CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
MAGGIE
You’ll know you’re in love when someone had this special kind of hold on you. Not the kind of hold of a two year old boy on your leg when you try to leave him alone or the one your mom used to give you.
It’s the kind of hold the Moon has for Earth, the Planets for the Solar System, the Galaxies have for the Universe. It’s so intact and it fits so perfectly. That it would be such a huge huge huge devastation if one of its components breaks away. And we do everything we can not to let it happen.
Because when the hold breaks apart, everything would be so different. Shattered. Distant. Out-of-place.
I think I have that kind of hold on Guji now.
That every time he walks out my door I’ll grow afraid that he’ll never come back.
Terrified.
I am quite surprise with myself because I never had this feeling with Ero. That it’s just alright for me that he dumped me for the nth time. That it’s okay for him to walk away from my life again and knowing that he would never come back.
But with Guji it’s different.
In the silent moments of my day, I just stare at Guji and think that if he ever walked out of my life that would be the end of me. That I can’t wake up in the morning because he’s gone. That he had taken away a huge part of me and I’m unable to live the way I used to.
That I have this kind of hold on him and I just can’t let go. I’ve had this kind of hold on him ever since and I was just too dumb to realize that until now. It all comes together. I understand everything now.
Yes. I think I’m in love with Guji.
I see that now.
I have broken my principle but I don’t care. I don’t care because I only live once.
Fred and the others came at the mansion and brought a huge cutter. They managed to cut the handcuffs off and we’re totally free from each other. When I was about to go to the kitchen I heard them laughing their asses off that when I turned to look at them, they shut up. I raised my brow to ask them what’s up.
They just said, “We had fun yesterday, too.”
“Oh? Tell me about it,” I leaned against the wall and challenged Klein who was busy keeping his laughter to himself. “I smell something fishy.”
“Maybe try taking a bath,” said Jason.
“Oh really? Maybe try tasting my razor blade, then?” I took a razor blade out of my pocket and I saw their eyes got wider. I smirked at the three of them and ran after their lives. When I saw BD just standing by the corner watching me, I stopped.
“You.” I pointed a finger at him. His brows went up and asked what my problem was. “You could’ve called them right away but why did you not?”
“Like what I told you,” he smiled at me. I swallowed. “I wanted to enjoy the day with you,”
“You’re selfish.” And I like that.
“Well, when in love, some people tend to be selfish.” He walked toward me and pushed my forehead with his finger. “And you… you have the license to own me and be selfish about it.”
I coughed.
“I’m not in love with you so there’s no need to be selfish,” I lied. He just laughed. “And yeah, thanks for yesterday. I hate to admit but I enjoyed it.”
“Just like what I thought,”
The following days were normal. The boys attended class but slept through them. We ate lunch together, and played soccer after class. Guji and I finished our research, though he contributed absolutely nothing but his blabbering about my hair which was braided.
“Why is your hair braided?” He always asks. I always answer him, “The weather’s a bit hot.”
Though on a Tuesday, it rained pretty badly. He told me, “It’s cold now. Why is your hair braided?”
“Because you’re stupid.” I tried not to roll my eyes at him. I braid my hair because I want him to say that it’s pretty on me or something like that. Instead, he says nothing.
So much about making an impression. Damn him.
One time, Yvan met me on the way and tried not to mess my hair up this time.
“Your hairdo suits you. Been meaning to tell you,” he told me, smiling. A smile escaped my lips.
“Thanks, Best Friend.”
Yvan accompanied me to a book store today. I once told him that I was looking for this certain book I wanted to read all my life and he said he knew just the perfect place to find it. He took me to Hilltop Book Store.
“Thanks for the company,” I told him after I paid the book I bought. “I’ll treat you ice cream after this.”
“It’s raining outside and you want me to eat ice cream? Are you trying to kill me?”
“A bit.” I mocked.
We went out of the book store and he opened the umbrella for the two of us. We talked about how amazing this rainy scene would look in a photograph. Two people sharing in one umbrella, under the pouring rain. This could mean a million of things, of emotions. This could be a thousand words. A perfect shot for sentimental people.
In this moment, I thought, in some parallel galaxy Yvan and I could be the perfect couple but here, we’re not. We’re best friends. And I’m in love with someone else.
“Unluckily, no one has a camera so this scene will just be a memory,” he said.
“I could draw it if you want,”
“You draw?” He asked in fake amazement. I hit him for that. “Oh I’m sorry. I forgot that you’re the Queen of All Creative Media.”
“And you’re the King of Photography.”
“Self-proclaimed.” Then we laughed.
Side by side, we walked down the road and enjoyed the silence. No one talked until I broke the ice. “You haven’t told me about the girl you like. I know there’s someone special in that special space,” I tapped his chest with my finger.
“You don’t need to know,”
“I never kept a secret from you, have I?”
“It’s not important. And she’s no one you know,”
I stopped walking which made him stop, too. I looked at him as bitchy as I could and challenge him to tell me who she was. “C’mon spit it out.”
He just smiled at me and I knew I won. “This is our secret, okay?” I nodded.
He leaned toward my ear and was about to say something when suddenly, someone grabbed my arm and pulled me away from Yvan.
I was confused, then.
“I’ll be the one to walk her home,” I heard him say. I turned to my side and saw Guji holding my hand. How did he know that I was here? He really is my stalker.
“Guji? What are you –”
“I’ll be the one to walk you home.” Without even saying “hi” or “bro” to his best friend, he walked past him and dragged me along. It could’ve been so sweet of him but his grip’s too tight that it hurts.
“I’ve been looking for you. Where have you been?”
“Don’t shout at me. We’re on War Limit,” I even showed him my watch that showed 6:30 in the evening.
“Tss. It’s getting dark already and you’re not yet home. I’m so worried about you,” I saw his jaw tensed and shifted from angry to calm.
“Worried my ass. I’m just around the corner,”
“And you’re with Yvan.”
“SO?”
“HE’S GOING TO KISS YOU!”
“WHOA THERE.” I covered his malicious mouth and tapped his shoulder to assure him that it’s okay. That nothing bad is going to happen and “He’s just going to say something.”
“No way. I’m the only one who’s allowed to do that.”
I raised my brow at him. “Are you my boyfriend?”
“Do I need to be one?”
My mouth went O-shaped at that. “Hey Mister Soccer Player, you don’t have the right over me if you aren’t my boyfriend or husband, okay? Don’t be so possessive,”
The rain had stopped but BD’s mouth didn’t. When will he shut up?
“HEY SB!” He shouted behind me. “Hey! I’m ordering you to turn around now!”
&nbs
p; “Whatever dude. Ain’t gonna happen,” I kept help but smile at this situation. I just love making fun of this guy.
“Hey you! I’m ordering you to be my girlfriend! RIGHT NOW!”
“Who are you talking to?” I shouted back. “The tree? Oh c’mon BD. Have some taste, will’ya?”
And I laughed very very hard.
It’s a Saturday and Jason took us along to his photo shoot. He’s a freaky hot model alright but he’s love life is so below zero. Lyn didn’t accept his love anymore and she’s going to regret that soon. Jason’s a great catch, what’s her problem? Geez.
When we arrived at the venue, several staffs approached Jason and asked if he could just wait for a little while because the photographer hasn’t come yet. He nodded to them and I could see that they’re hyperventilating at the sight of Jason and ugh, Guji.
I walked toward Guji and stayed at his side. He looked down on me.
“What are you up to now?” He asked me.
“So many strangers, so many snatchers.” I said, fanning myself. “You think so, too?”
“Snatchers? All I see is a bunch of women and a few guys –”
“Exactly.” I showed him a smile of sarcasm. “Women.”
“Oh. I smell possessiveness,” he mocked me with his eyes and I returned the favor. “You like me now?”
Before I could throw a nice comeback at that, there came a Tsunami of Bad Vibes. He’s been shouting all over the place, all the time. I guess he’s in charge? I mean… she? Whatever, he’s gay.
“You stupid people, do something about this!” He yelled, the veins on his throat revealed. “I can’t give you another day for this shoot! I NEED THIS NOW. Go find another photographer!”
By that, the boys got near me and said, “Oh, they need a photographer. Boss Janella, move a muscle will’ya?” They said that just a bit louder that The Gay actually looked at me. Jason took my hand and held it up so everyone could see.
“This girl volunteers!” He yelled. I glared at him and mouthed, “Fuck you.”
He said, “My pleasure.”
The Tsunami of Bad Vibes came to me and looked at me from head to toe, sizing me. He then ordered me to get the camera that’s available. I hurried to it so he won’t shout at me or kill me.
When I got to hold the camera, I gasped. This looks so effingly amazing! It’s the latest Nikon design that’s released in the market just two months ago. And I’m holding it right now – FOR FREE.
“Girl, the camera might melt in your eyes. That costs much more than your life so be carefu with it!” I wished I have earplugs. “Let’s get started and don’t be such a moron!”
Moron? Did he just call me m-o-r-o-n?
“Shout at her one more time, and I’ll cut your tongue.” I saw BD walked to The Gay’s side and said that gravely. The Gay pursed his lips in defeat and said, “I’m sorry.”
He passed by me and glared at me. I love you too, Gay.
The shoot started within five minutes and my fingers just worked on their own. I think they have minds of their own. Crazy pretty fingers.
It’s awkward at first to bark orders at the models but as the shoot went on, I grew comfortable and I felt that this is my work, my world.
They changed the sets, the models, and they’re doing so many things around here I cared not to look anymore. I sat on the chair behind me and exhaled, inhaled so many times because I am so tired already.
“Turn around,” I was shocked when I saw BD already seated beside me.
“AND WHY?”
“YOU’LL TURN AROUND OR I’LL BREAK YOUR NECK?”
“Can I choose OR?” Ugh, whatever. I just turned around so he could shut up. I felt that he pushed my shirt up and I know he’s seeing my bare back. Shit, don’t rape me here! “WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING –”
“You’re sweating too much,” I felt a soft material on my back. A towel, I guess. He’s wiping the sweat on my back away. He spread the towel out and left it there. He pulled my shirt down and tapped my back. “That’ll do.”
Gosh, stop being so sweet I might lock you in my closet!
I punched him in his stomach that he complained. “What’s that for?!”
“A Thank You Gesture.” I stood up and went back to work. We did not push through with the next set because one of the models ate something horrible that he’s having LBM now. He’s actually the top model.
“Ugh! This can’t really be happening to me!” The Gay just went hysterical at that. “If you don’t do something about this I’ll splash muriatic acid all over your bodies! YOU HEAR THAT?!”
His eyes then landed on BD’s bored face. He pointed at him. “You! You’ll be his substitute,”
“What? No way.”
“No?”
“No.”
“AAAH! I think I’m going to have a heart attack!” I just rolled my eyes at The Gay who’s pulling all his hair out. That’s the reason why so many people die every day.
Stress.
Out of nowhere, Jason came to me and asked if I could smooth the wrinkles on his polo.
“Do I look like your P.A.?” I retorted at him. but he just grabbed both of my hands and put it on his chest. I blushed at that. “Hey!”
“Fine. I’ll sub.” I heard Guji announced, unbuttoning his shirt. I heard Jason muttered something like, “So slow” or “Moron” I don’t know because I’m busy contemplating at the fact that BD’s going to be my model.
Model.
Yannie, The Gay’s name, called back his staff to set everything up for BD. I went behind the camera again and tested the effects I set on it. When I clicked the shutter button, what I saw wasn’t the one I expected to see.
I accidentally took a picture BD.
And he looked great. I mean great as in great great. Fuck my adjectives, where are you?
“SB, will I stay like this? What do you want me to do?” He asked me unbuttoning his polo to the third button. I gulped.
“Ugh. Can you please button your shirt? I don’t like that,”
“No, I don’t think so,” Beki Yannie interjected. “That’s just perfect! What’s your problem with that, huh?”
Except that you’re literally drooling over my guy, nothing much. “Whatever. Just take it off.”
“Okay.” By that, Guji did take his polo off and he’s practically wearing a black fitted sando that the whole place has gone crazy. Pursing my lips, I marched toward him and picked his polo up.
“WEAR IT.” I ordered.
“A while ago you said I should –”
“I SAID WEAR IT.” When he did wear it, I was the one who buttoned it. I smirked at the thought that sooo many girls were dead envious of me now. “Be careful with snakes. There are plenty of them here,”
“Don’t be jealous. You’re the only person I see –”
“SHUT UP.” I ran back to the camera and disregarded the eyes that are killing me in hatred now.
Taking photographs of Guji as a model was the least of my favorite. I can’t focus. I can’t think straight. When I decided that I can’t do it anymore, I announced that it’s enough for BD. Yannie agreed and called another model named Cherrie to join Guji now. They’re going to have a photo shoot together and I think my ears were hot.
“Hi Ponce,” the girl named Cherrie greeted. She’s one of the bitches who attacked me at the stadium. Wow. Great to see her. “So you’re my photographer? Do your best,”
“Yes, Madame. I’ll do my best,” to crop you out of the frame.
She then positioned herself next to Guji, too close than I could ever take. I took their picture, calming and telling myself to never ever snap at Cherrie now.
But she’s going way too far.
“Can you please move apart?” I barked at them. Cherrie snapped back, “What? This is perfect!” She clung to Guji’s shoulder like it was hers. My eyes narrowed at that and swallowed my sprouting anger.
“Perfect? We’re not shooting intimacy here. We’re shooting clothes.
Clothes don’t show intimacy to other clothes,” I said coldly.
I heard small bits of laughter and I know I do have a point on that. Cherrie frowned at me but I didn’t mind. I continued my work, but Cherrie couldn’t just stop touching Guji it bothered me. I think I’m going to have a fever seeing this!
“Uh Boss Yannie,” I raised my hand and he acknowledged me. “Can Jason be there instead of Guji? It just doesn’t feel right. It’s like an apple and a jackfruit over there. They don’t fit.”
“HEY YOU –” She was about to protest but Yannie spoke first. “I think so, too. JASON. Go there and be with Cherrie. Guji, sit down and rest.”
I flashed Cherrie a big, wide, victorious grin. I won.
I saw Guji approaching me as he stretched his arms in the air. He stopped by my side and whispered, “I enjoy watching you go over your jealousy. I’m getting attracted more and more –”
“SHUT UP. I’m not jealous,”
He nodded once before walking past me and back to where he was seated a while ago. I continued my work until Yannie called it wrap. He called everyone in and we circled around him to hear some of his words.
“I want a Winter Wedding for the centerfold since it’s our December issue,” he began saying. I plan to protest because he said it’s a wrap already and here he is, telling we have another shoot. Ugh, he’s abusing me and I’m dying.
“And since Nick’s out, you are in.” I saw Yannie pointing at the person behind me, which happened to be Guji. “You’re the groom and –”
“No. I won’t do that. I don’t want to be with someone I don’t like in a wedding picture,”
“But it’s nothing personal! It’s just a shoot. It’s a play pretend –”
“I still won’t do it.”
“Fine. Who do you like to be with in a wedding picture, huh?”
Guji didn’t answer that but all of them were literally staring at me. By that, I looked around and saw that Guji was pointing his finger down on me. My cheeks burned in perfect embarrassment and I tried to keep myself from spanking him right in the face.
Yannie walked up to me and glared, I pursed my lips in utter fear. “You’re the bride. No buts. No no ways. I will kill you and you have no choice but to say yes. Yes?”
“Ye-yes.”
Bhelitz took over my job and some of her friends led me to a tent. This is where their models dress up and I’m one of them – temporarily. They put make-up on my face and did my hair. My jaw dropped when I saw the wedding dress I’m going to wear.
“Fab,” I gasped. They helped me wear the material and they made me face the mirror. “Gosh, this is just so surreal. I like this dress. I love it,”
“And I’m 100% sure that Guji will love that, too.” Nel told me, smiling. “You guys look great together. Been meaning to tell you,”
I smiled at the person in the mirror that’s smiling back at me. Later on, Nel and the others helped me get back to the set. I feel sets of eyes boring into me while I walk. I even saw Fred, Klein and Jason staring at me like they’ve seen a goddess.
“Goddess of Shitness,” Jason said that I used my shoe to hit his shoulders. He cried in pain.
I stood at the end of the red carpet, my back turned. When I heard his voice behind me, all of my veins constricted and my lungs sucked at being lungs.
“Will you just stand there? I know you like forever with me, but I think Yannie won’t last longer than fifty years.”
I turned to face him but I looked away. I tried my best not to look at him or his suit or his perfect perfectness but I can’t help it. He’s too gorgeous.
He took my hand and walked with me down the aisle. I don’t know if it’s just my imagination but I could hear trumpets and pianos playing around me. At that, I tightened my grip around his hand. I know this is just a photo shoot but I want this to be real.
“I told you never put make-up on,” he said, not looking at me.
“You know, you’re trampling on my ego right there. I think I’m beautiful,”
“I think you look like a prostitute.”
“WHAT? Do you want to die?!”
“Die? I’m already dead,” he looked down to me and smiled. “Dead in love with you,”
Words, fragments, broken sentences filled my head and I think my cheeks were burning.
“You know, I want to run away with you,” he continued.
“Where to?”
“To the church. I wanna marry you.”
We reached the end of the aisle and the shoot began. All the while, the only thought that keeps on popping into my mind was his two-syllable Japanese name. And I figured out that it was, by far, the most beautiful name I know.
Guji.