“You have a really nice house, Paisley.” Ben smiled.
“Thank you.”
I saw him looking at the treadmill in the corner of the living room. “So you use that instead of running outside now?”
“Yeah. I just haven’t been able to bring myself to do it. I know it sounds weird but—”
“There’s no need to explain and it doesn’t sound weird. I better get going. I have to be at the station early tomorrow. I’m working the next three days straight.”
“Okay.” I smiled as I walked him to the door.
“Thanks for inviting me to dinner and to meet your family. Regardless of what you think, they’re good people.”
“I know they are. They’re just annoying.”
Ben chuckled as he took my hand. “Bye, Paisley.”
“Bye, Ben.”
He stared into my eyes and then at my lips. The flame that was between us was turned up on high. I wanted him to kiss me, but then, I didn’t. He brought my hand to his lips and softly kissed it.
“Good night.” He smiled.
“Good night.” I smiled back as I slowly closed the door. I leaned up against it and looked down at Romeo as he rubbed his head against my leg. I slowly slid down until I was sitting on the ground and then cupped my face in my hands. What was happening?
Chapter 17
Ben
What the hell was I thinking when I kissed her hand? I should have just kissed her cheek. Now I felt like an idiot. She probably thought I was an idiot. An idiot who kissed hands. I thought about today and how much fun I had going surfing with her. It made me think about how nice it would be if she would go running with me. I needed to call Finn because when I checked my phone, I had two missed calls and three text messages.
“Bro, what the hell was that at the beach?”
“I’m dying over here, Ben. You better call me as soon as you get home.”
“Olivia told me to stop bothering you, but I can’t. I need to know what’s going on. Call me.”
When I walked through the door, I turned on the lights, threw my keys on the table, and dialed Finn.
“Where the hell have you been?” he asked.
“I was having dinner with a friend.”
“That friend wouldn’t happen to be a girl named Paisley, would it?”
“Maybe.”
“Ben, come on. Who is she? When did you meet her? And I can’t believe you went surfing.”
“I met her at a support group for widows. Someone had told me about it and I was curious, so I went one time and that’s when I met Paisley. Her husband passed away from a massive heart attack.”
“Damn. Was she married to some old guy?”
“No. He was twenty-seven.”
“Oh, gee. That’s terrible. She’s hot,” he whispered.
I smiled. “I know, and she’s smart and fun.”
“That’s great, bro.”
“Listen, I’ll call you during the week. I have to be at the station early in the morning.”
“Talk to you later.”
“Bye, Finn. Oh hey, do me a favor and don’t mention Paisley to Mom and Dad yet. I was thinking about bringing her over to dinner next weekend.”
“Don’t worry. I won’t.”
After brushing my teeth and changing out of my clothes, I climbed into bed and placed my hand on the side that Amy had slept on. Thoughts of her smile, kindness, and laughter consumed me as my eyes filled with tears. I liked Paisley a lot, but guilt invaded my mind every chance it got. Was it normal?
As soon as I fell asleep, I had a dream. Amy and I were riding bikes in Maine to check out the Portland Head Lighthouse. She was ahead, looking back and smiling at me. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and there was a subtle wind that swept across the coast, giving a cool touch to the warmer temperatures. As soon as we got off our bikes, I grabbed her hand and we stood and stared at the lighthouse we had always talked about visiting.
“Isn’t is beautiful, baby?” Amy smiled.
“It sure is. Get closer and stand in front of it so I can take your picture.”
She did, and as I stood there and stared at her through the lens of the camera, I saw Paisley. I lowered the camera and looked at Amy.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“Nothing,” I replied in confusion as I brought the camera back up to my face. Again, when I looked through the lens, all I saw was Paisley.
I stood there frozen as I dropped the camera on the ground. Amy walked over to me, grabbed my hand, and we ran down towards the water. Her white dress swayed back and forth as did her long brown hair. Suddenly, she disappeared.
“Amy!” I yelled. “Where are you?”
“Boo.” She laughed.
I turned around and was startled by what I had seen. Amy stood in front of me, her hair gone from her chemo treatments. Her skin was as pale as a ghost’s, her lips cracked and bleeding, and her eyes sunken in with dark circles underneath them.
“Amy,” I whispered as a tear fell from my eye.
She gently smiled as she walked closer and placed her hand on my cheek. “My sweet and beautiful husband, it’s okay. Don’t feel guilty. I’m at peace now and I’m where I’m supposed to be. You can’t live the rest of your life alone because I died. I want you to move on, my darling, and make a new life with someone who will love you just as much as I do. Don’t close yourself off, open your heart, and promise me you’ll be happy. Can you be happy again, my love?”
I shook my head as more tears streamed down my face. “I don’t know.”
“I do know.” She smiled as she wiped away my tears. She began to walk away and, as she turned around and looked at me, she smiled.
“Go be happy, Ben. Live your life to the fullest. Paisley can help you do that, but you may need to help her first. Be patient and follow your heart.” She blew me a kiss and then vanished.
My eyes flew open and I could feel my face was soaked from tears. My heart was beating rapidly, and I was drenched in sweat. I climbed out of bed and went into the kitchen for a glass of water. I could feel myself still shaking. It didn’t feel like a dream. I finished my water and took in a deep breath as I went back to bed.
****
Paisley
“You’re smiling,” Kenny said as he walked over to my desk.
I looked up from my computer in confusion. “I smile.”
“No, you don’t, kid. I haven’t seen a real smile spread across that pretty face of yours in a long time.”
I smiled. “See, I smile.”
“Keep doing it. It looks good on you,” he said as he walked away.
That was odd, I thought to myself. I turned my attention back to the question I started to read before Kenny interrupted me.
Dear Paisley,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for the past five years and we’ve lived together for three. We love each other, but our sex life sucks. I’m lucky if we have sex once a month. There’s no passion and no romance. I’ve met someone at work and, instantly, I felt an attraction to him. There’s something between us I can’t quite put my finger on and I’m scared that I’m going to have sex with him. In fact, I know I will. Can you help me? I still love my boyfriend.
Completely Confused
~*~
Dear Completely Confused,
First of all, don’t sleep with the co-worker. You’d ultimately be inviting more trouble into your life, not to mention the awkwardness of the workplace if something happened. I would suggest talking to your boyfriend and telling him how you feel. Use what you’re feeling towards your coworker on your boyfriend and show him some passion. If he doesn’t reciprocate, then maybe he’s not the man you’re supposed to be with. But you owe it to both of you to try.
Just as I closed out the question, my phone beeped with a text message from Ben. Instantly, my day became better.
“Hi there.”
“Hi there.”
“I just wanted to make sure you were having a goo
d day so far.”
“I am, thank you. I hope you are too?”
“I am. The fire alarm just rang so I have to go. TTYL.”
“Bye and be careful.”
“There’s that smile again,” Kenny smirked as he walked by.
I looked at the time and I was done for the day, so I grabbed my purse and headed out of the building.
Chapter 18
Ben
I couldn’t shake the feeling of that dream I had. Even after three days, it still invaded my mind. It was like Amy was giving me permission to pursue things with Paisley. But the one thing that stuck out in my mind was her saying that I would need to help Paisley first. I got off work a day early because I switched with one of the other guys. I would pick up his day next month. As I finished staining the fifth chair, I had an idea. I picked up my phone and called Paisley. I missed hearing her voice.
“Hello,” she answered.
“Hi, Paisley. It’s Ben.”
“Hi, Ben.”
“Would you like to go running with me tomorrow morning?”
I knew it was a shot in the dark, but I was taking my chances. There was complete silence for a few moments.
“I can’t. I have to go into the office tomorrow morning. I’m sorry. Maybe another time.”
“That’s okay. Another time sounds great. I usually run around seven, so if you’re ever in the area.”
“Thanks, Ben.”
“Bye, Paisley.”
I was disappointed. Maybe it was better that I didn’t have company tomorrow. What was I thinking? Her husband died next to her while they were running and I just asked her to join me. She told me that she hadn’t run outside since and, like a fool, I asked her anyway. My phone started ringing and interrupted my deep thought. When I picked it up, it was my mom calling. I had been waiting for this call all day.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Hi, honey. Your dad and I were wondering if you’d like to go San Diego with us tomorrow and go into that vintage furniture shop. Maybe you could get some ideas and then we can go to dinner.”
I knew what they were trying to do and they meant well, but I wasn’t going anywhere.
“Thanks, Mom, but the answer is no. I just want to stay home.”
“How about if I get Finn and Olivia to go with us?”
“No. Thank you, though, for trying. I’ll be fine. Please just let me be for the day.”
“Ben,” she said in a soft voice.
“Mom, stop. I have to go. I’ll talk to you soon.”
I hung up the phone and lay down on the couch. Before I knew it, I was sound asleep.
****
Paisley
After I left the office, I drove straight to my parents’ house. I don’t know why. I didn’t have anything special to say or do there, but I just didn’t feel like going straight home.
“Hey, Mom.” I smiled as I walked through the back door.
“Paisley. What a nice surprise. What are you doing here?”
“I just thought I’d stop by.”
“Is everything okay?” she asked.
“Everything’s fine. Does something need to be wrong to come over?”
“No. Of course not. It’s just that you haven’t voluntarily dropped by in ages. Would you like some coffee?” She smiled.
“Thanks. I would love some.”
As soon as I took a seat on the stool, Keaton walked into the kitchen.
“Paisley?” he said as he kissed my cheek. “What are you doing here? Is everything okay?”
“Why do you all keep asking me that? Yes, everything is fine. I just wanted to come over.”
“Why?” he asked with a disturbed look on his face.
“Keaton!” my mom yelled.
“Where’s Brielle?”
“I’m picking her up in a while. We’re going to dinner.”
“Oh. Why don’t you take her to that new club that just opened up downtown? Oh yeah, I forgot – she’s not old enough to get in.”
Keaton rolled his eyes. “Very funny.”
“Here’s your coffee, sweetheart. How’s Ben? Have you talked to him?”
“He’s fine. He actually called me today and asked me if I would go running with him tomorrow morning. I told him that I couldn’t because I have to go to the office.”
“Oh, that poor boy. He probably didn’t want to be alone tomorrow with it being the anniversary of his wife’s death.”
I looked at Keaton and then at my mom. “What? How do you know that?”
“You didn’t know?” she asked.
“No. He never mentioned it.”
“We talked about it last Sunday.”
“What did you do, ask him when his wife died?”
“Yes, actually, I did.”
“Oh God, Mom,” Keaton said.
“What?”
I couldn’t believe that my mother knew and I didn’t. But then again, I never asked and he never asked me.
“I think you should go and run with him tomorrow,” Keaton said.
“I think you should too,” my mom agreed.
“I can’t and I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
“You won’t,” Keaton said. “I do believe he went surfing with you.”
“That’s different. His wife didn’t die in the ocean.”
“Okay, Paisley. I get it. But you have to get over it and move on. What if you were in a car accident and he died? Or had the heart attack while driving? Would you never drive a car again?”
“That’s different, Keaton, and you know it.”
“How is it different, Paisley?” he said in a raised voice as he got up from his seat. “You’re hiding. This isn’t the Paisley I know. The Paisley I grew up with would do anything to help someone else.” He stormed out of the kitchen.
I leaned my elbows on the island and placed my face in my hands.
“He was out of line, sweetheart. Don’t listen to him.”
I stood up and grabbed my purse. “I’m sorry, Mom, but I have to go,” I said as I kissed her cheek.
“Please stay for dinner.”
“I can’t. I’ll call you.”
The first thing I did when I got home was start a bath. I was pissed off at Keaton for talking to me the way he did. How dare he say those things to me. I poured a glass of wine and set it on the edge of the tub. As I climbed into the bubbly hot water, Romeo sat on the bath rug next to the tub. I leaned back and soaked up the lavender-scented bubbles and took a sip of my wine. Maybe Keaton was right; maybe I was hiding. Hiding from the fear that the memories of that day would come flooding back into my mind. I didn’t want to be reminded because if I was, I didn’t know if I would be able to handle it. The anniversary of his death was next month and I didn’t know how I’d get through it. Would I want company? Or would I just want to be left alone and hide away from the world for the day. I had no clue; everyone handled it differently. Ben reached out to me because he obviously didn’t want to be alone. He could have done something with his mom, dad, or brother, but he asked me to go running with him.
****
Ben
I woke up and looked at the clock. It was exactly six a.m. As I lay there, I thought about Amy.
“It’s been a year, Amy; a whole year. The longest year of my life without you. FUCK!” I screamed as I threw the pillow across the room. I climbed out of bed, brushed my teeth, and threw on my running clothes. After making a cup of coffee, I sat down at the table and tried to block this very day, one year ago, from my mind. I didn’t want to think about anything at all, even Paisley Logan. As I walked out into the garage to look over the chairs I had stained, my phone beeped with a text message from Finn.
“Hey, bro. Olivia and I want to take you to dinner tonight. I’d like to hear more about Paisley.”
“Not tonight. I’ll talk to you later.”
He didn’t send me another text after that. He knew what today was and I was sure he talked to mom. I just wanted everyone to leave me alo
ne. I had decided that after my run, I was going to come home and shower and then go to the cemetery to visit Amy. That damn dream was still in the forefront of my mind and I couldn’t shake the feeling of how real it felt. After I cleaned up a bit, I got in my truck and drove to the pier.
Chapter 19
Paisley
I put on my running clothes and shoes and took in a deep breath as I climbed into my car and drove to the beach. After I parked, I sat in my car and could feel my legs begin to shake. I needed to remember that I wasn’t doing this for me; I was doing it for a friend who needed support. I got out of my car and walked over to the spot where I saw Ben when Keaton and I went surfing. My palms were sweating and my heart was racing as I stood there and watched for him to pass by.
“Paisley?” I heard Ben’s voice from behind.
I turned around and looked at him. He had a smile on his face.
“Hi.”
“Hi. What are you doing here?”
“You asked me to go running with you, remember?”
He chuckled. “I did ask you, but you said you had to go to the office.”
“Forget what I said and forget the office. I’m here and anxiety is getting the best of me, so if we’re going to run together, we better do it now.”
Ben placed his hand on my shoulder. “Relax and take in a deep breath. You can do this.”
I gave him a nervous smile and we both started jogging down the path.
“I’m happy you changed your mind.” He smiled.
“Me too.”
The morning air was crisp and it felt exhilarating. Ben talked about his job, which led into a conversation about the hospital and then his wife, Amy. We must have run over five miles before he suddenly stopped. He tried to catch his breath and I could see the tears swell in his eyes. He didn’t need to say a word to me. I knew that expression too well. It was the same one I saw every day when I looked in the mirror.
“Not here, Ben,” I said as I took hold of his arm and led him over to an area by the beach where nobody else was.
“I’m sorry,” he said as he wiped his eyes. “I feel so stupid.”
“Please. Don’t apologize and don’t feel stupid. It’s me you’re talking to. Why didn’t you tell me what today was?”