CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
MAGGIE
Okay. It’s my fault, I know. Someone can beat me to death because it’s my fault.
I think I dumped Guji last Christmas day in such a way that I don’t intend it to. I don’t know what my problem was because I love the guy so much, but my tendencies kicked in. It was out of my control, sorry.
When he said he loves me and asked if I felt the same, all I said was, “Hehe. Merry Christmas, Guji.” I hugged him tight and called it a night. Then we went home not even speaking to each other. I told him I was sorry and he should take care of himself.
I mean, what the hell was that?
“Stupid stupid stupid! What the hell is your problem, Maj?!” I buried my face on my pillow and wished I could die. “Why are you so afraid? Why are you always rejecting people who like you? Why… are you holding back?”
Why, Maggie?
I snapped into reality when someone called outside. I went out and checked who that was and wished I hadn’t. Klein let out a dog whistle.
“Good morning, Sexy!”
Frantic, I went back inside and wore a T-shirt over my sando. Why are these bastards here anyway? Eating my inner cheek and holding a broom on my hand, I went out and faced them. I leveled the broom at Fred’s face.
“What are you doing here?”
“Visiting you. Is that so wrong, now?” Via rolled her eyes at me. I fought the urge to do the same. “Care to check the attendance?”
Attendance? I scanned the area and did a mental checklist of my friends. All of them are here, except for one. “Where’s uh Guji?”
“Why do you care?” Klein challenged me. I narrowed my eyes at him and said, “I’m not letting you in –”
“Oh c’mon! Just let us in! We’re tired from travelling, you know?” Pao complained.
“Did I ask you to?”
“What. Did. You. Say?”
“Of course! Welcome to my house!” Afraid of Paola’s laser eye beams, I lowered my broom and opened the gate. They went in like this is a new paradise for them. Playground.
When they have settled, I crossed my arms in front of them. I narrowed my eyes at them and suspected they were up to something. “Why are you here?”
“Where are our Christmas gifts?”
I gasped. They’re unbelievable. They went all the way here just to get their gifts, assuming there were any? My friends are so unbelievable. “Wait here.”
I got back with a bagful of presents I failed to give last Christmas day. For seven days, I locked myself up here at my house and never talked to anyone. I was too embarrassed. Afraid of Guji. Afraid of what he’ll say to me, act in front of me.
“Where’s Guji’s present?” Klein asked. “We all got one, but he didn’t.”
“I forgot to buy him one.” I did not, of course. “You can now go home.”
“Go home? Wait now, Janella.” Klein hung an arm around my shoulder. I frowned at his gesture. “Are you avoiding us? Are you avoiding Guji?”
“What? NO. Just go home. I want to be alone this New Year’s Eve –”
“Hep! No one’s going to be alone this New Year’s Eve,” Klein covered my mouth and I saw them smile their best. “We’re going to celebrate together. At the tree house,”
I slapped his hand away and elbowed him to let me go. I glared at them and said, “I will not go. I’m going to be alone tonight.”
But they didn’t let me be. They forced me to come along and I saw that everything was set at the tree house. From the food to the decorations, I have nothing to worry about. They even got firecrackers and sparkle sticks. I shook my head in amazement.
Out of the blue, Nikki dragged me to Guji. Skin to skin, I blushed.
“Hey, ugly.” I muttered.
“Look who’s talking,”
I looked up to him and searched his face. Searched for what exactly, Maj? A sign of anger, maybe. Hostility, irritation, or whatever negative emotion toward me. But no. I did not see any. He’s nothing tonight.
“Hey uhm. Are we okay?” I managed to say.
“Is there a reason not to be?” Then he smiled. “What happened at Makati was all just a joke. Don’t take that seriously.”
I think my jaw just dropped. “What? You can’t be serious, can you?”
“If you’re not serious about me, so am I.” He turned on his heels and walked out. I swallowed his words that were so big I can’t breathe. He was hurt. I could feel it in every layer of muscle of my heart.
Via, Nikki, Pao, Kate and I formed a circle and lighted a stick. They talked about their Christmas day celebrations and other stuffs while I kept my mouth shut. I am lonely, upset, sad, and not in the mood for pep talks.
“Maggie, are you okay?” Pao asked me.
“Why will I be not? I’m superb,” Not.
Then I felt someone tapping my shoulder. I looked around and saw Guji standing behind me, hands on pockets. Annoyed, I asked him, “What do you want?”
“Come with me,”
“Am I your slave?”
“Hey, it’s 2013 already so stop playing hard to get. Just come with me.”
“I DON’T WANT TO –”
“Just go. You’re always full of complains. I’ll steal him from you,” Pao threatened me like she already knows that I like the guy. She even pushed me toward him which I thanked her for irritated me. I stood up and told them I’ll be back.
He led the way as I walked behind him. It’s so dark I barely see a thing. Where is he taking me, anyway? “Where are we going?”
Before answering me, he held my hand. I’m too stunned that I snatched my hand away. He claimed it again. He said, “You’re blind, right? I’ll lead you the way, stupid.”
“Please, I’m not that blind. So let my hand go –” then he swept me off my feet, and carried me princess-style. This could’ve been so romantic but what the hell, this is against my will. “Put me down!”
“Not until we reach the clearing,”
“What?” He did not say anything more and walked on. Past the trees, I saw a clearing. Everything’s brighter here, and the air smelled fresh. I checked my watch and it’s only five minutes before 12. He put me down.
People were setting off their fireworks even though it’s not 12 midnight yet. I laughed at their excitement.
“Funny, huh?” I heard BD said. “You and I, together once again, right on the first second of the new year,”
I remember that night on Makati, that night when I ‘dumped’ him. I bit my lip to hide my embarrassment.
“I’m sorry about last time,” I managed to say. “I just don’t know to say. I’m sorry if I… hurt you in a way,”
“I can’t compel you to feel the same way as I do. You know, I’ve been trying my best to achieve that. The past weeks I thought I already got you, but I guess I have not,” he’s not looking at me but I know he’s having a hard time telling me these things. Telling about his feelings is such a pain for him. “That night, I was so afraid to tell you I love you because you might reject me –”
I hushed him with my finger and smiled. I reached for his hand and put it on top of my chest, which is by the way beating so fast. I said, “What do you think I’m feeling right now?”
“I don’t know. Why is your heart beating so fast?”
“Why do you think?” I put his hand down and looked at his eyes. “Guji, listen to me. I try to pretend that I am and I try to pretend that I am not. But you can see the truth when you look into my eyes,”
And my eyes are telling you I love you, too.
From a distance to where we’re standing, hundreds of fireworks were being set off and it made the sky brighter, fuller of life. Each clap of explosion deafened my ears but the beating of my heart was so much louder. I won’t hold back anymore.
I’ll be brave enough to tell him what I feel.
“Believe it or not... you’re amazing and I could not resist your awesomeness. I mean, shit, you’re stupid and always such an ass. You ruin my mood every da
y. You are a headache. I don’t understand your tendencies, even your mood swings. I met you on a Wednesday which makes you one of my misfortunate events. But what the hell, I think I like you. I like you even though you bring the worst things around. I like you better than yesterday, and I hope I will still like you tomorrow and the day after. Ugh yeah, I can’t resist the Boss. And that’s you,” Right there, he laughed. I told him, “Remind me if you’re done laughing.”
“No, seriously. Hahaha!” Forgive me if I’ll cut his tongue now. “Janella, okay. Just give me a minute.” Then he laughed again. I patiently waited for him to settle down and put his hands on his pockets and eat his inner cheeks. He’s ready. “You know, I once read that you need to find the reason to smile. I think I found mine,”
When I felt that my cheeks were burning, I looked away.
“If I say that I love you, will you say it too?” he asked me. I looked at him, swallowed hard, fists clenched. “Try me.”
“I love you, Janella.”
“I love you, Guji.”
And we let the fireworks fight with our drumming hearts.