“And I changed back, but it was hard. The only other time I could resist the change was sometimes when I was living away from the Springs, and when I was pregnant with the boys.”
“No shifting for pregnant moms, huh?”
She shook her head. “It’d cause miscarriage. No idea why. But the first symptom of pregnancy for female shifters is an aversion to the shifting instinct. I felt it before I ever knew I was pregnant with either boy.”
“You just don’t want to?”
“No.” She shook her head. How to explain? “You want to, you just know you can’t. It’s very frustrating. By the time we deliver babies around here, we’re pretty bitchy.”
His mouth turned up at the corner. “Duly noted. I’ll have to look over all the files again. Talk to Ted and Jeremy…” He paused, took another sip of tea. “You probably don’t want to hear all this, though.”
“I’ll help with whatever I can. She was my grandmother.”
He nodded, watching her with an odd expression she couldn’t decipher. “The boys’ dad… you said he didn’t shift?”
The old wound ached, just a little. “It happens every now and then. It’s not common. If a child doesn’t shift, they always die young. Heart attack. Cancer. Stroke.”
“Their dad?”
“Brain cancer.” She kept blinking to suppress the tears. “Only took about five months.”
“Damn. But you knew? When you married him, you knew he was going to die young.”
Jena gave him a rueful laugh. “We both did. Tried to deny it. We ran away. Don’t know what we were thinking, but then, Lowell always hated it here, anyway. Hated being the only one of his cousins who was different. So we left. And in the back of my mind, I thought… maybe it would work. Maybe if we left the Springs, it wouldn’t get him. That we’d have more time.”
“How old was he?”
“Twenty-eight.”
“Wow. And you had two kids.”
She nodded. “He worried, but I knew… even if he was gone, I wanted to have a part of him. I was young, crazy in love. I was a baby myself when I had Low. Most of the women in my family wait until their thirties to have kids. I was barely out of high school.”
Caleb fell silent, sipping his tea again. “I’m glad you did.” His voice was hoarse. “They’re great kids, Jena. You’re lucky.”
“Not many would say that.”
“Then they’d be wrong.”
He was thinking about his family again. She could tell. Jena rose, took him by the hand, and led him back to the bedroom. “Don’t think you’re getting lucky, cowboy. You look ready to fall over. Just lay down for a nap.”
He sighed and let her lead him. “I’m exhausted. I don’t ever remember being exhausted like this before, not even in the middle of an investigation.”
“That’s normal, too.”
“You gonna tuck me in?”
She stifled the grin. Opportunistic, determined idiot. “You gonna behave?”
“Define ‘behave.’”
She chuckled and pushed him back on the bed, but he grabbed her hand and she tumbled after him.
“Hey!”
“Just lay down with me.” His voice was already sleepy. “I want to hold on to something right now.”
Her heart fluttered. “Anything? I can get a teddy bear from the house.”
Caleb nosed down into the curve of her neck. “You, Jena. I want to hold on to you.”
“Oh.” Flutters turned in to a warm melted twist in her stomach. She’d known he wanted her, but this… It felt like more than just wanting. “You’re pretty cuddly for a badass police officer.”
“Can I make a joke about going undercover right now or will you hit me?”
She couldn’t stop the laugh. “You’re shameless.”
“I know.” He sighed and nestled her into his body. Her back was to his chest and he had one leg thrown over hers. One long arm draped over her waist and his hand rested on her stomach. His other arm bunched under the pillow and tilted their heads together so his face was buried in her hair.
“So you’re a snuggler.”
“I’m a very modern man. In touch with my feelings and all that shit. Plus, you smell really good.”
“I think you’re getting in touch with more than your feelings there, Chief.”
He gave her hip an affectionate pat. “Shhh. Let the tired skinwalker sleep.”
She shivered at his words and he tensed.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“It’s just the name,” she whispered quickly. “It’s not you. You’re you, Caleb. And… that’s who I care about.”
His hand gripped her thigh a little harder, and she turned to look at him. As soon as their eyes met, he gave her the softest, sweetest smile she’d ever seen. “You fit, Jena Crowe,” he whispered. “Like the right pair of shoes.”
Then, he leaned over and kissed her. Soft and sweet, he kept kissing her until she felt his lashes flutter against her cheeks and his eyes closed. Then she tucked her head into the hollow of his shoulder and fell asleep.
The sun had set and the sky shown with brilliant reds and golds when she woke up. Caleb was sitting up in bed with her head resting against his thigh and his hand was playing with the ends of her hair as he stared out the window. As soon as he saw she was awake, he began speaking in a low voice.
“Charlie was my cousin. But… it’s not the same for Navajos. Not traditional ones like my grandmother, anyway. My mom was kind of the black sheep, getting knocked up by an Anglo guy, but the rest of her family, they were real traditional. When my dad took off, we went to live with them. I don’t remember anywhere else. My mom’s older sister was like another mother to me. Her husband, my Uncle Raymond, was like a father. And Charlie was their oldest son. We were about the same age. More brothers than cousins.”
She wondered if he had ever told this story to anyone. He looked raw. Exposed in a way that she never would have expected. “What happened?”
“I shot him. It was at a drug raid in the city.”
“Why was he there?”
“It’s a long story.”
“I have time.”
His hands stopped combing through her hair and he looked her in the eye. “You said you didn’t. Said you didn’t have time to date me. To get to know me.”
She had, hadn’t she? But it was an excuse. Just a way of locking away that part of herself she’d buried with Lowell when he died. And was that what he’d wanted for her?
“Then I’ll make time,” she whispered.
She’d say it again a hundred times if she could see him smile like that. He was a little boy who’d just been given the perfect present. The young man who won the baseball game. But then his smile fell.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
He took a deep breath. “It happened when we were kids. Charlie’s little sister Beth was playing away from the house. Don’t know exactly where, maybe over by the sheep corrals. But she disappeared. It probably seems horrible to you, but we didn’t notice for a while. She was always wandering off and it wasn’t like anywhere else. We all just assumed she was safe.”
“But she wasn’t.” Jena’s heart filled with dread.
“No. We noticed by dinnertime, and they found her body the next day out in the desert. No one would tell any of us what happened to her. To this day, I don’t know. I don’t even know if my uncle does.”
“What did the police say?”
“Nothing.” She frowned and he continued. “You can’t touch a dead body, Jena. You can’t be in the same room with it or touch anything that touches it. If someone dies in a house, you leave the house and never return to it. You burn it, sometimes. My Uncle Raymond brought her body into the house and we left. We weren’t allowed to see her. They dug the grave and buried her, and when the tribal police came by, they said she was killed by a coyote. My uncle knew them, so they accepted it. They burned the house. They built a new one that
she’d never been in before. And Charlie and I never knew what happened.”
“How old were you?”
“About Low’s age. And I hated them for lying to the cops. Because I could tell they were lying. But they had buried the evidence. Burned the house. Would never tell anyone where they’d found her body. And I hated them for it. In my gut, I knew it wasn’t a natural death, but Beth had no justice. So when my mom remarried and left for the city, I went with her, even though my grandmother and my aunt and uncle and Charlie begged me to stay.”
“And you became a police officer. Who had to touch dead bodies as part of your duties.”
“My own personal rebellion. I about puked the first time I had to guard a scene. Just an old man who’d died from a heart attack, but I had to stand in the same room with him for hours while they did everything. I thought I was going to pass out. I went home and showered until the water was freezing cold. Rubbed my skin raw.”
“But you conquered it.”
“I did.” He heaved a giant sigh and pulled her up to sit next to him. “I did. And the longer I did it, the more evil my grandmother said I’d become. She’s not the most rational person anymore. Part of it was old age, but part of her… she really thinks that. No one understood. Except maybe Charlie. But he’d gotten so messed up by then it was pretty bad.”
“Drugs?”
Caleb nodded. “Drugs. Drinking. Stealing. Vandalism. He never hurt anyone that I knew of until…”
“He pointed a gun at you.”
“At my men,” he whispered. “At the men I’d sent in. Fellow officers. Guys just trying to get home to their families. I saw him. I knew it was him. I didn’t even know he’d been working for them.”
“You couldn’t have known.”
“I shot him the minute he lifted a gun in their direction.” His voice was hollow. “I could see the look on his face. He wanted to die, and I shot him.”
Jena sniffed and buried her face in Caleb’s neck. “I’m so sorry.”
“They hate me. All my mother’s family. Well, maybe not my cousin Steph. She’s not so superstitious.”
“Are you sure they really hate you?” Jena had a feeling that Devin was right. The person who hated Caleb Gilbert the most was Caleb, not his family.
“They won’t have anything to do with me. I’m the one who touched dead bodies and refuses the sings that would bring him back in harmony.” He paused, frowning. “It’s not that I don’t respect their beliefs, it’s just that, if I agree to do the ceremonies, it’s like I’m agreeing that the work I was doing—solving crimes, standing up for the dead—was wrong somehow. And I refuse to believe that. I’ve made my peace with it. It doesn’t matter what they think. Not really. I have my mom and stepdad, who are both pretty great. A half-sister, but she’s a lot younger. Mostly, it’s just me.”
“I think…” What did she think? He was so much more than who she’d thought he was. Darker? Yes, a lot more dark corners. But he still managed to smile. Still managed to make a little boy laugh and stand as a witness for an old woman when no one else would back him up. “I think you’re an amazing man, Caleb Gilbert. And I’m proud to know you. And call you a friend.”
“Hmm. Just a friend?”
She knew she was blushing. “For now.”
A slow smile spread over his face. “A friend you kiss. I’m making progress.”
Jena rolled her eyes and tried to scoot away from him. “I have to get home, Caleb. It’s late.”
“Stay. I promise I’ll behave.”
“Behave how?”
He grinned. “Caught that one, did you?”
“Uh-huh.” She scooted away again and he let her. “I don’t want to be gone when my boys wake up in the morning.”
He sighed and rolled off the bed. “Okay.” They walked out the door and down the steps. Caleb placed a hand around her waist, holding on to her even as she walked away. “Hey, Jena.”
She turned. “Yeah?”
“Thanks. For listening.” He bent down. Slowly inching his way toward her lips. “For the tea.” A soft brush against her lips that brought a flush to her cheeks and started her blood humming. “For explaining about all the crazy shifter stuff. For making the time.”
She melted against him. “You’re—”
He cut her off with his mouth. Jena sighed and wrapped her arms around his waist. Oh, he was gonna eat her alive and she’d die happy. Caleb pushed her lips open and curled his tongue around hers. Turning and twisting her inside out as his hands ran down her back, over her hips, and down to cup her backside and push her flush into him.
It wasn’t like the sweet, slow kisses they’d shared before sleeping. Caleb’s lips were a scorching brand on her skin. Claiming. Marking. She pulled away with a gasp.
“Caleb!”
He grabbed her hair at the nape of her neck, running his hand through it and tilting her head back to press his lips to her neck. He pulled and bit at the skin, snaking his tongue up until his lips tugged at her earlobe and his teeth gave a little nip.
“Oh,” she breathed out. “Stop. I have to—”
“Go,” he panted. “I know. I just wanted to make sure you realized something.”
“Yeah?”
He pulled back and reached a hand down to give her bottom a quick pat. He grinned when she yelped. “I can be patient, but I’m not finished with you by a long shot.”
“You—”
“Night!” He lifted a hand to wave toward the house. “Hi there, Cathy!”
Jena whirled around to see absolutely no one in the yard. Then the door slammed and she could hear Caleb laughing his ass off inside. She turned and stomped toward the house.
“Stupid, idiotic male.”
She was in so much trouble.
Chapter Sixteen
A week later, Caleb was making faces in the mirror. Literally. He’d discovered through trial and error that thinking about other people and concentrating on getting in their mind would transform his face and body at will. He still had the feeling his body was changing in the night during sleep. Most mornings, he ached as if he’d been lifting weights after sitting for way too long. The nausea that went with it seemed to be under control—or better, at least. The weirdness of being able to change faces? Well, that was going to linger a little longer, if he had to guess.
Ted came by and Caleb reluctantly agreed to a short physical, just to check that his body was as normal as possible. He was impressed with the woman’s professionalism. She also appeared completely nonplussed about the fact that he turned into other people. Score one for the good doctor. Jena’s other friend, Allie, also came by bearing a pot of soup and two frozen casseroles that took up most of his small freezer and promised to keep him from total starvation. If he didn’t like Jena so much already, he might have fallen for her just for her friends.
After three days of hiding in his trailer, Caleb decided if he was going to join the weird supernatural world of Cambio Springs, where people turned into wolves, lizards, birds, and bears, he wasn’t going to be the only one who couldn’t control his abilities. If he was going to be cursed with some weird shapeshifter thing from drinking the damn spring water, he might as well get good at it. He couldn’t stand doing things half-assed.
He tried to approach it from a professional standpoint. It wasn’t really all that much different than getting inside the head of a suspect to understand their motivations. Only, this time, he actually became the person he was trying to understand. The first few times, he upchucked every time he looked in his mirror and saw a different face. Then he shifted back and the nausea struck again. He’d probably lost a good five pounds over the week from not being able to keep anything down. But eventually, he’d gotten a handle on the nausea. And the shifting seemed to happen with less effort. By the end of the week… well, really weird and creepy was turning into more than a little cool.
There was a hard knock at the door. Caleb looked away from the mirror and felt his face tilt back towa
rd the familiar before he went to answer it. Other than Jena—who had come by to give him more tea—and her two friends, he’d been a bit of a hermit. He’d talked to Jeremy on the phone, but—predictably—nothing was happening at the station, so the time off didn’t seem like a big deal.
When he opened the door, Tom was standing next to a giant box with Ollie at his back.
“Hey. New AC came in for your trailer. You mind?”
“Not at all.” He’d been dying without the cool air. Caleb stepped aside and let the two men in. The trailer, once comfortably snug, suddenly seemed claustrophobic with the presence of the two burly men. Ollie gave him a nod as he stood to the side and let Tom examine the unit.
“Chief.”
“Hey, Ollie. How’s it going?”
“It’s going. Not much happening. Fall’s always kind of dead at the bar.” Ollie was staring at him with a detached kind of curiosity. Caleb started to get annoyed. He began to search his mind for what he knew about the man.
Tough, but quiet. He was a bear. Loyal. Family-oriented. Fierce when provoked…
He felt his face slip into the mirror image of the man across from him. His sweatpants and T-shirt bulged as he shot up six inches in height.
“Want a beer?” he said in a slightly deeper voice.
“Holy shit!” Ollie jerked back so hard he slammed his head on the ceiling. “Holy—I didn’t really believe them! What the—?”
“Watch your language.” He nodded toward the Mason jar on the counter. “Jena made me start a swear jar.”
He heard Tom snort as he poked around the air-conditioner mounted in the center of the kitchen. “Ollie boy, one of us is going to have to get up on the roof to get this done. The thing’s just—are you even listening to me?”
“Nope, Tom. Still kinda watching the weird guy who just turned into me. Caleb, I’m gonna say yes to that beer now.”
He let his body relax back into itself and reached for the fridge, pulling out three longnecks to hand to the other men and opening one for himself. “Hey, at least I stay human. A bear? Really?”
Ollie shrugged massive shoulders. “Is it really all that surprising?”