"Ilyan, about Maiga." Here goes. Stupid maybe, but here goes. He deserves to know the truth. Better now, so he can deal with it before things, as he says, come to a head. "Do you... do you really trust her?"
Ilyan looked at me puzzled. "I trust her with my life."
"Right." What about with your heart? I wanted to say. Didn't say. "And Tesla. Do you trust him?"
His face flushed dark and he stopped walking, swung around to face me. He's not a fool; he got the hint right off.
"What are you implying, Sergeant?"
"Look, Ilyan," I said, stopping too. "I hate to have to say this, I hope it's not true, but you deserve to -"
"Spit it out, man!" The officer snap came through in his voice and my spine straightened involuntarily.
"I think Maiga and Tesla are..." I hesitated, not wanting to be vulgar. "I think they're sleeping together."
For a second I thought he would hit me. He took two quick steps towards me and I flinched back a little. Not afraid of him physically, I just didn't want Ilyan to hit me, because of what would change between us if he did. But he regained control and spoke instead. His blue eyes blazed and his face had turned pale.
"Do you have any evidence?" His haughty voice chilled me.
"No," I admitted. "Not what you'd call hard evidence. I just, well, things I've seen, a feeling I have."
"So because you have a feeling you are accusing my lover and my closest friend of deceiving me?" He almost spat the words, anger replacing the haughtiness in his voice. I'd never heard him speak in such a harsh tone.
"I shouldn't have mentioned it." I looked away, ashamed. He was right. I had no evidence. A feeling? A feeling of what exactly? Paranoia? Jealousy? I'll admit it felt like he'd punched me in the gut when he called Tesla his 'closest friend'. And that was so fucking stupid. He'd known Tes for years; he'd only known me a few months. And him and Tesla were the same type of man. Intelligent, sophisticated. Me? Just a grunt who thought with his gut and his cock first and only last with his brain.
I glanced back at him as he moved. He turned away from me, stood with arms folded, his shoulders high and tense. For a few moments he fumed silently.
"I'll thank you not to raise this subject again," he said at last, his voice still cold, but also trembling a tiny bit.
"I won't. I'm sorry." That last's no lie. I'd made a stupid mistake, stupid. You don't interfere between a man and his woman. That's a basic rule. And I'd broken it and, as I should have known would happen, he'd turned around and taken lumps out of me. Had I really believed he'd thank me for telling him?
"Your job, Sergeant, is to protect me physically." He still had his back turned to me. "Please remember that your remit does not extend to any part of my personal life."
Speaking of having lumps taken out of me, that's bigger than the one that left the scar on my side.
"Aren't I part of your personal life?" I bit my tongue after I said it. What the hell did that even mean? He swung around, looking surprised, the anger draining from his face.
"Sorry," I said, almost grunted. "Better get back, we'll have to make a move ASAP."
I turned away before he could speak and started to stride back towards our camp. After a moment I heard him following me.
I remembered back to Hollow Jimmy and to thinking that if I could meet myself I'd beat the crap out of me. Well after this I could add slapping myself silly for the making of basic errors. The pair of us, me and myself would have a damned lively time of it.
Chapter 22
I woke sweating and panting as it screamed out of the sky. Reality came back slowly, reluctantly. I had to grab for it. I'm lying on the ground, I told myself, not running through the long grass, looking for revenge, looking for blood.
I sat up and hugged myself, hands on my arms, feeling the heavy muscles there. The large hands and heavy muscles of a grown man. Not the small hands and frail arms of a child. Of a boy still too small and weak to take the revenge he thirsted for.
Finally I got my head back to reality and saw Esha watching me, while everyone else slept. Now who the fuck put the ninja on guard? Especially that one. I sat up and shoved the blanket away. Too damn hot.
"Do you dream of the people you've killed?" Esha asked me.
"Shut up."
I glanced around making sure everyone else was okay and not, for example, murdered in their sleep by the soup sandwich or her wacko buddy.
"I've killed sixteen people," Esha went on conversationally. "Humans I mean. I don't count the aliens as people."
"You're sick."
I wanted the dark. I wanted the blanket of night to conceal me. Ilyan hadn't spoken to me all day. I wanted to hide in the darkness. My hands stung and I looked down at them, expecting to see grazes and torn fingernails and blood, but found them clean and unmarked.
"Do you think we're going back to Earth next?" Esha asked. I really needed her to be quiet.
"Which part of 'shut up' didn't you understand?" I snarled.
She shrugged and finally did shut up.
I stood up and walked to the perimeter of the camp. I looked up into the blue sky that I'd become sick to death of. I wanted the sky to be black. I wanted to see the stars. I wanted to be able to pretend I could pick out Earth.
I wanted to go home.
****
I didn't like it. Too many doors to cover. Four of them for fuck's sake. How many damn doors does one room need?
We'd found the hospital and started talking to the medical staff first. They all wanted to hear what Ilyan had to say, but I wished they'd chosen a different location. The hospital wasn't a prefab unit, but rather a municipal looking building the medics had taken over. Ilyan had given his speech in a small auditorium, which had been the perfect place for it. But now my people and the medics all stood around chatting as if they were at a damn cocktail party.
I prowled around after Ilyan, mostly ignored by everyone and glowering at anyone I didn't like the look of. Right now that included pretty much one hundred percent of everybody.
Keeping an eye on the four doors did my head in. I had backup from Rish of course, who stuck as close to Tesla as I did to Ilyan, even when Tesla said "excuse me" and headed out, presumably to take a piss. Rish followed him and Tesla scowled at him. But Rish had his orders and marines were good at those.
I turned my attention back to Ilyan. The medics had stopped asking him questions about the prophecy, everyone knew all about that now. They'd turned to talking about the rumours flying around on the networks. And they all asked Ilyan about his next move. Of course he wouldn't confirm anything, just talked about considering several options.
I saw him glance around and frown at one point before he turned back to the medics. I looked around too. Well now, there's a thing. Tesla and Rish hadn't come back yet and now Maiga wasn't in the room either. But Maiga and Tesla couldn't get together with Rish around, surely. He said he'd seen nothing suspicious.
Unless they were paying him off. The thought occurred to me suddenly and a rush of anger made me growl in the back of my throat. Dammit, that could be it. Or it could just be a case of the officers all looking out for each other. Probably laughing about a dumb grunt like me thinking he could catch them out.
Well maybe I could, maybe now I could get the proof Ilyan demanded of me earlier. I made a quick gesture and brought Vim and Jia over to me.
"Watch Ilyan for me," I said. "I need to go check something." They nodded, serious looks on their faces, and took up position behind him. Ilyan glanced over his shoulder at me as I moved away but didn't speak as I left the room.
****
I'd gone out of the same door I'd seen Tesla leave by. This part of the building looked unused, and the windows, smashed by whatever fighting had gone on here, had been boarded up, leaving the place dark. But somewhere ahead a light glowed dimly.
I took out my small flashlight and moved slowly through the corridors, making sure to memorise my route so I could find my way back. I passed
a dark staircase and noted it when I heard a sound. A groan. I froze and listened again. It came from under the bottom flight of the staircase, a little cave of deep darkness formed there. I shone the flashlight in that direction saw a foot sticking out from under the flight of steps.
"What the hell?" I ran into the black space and gasped when I shone the flashlight down. "Rish!" He lay on his back, blood pooled on the floor around him. His dark hands clutched at his belly and blood ran over the fingers. I knelt down beside him. He was still breathing, in shuddering gasps, staring up at me, his eyes hazy with shock. His dark skin had gone grey, sweat pouring off it. "Hang on, man, I'll get you some help."
But he grabbed at my arm as I started to rise. He had no strength in his hand, but made me stay kneeling by him nevertheless. I clasped his bloodied hand in my free hand.
"Tesla," he gasped out.
"I'll find him." I tried to reassure him. "I'll make sure he's okay." Typical of Rish that he'd be thinking of his charge and not himself right now. And in that moment I wished that I'd taken the time to know him better, because now he had no more time.
"No." Rish gasped. "He's--"
A yell interrupted him, making me look up. High pitched. A woman. Maiga? I looked back down at Rish when I felt his hand in mine convulse once and then go limp. His eyes went blank. I let go his hand and swept my hand over his face to close his eyes. I stood up. The yell came again. Definitely Maiga. I could hear other voices too. I pulled out my radio, spoke into it quiet but urgent.
"Vim, Jia, do you read?" No reply. "Tanashi? Diliph?" Still nothing. "Ilyan?" I started to feel very cold. "If anyone can hear, we are under attack. Get Ilyan out now."
I shoved the radio back in a pocket. Probably being jammed. I drew my pistol and flicked off the safety. The yell hadn't been far off, down the corridor and a left. I glided there, as silent as one of the ninjas, paused at the corner and poked my head around.
A group of them, a few meters away. Special Ops bastards by the looks of them. Dressed all in black, but bulky with equipment and weapons, unlike the ninjas. Right in the middle of them Maiga made a nuisance of herself, fighting fiercely.
"Someone put her the fuck down!" one of the Special Ops boys ordered.
Yeah, do it, because once she's on the floor then I'll take all your fucking heads right off. I started to bring up my pistol, wishing I had my rifle, when a shout came from behind me. Not yelling at me, a yell of warning to the bastards. I spun and fired even as a dark shape charged me. He hit me and we went down, sliding into full view of the others. He was on top, but didn't move. Dead weight. I felt his blood soak into my clothes. I shoved him off and rolled away, back into cover.
"Jadeth!" Maiga yelled, must have seen me before I moved out of view. "Protect Ilyan!"
No mistaking her tone. Direct order. Forget her. Protect Ilyan. I took the order. I scrambled up and ran. Rounds and pulse fire hit the wall but didn't hit me. I heard Maiga scream and heard the scream abruptly cut off. I ran, back the way I'd come, past the stairway, past Rish's body.
Gunfire chased me. Scorched the wall the floor and then my left leg buckled, exploding with burning pain just above the knee. I went down, yelling, sliding. I turned the slide to my advantage and slid right around the next bend.
No time for the pain. Not now. My breath came in sobs as I climbed back to my feet. Impossible, my leg wanted to insist, can't walk. Can't walk? Run instead.
No breath for yelling, just for running, for bursting through the door of the room where I'd left Ilyan. Left him unprotected, alone, unawares.
"Under attack," I gasped, as I staggered in. Shocked, concerned people tried to grab me, but I pushed them away.
Ilyan. I couldn't see anyone else. He stood on the raised dais still. Couldn't be a better target, tall above the rest of the people. I had to reach him, get him out, keep him safe.
"Protect Ilyan." My head rang with her order. My order. My life.
I couldn't see anything but Ilyan, but I could hear the screams when the gunfire started. Ilyan looked around wildly. Vim and Jia pressed close to him, protecting him with their bodies. Vimal's chest turned red. He fell.
Ilyan pushed Jia away, stopping her shielding him, as if he could save her from Vimal's fate. His eyes locked on me as I struggled to reach him, clawing through the pain that tried to drag me to the ground.
No more than a meter away, then half that. I could reach out and touch him...
A shot shoved him away from me. He staggered backwards, grabbing at the blood that started to flow from the wound in his gut. The edge of the dais tripped him and he fell down the two steps and hit the floor on his back.
I fell too as I reached him, collapsing half on top of him. The screams around me faded away. I don't know if they had stopped, if everyone had died already, but I couldn't hear them any more. A thin red stream of blood ran from Ilyan's mouth, ran over his face, into his hair. He coughed and spat more blood up. His breath rattled in his throat.
I had to tell him. Before his eyes closed. He had to know.
"Ilyan, I was wrong." I hoped desperately that he could hear me. "Maiga never betrayed you. I was wrong." It could have been a lie. No evidence either way and now I'd never know. But in my mind I heard Maiga's order again. "Protect Ilyan." Only one way left to do that now.
The blue eyes that fixed on me had never been more like the sky. I could hear the sky screaming, see gold and blood raining down. The sky looked into my eyes.
"Jadeth..." I had to lean very close to hear the weak whisper. "Thank you."
Blue faded. Blue light gone grey. Everything became grey. Empty. Then grey darkened to black as my head slumped to the floor beside his. A voice, nearby, somewhere above me. Something, a boot, nudged my side.
"This one's still alive."
Then I felt nothing and I welcomed the darkness.
The sky is empty.
Chapter 23
Twelve years old. I lay in the long grass and watched a frog that sat on a rock beside the stream. I'd had my eye on that frog for over half an hour now. It was coming home with me, back to the school barracks. I hadn't decided exactly what I'd do with it there, though the possibility of putting it into the air vents that served the instructor's bedrooms had occurred to me.
The early afternoon sun beat down on my back and head. I should have brought out a hat with me. Could my brain boil inside my skull? Sweat beaded on my back between my shoulder blades but I ignored both the prickle of that and the idea of my brain boiling and lay completely still, not wanting to scare away the frog. This must be how it felt to be a cat, lying in ambush. I recalled the instructor explaining the point of drill to us and now I understood it. Total discipline. Total control of your body.
The frog also stayed perfectly still. Could it be asleep? Did frogs sleep? Well of course they did, everything slept. Except the Chiamajan. We'd learnt that in class. Nothing on that planet slept. How strange is that? No sleep. No dreams. I'd hate not to dream. I still sometimes dreamt of my mother, but not often now. Her face had grown misty, her voice faded. Lately I seemed to dream about girls a lot. And almost every night I dreamt about the sky.
A call sharp as a talon, high above, made me roll over and look up into the sky, shading my eyes from the sun. I heard something plop into the water and swore. I just scared off the frog. So much for discipline.
There! I saw it, dark against the bright blue sky, circling lazily, just a flick of a wing now and again, as it floated on the air. A good day for it today. The heat rising from the baking ground made thermals to ride, saving all its strength for that screaming dive into the grass, stooping on some hapless rabbit or rodent. Grace and strength united within it. I'd never loved anything more than I loved the eagle.
The shot took it as I lay watching. A single crack and the eagle staggered in the sky. Then it was hurtling to the ground, not in a controlled deadly dive but pin wheeling in a graceless plunge, screaming. Screaming. No, it didn't scream. I screamed. I jumped to my
feet, screaming.
I ran. Insane, wild, towards where the shot had come from. I heard voices and laughter and I burst through the tall grass to find a bunch of older kids, boys and girls, fifteen, sixteen year olds sitting and standing around. They all carried their training rifles.
"Why did you do that?" I yelled. Shrieked really. I hated my voice. Still so high. A child's voice.
They stared at me, then looked at each other and laughed.
"Why?" I demanded again. "WHY?" I knew I had tears on my face and my tears made them laugh even more. Stupid snivelling little boy.
"Target practice," one boy drawled and grinned. A big boy, broad shouldered and already six feet tall. He pointed the gun at me and shouted, "bang!" They all laughed again.
I screamed my rage and pain as I flew at him, wanting his blood, neither his gun nor his size deterring me. But I was a child and he was nearly a grown man. He lowered his rifle and when I got close he swatted me aside with one hand, knocking me right off my feet. I fell down into the grass, but scrambled up straight away to go after him again. Two of the other boys grabbed my arms.
"Hey, leave him alone," one of the girls said. "He's just a little kid."
I hated her for being right. I hated myself for not being as strong as them. For still having narrow shoulders and skinny arms. I wanted the strength to make them pay for what they did.
I bit the hand of one of the boys holding me and he swore and smacked me around the head. The boy on the other side I kicked in the shins and he let go too. I ran. Ran and ran, the tears streaming now. They didn't come after me, didn't bother wasting their time on a stupid little kid. They yelled a few threats but their voices soon faded.
I had to find the eagle. Could it still be alive? Don't be stupid, Jadeth. After the shot and the fall? I stopped running, stood panting and looked around, tried to orient myself. I scrubbed the back of my hand across my face. Where had it landed? For the first time I noticed how every part of the meadow looked like every other part. Only the occasional BFR - I stopped in my thoughts, spoke aloud.
"Big fucking rock."
Only the occasional big fucking rock distinguished one place from another.