato says to be true, that man was made by the gods for them to toy and play withal.
quænam ista iocandi,
——Sævitia?
What cruelty is this, so set on jesting is? [74]
And that nature in mockery left us the most troublesome of our actions, the most common, thereby to equal us and without distinction to set the foolish and the wise, us and beasts, all in one rank; no barrel better hearing. [75] When I imagine the most contemplative and discreetly wise men in these terms in that humour, [76] I hold him for a cozener, for a cheater to seem either studiously contemplative or discreetly wise. It is the foulness of the peacock’s feet which doth abate his pride and stoop his gloating-eyed tail:
——ridentem dicere verum,
Quid vetat?
What should forbid thee sooth to say,
Yet be as merry as we may. [77]
Those which in plays refuse serious opinions do, as one reporteth, like unto him who dreadeth to adore the image of a saint if it want a cover, an apron, or a tabernacle.
We feed full well and drink like beasts, but they are not actions that hinder the offices of our mind. In those we hold good our advantage over them, whereas this [78] brings each other [79] thought under subjection, and by its imperious authority makes brutish and dulleth all Plato’s philosophy and divinity; and yet he complains not of it. In all other things you may observe decorum and maintain some decency; all other operations admit some rules of honesty. This cannot only be imagined but vicious or ridiculous. See whether for example sake you can but find a wise or discreet proceeding in it. Alexander said that he knew himself mortal chiefly by this action and by sleeping. Sleep doth stifle and suppresseth the faculties of our soul; and that [80] both devoureth and dissipates them. Surely it is an argument not only of our original corruption but a badge of our vanity and deformity.
On the one side Nature urgeth us unto it, having thereunto combined, yea fastened, the most noble, the most profitable, and the most sensually pleasing of all her functions; and on the other suffereth us to accuse, to condemn, and to shun it as insolent, as dishonest, and as lewd, to blush at it, and allow, yea, and to commend abstinence. Are not we most brutish to term that work beastly which begets and which maketh us?
Most people have concurred in diverse ceremonies of religion, as sacrifices, luminaries, fastings, incensings, offerings, and amongst others, in condemning of this action. All opinions agree in that, besides the so far-extended use of circumcision. We have peradventure reason to blame ourselves for making so foolish a production as man and to entitle both the deed and parts thereto belonging shameful. (Mine are properly so at this instant.)
The Esseniens, [81] of whom Pliny speaketh, maintained themselves a long time without nurses or swaddling-clothes, by the arrival of strangers that came to their shores who, seconding their fond humor, did often visit them—a whole nation hazarding rather to consume [82] than engage themselves to feminine embracements and rather lose the succession of all men than forge one. They report that Zeno never dealt with woman but once in all his life, which he did for civility, lest he should over-obstinately seem to contemn the sex.
Each one avoideth to see a man born, but all run hastily to see him die. To destroy him we seek a spacious field and a full light; but to construct him, we hide ourselves in some dark corner and work as close [83] as we may. It is our duty to conceal ourselves in making him; it is our glory and the original of many virtues to destroy him, being framed. The one is a manifest injury, the other a great favor; for Aristotle sayeth that in a certain phrase where he was born, to bonifie [84] or benefit was as much to say as to kill one. The Athenians, to equal the disgrace of these two actions, being to cleanse the isle of Delos and justify themselves unto Apollo, forbade within that precinct all burial and births. Nostri nosmet pœnitet. We are weary of ourselves. [85]
There are some nations that, when they are eating, they cover themselues. I know a lady (yea, one of the greatest) who is of opinion that to chew is an unseemly thing which much impaireth their grace and beauty; and therefore by her will she never comes abroad with an appetite. And a man that cannot endure one should see him eat, and shunneth all company more when he filleth than when he emptieth himself.
In the Turkish empire there are many who, to excel the rest, will not be seen when they are feeding and who make but one meal in a week; who mangle their face and cut their limbs; and who never speak to anybody: who think to honour their nature by disnaturing themselves, oh fanatical people that prize themselves by their contempt and mend by their impairing. What monstrous beast is this that makes himself a horror to himself, whom his delights displease, who ties himself unto misfortune?
Some there are that conceal their life—
Exilioque domos et dulcia limina mutant,
They change for banishment,
The places that might best content. [86]
—and steal it from the sight of other men; that eschew health and shun mirth as hateful qualities and harmful. Not only diverse sects, but many people curse their birth and bless their death. Some there be that abhor the glorious sun and adore the hideous darkness.
We are not ingenious but to our own vexation; it is the true food of our spirit’s force, a dangerous and most unruly implement.
O miseri quorum gaudia crimen habent.
O miserable they,
Whose joy in fault we lay. [87]
Alas, poor silly man, thou hast but too-too many necessary and unavoidable incommodities, without increasing them by thine own invention and are sufficiently wretched of condition without any art. Thou aboundest in real and essential deformities and need not forge any by imagination. Dost thou find thyself too well at ease, unless the moiety of thine ease molest thee? Findest thou to have supplied or discharged all necessary offices whereto nature engageth thee and that she is idle in thee, if thou bind not thyself unto new offices? Thou fearest not to offend her universal and undoubted laws and art moved at thine own partial and fantastical ones. And by how much more particular, uncertain, and contradicted they are, the more endeavours thou bestowest that way. The positive orders of thy parish tie thee; those of the world do nothing concern thee. Run but a little over the examples of this consideration; thy life is full of them.
The verses of these two poets, [88] handling lasciviousness so sparingly and so discreetly as they do, in my conceit seem to discover and display it nearer. Ladies cover their bosom with networke, [89] priests many sacred things with a veil, and painters shadow their works to give them the more luster and to add more grace unto them. And they say that the streaks of the sun and force of the wind are much more violent by reflection than by a direct line. The Egyptian answered him wisely that asked him what he had hidden under his cloak. It is (quoth he) hidden under my cloak that thou mayest not know what it is. But there are certain other things which men conceal to show them.
Hear this fellow more open.
Et nudam pressi corpus ad usque meum.
My body I applied,<
br />
Even to her naked side. [90]
Methinks he baffles [91] me. Let Martial at his pleasure tuck up Venus, he makes her not by much appear so wholly. He that speaks all he knows doth cloy and distaste us. Who feareth to express himself leadeth our conceit to imagine more than happily he conceiveth. There is treason in this kind of modesty, and chiefly as these do, in opening us so fair a path unto imagination. Both the action and description should taste of purloining.
The love [92] of the Spaniards and of the Italians pleaseth me by how much more respective and fearful it is, the more nicely close and closely nice it is. [93] I wot not who in ancient time wished his throat were as long as a crane’s neck that so he might the longer and more leisurely taste what he swallowed. That wish were more to purpose in this sudden and violent pleasure, namely in such natures as mine, who am faulty in suddenness. To stay her fleeting and delay her with preambles with them all serveth for favour, all is construed to be a recompense, a wink, a cast of the eye, a bowing, a word, or a sign; a beck is as good as a dew guard. [94] He that could dine with the smoke of roast-meat, might he not live at a cheap rate? would he not soon be rich? It is a passion that commixeth with small store of solid essence, great quantity of doting vanity and febricitant [95] raving; it must therefore be requited and served with the like. Let us teach ladies to know how to prevail, highly to esteem themselves, to amuse, to circumvent, and cozen us. We make our last charge the first; we show ourselves right French men. Ever rash, ever headlong, wiredrawing [96] their [97] favours and installing them by retail: each one, [98] even unto miserable old age, finds some list’s end, [99] according to his worth and merit.
He who hath no jouissance [100] but in enjoying, who shoots not but to hit the mark, who loves not hunting but for the prey; it belongs not to him to intermeddle with our school. The more steps and degrees there are, the more delight and honour is there on the top. We should be pleased to be brought unto it, as unto stately palaces, by diverse porches, several passages, long and pleasant galleries, and well-contrived turnings. This dispensation would in the end redound to our benefit; we should stay on it and longer love to lie at rack and manger. [101] For these snatches and away [102] mar the grace of it. Take away hope and desire, we grow faint in our courses; we come but lagging after.
Our mastery and absolute possession is infinitely to be feared of them. After they have wholly yielded themselves to the mercy of our faith and constancy, they have hazarded something. They are rare and difficult virtues: so soon as they are ours, we are no longer theirs.
——postquam cupidæ mentis satiata libido est,
Verba nihil metuere, nihil periuria curant.
The lust of greedy mind once satisfied,
They fear no words, nor reke [103] oaths falsified. [104]
And Thrasonides, a young Grecian, was so religiously amorous of his love that, having after much suit gained his mistress’ heart and favour, he refused to enjoy her, least by that jouissance he might or quench or satisfie or languish that burning flame and restless heat wherewith he gloried and so pleasingly fed himself.
Things far-fetched and dearly bought are good for ladies. It is the dear price makes viands [105] savour the better. See but how the form of salutations which is peculiar unto our nation doth by its facility bastardize the grace of kisses, which Socrates sayeth to be of that consequence, weight, and danger to ravish and steal our hearts. It is an unpleasing and injurious custom unto ladies that they must afford their lips to any man that hath but three lackeys following him, how unhandsome and loathsome soever he be:
Cuius livida naribus caninis,
Dependet glacies, rigetque barba:
Centum occurrere malo culilingis.
From whose dog nostrils black-blue ice depends,
Whose beard frost-hardened stands on bristled ends, &c. [106]
Nor do we ourselves gain much by it. For as the world is divided into four parts, so for four fair ones, we must kiss fifty foul. And to a nice or tender stomach, as are those of mine age, one ill kiss doth surpay [107] one good.
In Italy they are passionate and languishing suitors to very common and mercenary women, and thus they defend and excuse themselves, saying, That even in enjoying there be certain degrees and that by humble services they will endeavour to obtain that which is the most absolutely perfect. They sell but their bodies; their wills cannot be put to sale; that is too free and too much its own. So say these, that it is the will they attempt, and they have reason. It is the will one must serve and most solicit. I abhor to imagine mine [108] a body void of affection. And me seemeth, this frenzy hath some affinity with that boy’s fond humor who for pure love would wantonize with that fair image of Venus which Praxiteles had made, or of that furious Egyptian who lusted after a dead woman’s corpse which he was embalming and stitching up; which was the occasion of the law that afterward was made in Egypt, that the bodies of fair, young, and nobly-born women should be kept three days before they should be delivered into the hands of those who had the charge to provide for their funerals and burials. Periander did more miraculously: who extended his conjugal affection (more regular and lawful) unto the enjoying of Melissa his deceased wife.
Seems it not to be a lunatic humor in the Moon, [109] being otherwise unable to enjoy Endymion her favorite darling, to lull him in a sweet slumber for many months together and feed herself with the jouissance of a boy that stirred not but in a dream?
I say likewise that a man loveth a body without a soul when he loveth a body without his consent and desire. All enjoyings are not alike. There are some ethicke, [110] faint, and languishing ones. A thousand causes besides affection and good will may obtain us this grant of women. It is no sufficient testimony of true affection; therein may lurk treason, as elsewhere. They sometime go but faintly to work [111] and as they say with one buttock:
Tanquam thura merumque parent;
As though they did dispense
Pure wine and frankincense.
Absentem marmoreamue putes.
Of marble you would think she were,
Or that she were not present there. [112]
I know some that would rather lend that than their coach and who impart not themselves but that way. [113] You must also mark whether your company pleaseth them for some other respect or for that end only, as of a lusty-strong groom of a stable; as also in what rank and at what rate you are there lodged or valued.
——tibi si datur uni
Quo lapide illa diem candidiore notet.
If it afforded be to thee alone,
Whereby she counts that day of all days one. [114]
What if she eat your bread with the sauce of a more pleasing imagination?
Te tenet, absentes alios suspirat amores.
Thee she retains, yet sigheth she
For other loves that absent be. [115]
What? Have we not seen some in our days to have made use of this action for the execution of a most horrible revenge, by that means murdering and empoisoning (as one did) a very honest woman?
Such as know Italy will never wonder if for this subject I seek for no examples elsewhere. For the said nation may in that point be termed regent [116] of the world. They have commonly more fair women and fewer foul than we, but in rare and excellent beauties I think we match them. The like I judge of their wits. Of the vulgar sort they have evidently many more. Blockishness is without all comparison more rare amongst them; but for singular wits, and of the highest pitch, we are no whit behind them. Were I to extend this comparison, I might (methinks) say, touching valor, that on the other side it is in regard of them popular and natural amongst us. But in their hands one may sometimes finde it so complete and vigorous that it exceedeth all the most forcible examples we have of it.
The marriages of that country are in this somewhat defective. Their custom doth generally impose so severe observances and slavish laws upon wives that the remotest acquaintance with a stranger is amongst them as capital as the nearest. Which l
aw causeth that all approaches prove necessarily substantial; and seeing all commeth to one reckoning with them, they have an easy choice. And have they broken down their hedges? Believe it, they will have fire: Luxuria ipsis vinculis, sicut fera bestia, irritata, deinde emissa: Luxury [117] is like a wild beast, first made fiercer with tying and then let loose. [118] They must have the reins given them a little.
Vidi ego nuper equum contra sua frena tenacem
Ore reluctante fulminis ire modo.
I saw, spite of his bit, a resty [119] colt
Run head-strong headlong like a thunder bolt. [120]
One allayeth the desire of company by giving it some liberty.
It is a commendable custom with our nation that our children are entertained in noble houses, there as in a school of nobility to be trained and brought up as pages. And ’tis said to be a kind of discourtesy to refuse it a gentleman. I have observed (for, so many houses, so many several forms and orders) that such ladies as have gone about to give their waiting women the most austere rules have not had the best success. There is required more than ordinary moderation: a great part of their government must be left to the conduct of their discretion. For when all comes to all, no discipline can bridle them in each point. True it is that she who escapeth safe and unpolluted from out the school of freedom giveth more confidence of herself than she who cometh sound out of the school of severity and restraint.