Just like Ramon.
And he’s not coming back.
No matter how hard I wish.
I just can’t think about dying without feeling sick to my stomach. I know it’s the circle of life, but it’s also a terrible weight to carry around, especially for a young person. I’m hoping when I’m super-old and have knees that don’t work right, everything will make more sense. But even if a person is really religious and believes there’s a plan all laid out for the future, at any age there’s just a lot of unknown ahead.
Thinking about this feels like being blindfolded.
FIVE
The first day of Wizard of Oz rehearsal we were given a schedule.
We’ll be practicing Monday through Friday in the afternoons at two p.m. and then on Saturday in the morning at ten a.m. We will get Sunday off.
So this is like having a real job!
But not getting paid.
I think that makes it an unpaid internship.
I once heard Echo Freeman say that internships are important to help get into college. She’s two years older than me and I have no idea what she was talking about. I would have asked her but since her name is Echo, I know she doesn’t like to repeat herself.
I take the schedule that’s been pinned up to the bulletin board by the back door, and I glue it into my scrapbook. We have two of these pieces of paper since Randy is also in the play. I put the schedule on the page right after the tooth.
At our first play practice we also got pages with the words of the songs we will perform. These are the lyrics. “Lyric” is a great word. It sounds happy.
Shawn Barr says he’s also going to teach us to move. Of course all of us know how to get from one place to another, but that’s not what he was talking about.
He said: “Movement is critical in acting. A performance is shaped in the curve of a baby finger. It can be seen in the angle of your shoulder.”
Up until Shawn told us this important fact, I had never once thought about how I hold my fingers or aim my shoulders. Shawn went on to explain: “Your body is your instrument.”
I’ve had trouble with musical instruments in the past but I love the way this sounds. Later when I went to the bathroom during break, I repeated it to a woman who was in there washing her hands, and she let me know that it was a famous quote.
So Shawn Barr didn’t make it up—big deal. He’s the first person who said it to me, and that’s what matters.
I’m thinking now that what’s holding us together, and by “us” I mean the forty Munchkins, is our bodies. We are all small people. Olive and Quincy and Larry will always be that way. The rest of us are kids, so the thinking is we will grow.
Shawn Barr says that the way we move tells the world who we are.
We are small people but we will not move small. I’m not sure what he means, but we have a lot of rehearsal ahead of us, so we can figure it out.
So far he hasn’t used the word “short” even once. He tells us that many comics have a signature walk. He then shows us how someone named Charlie Chaplin moved. It’s something to see.
I’ve decided to really pay attention to how people are moving now that Shawn Barr has taught us that it’s important. I will be watching what’s called body language in everyone around me, especially my mom and dad.
I think my mom moves in a way that says she’s always looking. Even when she’s doing a lot of nothing, she sees all kinds of things. This isn’t just because she’s in charge of the garden stuff at Home Depot and so she has a lot in front of her. She looks around even when she’s in a parking lot.
This makes me realize that my dad moves in a much more controlled way than my mom. He sort of marches from one place to another, looking straight ahead the whole time. His ankles make a clicking sound when he walks. It’s not what I would call a crack, but it’s close. His walking tells me that he’s not as big of a dreamer.
Dad works in insurance at the medical center. It’s an important job, but I wouldn’t want to do it. He says the word “coverage” a lot. Also, he can’t help but talk about risks. He has to settle tons of claims, so he knows what’s dangerous, which turns out to be just about everything.
My big brother Tim’s body language says he’s got ants in his pants. He’s always jiggling something. Even his eyebrows can sometimes go up and down for no reason. When he’s sitting, his feet move in a way that’s close to a twitch. His hands move too. If he’s watching TV or eating a cheese sandwich with spicy mustard, he usually has a pen in his hands and he’s drawing. His pictures are of people with ears like elephants and eyes with stars in the center.
I heard Grandma Mittens say that Tim is an original thinker. He’s her favorite because he’s firstborn, so I’m guessing she believes his being fidgety is special.
Randy is still a little kid, so I don’t think his movement counts for that much, no matter what Shawn Barr tells us.
Randy once jumped off the garage when Marla Weiss came over to the house. He said he could fly and she then called him a liar. Randy shouted, “I’m not a liar!” I was minding my own business at the backyard picnic table, but I heard the whole thing. Of course Randy’s shouting was a dead giveaway that he was lying, but he got a ladder and climbed to the roof of the garage.
I only looked up because Ramon started barking. He was our first responder, but a lot of times it was only to say a squirrel was on the grass.
Before I could do anything, Randy flung himself off the edge of the roof and out into the air. He was flapping his arms, but they didn’t do anything. He fell straight to the ground. He landed hard and screamed in a really scary way.
Right after he hit the dirt he looked up at Marla, tears just spilling out everywhere, and he said, “See! I told you I could fly.”
Ramon was really barking at that point.
This all happened on a weekend, so my parents were home from work. Dad put ice on Randy’s leg and my mom got him a bowl of ice cream. Marla and me were also given ice cream, because it wouldn’t be fair to have us just stare at him while he ate. Then later he was allowed to watch a lot of daytime TV, which Mom and Dad say is bad for you if you’re not sick.
On Monday he was still hopping around on one foot and being all whimpery, so Mom took him to the doctor. That’s when they found out he had a fractured ankle. Once that happened I got yelled at for not stopping him from going up the ladder, but I’ve never been able to control what he does.
I’m thinking that Randy’s movements are sort of like a noodle. He bends in different directions and doesn’t care if people are watching. He seems sure of himself. It’s possible there’s some magical thinking going on inside, which is why Mom says that Grandma Mittens has to hear the Dodgers play on the radio.
If she’s not listening, they can’t win.
She says it’s a real burden.
I think I move always hoping I don’t leave footprints.
SIX
It’s the second rehearsal and Shawn Barr is very fidgety.
His body is telling me he wants to get started.
He’s not wearing his orange jumpsuit. He has on black stretchy pants and a white shirt with a collar. It’s an interesting look. I’m going to watch everything he does closely because the best way to learn is by copying. They call it example. You don’t have to do any research, you just pay attention.
Once the last kid arrives, Shawn Barr starts by having us take seats, and then the Woman with the Clipboard lowers the lights. We look onto the back wall of the stage, which is white and so it’s like a screen, and the movie The Wizard of Oz comes on right at the part where the house falls out of the sky into Oz.
There is no sound, which is too bad, because I love the movie, and right away I forget that I’m at rehearsal. I wish I’d brought a sweater so that I could roll it up into a pillow and get really comfortable.
Shawn Ba
rr says, “We are watching without the sound because I want you to pay close attention to the movement of the actors.”
I think I could watch and listen at the same time, but I guess he knows what he’s doing.
After we see all the Munchkin parts of the movie, Shawn Barr says, “I hope you were inspired by what you just witnessed.”
I can’t help it and I blurt out, “We were! And we could watch even more if that would help.”
A few of the kids give me dirty looks, but Quincy and Larry sort of laugh. I wasn’t trying to be funny.
The next thing to happen is that Shawn Barr says, “We are not going to copy every step that was done in the film version. We will make it our own. However, we are motivated by the magic that came before us.”
That sounds good to me.
“Performers, I’d like you to now each pick a rehearsal partner. This is someone to work with on the choreography.”
It’s like we’re all on a field trip. There are a lot of Munchkins, and someone could get lost without anyone else knowing. Sammy Sugerman was left in the bathroom when my grade went on the tour of the Dryer’s Ice Cream factory two years ago. These things happen if you aren’t looking out for each other. But Sammy said she got a second cone while she waited in the office for the people in charge to call the school, so I wish I’d gotten lost with her.
Shawn Barr says, “Don’t be shy. Find a partner.”
Maybe the right thing to do would be to pick my little brother. We live in the same house. We drive here in the same car. We have plenty of time to go over things together.
But forget that. This rehearsal partner situation is a chance to get to know someone new.
I’m happy to see that Randy feels the same way, because he walks to a group of boys sitting by the piano.
I head straight to Olive.
Except I’m not the only one who wants to be her partner. Larry and Quincy are both trying for the honor. They are in the middle of some kind of argument when I show up at Olive’s side.
I tap her on the shoulder and offer to be her partner. I say, “I’m Julia Marks. I’m actually two years older than most people think because I’m . . . not tall. I don’t use the S word. I just want you to know that, because I’m more interesting than I look.”
Larry and Quincy stop arguing, only it’s too late.
Olive smiles as she says, “Julia, that would be terrific.” She puts her arm around my shoulder.
We are the same size.
I say, “Perfect.”
Larry and Quincy stare at me not in a good way. But Olive ignores them. The two men have no choice now but to partner up.
They don’t look very happy about it.
A few minutes later, everyone has found someone and Shawn Barr is ready for us to stop talking. He claps his hands one time in a single whack. It’s loud and we get silent.
Shawn Barr says, “We’ll start with mirror exercises.”
I look around, but I don’t see any mirrors. There was one leaning against the wall yesterday, but it’s gone.
He continues, “This doesn’t mean standing in front of a mirror. It means that you will face your rehearsal partner and take turns following each other’s movement.”
I don’t know what he’s talking about, but then the helper puts down her clipboard and goes to Shawn Barr. She’s taller than he is and she looks nervous. Shawn Barr lifts his arms slowly into the air. The woman follows. He then lowers his arms and she does the same.
I get it now. We are being shadows.
I think that would be a better way to explain it, and I’m right, because he then says, “This is also called shadow work. We will later work to uncover our inner shadows. But that’s more complicated.”
I have no idea what an inner shadow is, but for now I’m happy to have Olive for the outer stuff. We all spread out onstage and face our partners. We take turns switching off every few minutes from being the leader to the follower.
I don’t like to brag, but I really think that Olive and I do this better than any of the other nineteen pairs.
The reason we’re good at it is because Olive pays attention to the little things, plus she’s not afraid to try big things. She points her fingers and so I do that too. Plus she can tell me with her eyes what’s coming and that makes our mirror work look more impressive.
Olive lifts one leg and then another leg and at the same time she has her arms moving. It’s pretty complicated, so I can’t think of anything but what’s happening right in front of me. It’s like we’re swimming in the air. Some of the boys just flap their arms up and down. It’s nothing like what we are doing.
After we do the mirror work for a long time, Shawn Barr claps his hands together and we stop.
“Now I want you all to mirror me,” he says.
So maybe this was all a trick, because right away we start to learn the first steps of a dance we will do in the play.
But here is the good part: It’s easier to follow him as he moves, because we have been really concentrating and using our bodies as instruments in our outer shadow work.
Next Shawn Barr heads to the piano that is sitting off to the side of the stage. He takes a seat and starts to play the first song we will learn.
The Woman without the Clipboard now stands in front of us and does the steps that Shawn Barr just taught us. I guess she’s still nervous, because it’s not as easy to follow her.
Plus I’m distracted now by the music.
I really wish that Mrs. Sookram could hear this! I thought she was good, but Shawn Barr can make a piano sing. I’ve never heard anybody play like this who wasn’t on television.
It’s crazy how fast the time goes. It seems like we just got here and now Shawn Barr is saying the two hours are over and he will see us tomorrow.
I realize I’m exhausted, but he looks full of energy.
This is funny, because we’re the young people and he’s the old guy. As I start for the door I can’t wait for tomorrow and more rehearsing.
Shawn Barr’s last instruction to us is: “Until I see you next, look at the world and turn off the sound. Focus on just one of your senses and find new ways to see.”
It’s an interesting idea, but for now I think I’ll keep the sound on when I watch my favorite TV shows.
SEVEN
We spend this whole week learning the words and the steps.
I can now sing the songs (all the parts—even the words of Dorothy and the witches, who we haven’t met yet) without looking at the paper.
Shawn Barr plays the other characters when we are rehearsing.
The sound of his voice when he’s doing Dorothy’s lines is amazing.
He’s exactly like Judy Garland, who played the character in the movie.
I’m worried now that when I meet the girl who is going to actually have the role of Dorothy I won’t think she’s very good. I’ll be so used to Shawn Barr.
We Munchkins started rehearsing a full week before the other cast members because we are (mostly) kids and also this gave the construction crew time to work on building the sets and hanging up the lights.
There are many technical things that have to happen when you put on a play.
I didn’t know this before and I don’t really understand it now. But it’s going on all around me.
I can say this about what I’ve seen so far onstage: Walls are not walls but are canvas stretched over wood frames. This canvas is then painted. Each one of these things is called a flat. Before this I thought that flats were only shoes without heels.
The flats onstage can be moved easily. Some of them have wheels on the bottom and others rise up into the area high above the stage because they have ropes attached. I’d like to have a house like this. You could just push around the living room and make it smaller or larger or even lose a wall and open up to the ya
rd—all in less than a minute if it was like in the theater.
When you are on a stage, people are always saying “Watch your back.”
They don’t mean that someone is sneaking up on you.
They mean that you should watch what’s going on behind you because walls are moving and, in the case of The Wizard of Oz, part of a house is sometimes falling from the sky. Of course it’s not a real house that’s falling. It’s a thing made of thin wood and blocks of foam that are painted. But you still wouldn’t want it to land on you.
“Watch your back” also means to be aware of what’s going on.
Shawn Barr has explained that artists are observers. I don’t think I’m any kind of artist, but I do like to know what’s going on around me. I also listen when people are talking privately, which according to our director means I’m not a snoop; I’m a careful observer. I used to think observers were people with binoculars.
I like telescopes better than binoculars.
Looking at the stars at night, especially if you’re outside with a dog, is very rewarding.
My favorite thing during rehearsals this week is watching Shawn Barr run back and forth between the piano and his place on the stage.
He makes marks for us with chalk on the wooden floor.
Some of this I think he makes up right on the spot, but he also has the script inside his notebook, and I’ve noticed that the pages look like maps with arrows going in all different directions.
I hope that one day something will fall out of the notebook (and he won’t notice and it won’t be important to him), because that would be a fantastic addition for my scrapbook.
We are supposed to go to these chalk marks on the floor at different points during the songs. The Woman with the Clipboard—whose name is Charisse and she is the assistant director but I just think of her as the Woman with the Clipboard, even after I know she’s Charisse—later puts cloth tape in a bunch of colors on top of the chalk marks. These pieces of tape are called our marks.