CHAPTER V. THE YOUNG RECRUITS
ARE GIVEN AN INITIATION INTO ARMY LIFE.
BY the time Shorty had gotten the boys fairly tented, he was ordered totake a squad and guard some stores at the Division Quartermaster's. Si,instead of going on camp-guard, had to go out to the grand guard. Whenhe came back the next morning the Orderly-Sergeant said to him:
"See here, Si, you've got to take that squad of kids you brung into yourparticular charge, and lick 'em into shape. They need an awful sightof it, and I hain't got any time to give 'em. I've something else to dobesides teaching an infant class. I never was good at bringing childrenup by hand, anyway. I ain't built that way. I want you to go for themyoung roosters at once, and get 'em into shape in short meter. Marchingorders may come any day, and then we want everybody up and dressed.There'll be no time for foolishness. Those dratted little rats were allover camp last night, and into more kinds of devilment than so many petcrows. I've been hearing about nothing else this morning."
"Why," said Si, "I supposed that they was too tired to do anything butlay down and go to sleep. What'd they do?"
"Better ask what they didn't do," replied the Orderly. "They doneeverything that a passel o' impish school boys could think of, and whatthey couldn't think of them smart Alecks down in the company put 'em upto. I'm going to put some o' them smarties through a course o' sprouts.I like to see boys in good spirits, and I can enjoy a joke with the nextman, but there's such a thing as being too funny. I think a few hours o'extry fatigue duty will reduce their fever for fun."
"Why, what'd they do?" repeated Si.
"Well, in the first place, they got that Joslyn and Mackall to mark abig number 79 on their tents, and then put the same, with their names,on a sheet of paper, and take it up to the Captain's tent.
"The Captain was having a life-and-death rassle with Cap Summervilleover their eternal chess, when he's crosser'n two sticks, and liableto snap your head off if you interrupt him. 'Hello, what do you want?What's this?' says he, taking the paper."
Them's our names and addresses 59]
"'Them's our names and addresses,' says the brats, cool as cucumbers.Thought we ought to give 'em to you, so's you'd know where to find us,in case you wanted us in a hurry, say, at night.'
"The blazes it is,' says Cap, and Cap Summerville roared. 'You get backto your quarters quick as you can run. Don't worry about my not findingyou when I want you. It's my business to find you, and I've got men tohelp me do it. I'll find you sometime in a way that'll make your hairstand up. Get out, now, and never come around my tent with any suchblamed nonsense as that.'
"And Cap Somerville took advantage of the break to snap up Cap's queen,which made him hotter'n ever.
"When the boys got back they found them smart Alecks, Bob Walsh and AndySweeney, waiting for 'em, and they consoled 'em, saying, That's just theway with that old bull-head. Never'll take no good advice from nobodyabout running' the company. Thinks he knows it all. You see how he runsthe company. He haint got the addresses o' half his men this minnit, anddon't know where they are. That's the reason so many o' our letters fromhome, and the good things they send us, never reach us. He ought to keepa regler directory, same as in the other companies.'"
"Then some o' them smarties found out that Scruggs was stuck on hisspouting. Seems that he was the star declaimer in his school. They laidit in to him that I was soft on hearing poetry spouted, especially afternight, when the moon was up, and everything quiet in camp, and that Iwas particularly tender on 'Bingen on the Rhine.' You know that if thereis anything I'm dead sore on it's that sniveling rot. There used to be apasty-faced boy in school that'd wail that out, and set all the girls tobawling. Then they gave us an entertainment just before we left, and allthe girls were there, and Pasty-Face he must be the star attraction.He wailed out his condemned old There-was-a-soldier-of-theLegion--laying-i-n-Algiers, and all the girls looked at us as if wewere already dead, and they'd better look out for new beaux. My ownparticular geranium did not lose any time, but married another fellerbefore we got to Stone River. That made me hate the blasted caterwaulworse'n ever. Then that white-eyed, moon-struck Alfonso used to beyowling it at every chance, until he went to the hospital, and he gotall the rest so that they were sputtering rags and tags of it. But I'vebeen sorer than a bile on the condemned sick calfishness ever since Ibrung my chum Jim Bridgewater off the field at Chickamauga, and watchedhim die as the moon rose, back there at McFarland Gap. Well, what dothese smarties do but fill up Scruggs with the idea that the best way tomake himself forever solid with me was to stroll down close to my tentand casually let off 'Bingen on the Rhine' in his best style. I'd justgot down to work on them pesky pay-rolls, having kept Monaghan two daysin the guard-house, so's to be sure that he'd be sober enough to helpme--and you know Monaghan's lightning with the pen when he's sober--whenthat possessed sap-sucker Scruggs began blatting out 'Bingen on theRhine' till you could hear him down to the Colonel's quarters. It mademe so mad that I knocked over the ink as I jumped up, and spoiled thetriplicate rolls that we'd got about half made out. I snatched up a clubto simply mash the bawling brat, but they got him away before I couldreach 'im. They explained to Scruggs afterward that I was subject tofits whenever the moon was in her last quarter, and they'd forgotten tolook at the almanac that evening. O, but I'll soak 'em for that yet."
"Trouble is," said Si, laughing, "the boys've bin layin' around doin'nothin' too long. They're fuller o' devilment than a dog is of fleas."
"But I haint told you half," continued the Orderly-Sergeant. "Themsmarties were quick to find out that Alf Russell and Jim Humphreysleaned strongly toward religion, and they filled 'em with the idea thatCap McGillicuddy was a very devout man, and held family devotions everyevening in his tent, in which his company joined."
"Great goodness," gasped Si. "They never heard Cap's remarks when webalked on a right wheel in company column."
"Well," continued the Orderly, "Cap had been waxed by Cap Summervilletwo games hand-running, and they were nip-and-tuck on the third,and just as impatient and cross as they always are when they'reneck-and-neck in the last heat. The tent-flap raised, and in walkedRussell and Humphreys soft and quietlike, as if they were going into thesitting-room for evening prayers. They had their caps in their hands,and didn't say anything but brushed their hair back and took their seatsin the first place they could find, which happened to be Cap's cot. Capdidn't notice 'em till after Cap Summerville had caught his queen andthen checkmated him in two moves. You know how redhot Cap gets when heloses a game of chess, particularly to Cap Summerville, who rubs it inon him without mercy.
"Cap looked at the boys in astonishment, and then snapped out: 'Well,what do you boys want?' 'We've just come in for evening prayers,' saysthey, mild as skimmed milk. 'Evening what?' roared the Cap. 'Eveningprayers,' says they. 'Don't you have family devotion every evening?Cap Summerville couldn't hold in any longer, and just roared, and thefellers outside, who'd had their ears against the canvas listening toevery word, they roared too. Cap was madder'n a July hornet, and cussedtill the ridgepole shook. Then he took the two boys by the ears andmarched 'em out and says: 'You two brats go back to your tents and staythere. When I want you to come to my tent I'll send for you, and you'llwish I hadn't. You'll do praying enough if you're on hand when thechurch call's sounded. You'll be mightily different from the rest of mycompany if you don't prefer going on guard to church. Get, now!'"
"Now the Captain oughtn't to say that about the company," protested Si."I for one go to church every chance I get."
"O, yes, you do," sneered the Orderly-Sergeant. "Who was it, I'd liketo know, that sent word back to the boys in the rear to steal theChaplain's horse, and keep him hid for a day or two so's he couldn'tget up and hold services, because you boys wanted to go fishing in theTennessee River?"
"Yes, I did," Si confessed; "but it was because the boys begged me to.We'd just got there, and it looked as if the biting was good, and weprobably wouldn't stay there longer'n over Sunday.
"
"Well, I ain't done yet," continued the Orderly-Sergeant. "That littlesnipe, Pete Skidmore--"
"Good gracious, he wasn't lost again, was he?" gasped Si.
"That's just what he was, the little runt, and we had the devil's owntime finding him. What in Sam Hill did the Captain take him for, I'dlike to know? Co. Q aint no nursery. Well, the bugler up at BrigadeHeadquarters blowed some sort of a call, and Skidmore wanted to knowwhat it meant. They told him that it was an order for the youngestman in each company to come up there and get some milk for his coffeetomorrow morning, and butter for his bread. There was only enough issuedfor the youngest boys, and if he wanted his share he'd have to get a bighustle on him, for the feller whose nose he'd put out o' joint 'd tryhard to get there ahead o' him, and get his share. So Skidmore went offat a dead run toward the sound of the bugle, with the boys looking afterhim and snickering. But he didn't come back at roll-call, nor at tattoo,and the smart Alecks begun to get scared, and abuse each other forsetting up a job on a poor, innocent little boy. Osc Brewster and OlPerry, who had been foremost in the trick had a fight as to which hadbeen to blame. Taps come, and he didn't get back, and then we all becamescared. I'd sent Jim Hunter over to Brigade Headquarters to look forhim, but he came back, and said they hadn't seen anything of him there.Then I turned out the whole company to look for him. Of course, themtoo-awfully smart galoots of Co. A had to get very funny over ourtrouble. They asked why we didn't get the right kind of nurses for ourcompany, that wouldn't let the members stray out of their sight? Whywe didn't call the children in when the chickens went to roost, undress'em, and tuck 'em in their little beds, and sing to 'em after they'dsaid 'Now I lay me down to sleep?' I stood it all until that big,hulking Pete Nasmith came down with a camp-kettle, which he was makingring like a bell, as he yelled out, 'Child lost! Child lost!' Behindhim was Tub Rawlings singing, 'Empty's the cradle, baby's gone.' Then Ipulled off my blouse and slung it into my tent, and told 'em there wentmy chevrons, and I was simply Scott Ralston, and able to lick any man inCo. A. One o' their Lieutenants came out and ordered them back to theirquarters, and I deployed the company in a skirmish-line, and started 'emthrough the brush toward Brigade Headquarters. About three-quarters o'the way Osc Brewster and Ol Perry, when going through a thicket, hearda boy boo-hooing. They made their way to him, and there was littleSkidmore sitting on a stump, completely confused and fagged out. He'dlost his way, and the more he tried to find it the worse he got turnedaround. They called out to him, and he blubbered out: 'Yes, it's me;little Pete Skidmore. Them doddurned fools in my company 've lost me,just as I've bin tellin' 'em right along they would, durn 'em.' Osc andOl were so tickled at finding him that they gathered him up, and comewhooping back to camp, carrying him every step of the way."
"Well, I declare to gracious," ejaculated Si. "But there's one left yet.Didn't anything happen to Sandy Baker?"
"O, yes," groaned the Orderly. "He had to be in it, too. He tookadvantage of the tumult to fall into the company well. We didn't knowanything about it till we come back from hunting Skidmore. By that timehe was so chilled that he could hardly holler any more, and his teethchattered like a nigger minstrel's bones. I'd got a can of brandiedpeaches down at the sutler's, and it took all the brandy to bring himaround, and I had nothing left but the peaches. Now, while I like alittle variety in camp-life as well as the next man, I don't want nomore ructions like last night's. I'll put you in charge of those kids,and hold you responsible for 'em. I don't care what you do with 'em, solong's you keep 'em quiet, and don't disturb the company. Kill 'em, ifyou want to, but keep 'em quiet. I've got to finish up them pay-rollstonight."
"You bet me and Shorty'll stop these smart Alecks from imposin' on thepoor little greenies," asserted Si.