CHAPTER V
She spoke confidently and with a grand air, knowing that I had broughta guinea with me; so that I had neither the heart to shame her, northe courage to displease her. Though it was the ninth part of myincome therefore, and it seemed to me sheer madness or worse to stakesuch a sum on a single card, and win or lose it in a moment, I luggedit out and gave it to her. Even then, knowing her to have no moreskill in the game than I had, I was at a stand, wondering what shewould do with it; but with the tact which never fails a woman she laidit where the gentleman had placed his. With better luck; for in atwinkling, and before I thought it well begun, the deal was over, theplayers sat back, and swore, and the banker, giving and taking hereand there, thrust a guinea over to our guinea. I was in a sweat totake both up before anyone cheated us; but she nudged me, and saidwith her finest air, "Let it lie, Dick! Do you hear? Let it lie."
This was almost more than I could bear, to see fortune in my grasp,and not shut my hand upon it, but she was mistress and I let it lie;and in a moment, hey presto, as the Egyptians say, the two guineaswere four, and those who played next us, seeing her success, began topass remarks on her, making nothing of debating who she was, anddiscussing about her shape and complexion in terms that made my cheeksburn. Whether this open admiration turned her head, or their freedomconfused her, she let the money lie again; and when I would havesnatched it up, not regarding her, the dealer prevented me, sayingthat it was too late, while she with an air, as if I had been herservant, turned and rated me sharply for a fool. This caused a littledisturbance at which all the company laughed. However, the eventproved me no fool, but wiser than most, for in two minutes that prettysum, which was as much as I had ever possessed at one time in my life,was swept off; and for two guineas the richer, which we had been amoment before, we remained one, and that my only one, the poorer!
For myself, I could have cried at the misadventure, but my mistresscarried it off with a shrill laugh, and tossing her head in affectedcontempt--whereat, I am bound to confess, the company laughedagain--turned from the table. I sneaked after her as miserable as youplease, and in that order we had got half way to the door, when thegentleman who had addressed her before, stepped up in front of her."Beauty so reckless," he said, speaking with a grin, and in a tone ofgreater freedom than he had used previously, "needs someone to carefor it! Unless I am mistaken, Mistress, you came on foot?" And with asneering smile, he dropped his eyes to the hem of her cloak.
Alas, I looked too, and the murder was out. To be sure Dorinda hadclothed herself very handsomely above, but coming to her feet hadtrusted to her cloak to hide the deficiency she had no means tosupply. Still, and in spite of this, all might have been well if shehad not in her chagrin at losing, forgotten the blot, and, unused tolong skirts, raised them so high as to expose a foot, shapely indeed,but stockingless, and shod in an old broken shoe!
Her ears and neck turned crimson at the exposure, and she dropped hercloak as if it burned her hand. I fancied that if the stranger hadlooked to ingratiate himself by his ill-mannered jest, he had gone thewrong way about it, and I was not surprised when she answered in avoice quivering with mortification, "Yes, on foot. But you may spareyour pains. I am in this gentleman's care, I thank you."
"Oh," he said, in a peculiar tone, "this gentleman?" And he looked meup and down.
I knew that it behooved me to ruffle it with him, and let him know byout-staring him that at a word I was ready to pull his nose. But I wasa boy in strange company, and utterly cast down by the loss of myguinea; he a Court bully in sword and lace, bred to carry it in suchand worse places. Though he seemed to be no more than thirty, he had along and hard face under his periwig, and eyes both tired andmelancholy; and he spoke with a drawl and a curling lip, and by themere way he looked at me showed that he thought me no better thandirt. To make a long story short, I had not looked at him a momentbefore my eyes fell.
"Oh, this gentleman?" he said again, in a tone of cutting contempt."Well, I hope that he has more guineas than one--or your ladyship willsoon trudge it, skin to mud. As it is, I fear that I detain you.Kindly carry my compliments to Farmer Grudgen. And the pigs!"
And smiling--not laughing, for a laugh seemed alien from his face--ata jest which was too near the truth not to mortify us exceedingly, mylord--for a lord I thought he was--turned away with an ironical bow;leaving us to get out of the room with what dignity we might, and suchtemper as remained to us. For myself I was in such a rage, both at theloss of my guinea and at being so flouted, that I could scarcelygovern myself; yet in my awe of Dorinda I said nothing, expecting andfearing an outbreak on her part, the consequences of which it was noteasy to foretell. I was proportionately pleased therefore, when shemade no more ado at the time, but pushing her way through the crowd inthe street, turned homeward and took the road without a word.
This was so unlike her that I was at a loss to understand it, and wasfain to conclude--from the fact that she two or three times paused tolisten and look back--that she feared pursuit. The thought, bringingto my mind the risk of being detected and dismissed, which I ran--arisk that came home to me now that the pleasure was over, and I hadonly in prospect my squalid bed-room and the morrow's tasks--filled mewith uneasiness. But I might have spared myself, for when she spoke Ifound that her thoughts were on other things.
"Dick," she said, suddenly--and halted abruptly in the road, "you mustlend me a guinea."
"A guinea?" I cried, aghast, and speaking, it may be, with a littledispleasure. "Why, have you not just----"
"What?" she said.
"Lost my only one."
She laughed with a recklessness that confounded me. "Well, you havegot to find another one," she said. "And one to that!"
"Another guinea?" I gasped.
"Yes, another guinea, and another guinea!" she answered, mimicking mytone of consternation. "One for my shoes and stockings--oh, I wish hewere dead!" And she stamped her foot passionately. "And one----"
"Yes?" I said, with a poor attempt at irony. "And one----?"
"For me to stake next Friday, when the Duke passes this way on hisroad home."
"He does not!"
"He does, he does!" she retorted. "And you will do too--what I say,sir! or----"
"Or what?" I cried, calling up a spirit for once.
"Or----" and she raised her voice a little, and sang:
"But alas, when I wake, and no Phyllis I find, How I sigh to myself all alone!"
"You never loved me!" I cried, in a rage at that and her greed.
"Have it your own way!" she answered, carelessly, and sang it again;and after that there was no more talk, but we walked with all thewidth of the road between us; I with a sore heart and she tituppingalong, cool and happy, pleased, I think, that she had visited on mesome of the chagrin which the stranger had caused her, and for therest with God knows what thoughts in her heart. At least I littlesuspected them; yet, with the little knowledge I had, I was angry andpained; and for the time was so far freed from illusion that I wouldnot make the overture, but hardened myself with the thought of myguinea and her selfishness; and coming to the gap in the first fencehelped her over with a cold hand and no embrace such as was usualbetween us at such junctures.
In a word, we were like naughty children returning after playingtruant; and might have parted in that guise, and this the very bestthing that could have happened to me--who had no guinea, and knew notwhere to get one; though I would not go so far as to say that, in theframe of mind in which I then was, it would have saved me. But in thearticle of parting, and when the garden fence already rose between us,yet each remained plain to the other by the light of the moon whichhad risen, Dorinda on a sudden raised her hands, and holding her cloakfrom her, stood and looked at me an instant in the most ravishingfashion--with her head thrown back and her lips parted, and her eyesshining, and the white of her neck and her bare arms, and the swell ofher bosom showing. I could have sworn that even the scent of
her hairreached me, though that was impossible. But what I saw was enough. Imight have known that she did it only to tantalize me: I might haveknown that she would show me what I risked; but on the instant,oblivious of all else, I owned her beauty, and resentment and my lossalike forgotten, sprang to the fence, my blood on fire, and wordsbubbling on my lips: Another second, and I should have been at herfeet, have kissed her shoes muddy and broken as they were; but sheturned, and with a backward glance, that only the more inflamed me,fled up the garden, and to the house, whither, even at my maddest, Idared not follow her.
However, enough had passed to send me to my bed to long and lie awake;enough, the morrow come, to take all colour from the grey tasks anddull drudgery of school-time; insomuch that the hours seemed days, andthe days weeks, and Mr. D----'s ignorant prosing and infliction toowearisome to be borne. What my love now lacked of reverence, it madeup in passion, and passion's offspring, impatience: on which it is tobe supposed my mistress counted, since for three whole days she keptwithin, and though every evening I flew to the rendezvous, and therecooled my heels for an hour, she never showed herself.
Once, however, I heard her on the other side of the fence, singing:
"But alas, when I wake, and no Phyllis I find, How I sigh to myself all alone!"
And, sick at heart, I understood the threat and her attitude.Nevertheless, and though the knowledge should have cured me, byconvincing me that she was utterly unworthy and had never loved me, Ionly consumed the more for her, and grovelled the lower in spiritbefore her and her beauty; and the devil presently putting in my waythe means where he had already provided the motive, it was no wonderthat I made but a poor resistance, and in a short time fell.
It came about in this way. In the course of the week, and before theFriday on which the Duke was to return that way, Mr. D---- announcedan urgent call to London; and as he was too wise to broach such aproposal without a _quid pro quo_, Mrs. D---- must needs go with him.The stage-wagon, which travelled three days in the week, would servenext morning, and all was hasty preparation; clothes were packed andmails got out; a gossip, one Mrs. Harris, was engaged to take Mrs.D----'s place, and the boys were entrusted to me, with strictinstructions to see all lights out at night, and no waste. That theseinjunctions might be the more deeply impressed on me, I was summonedto Mrs. D----'s parlour to receive them; but unluckily with theinstructions given to me were mingled housekeeping directions to Mrs.Harris, who was also present; the result being that when I retiredfrom the room I carried with me the knowledge that in a certain desk,perfectly accessible, my employer left three guineas, to be used incase of emergency, but otherwise not to be touched.
It was an unhappy chance, explaining, as well as accounting for, somuch of what follows, that were I to enter into long details of thecatastrophe, it would be useless; since the judicious reader will havealready informed himself of a result that was never in doubt, from thetime that my employer's departure at once provided the means ofgratification, and by removing the restraints under which we hadbefore laboured, held out the prospect of pleasure. Nor can I pleadthat I sinned in ignorance; for as I sat among the boys andmechanically heard their tasks, I called myself, "Thief, thief," ahundred times, and a hundred to that; and once even groaned aloud; yetnever flinched or doubted that I should take the money. Which Idid--to cut a long story short--before Mr. D---- had been three hoursout of the house; and that evening humbly presented the whole of it tomy mistress, who rewarded my complaisance with present kisses andfuture pledges, to be redeemed when she should have once more tastedthe pleasures of the great world.
To tell the truth, her craving for these, and to be seen again inthose haunts where we had reaped nothing but loss and mortification,was a continual puzzle to me, who asked for nothing better than toenjoy her society and kindness, as far as possible from the world. Butas she _would_ go and _would_ play, and made my subservience in thismatter the condition of her favour, it was essential she should win;since I could then restore the money I had taken; whereas if she lost,I saw no prospect before me but the hideous one of detection andpunishment. Accordingly, when the evening came, and we had effectedthe same clandestine exodus as before--but this time with less peril,Mrs. Harris being a sleepy, easy-going woman--I could think of nothingbut this necessity; and far from experiencing the terrors which hadbeset me before, when Dorinda would enter the inn, gave no thought tothe scene or the crowd through which we pushed, or any other of thepreliminaries, but had my soul so set upon the fortune that awaitedus, that I was for passing through the door in the hardiest fashion,and would scarcely stand even when a hand gripped my shoulder.However, a rough voice exclaiming in my ear, "Softly, youngster! Whoare you that poke in so boldly? I don't know you," brought me to mysenses.
"I was in last week," I answered, gasping with eagerness.
"Then you were one too many," the doorkeeper retorted, thrusting meback without mercy. "This is not a tradesman's ordinary. It is foryour betters."
"But I was in," I cried, desperately. "I was in last week."
"Well, you will not go in again," he answered coolly. "For the lady,it is different. Pass in, mistress," he continued, withdrawing his armthat she might pass, and looking at her with an impudent leer. "I cannever refuse a pretty face. And I will bet a guinea that there is onebehind that mask."
On which, to my astonishment, and while I stood agape between rage andshame, my mistress, with a hurried word--that might stand for afarewell, or might have been merely a request to me to wait, for Icould not catch it--accepted the invitation; and deserting me withoutthe least sign of remorse, passed in and disappeared. For a moment Icould scarcely, thus abandoned, believe my senses or that she had leftme; then, the iron of her ingratitude entering into my soul, and agentleman tapping me imperatively on the shoulder and saying that Iblocked the way, I was fain to turn aside, and plunge into thedarkness, to hide the sobs I could no longer restrain.
For a time, leaning my forehead against a house in a side alley, Icalled her all the names in the world; reflecting bitterly at whoseexpense she was here, and at what a price I had bought her pleasure.Nor, it may be thought, was I likely to find excuses for her soon. Buta lover, as he can weave his unhappiness out of the airiest trifles,so from very gossamer can he spin comfort; nor was it long before Iconsidered the necessity under which we lay to play and win, andbethought me that, instead of finding fault with her for enteringalone, I should applaud the prudence that at a pinch had borne thissteadily in mind. After which, believing what I hoped, I soon ceasedto reproach her; and jealousy giving way to suspense--since all for menow depended on the issues of gain or loss--I hastened to return tothe door, and hung about it in the hope of seeing her appear.
This she did not do for some time, but the interval and my thoughtswere diverted by a _rencontre_ as disagreeable as it was unexpected.In my solitary condition I had made so few acquaintances in Hertford,that I fancied I stood in no fear of being recognised. I was vastlytaken aback therefore, when a gentleman plainly dressed, happening topause an instant on the threshold as he issued from the inn, let hisglance rest on me; and after a second look stepped directly to me, andwith a sour aspect, asked me what I did in that place.
Then, when it was too late, I took fright; recognising him for agentleman of a good estate in the neighbourhood, who had two sons atMr. D----'s school, and enjoyed great influence with my master, hebeing by far the most important of his patrons. As he belonged to thefanatical party, and in common with most of that sect had been aviolent Exclusionist, I as little expected to see him in that company,as he to see me. But whereas he was his own master, and besides wasthere--this I learned afterwards--to rescue a young relative, while Ihad no such excuse, he had nothing to fear and I all. I found myself,therefore, ready to sink with confusion; and even when he repeated hischallenge could find no words in which to answer.
"Very well," he said, nodding grimly at that. "Perhaps Mr. D---- maybe able to answer me. I shall take care to vis
it him to-morrow, sir,and learn whether he is aware how his usher employs his nights. Goodevening."
So saying, he left me horribly startled, and a prey to apprehensions,which were not lessened by the guilt, that already lay on myconscience in another and more serious matter. For such is the commoncourse of ill-doing; to plunge a man, I mean, deeper and deeper in themire. I now saw not one ridge of trouble only before me, but a secondand a third; and no visible way of escape from the consequences of myimprudence. To add to my fears, the gentleman on leaving me joined thesame courtier who had spoken to Dorinda on the occasion of our formervisit, and who had just come out; so that to my prepossessed mindnothing seemed more probable than that the latter would tell him inwhose company he had seen me and the details of our adventure. As afact, it was from this person's clutches my master's patron was hereto rescue his nephew. But I did not know this; and seeking in my panicto be reassured, I asked a servant beside me who the stranger was.
"He?" he said. "Oh, he is a gentleman from the Temple. Been playingwith him?" and he looked at me, askance.
"No," I said.
"Oh," he replied, "the better for you."
"But what is his name?" I urged.
"Who does not know Mat. Smith, Esquire, of the Temple, is a countrybooby--and that is you!" the man retorted quickly; and went offlaughing. Still this, seeing that I did not know the name, relieved mea little; and the next moment I was aware of Dorinda waiting for me atthe door. Deducing from the smile that played on her countenance thehappiest omens of success, I forgot my other troubles in the reliefwhich this promised; and I sprang to meet her. Guiding her as quicklyas I could through the crowd, I asked her the instant I could findvoice to speak, what luck she had had.
"What luck?" she cried; and then pettishly, "there, clumsy! you arepulling me into that puddle. Have a care of my new shoes, will you?What luck, did you say? Why, none!"
"What? You have not lost?" I exclaimed, standing still in the road;and it seemed to me that my heart stood still also.
"Yes, but I have!" she answered hardily.
"All?" I groaned.
"Yes, all! If you call two guineas all," she replied carelessly. "Why,you are not going to cry for two guineas, baby, are you?"