Kyle never stopped staring down at me the entire time he made love to me. Thrusting in and out of me, he observed my soul with his eyes. He loved me, too. I was sure of it.
“I don’t want to get you pregnant,” he whispered when I began to moan, righting my hips with his.
“I can’t get pregnant, oh god, Kyle,”
“Why?” he asked, thrusting deep inside me, sending me toppling over.
“Ahhhhh, oh, yes, ahhh,” I called over and over while he brought me to bliss. Bliss I wanted from him for the rest of my life. Kyle held himself deep inside me and moaned, releasing his own pleasure deep inside my core. I panted, breathing in happiness for the first time in a very long time. I felt like I belonged. Truly belonged. Not like the artificial stuff I had tried to fake in the past. This was real. Kyle was real.
Kyle and I laid naked in each other’s arms while I explained why I would never have another baby. He couldn’t believe that I found a doctor that actually tied my tubes when I was twenty-three. Money talks. I don’t care what anyone says. I wasn’t about to chance it again, especially now that I had Abigail. Just like my own father, I was terrified of passing this disease onto another human being. I made sure that never happened. Kyle kissed my head often and traced my fingers with his. I fell asleep in his arms, happy and loving my life, hoping to god I could keep it together.
I don’t know if it was the new meds or the simple fact that I was finally home, but I slept. I slept better than I ever have. Sound and peaceful. No wind chimes, no Gia, and no voices. Quiet peace.
“You have a wake up now. My daddy say we need a eat a pana cake.”
I woke to the sweetest voice I’d ever heard in my life. She could wake me with that voice for the rest of my life and I’d die a happy girl.
“You wike pana cakes?”
“I do like pancakes. Do you like pancakes?” I asked sitting up. Wow. Ten am? I’ve never slept that late. I felt unfamiliarly rested.
“Can I brush my teeth first?” I asked, being pulled by my index finger.
“No, we have a wait. My teeth be all sticky. I have a eat a pana cake first.”
“Oh, that makes sense. You’re a very smart little girl.”
“Uh-huh, I is.”
“Good morning. I thought you were going to sleep all day. I couldn’t hold her off anymore. She needs pana cakes.”
“My belwy hungwy,” Abigail dramatically explained, lifting her little shirt.
“Mine, too. Let’s eat.”
Kyle stopped me by my hand, pulling me to him. “I’m glad you’re here.”
I smiled. “Me, too. I would kiss you, but I wasn’t allowed to brush my teeth.”
“You have to wait and brush the sticky syrup off,” he teased, kissing me anyway.
“See. Me teld you,” Abby boasted, sliding out her chair. I lifted her to her booster seat and sat beside her. “You can cut dis up?” she asked as her daddy set her smiley face pancake in front of her. I happily cut it up for her.
I love you. I read, spelled out in blueberries when Kyle set mine in front of me. I hated blueberries.
“What are you doing?” I asked Abigail, picking her smiley face blueberries from her plate and setting them to the side.
“I hate em,” she replied. I laughed so hard.
“I hate em, too,” I agreed, flipping my ‘I love you’ from the top of my pancake.
“Lila called. I answered your phone. Hope you don’t mind.”
“I don’t, but I forgot to tell you that Gia called, too.”
“I talked to her this morning.”
“Is she okay?”
“Yeah, Gianna’s tough. She’ll be fine.”
“Does she come here often?”
“No, not really. I used to force her to come before I’d give her any more money, but she promises that’s all changed, and she was getting her life together. Are you okay with her coming here? I mean if you decide to stay with us.”
“You can stay wif us,” Abby offered, taking a bite. I smiled, and moved her hair from the front to her back.
“I’m not okay with it yet, but I may be later. Right now I want to hate her. Can you give me that for a bit? Do you know about Mr. Nichols?”
“I do. We had a heart to heart when she was in the hospital. I don’t even know what to think about that.”
“He loves her. I could tell by the way they were around each other. I know it’s messed up, but so is this. Maybe he’s what she needs more than anything,” I presented, speaking more of the two of us than Gia. I didn’t want to think about Gia yet. I wanted to think about Abigail and that was it. “What did Lila say to you?”
Kyle laughed. “She asked me where you slept last night, then she said she was going to kill you.”
“Ugh. You told her? She’s is going to kill me. I promised.”
“I promised, too. I promised her that you would never purposely come off your meds again, and I promised to take care of you for the rest of my life, because I love you, Kenz. I love you so much, and I want you right here with me and our daughter. Forever.”
“I de daughter,” Abby informed me.
“Can we take it on day at a time? This is very new and foreign to me. I need to fly to Florida to tie up some loose ends.”
“I’ll go with you. When did you want to go?”
“You don’t have to do that. I need to go soon. I have no clothes. We didn’t really wear them while we were away with Mr. Nichols.”
“I still can’t believe that he did that. I wanted to call the cops as soon as Gia explained it to me.”
“We deserved it, Kyle. We took a lot more from him than he took from us, I’m sure of that.”
“Did he touch you?”
“No, not like that. He intended to, but after he got us there, I think we sort of threw him for a loop.”
“He didn’t know about your medication?”
“No, and I didn’t tell him. The first few days I was tied to a bed. That almost killed me. You know how alive I get when I stop taking them, but by the first week or so, I was just a zombie in a deranged mind. Half the time I didn’t even know where I was.”
“Did he touch, Gia?”
“Yes, I’m sure of it. I saw them the night I escaped, but he wasn’t forcing her. It was mutual. He really does love her, Kyle. He’ll take care of her.”
“Yeah, well maybe I better stay away from her for a bit, too. I don’t know how I feel about that yet. Let’s drive.”
“Drive where?”
“To get your things. We’ll take the truck and make a vacation out of it. I haven’t seen Mickey Mouse since you and Gia were seven.” I smiled, unable to hide my excitement.
“I see Mickey Mouse, too,” Abigail desired, wiping her sticky fingers down her shirt.
“For real, Kyle?”
“Yeah, why not? Lila thought it was a wonderful idea.”
“She did, huh?”
“Let’s do it.”
“Okay,” I agreed. I was going to Disney World with my family. I was going to witness the sparkle in Abby’s little eyes when she saw Cinderella.
If someone would have told me it was possible to be this happy, I would have said they were out of their mind. I was beyond happy, and for the first time in my life, I didn’t care what society thought about me, my relationship with my best friend’s dad, or the fact that I was medically crazy. They didn’t matter. This mattered. This right here.
McKenzie Perry was the only one who could break me, not the voices in my head, trying to prevent me from it. Nobody was going to keep me from here, from this life right here in nowhere Pennsylvania with my little family.
I didn’t need to be better than anyone else. I didn’t need to be the best I could be in a job I never wanted. I needed this right here. Running a little bait and tackle shop with Kyle, cruising the lake in his pontoon boat with my daughter, and going to bed in his arms every night was enough to keep me satisfied for the rest of my life. I loved him, and there was no
thing anyone was ever going to do to change that. I was home.
I should have turned and ran the day I walked into that school. I knew she was going to be bad news the moment our eyes locked. I just didn’t know how much trouble she would be. Nobody could fathom the things that happened to me. The night the cops came to my door and threw me to the floor, cuffing my hands behind my back, accusing me of rape, was illusory.
It had to be a mistake. I hadn’t even left my house. I wasn’t even near a back road. It wasn’t me. It had to be someone else. I remember sitting in that jail cell, worried sick. Not for my life, not for what this would do to my career or my family, but for Mack and Gia. Somebody hurt them. I didn’t understand why they were blaming me.
Sitting in that courtroom, listening to lie after lie left me sick beyond belief. Sentencing was surreal. Ten years of my life was gone in the blink of an eye. Just like that, evidence was stacked against me, and I couldn’t do a thing about it.
I spent the entire seven years, trying to get out on good behavior and plotting my revenge. It wasn’t until my parole that I got serious, careful to cover my tracks. As soon as my parole officer told me I was free to go, and I didn’t have to check in anymore, I set out on my long awaited adventure.
Mack was a little harder to trace than Gianna was. Luckily, her forwarded mail gave her away. Her building administrator stuck the hundred dollar bill right in her pocket, lips sealed.
Mack didn’t even fight me, not that I gave her much choice, Chloroform had that effect on people. I barely heard a peep out of her. At first I thought maybe she like overdosed on it or something, but now I think maybe in interacted with the medication that I didn’t know she was on.
I was planning on doing so much shit to this girl. She wasn’t going to know what hit her once I was finished. The only problem with that is, she already didn’t know who she was. She was on her period. I wasn’t expecting that. Of course, I used it to humiliate her. That didn’t really work either. I never knew there was anything wrong with her, she never once told me she needed her medication.
I guess in the end, it was good that she didn’t have it. I’m not sure what I would have done to her had she been of sound mind. When it came right down to it, I couldn’t do it. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t be the bastard I set out to be. I feel bad enough for my part in it as it is. I guess I just don’t have it in me to be a cold hearted, cruel bastard.
By the second day, she was constantly moving. I swear she didn’t sleep. I’m sure she didn’t sleep. Every time I checked on her, she was fidgeting, reciting the Declaration of Independence, (who the hell remembers that?) singing songs from high school, performing cheers from back in the day, and chanting nursery rhymes of all things. I was almost afraid of her.
By the third day of listening to her babble about shit that made no sense, I knew she was a little messed up. At first, I thought it was a ploy for me to let her go, but the wacky things she was saying could only come from someone with her disabilities. She was crazy in the head. For sure. And nobody went that many hours with no sleep. It was like she was on something. The third day was when she scared the hell out of me. I didn’t know if I should get her to a doctor or what the hell to do. She crashed. She crashed hard and slept for seventeen hours straight.
I tried to talk to Gia, ask her if there was something wrong with her, but she didn’t know. I couldn’t believe they didn’t stay in touch. After all they had done, after winning their falsified case, as close as they were, they lost touch. I didn’t understand it. They were inseparable in school. I was sure I would find them both working the same job, living side by side the way they always had.
I get that Gianna was pissed about her dad. I do. I, however, don’t get how she could set out to not only ruin me but also her best friend. I understand why me. I know how crazy teenage minds can be. I didn’t know how crazy mine could be. I couldn’t stay away from her. As wrong and as messed up as it was, I knew I was in love with Gianna after the first kiss. I was finished.
It had been a year since it all came out. I should have let it go, but I couldn’t. I had to tell her I was sorry. Gianna of course, didn’t understand this. She didn’t want me going to her. It was something I had to do, and it wasn’t going to rest until I did.
“Hello,” she answered. She sounded happy. I could hear the joy in her tone.
“McKenzie?”
“Yes?”
“Hi, it’s James.”
“Mr. Nichols. Hi, how are you?”
“I’m well. I was wondering if we could meet for lunch or something.”
“I’m in Pennsylvania.”
“I know. Gianna told me. I’ll come to you.”
“Okay, is there a problem?”
“No, not at all. This is a social visit,” I snickered, hoping she picked up on the playful tone.
“Okay, when?”
“Monday okay?”
“Sure. I’ll text you a place and a time. Is Gia coming?”
“Nah, I don’t think she’s quite ready for this yet.”
“Yeah, me either. Okay, I’ll see you in a couple days.”
Gianna and I argued the entire weekend. I tried to get her to come, too, go see her dad, her little sister, but she wouldn’t hear of it. The wounds were still too raw. Maybe someday, but not now. Gianna wasn’t ready to let her Mack back into her life just yet. I don’t know if it would have been different had she known the truth or not. I wasn’t telling her the truth. One more misconception may have been the straw that broke the camel’s back. I wasn’t going to be the one to break her. She was broken enough.
McKenzie didn’t come alone, not really. I sat inside the Denny’s restaurant and watched her open the back door of a truck and kiss her little girl. Kyle rolled down his window and kissed her next, holding her there for a last minute, warning talk, I presumed.
She looked absolutely gorgeous. I hadn’t seen McKenzie look that nice since high school. She was wearing skinny jeans with black boots, and a white, button up shirt. The rhinestone belt caught the sun and sparkled as she walked towards me. Her hair was still the shiny black she always wore and her light complexion was lightly covered with makeup.
I hugged her. I couldn’t help it. I was happy to see her this way. “You’re glowing. You look great, Mack.”
“Thank you. I am glowing. I’m extremely happy these days,” she smiled a perfect, white smile. It contagiously made me smile, too.
“I am so happy to hear that.”
“I’m glad you’re here, Mr. Nichols. I have been wanting to talk to you for months.”
“Are you ever going to stop calling me Mr. Nichols?” I teased.
“Probably not. It doesn’t sound right. You’re my teacher,” she teased.
“Can I get you something to drink?” our waitress interrupted.
“Iced tea please.”
“I’ll have the same.” I nodded. “Why did you want to see me?”
“I need to say I’m sorry for part in all this. I wish I would have told Gianna there was no way I was doing it. I should have put my foot down and not followed what Gianna wanted for once in my life. I let her talk me into crying rape after being with that guy at the club. Oh, I found out later he was Ray Bolton. Gianna and I had sex with the pitcher of the New York Yankees.”
I smiled. “Guys are pigs.”
“They are,” she laughed, sipping her tea.
We both ordered grilled chicken salads and continued our catching up.
“I can’t believe I am sitting here with McKenzie Perry, having an adult conversation like this.”
“You’re not,” she said, holding up her taken finger. She married the bastard. “This is not to be mentioned. Kyle hasn’t told Gianna yet. He was hoping to tell her at Christmas, but she didn’t come.”
“You got married?”
“Sort of. We just went to the courthouse. I know you can’t understand this, Mr. Nichols, but I’ve always loved Gianna’s dad. I’ve loved him si
nce way back when, before I even knew what the word meant. Kyle took care of me in more ways than you could imagine. I know Gianna felt second best a lot, but Gia didn’t really know me. Kyle did. Kyle has always known me.”
“Really, Mack? You think I’m going to judge you for who you love. I’m with his crazy daughter. No judging here. I’m happy for you. You deserve it, hence why I wanted to meet you. I need to apologize to you, too. I would have never taken you there had I known you were sick. So many things could have gone wrong.”
“But they didn’t. I think we all needed to be there. I think we were all broken and that was the beginning of the healing process, not the end of a lie.”
“You always were the smart one.” I weakly smiled at her. “Tell me about this little girl.”
“Oh my god, Mr. Nichols. She’s heaven, she’s the stars in the sky. She’s the shine in the moon. I can’t even tell you how much I love her.”
“I can see it.”
“She’s so smart and funny. She told Kyle he needed to fix the faucet this morning because it was dripping one drip for every five seconds. She’s four,” McKenzie laughed. She did love her. It was written all over her face and that made me very happy.
“Do you know?” I decided to ask.
“I do. Does Gia?” she countered, knowing what I was talking about.
“No. I don’t see the point in telling her that. Kyle was the only dad she ever knew, and I think maybe that secret is okay to keep buried.”
“Agreed.”
“Do you remember the night at the asylum when I was flipping out on you guys, talking about what I’d gone through in prison?”
“The bad part?” she asked, looking down.
“Yeah. I’m sure it was him.”
“Who?”
“Jerod Edwards. He was transferred there after about three years of my stay. Thank god he beat the hell out of someone and got moved again.”
“Gianna’s dad? He was the one that did that?”
“I didn’t know it at the time. They called him Shank behind bars. It wasn’t until he was gone that I found out his real name. I still didn’t put two and two together, not until I had the heart to heart with Kyle, that is.”