CHAPTER IX. SHORTY IN TROUBLE
HAS AN ENCOUNTER WITH THE PROVOST-MARSHAL.
"I AINT got no pass," said Shorty, in response to the demand of theProvost-Guard. "Bin home on sick-furlough. Goin' back to the front now.Left my papers at home. Forgot 'em."
"Heard all about lost and missing papers before," said the Sergeantdrily. "Fall in there, under guard." And he motioned Shorty to join thegang of stragglers and runaways which had already been gathered up.
"Look here. Sergeant," remonstrated Shorty, "I don't belong in that packo' shell-fever invalids, and I won't fall in with 'em. There's no yalleror cotton in me. I'm straight goods, all wool, and indigodyed. I'vebin promoted Corpril in my company for good conduct at Chickamauga. I'mgoin' back to my regiment o' my own accord, before my time's up, and Ipropose to go my own way. I won't go under guard."
"You'll have to, if you can't show a pass," said the Sergeantdecisively. "If you're a soldier you know what orders are. Our ordersare to arrest every man that can't show a pass, and bring him up toProvost Headquarters. Fall in there without any more words."
"I tell you I'm not goin' back to the regiment under guard," said Shortyresolutely. "I've no business to go back at all, now. My furlough ain'tup for two weeks more. I'm goin' back now of my own free will, and inmy own way. Go along with your old guard, and pick up them deadbeats andsneaks, that don't want to go back at all. You'll have plenty o' workwith them, without pesterin' me."
"And I tell you you must go," said the Sergeant, irritably, and turningaway, as if to end the discussion. "Williams, you and Young bring himalong."
"I'll not go a step under guard, and you can't make me," answered Shortyfuriously, snatching up the heavy poker from the stove. "You lunkheaded,feather-bed soldiers jest keep your distance, if you know what's goodfor you. I didn't come back here from the front to be monkeyed with bya passel o' fellers that wear white gloves and dresscoats, and eat softbread. Go off, and 'tend your own bizniss, and I'll 'tend to mine."
The Sergeant turned back and looked at him attentively.
"See here," he said, after a moment's pause.
"Don't you belong to the 200th Ind.?"
"You bet I do. Best regiment in the Army o' the Cumberland."
"You're the feller they call Shorty, of Co. Q?"
Shorty nodded assent.
"I thought I'd seen you somewhere, the moment I laid eyes on you,"said the Sergeant in a friendly tone. "But I couldn't place you. You'vechanged a good deal. You're thinner'n a fishing-rod."
"Never had no meat to spare," acquiesced Shorty, "but I'm an Aldermannow to what I was six weeks ago. Got a welt on my head at Chickamaugy,and then the camp fever at Chattanoogy, which run me down till Icould've crawled through a greased flute."
"Well, I'm Jim Elkins. Used to belong to Co. A," replied the Sergeant."I recollect your stealing the caboose door down there at Murfreesboro.Say, that was great. How that conductor ripped and swore when he foundhis door was gone. I got an ax from you. You never knew who took it, didyou? Well, it was me. I wanted the ax, but I wanted still more to showyou that there was somebody in the camp just as slick on the forageas you were. But I got paid for it. The blamed old ax glanced one day,while I was chopping, and whacked me on the knee."
"A thief always gits fetched up with," said Shorty, in a tone ofprofound moralizing. "But since it had to go I'm glad one o' our ownboys got it. I snatched another and a better one that night from theOhio boys. I'm awful sorry you got hurt. Was it bad?"
"Yes. The doctors thought I'd lose my leg, and discharged me. But I gotwell, and as soon as they'd take me I re-enlisted. Wish I was back inthe old regiment, though. Say, you'll have to go to Headquarters withme, because that's orders, but you just walk alongside o' me. I want totalk to you about the boys."
As they walked along, the Sergeant found an opportunity to say in lowtone, so that the rest could not hear:
"Old Billings, who used to be Lieutenant-Colonel, is Provost-Marshal.He's Lieutenant-Colonel of our regiment. He'll be likely to give you agreat song and dance, especially if he finds out that you belonged tothe old regiment. But don't let it sink too deep on you. I'll stand byyou, if there's anything I can do."
"Much obliged," said Shorty, "but I'm all right, and I oughtn't to needany standing by from anybody. That old fly-up-the-crick ought to beashamed to even speak to a man who's bin fightin' at the front, while hewas playin' off around home."
"He'll have plenty to say all the same," returned the Sergeant. "He'sgot one o' these self-acting mouths, with a perpetual-motion attachment.He don't do anything but talk, and mostly bad. Blame him, it's his faultthat we're kept here, instead of being sent to the front, as we ought tobe. Wish somebody'd shoot him."
The Provost-Marshal was found in his office, dealing out sentenceslike a shoulder-strapped Rhadamanthes. It was a place that just suitedBillings's tastes. There he could bully to his heart's content, withno chance for his victims getting back at him, and could make it veryuncomfortable for those who were disposed to sneer at his militarycareer. With a scowl on his brow, and a big chew of tobacco in hismouth, he sat in his chair, and disposed of the cases brought before himwith abusive comments, and in the ways that he thought would give themen the most pain and trouble. It was a manifestation of his power thathe gloated over.
"Take the position of soldiers, you slouching clodhoppers," he said,with an assortment of oaths, as the squad entered the office. "One'dthink you a passel o' hawbucks half-drunk at a log-rollin', instead o'soldiers in the presence o' your superior officer. Shut them gapin'mouths, lift up them shock-heads, button up your blouses, put your handsdown to your sides, and don't no man speak to me without salootin'. Andmind what you say, or I'll give you a spell on bread and water, andsend you back in irons. I want you to understand that I'll have nofoolishness. You can't monkey with me as you can with some officers.
"Had your pocket picked, and your furlough as well as your money taken,"he sneered to the first statement. "You expect me to believe that, yousickly-faced yallerhammer. I'll just give you five days' hard laborbefore sending you back, for lying to me. Go over there to the left, andtake your place in that police squad."
"No," he said to the second, "that sick mother racket won't work.Every man we ketch now skulking home is goin' to see his sick and dyingmother. There wouldn't be no army if we allowed every man who has asick mother to go and visit her. None o' your back talk, or I'll put theirons on you."
"No," to a third, "you can't go back to your boarding place for yourthings, not even with a guard. I know you. You'd give the guard the slipbefore you went 10 rods. Let your things go. Probably you stole 'em,anyway."
Lieut.-Col. Billings's eye lighted on Shorty, with an expression ofhaving seen him somewhere.
"Where do you belong?" he asked crossly.
"Co. Q, 200th Injianny Volunteer Infantry," replied Shorty proudly.
"Yes. I remember you now," said the Provost-Marshal savagely. "You'reone o' them infernal nigger-thieves that brung disgrace on the regiment.You're one o' them that made it so notorious that decent men who had arespect for other people's property was glad to get out of it."
"You're a liar," said Shorty hotly. "You didn't git out o' the regimentbecause it stole niggers. That's only a pretend. The rear is full o'fellers like you who pretend to be sore on the nigger question, as anexcuse for not going to the front. You sneaked out o' every fight theregiment went into. You got out of the regiment because it was too fondof doin' its duty."
"Shut up, you scoundrel! Buck-and-gag him, men," roared Billings, risingand shaking his fist at him.
"Stop that! You musn't talk that way," said the Sergeant, going overto Shorty, and shaking him roughly, while he whispered, "Don't make ablamed fool o' yourself. Keep quiet."
"I won't stop," said Shorty angrily; "I won't let no man talk thatway about the 200th Ind., no matter if he wears as many leaves on hisshoulders as there is on a beech tree. I'd tell the Major-General thathe lied if he slandered the
regiment, if I died for it the next minute."
"I order you to take him out and buck-and-gag him," shouted theProvost-Marshal.
The Sergeant caught Shorty by the shoulder, and pushed him out of theroom, with much apparent roughness, but really using no more force thanwould make a show, while muttering his adjurations to cool down.
"I s'pose I've got to obey orders, and buck-and-gag you," said theSergeant ruefully, as they were alone together in the room. "It goesagainst my grain, like the toothache. I'd rather you'd buck-and-gag me.But you are to blame for it yourself. You ought to have more sense thanlay it into a Lieutenant-Colonel and Provost-Marshal that way. But youdid give it to him fine, the old blow-hard and whisky-sucker. He's nomore fit for shoulderstraps than a hog is for a paper-collar. Haven'theard anything for a long time that tickled me so, even while I was madenough to pound you for having no more sense. I've bin aching to talkthat way to him myself."
"Go ahead and obey your orders," said Shorty. "Don't mind me. I'mwillin' to take it. I've had my say, which was worth a whole week o'buckin'. It 'll be something to tell the boys when I git back, that Isaw old Billings swellin' around, and told him right before his own menjust what we think of him. Lord, how it 'll tickle 'em. I'll forgit allabout the buckin', but they won't forgit that."
"Blamed if I'll do it," said the Sergeant. "He can take off my stripes,and be blest to him. You said just what I think, and what we all think,and I ought to stand by you. I've a notion to go right back in the roomand tell him I won't do it, and pull off my stripes and hand 'em to him,and tell him to take 'em and go to Halifax."
"Now, don't be a fool, Jim," remonstrated Shorty. "You won't help me,and you'll git yourself into trouble. Somebody's got to do it, and I'drather it'd be you than somebody else. Go ahead and obey your orders.Git your rope and your stick and your bayonet."
"They're all here," said the Sergeant, producing them, with a regretfulair. "We've plenty of use for them as long as old Billings is on deck.Say," said he, stopping, as a brighter look came into his face, "I'vegot an idea."
"Hold on to it till you kin mark its ears, so's you'll know it again foryour property," said Shorty sarcastically. "Good idees are skeerce andvaluable."
"Jeff Wilson, the General's Chief Clerk, who belongs to my company,"said the Sergeant, "told me yesterday that they wanted another Orderly,and to pick out one for him. I'll send a note for him to detail youright off."
He hastily scratched off the following note on a piece of wrappingpaper, folded it up, and sent secretly one of his boys on a run withit:
"Dear Jeff: Found you a first-class Orderly. It's Shorty, of my old regiment. He's in Billings's clutches, and in trouble. Send down a detail at once for Shorty Elliott, Co. Q, 200th Ind. Rush. Yours, Jim."
"Here, Sergeant," called out the Provost-Marshal from the other room,"what are you fooling around in there so long for?"
"Somebody's been monkeying with my things," called back the Sergeant."If they don't let 'em alone I'll scalp somebody."
"Well, get through, and come out here, for there's some more work foryou. Make a good job with that scoundrel. I'll be in presently and seeit."
Shorty squatted down, and the Sergeant made as easy going an imitationas he could of the punishment.
The messenger encountered the young General near by, limping along on aconscientious morning inspection of things about his post. He hadbeen but recently assigned to the position, to employ him while he wasgetting well of his wound received at Chickamauga, and was making acharacteristic effort to know all about his command. He had sent hisstaff on various errands, but had his Chief Clerk with him to makenotes.
"What's that?" he inquired, as the messenger handed the latter the note.
"Just a note from the Sergeant of the Guard about an Orderly," answeredthe clerk.
"Let me see it," said the General, who had an inveterate disposition forlooking into the smallest details. "What's this? One of the 200th Ind.?Why, that was in my brigade. The 200th Ind. was cut all to pieces, butit stuck to that Snodgrass Hill tighter than a real-estate mortgage. Oneof the boys in trouble? We'll just go over to the Provost-Marshal's andsee about him. It may be that I know him."
The sharp call of the Sergeant on duty outside to "Turn out the Guardfor the General," the clatter of muskets, as he was obeyed, the suddenstiffening up of the men lounging about the entrance into the positionof the soldier, and their respectful salutes as the General limped in,conveyed to Lieut.-Col. Billings intelligence as to his visitor, and hiswhole demeanor changed to one of obsequious welcome.
"Very unexpected, General, but very kind in you to visit me," he said,bowing, and washing his hands with invisible soap.
"No kindness at all. Colonel," said the General with official curtness."Merely my duty, to personally acquaint myself with all portions of mycommand. I should have visited you before. By the way, I understand youhave picked up here a man belonging to my brigade--to the 200th Ind.Where is he?"
Billings's face clouded.
"Yes, we have a man who claimed to belong to that regiment--a straggler,who hadn't any papers to show. I had no idea whether he was telling thetruth. He was outrageously sassy, and I had to give him a lesson to keepa civil tongue in his head. Take a seat. I'll send for him."
"No; I'll go and see him," said the General. "Where is he?"
With a foreboding that the scene was going to be made unpleasant forhim, Billings led the General into the guard-room.
WHY, IT'S SHORTY! SAID THE GENERAL, RECOGNIZING HIM ATONCE 129]
"Why, it's Shorty," said the General, recognizing him at once, "whoran back at Stone River, in a heavy fire, and helped me from under myhorse."
Shorty winked and nodded affirmatively.
"What was the matter, Colonel?" inquired the General.
"Well," said Billings, defensively, "the feller is a straggler, withoutpapers to show where he belonged, and he was very sassy to me--calledme a liar, and said other mean things, right before my men, and I had toorder him bucked-and-gagged to shut him up."
"Strange," said General; "I always found him very respectful andobedient. I thought I hadn't a better soldier in my brigade."
Shorty winked appreciatively at Serg't Elkins.
"Take out the gag, let him up, and let me hear what he has to say," saidthe General.
Shorty was undone and helped to his feet, when he respectfully saluted.His weakness was so apparent that the General ordered him to sit down,and then asked him questions which brought out his story. "You werepromoted Corporal, if I recollect," said he, "for gallantry in capturingone of the rebel flags taken by my brigade."
"Yes, sir," answered Shorty.
Billings was feeling very uncomfortable.
"He called me a liar, and a stay-at-home sneak, and other insultin'things," protested he.
"General, he slandered the 200 Ind., which I won't allow no man to do,no matter what he has on his shoulders. I told him that he'd bin firedout o' the regiment, and was a-bummin' in the rear, and hadn't nobusiness abusin' men who was doin' and respectful."
"Hum--very insubordinate, very unsoldierly," said the General. "Veryunlike you. Corporal. I'm surprised at you. You were always veryobedient and respectful."
"Always to real officers," said Shorty; "but--"
"Silence," said the General, sternly. "Don't aggravate the offense. Youwere properly punished."
"I ain't kickin' about it," said Shorty stubbornly. "I've got the worthof it."
"I think," continued the General, after having properly vindicateddiscipline, "that that blow you received on your head may affect yourbrain at times, and make you unduly irritable. I think I'll have theSurgeon examine you. Put him in an ambulance, Wilson, and take him overto the Surgeon. Then bring him to Headquarters with the report."
Turning to the Lieutenant-Colonel the General said:
"I had another object in visiting you this morning. Colonel. I've gotsome good news for you. I've found your officers and men v
ery weary oftheir long tour of provost duty here, and anxious to go to the front. Ofcourse, I know that you feel the same way."
Billings tried to look as if he did, but the attempt was not a success.
"I have represented to Headquarters, therefore," continued the General,"that it would be to the advantage of the service to have this fine fullregiment sent to the front, and its place taken by one that has been rundown by hard service, and so get a chance for it to rest and recruit.The General has accepted my views, and orders me to have you get readyto move at once."
"I have tried to do my dooty here, and I thought," murmuredBillings, "that it was to the advantage of the Government to have asProvost-Marshal a man who knowed all these fellers and their tricks.It'd take a new man a long time to learn 'em."
"I appreciate that," said the General. "But it's not just to you or yourmen to make you do so much of this work. I'm expecting every minutenotice of a regiment being sent to relieve yours, and therefore you willbe ready to start as soon as it arrives. Good morning, sir."
The only relief that Billings could find to his feelings after theGeneral's departure was to kick one of the men's dog out of his officewith a great deal of vindictiveness.