CHAPTER 4
“Come on Amanda! Let me in just for a minute.” Cayson fidgeted impatiently on the Thistle porch. “I just want to talk to you.”
“Cayson Hennison, you go away right this minute. I done told you I don't want nothing to do with you,” Amanda screeched at him from behind the closed door.
He could hear her elevated heartbeat, the way her breath was short and shallow. It had been three years since the night of his sixteenth birthday – since the night everything went so horribly wrong, but she was still afraid of him. He sighed and lowered his voice slightly. “Please Amanda. I told you I had no control over what happened that night.” He hesitated a second before adding. “I still love you and I miss you so much.”
There was a panicked whimper from the other side of the door. “Well I don't love you. You scare the crap out of me. Go away before I have to call one of the Enforcers again. You know your daddy said for you to stay away from me.”
He growled as her words tore a hole in his heart. Balling his fist up he slammed it into the door facing, causing it to crack. She screamed and he heard her run to the back of the house, no doubt to call for help. Dropping the flowers and box of her favorite chocolates he had gone all the way to Rocky Bluff for, he turned and made his way down the steps and onto the commons.
“Morning, Cayson.”
He looked up and nodded glumly. “Morning, Mrs. Michaels.”
She stopped and looked at him critically. “Honey, I told you to call me Jan. Mrs. Michaels is, and always will be, Steven's mother.”
“Yes, ma'am. I mean Jan.”
She chuckled and looked up at the porch behind him where Amanda was watching from behind a curtain. “Still trying, are you?”
He nodded then lowered his eyes. “I just don't understand it. How can I love her so much that it hurts to breathe without her, but she doesn't feel the same?”
Jan set the basket of laundry she was carrying on the ground. “It’s because you have a crush on her and she doesn't feel the...”
He interrupted, “no it’s more than just a crush.”
She thought for a moment. “Honey, I know you think it’s more, but that's what it is,” she continued gently. “No matter how much you wish and hope and want her to be your mate, it's just not going to happen. Nature gives us all one perfect mate, a wolf that was created just for us and nobody else. The moment your eyes meet for the first time, you fall into them. It's like you surrender your soul to them, lose yourself and become a part of them, and they become a part of you. Then the blood bond comes and you can feel what they feel, that piece that you both share is a living, breathing thing inside you. It's really hard to find the words to explain how it feels to know they are always there. It's far beyond just comforting.” Her eyes had become misty and a gentle smile curved her lips. “At least that's how it is for us.” She placed a hand on his chest over his heart. “This knows the truth, Cayson. You may love Amanda now, but it’s nothing compared to your mate. When you find her, you'll see the mating mark on your chest and feel her in your soul. It's an incredible feeling. Don't settle for less.” She dropped her hand and gave him a smile, picking the basket up and winked. “Speaking of mates, mine is hungry for some lunch so I best be getting home. You think about what I said.”
He watched her move around him and make her way towards her house where her mate was waiting. He sighed. Why does everyone think he doesn't understand about love? He knew Amanda was the one for him and if she would just let him look in her eyes, she would feel it too. They would have the mark and everything would be perfect again.
“Son.”
Slowly he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, blowing it out slowly. Turning around he opened them. “Father.”
Jeff looked at the porch where Amanda and Gemma's father, William, was standing with his arms crossed over his chest glaring at Cayson. The alpha raised a hand in greeting then looked at Cayson. “My office. NOW!”
.-~*~-.
“How many times are we going to have to do this, Cay?” Jeff leaned against his desk and looked at him with barely contained anger. “This is the third time this month I've gotten a call from one of the Thistles about you. When are you going to get it through your head that she doesn't feel the same way as you do?”
“She is just confused. I know if she will just let me explain,” he began.
"No!” Jeff growled. “This is getting way out of hand. Son, I know you think she's the right one for you but she's not.”
“You don't know that,” he growled sullenly, “Amanda is my girl.”
“Stop! Would you just listen to yourself? You are making that poor girl insane with your obsession. I know that you are still struggling to deal with this whole empathy thing, but if you can't get a better control of your own emotions, I'm going to have no choice but to send you to another pack. I can't have you scaring her half to death anymore!”
Cayson stood up and began to leave.
“Stop right there, get your butt back here and sit down,” Jeff used his alpha to compel his son to obey. Slowly, Cay turned and made his way back but refused to sit. Jeff could see the strain as he fought the compulsion. Cayson's muscles were tensed and his hands curled in fists. He glared openly at his father and Jeff could see his wolf defying his alpha.
And they said he's not strong enough to lead? What a bunch of Idiots!
Jeff released his will and Cayson all but sagged in relief. Swallowing, he tried another approach. “Sit for a minute. I want you to do something for me.”
Cayson hesitated then realizing it was a request and not a command, he sunk in the seat. Jeff sat on the edge of his desk and clasped his hands in his lap. “I want you to close your eyes and I want you to reach down into yourself and connect with your wolf. Do it for me, Son. Find your wolf and meld with him. Find that moment just before shifting when you are thinking as one, feeling as one.” He watched and when he was sure Cay had done it, he took a breath knowing this next part was going to be hard but necessary.
“Now, using your wolf's senses, his intuition, think about Amanda. Don't use the human side, just the wolf. Think about her smile, her smell. Think about her animal and how she looks, where the sun hits her when she runs, the movement of muscles under her fur. Now, you have that firmly in your mind, open your eyes and tell me what your beast thinks about her, not you the human but the wolf only.”
Cayson's face fell as he opened his eyes. “He thinks she’s a nice looking wolf but that's all. He really doesn't have much interest in her.”
Jeff nodded. “A life mate is one that fits perfectly with you both, wolf and human, because you were created specifically for each other. If Amanda was your mate, even without the mark, he would be interested in her. Everything would entice you both, and even with the fear, she wouldn't be able to resist being with you. Your human side is infatuated with her, but that's it. She's the kind that you could settle for, but she's not your life mate.”
He bowed his head. “I guess I finally understand,” he whispered, “but it still hurts.”
Jeff nodded then clapped his son's shoulder. “Crushes hurt, Cay, but in time you'll move on. I know you feel like you love her, but now you know the truth. One day, mark my words, you'll find that person that interests you both and then when you gaze into her eyes you won't even be able to remember what Amanda looked like.” He checked the clock on the wall and slid off the desk. “Stay away from the Thistles,” he warned him one last time then ushered him out the door. “Oh, I need you to go check the pack room and make sure it's ready for the unmated males that should start arriving today. There should be plenty of cots set up.”
Cayson stopped, a muscle in his jaw twitching. “You know how I feel about this,” he said quietly.
“I know. I don't like it either but the least we can do is try to make it easier for her. Support her.”
/> “Easier?” Cay growled. “You just gave me the life-mate-is-the-only-one-for-you talk and you are going to force her to mate with some random wolf.”
Jeff shook his head sadly. “I wish I could do something to stop this.” The words were barely above a whisper.
“Then stop it, Father,” Cayson closed the space between them. “You're the Alpha. STOP THIS!”
“I CAN'T!” Jeff growled. “It's either this or lose our home. I don't have a choice. Being alpha sometimes means you have to do what’s best for the pack. It means making the hard choices. It means doing what's best for the greater good.”
Cayson's eyes had turned gold, his wolf snarling just below the surface. “If that's what it means to be an alpha, then Luna knew exactly what she was doing in making it so I could never be one. I may be ‘weak’, but I would fight for her and for my family. I would never sacrifice my own daughter for anyone.” He stalked out the door and slammed it behind him.