Chapter 14
A Burdened Heart
Mary stood just inside the screen door with her hand on the latch. What would Daddy think of her? Her heart pounded wildly as his words resounded in her ears. "I'm afraid Jimmie has already gone astray. He is just not the same as he once was." Mary had suspected this for a while; but in hopes of being wrong, she had never mentioned it to anyone, not even her daddy, with whom she shared all her secrets. Jimmie was such a wonderful person and such a sweet and considerate brother that she could hardly believe he had failed, and yet he could not deliberately go against the teachings of the Bible and keep victory in his soul.
Breathing heavily, Mary eased the door open, walked across the porch, and dropped onto the steps beside Daddy. He glanced at her questioningly. Neither spoke for a few moments, each being engrossed in deep thought. Daddy broke the silence.
"What's on your mind, Girlie? Surely you wouldn't want to sit out here and fight these mosquitoes unless you wanted to talk to your Daddy about something."
Meekly, she stated her reason for joining him. "Daddy, I don't want you to think I have been eavesdropping on you and Uncle Jack. I was going outside to feed the cat when I overheard you say that Jimmie had gone astray. I have been worried about Jimmie, too, but I didn't want to mention it to anyone. Do you think Margaret is the cause of his trouble?"
Daddy glanced at the solemn little face turned toward him. "Child, you amaze me. Most little girls eleven years old would be too busy playing with dolls to be concerned about anything else, but you are more concerned over souls. I suppose I should scold you, but since you heard the conversation accidentally, I'll let you off this time." He sighed deeply. "Maybe God intended for you to hear that particular part of our conversation so we can share a mutual burden." He placed his arm companionably about his little girl's shoulders.
"Yes, Mary, I suppose most of Jimmie's present trouble is Margaret. But actually, it started before he ever met her. It began when he started slacking up on his private devotions and finally dropped them altogether That was the thing that caused the failure. He wanted to sleep later in the mornings, and the more he slept, the less he prayed. As a result, he started going out at nights with his friend he works with. The places he went were not pleasing to God, so you see he was in trouble before Margaret came along. So we can't put the blame on her. The blame, rightfully belongs on Jimmie. He is the one who is walking against light. No doubt, Margaret has never known the way of salvation. We must pray for her just as we do for Jimmie and the others."
"Yes, Daddy, you are right. As we pray, maybe Jesus will save her. Or maybe He will get to Jimmie's heart and help him to give her up. Jesus sure helped Bessie and though it has been hard on her this past year, I think she loves Jesus more than ever. I just love to hear her testify and sing. When the tears fall down her cheeks, it makes everybody cry for happiness."
"That's true, Mary. Perhaps God gives her special help because of her obedience to Him. If we want God more than anything else in the world, He will give us grace to obey Him in every detail of our life. But if we persist in trifling with God as Jimmie is doing, He will let us have our own way, but at the cost of our soul. I have tried to talk to Jimmie on several occasions. At first, he was very humble and seemed to do better, but of late, things are different. All I can do is pray unless God definitely tells me to speak to him again."
Mary blinked back the tears as she thought of her beloved brother erring from the path of righteousness. She purposed to speak to him about his need if God would help her and give her an opportunity.
Daddy spoke again. "In spite of our burdens, Mary, we have much to rejoice over. Isn't it miraculous how God got to John's heart? Why, when we saw him last, there seemed to be no hope at all. Sometimes we limit God's power, because a case seems too hard to us."
Mary wiped away her tears with the back of her hand and smiled. "It's wonderful, Daddy. I wonder what Alice will think of John now."
"She should be very happy, Girlie. Let us just keep praying for Jimmie. God loves him in spite of his failures, just as much as He loved John and the rest of us. He will do everything in His power to get us all to Heaven, for it is not His will that any should perish."
He stood to his feet. "Come on, Girlie, let's go inside. I haven't eaten my supper yet, and I'm tired. I had a hard day at work."
She smiled at him through her tears as hand in hand they entered the house.
Several days passed before Mary had the opportunity to share with Jimmie the burden of her heart. Looking out the window one late afternoon, she saw him alone, leaning against a tree in the yard. He had a solemn look on his face, and his hands were stuck deep into his pockets. She walked outside and approached him shyly. Breathing a prayer for help, she spoke, "How's everything going with you, Jimmie?"
His tender smile caused fresh pain to pierce her heart.
"Fine, Sis, how are you?"
"Not too good right now, Jimmie. You see I have something that I want to talk to you about."
Seeming to sense her burden, Jimmie's smile faded and his eyes dropped as he kicked at a pebble on the ground.
"Go ahead, Sis. Feel free to speak what's on your mind. Every girl ought to be able to have a heart-to-heart talk with her big brother once in a while."
Dear understanding Jimmie! Without realizing it, he had made it even harder for her to unburden her heart to him. With quivering voice, she asked, "Jimmie, do you still love Jesus?"
Jimmie raised his eyes and looked into her clear solemn ones for a fleeting second. "Why do you ask, Mary?" There was a tremor in his voice.
Mary could no longer control her tears as she caught Jimmie's hand in hers.
'Jimmie, I--uh--I hardly know. You're so good and so kind to me and Sue and all of us." She couldn't go on for a moment. Jimmie shuffled from one foot to the other, waiting patiently for her to finish.
"I'll never forget how you took care of all of us when Mamma died and Daddy left us," she continued. "I've thought about how hungry and cold you must have been sometimes, but you didn't grumble. But Jimmie--", She couldn't seem to find the right words to express what was on her heart.
"Aw, Sis, cheer up. I'm all right. Don't worry your pretty little head about your big brother. I know how to take care of myself, don't you think?"
But his strained voice seemed unreal to Mary and did not bring any comfort to her heart. Trying to regain her composure, she spoke again.
"I hate to bring this up again, Jimmie, 'cause you stopped me before when I mentioned it, but will you tell me something?' “
"What is it, Mary?" Jimmie asked uneasily.
"Does Margaret have anything to do with you not loving Jesus as you once did?"
Jimmie stiffened and withdrew his hand from Mary's.
"Now listen, Mary. It's best you don't bring Margaret into this. It's true she doesn't see things like you and Daddy and the others do, but deep down inside she's really a wonderful girl."
"I know, Jimmie. She's sweet but she's not a Christian. "
"Well, perhaps she isn't, but I happen to love her very much. And as soon as I get a little older and can save enough money, I intend to marry her. She is going to be your sister-in-law so you might just as well get used to the idea and try to learn to love her just a little."
"But Jimmie, I do love Margaret," Mary answered brokenly. "I pray for her every day. But if she keeps you from loving Jesus, I don't think you should marry her."
"Why do you think she keeps me from loving Jesus, Mary?" Jimmie raised his voice as he asked the question. "Don't I still attend church regularly? She lives her life and I live mine. Just because I love her is no sign I have to give up my religion."
"But Jimmie, what does the Bible say? I can't say it like the Bible does, but Bessie told it to me one day. It's something about God not wanting a Christian to marry someone who isn't a Christian. It's something about being yoked together with unbelievers."
Her
words seemed to hit him forcibly. He again shifted from one foot to the other and kicked at a stick. With a forced smile he spoke, "I guess I might just as well admit I'm in the same category as Margaret. As you have guessed, Mary, I've been backslidden for weeks now, or maybe I should say, for months." He bowed his head and, with his usual tenderness, he continued, "I know you won't be able to understand, Sis, but I just can't give Margaret up now. She means more to me than anything else in the world."
"Even Jesus?"
"Let's not put it that way, Sis. I'll admit Jesus has certainly been faithful to me. His Spirit has followed me every step. He has dealt with my heart trying to call me back to Himself before I ever started dating Margaret, but I'm sorry to say, I've just been going farther and farther from God." He stooped to pick a blade of grass, then stuck it between his teeth and began to chew on it.
"Sis," he continued, "There's something about Margaret that touches my heart very deeply. She reminds me so much of Mamma. You probably can't remember, but Mamma had such a hard life and she depended on me so much. Margaret, too, has had it rough. Her parents are divorced and she's been shuffled around from pillar to post. She tells me that I have brought her happiness that she's never known before. She depends on me like dear Mamma did. I've never told you, Sis, but I thought I would never get over grieving after Mamma died. We were so close. I loved her dearly and miss her yet today. Margaret partially fills that vacancy that's been in my heart ever since Mamma died. Oh, I don't expect anyone to understand, but I just can't give Margaret up. At one time I made an earnest attempt to get back on the right track, but I must confess I lacked the will-power." He dropped his head and Mary noticed him wiping his eyes with his finger tips. "Last Sunday," he continued, "God spoke to me again." His voice was husky. "But I knew what I would have to do if I obeyed Him so I closed my heart to His wooings."
"Oh, Jimmie, Daddy has always said that Jesus would not ask you to do something that He would not help you to do. Let's go inside and let Daddy help me pray with you."
"Thanks, Mary, but it's no use. I've struggled and struggled over this." He placed his hand on her shoulder. "Will you let your big brother give you a bit of advice?"
She nodded her head wordlessly.
"Never neglect your soul. Don't ever get too busy or too lazy to pray and read your Bible and keep in daily contact with God. The devil will surely get you if you do. That was my downfall. Margaret came into my life after I had already lost out with God." With a pitiful look, he added, "If the pages of time could be turned back, things would be different, but as the situation stands now" His voice trailed off.
"Jimmie, please come back to Jesus before it's too late," Mary pleaded with tears streaming down her cheeks. "Think of Jacky. He loves you so much and needs your help. If you don't serve Jesus, he might fail, too."
Jimmie was visibly shaken. It was evident that God was giving him another opportunity.
"I'm sorry, Sis. I don't want to influence anyone for wrong, especially Jacky." His voice trembled, "I intend to get back to God but not today."
"But Jimmie, what if God quits talking to you? Daddy says that when God speaks, that's the time to come to Him."
"I know, Mary, but let us hope I don't wait too late." His sad eyes looked deep into hers. "I don't know why I've opened my heart to you as I have. I guess it's because of your concern. I appreciate your prayers, Sis, though they make me miserable. Keep praying for your big brother. I confess I'm scared to die and go to hell."
It was fast growing dark as Jimmie turned quickly and walked toward the house. Mary slumped to the ground and sobbed her heart out to God. Dear Jimmie! Her precious brother who had stood by them through thick and thin. She could not bear the thought of him missing Heaven.
"Oh God," she prayed desperately, "deal with his heart. Please Jesus, don't let my brother go to hell."