Chapter 18
That evening each of us brought up a plate to the rooftop deck. I had bought a my favorite caramel cheesecake from Eli’s Cheesecake Company. Meryl had made a large bowl of Greek salad, and Barbara was fighting Ella to carry the chicken cacciatore. “I’m not dead yet, dolly!” We could hear Barbara’s voice coming up the stairwell. I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Will someone get the door?” Ivy attempted to yell, holding her fleece blanket between her teeth. She had two bottles of red wine and cocktail mixers for Barbara.
Meryl turned on the fire pit. The heat blazed. Ella turned her iPod dock to Barbara’s favorite playlist, Hits from the 1950s, and Ivy poured drinks. I popped a piece of some wonderful Gouda in my mouth, washing it down with a red wine that tasted bitterly sweet. The wind was mingling the smells of the food and drink with the mix of perfumes we’d all been wearing that day: Barbara’s rose-scent, my Coco Chanel, Meryl’s sweet lavender, Ella’s sugar vanilla, and Ivy’s mystery scent that reminded me of mandarin oranges.
As we set up the plates, forks, knives, and the buffet-style dining, I watched Barbara glide across the roof in her embroidered coat with amatching scarf blowing in the wind. She truly was a free spirit, at times completely oblivious to the world around her. She twirled and faced me. “Bobbie, baby, did I ever finish telling you about the true meaning of love?
“Oh, the meaning of love. . .” I looked at the girls, smiling. “No, Barbara, please do finish telling us about the meaning of love!”
“So where did we leave off?” she asked as she twiddled her fingers, motioning Ivy to fix her a cocktail.
“You told me about Eros and Philia. . .”
“Ah yes, that’s right, the passion of Eros, the enduring friendship of Philia. Dollies?” she called to Ivy and Ella. “Did I ever tell you two about the meaning of love? Meryl?”
Meryl shook her head no, Ella shook her head no, and Ivy began talking with food in her mouth. “Like only about a hundred ti—” She was cut short in mid-sentence when Ella discreetly kicked her.
“Oh, riiiight. . . the meaning of love,” Ivy said. She looked at me, covering her mouth with her hand and whispering, “Only a hundred times.”
I couldn’t help but think that the meaning of love wasn’t something you should hear just once.
“Eros is the spirit that inspires love between two people,” Barbara said, as the wind dramatically whipped her scarf behind her. “You know, the butterflies. Now...Eros is quite cut and dry. Either you want to be stark naked under the sheets or you don’t! Am I right, ladies?”
“That depends. How many drinks have I had?” Ivy asked.
“As long as he has a six pack!” Ella said.
“And is well endowed,” I added scandalously.
“Bobbie!” Meryl exclaimed.
“Endowed with creative talent!” I corrected and smirked.
“Oh, she right about that, honey,” Barbara said and winked at us.
We all fell into hysterical laughter.
Barbara sat down, like a queen on her throne, and like devoted subjects, we gathered around her. Due jumped up on her lap, and she stroked him as she talked. “In the beginning,” she said, “a person is always going to put their best foot forward, you know, the men showing off... the girls with their makeup and perfume... But love takes time and patience. These two people must go through both joys and sorrows, pleasures and pains, and still in the end want to be together. Philia is the true test of the relationship!”
Barbara took a big swig of the cocktail Ivy had served her. Raising her finger, she said, “Last but not least, we have Agape. Agape is the fusion of Eros and Philia. It is much more difficult to comprehend and almost impossible to understand. The only way to understand Agape is to live it and let it consume you. Agape is unique for everyone, but it is truly what binds us.”
Silence descended as Barbara paused, until a hint of wind rustled the dead leaves. The fire pit crackled in the background.
“Find a man or be found by a man, and be in love with his uniqueness.”
Hanging onto every word out of Barbara’s mouth, I began to feel my heart race, my head spin. I felt simultaneously lighter and fuller. That’s what this is, I thought. That’s what I’m feeling.
When I thought about Oliver, I realized he had an effect on me that no one else had. I couldn’t explain it. With Oliver I felt at home yet more free than I’d ever felt before. It felt natural yet thrilling. It felt solid and at the same time, light. It was all something foreign to me, something I had never felt before, but it still felt strangely familiar. I began to chuckle, tears filling up my eyes with joyous relief. The girls looked at me. I then began to laugh uncontrollably, tears streaming from my face, they looked at each other. Barbara gazed at me with a nod, she knew.
“Girls...I want to be naked with my best friend! It is the fusion of Eros with Philia. I found Agape!”
I held onto my chair because I thought I’d fly away, my head spinning.
I was in love.
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