She slept well on the air mattress and borrowed a clean T-shirt from Katie the next morning before the three of them went to the coffee shop in search of breakfast.
“When does the cafeteria start to serve meals?” Sierra asked.
“Thursday dinner is the first meal,” Katie said.
“I’m going to go broke before then,” Sierra said as she paid for her bagel and orange juice.
“I know,” Christy said with a yawn. “I just can’t seem to wake up, you guys.”
“There’s no reason you can’t go back to bed,” Katie said. “Nothing is going on today.”
“I thought we were going to help Sierra set up her room.”
“There’s not that much to do,” Sierra said. “You should sleep while you can. This seems like the quiet before the storm.”
Just as Sierra said it, her brother entered the side door of the coffee shop. He noticed her right away and marched over to their table. He didn’t look happy.
fourteen
“WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, SIERRA?” Wes looked more angry than worried.
“I’ve been with these guys. Katie, you know my brother Wes. Wes, this is Christy.”
Christy held out her hand to shake with Wes. He shook quickly and then looked back at Sierra. “Didn’t you go back to your room last night?”
“No. I stayed on the floor in Katie and Christy’s room.”
Wes looked flustered. “Then will you do me a favor and give Mom a call and then call Paul?” He handed Sierra a slip of paper with a phone number on it. “He’s called me four times since I got here yesterday, trying to track you down. You were supposed to call him and give him your number.”
“I, um …” Sierra stalled, feeling embarrassed that her brother was chewing her out in front of her friends. She felt as if she were back in junior high and not at all like an independent college woman. “I’m not sure I’m ready to talk to Paul,” she said. “Can you tell him that for me, if he calls you again?”
Now Wes was the one who looked embarrassed, as if she had reduced him to a junior high messenger between two friends who weren’t speaking to each other. “And why can’t you tell him that?”
“I …” Sierra couldn’t answer.
Just then some of Katie’s friends walked up and visited with her for a few minutes. It gave Wes a chance to cool down. He pulled up a chair and sat on it backward, leaning his arms on the backrest at the end of the table next to Sierra. Then he reached over and took half of Sierra’s bagel and chomped into it.
“Hey, I paid for that!” Sierra said. “And I’m on a very tight budget. Go buy your own bagel.”
“Okay, okay. I’ll buy you a bagel.” Wes took another bite and rose to order some food. “Anyone else want anything?”
“See if they have any of those little packets of peanut butter,” Katie said. “Smooth, not crunchy.”
As soon as Katie’s friends left, and while Wes was still waiting for his bagel, Katie leaned toward Sierra and said, “Are you going to tell Wes about Paul?”
“I don’t know. It’s starting to bug me that Wes is checking up on me.”
“I think you should tell him,” Katie said. “Otherwise he’s going to be caught in the middle—Paul will keep calling Wes and you’ll keep saying you don’t want to talk to him. It’s not really fair to Wes, if you’re asking him to relay those messages for you.”
“Do you agree?” Sierra asked Christy. For a blink of a moment, Sierra felt as if she were back at Mama Bear’s with her head bent close around the table with her two friends. Only these two friends weren’t college freshmen, like Sierra, Amy, and Vicki. Katie and Christy were both going to be juniors. They had much more experience to draw on when it came to complications with guys.
Christy said, “You know, I’ve been thinking. I know we should speak the truth in love, and the truth would help Wes in this situation. But we shouldn’t spread rumors about other people.”
“You think I’m making that up about Paul?” Sierra felt her defenses rise. “Is that what it seems like to you? That I’m gossiping and making up a rumor about Paul and Jalene having a baby?”
Christy and Katie both looked over the top of Sierra’s head as if signaling her that Wes was returning. She instantly went silent and waited to see if he had overheard her. She suspected her voice had grown a little loud at the end.
Wes sat down. He flipped half of his bagel onto Sierra’s paper plate and tossed the peanut butter to Katie. Turning to look at Sierra, he raised his eyebrows as if inviting her to explain what he had just heard.
“Okay,” Sierra said with a huff. “I saw Paul’s old girlfriend at Mama Bear’s the day before we came down here. She had a little toddler with her. After some of the things Paul said this weekend, I just figured out the little boy was his—his and Jalene’s. Paul doesn’t know that I know yet, and I’m not sure I’m ready to talk to him about everything. He said on Sunday that he wasn’t ready to have that conversation with me, and I’m not ready to have it with him, either. Not yet.”
Wesley looked skeptical. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure. That’s why I asked if you could tell him I wasn’t ready.”
“No, I mean, are you sure Paul and Jalene had a baby? That’s pretty intense, Sierra.”
“Tell me about it.”
“But he wasn’t walking with the Lord then,” Katie said, slipping into the conversation. “I think if God’s forgiven him, then Sierra should forgive him, and they should just go on from there. We should never torture our brothers and sisters in Christ by holding past failures before them.”
“You’re right,” Wes said. Then, turning to Sierra, he added, “And you know what? This is going to get way out of hand unless you have a private conversation with Paul. The sooner the better.”
Sierra didn’t agree with Wes. He didn’t understand how high her hopes had been for her relationship with Paul. Wes would only give her a lecture about why he thought girls should stay “emotional virgins” if she tried to tell him how deeply this revelation about Paul hurt her.
“I think I’d better go,” Sierra said, feeling that she would be better off dismissing herself before she said something she would regret. She collected her carton of orange juice and bagel and slid out of the booth.
“I’ll walk back to the dorms with you,” Christy said.
“Well, I’m staying,” Katie said. “I told the guys who were just here that I’d eat with them when they came back. They went to get some money.”
Wes gave Sierra a fatherly look, which irritated her. As she and Christy were leaving, he said, “I’ll trust you to talk to Paul soon.”
“Why did he have to say that?” Sierra muttered as they exited. “And why did I ever think going to the same university as my brother was a good idea?”
Christy didn’t answer. They walked across campus in the brightness of the late morning sunshine, and Christy asked Sierra if she wanted to stop at the fountain. At first she didn’t want to, but then Christy coaxed her to stop for just a minute. No one else was around, and in the warmth of the day, the coolness of the water was appealing.
Christy slipped off her sandals and stepped into the fountain. Sierra took the last swig of her orange juice and then followed Christy’s example. When her feet first touched the smooth blue tiles, the cool water felt shocking. But then she settled in next to Christy on the edge of the fountain wall, and the two of them silently splashed their feet. The sensation seemed to revive both of them.
“I was thinking,” Christy said, “did Paul actually say the little boy you saw was his son?”
“No. He doesn’t know I saw him.”
“Did Paul ever say anything about Jalene’s getting pregnant?”
“No. Not exactly. He just said he had been there before and he didn’t want us to end up there.”
“Well, Sierra, what if the baby you saw wasn’t Paul’s? I mean, what if it was some other guy’s? Or what if Jalene was never pregnant, but she
was baby-sitting the day you saw her? Did you think about that? I mean, what if this is all a misunderstanding?” Christy pulled her long brown hair back and twisted it up on top of her head.
Sierra dismissed Christy’s suggestions. “Then why would Paul have pulled back from me the way he did, and why would he have said all the things he did about not wanting to lose control physically?”
Christy let her hair go, and it cascaded down her back, untwisting itself as it fell. “I don’t know Paul at all, so I don’t have any guesses as to why he did or said anything. But I know from talks Todd and I have had that a lot of times it’s different for a guy than it is for a girl. Do you know what I mean?”
Sierra shaded her eyes from the sun and tried to look directly at Christy. The sun was shining off the water, causing an extra-bright glare on their faces.
“Like the other night when Todd and I were at my parents’ house. It was about ten o’clock, and everyone else had gone to bed. Todd and I were talking out on the front porch. We were sitting on the top step under this trellis my dad built. A jasmine vine has grown over the trellis, and in the summer, especially at night, it’s the most fragrant canopy you can imagine. Todd had his arms around me, and my back was against the side of his chest. You know, like this.” Christy demonstrated by leaning against Sierra and resting her head on Sierra’s shoulder.
Sierra laughed. “I’ve got the picture.”
“Well, that’s just cozy, right? Balmy night, fragrant jasmine, Todd and me back together again after a very long year. And we’re talking about cars. Should he sell ol’ Gus.”
“No, never!” Sierra said.
“Well, that’s what we were discussing,” Christy continued. “And I was sitting there thinking how cozy and comfortable it was to hear his voice so close to my ear and to be planning together—even though it was just a little thing like cars. We were together, and I was so happy.”
“Sounds perfect,” Sierra said.
“Right. Because we’re women. But you won’t believe what happened. Todd leans over and snuggles his nose into my hair above my ear and kisses me right there.” Christy points to a spot on her head above her left ear.
Sierra smiled, drawn into the romance of Christy’s story.
“And then Todd says to me, ‘I can’t do this anymore.’ Then we got up and went inside. I went to my room, and he went to David’s and slept in the sleeping bag on David’s floor.”
“Why did he do that? Weren’t you mad?” Sierra said. “He ruined the beautiful moment you two were having.”
Christy smiled. “No, he preserved a beautiful moment rather than creating a moment of regret.”
“I don’t get it. You were just snuggling.”
“I know,” Christy said. “But what’s cozy snuggling for me can be something much stronger for Todd. I have to understand and honor that, even though I don’t feel the same way. It’s taken me a long time to figure out that he and I are wired differently. He’s a microwave, and I’m a Crock-Pot.”
Sierra laughed.
“Todd always says this is the season for us to save, not spend.”
“What does that mean?” Sierra pulled her feet from the cool water and felt them tingle as they dried in the sun. Having her feet washed and cooled had brought a refreshing sensation to her whole body. For some reason she thought of how Jesus had washed the disciples’ feet as an act of love for His closest friends. She wondered if Christy’s trying to understand Todd’s feelings was also a loving act for her closest friend.
“During these years while we’re dating, we’re holding back physically from each other,” Christy said. “Even when we want to express ourselves, we’re saving those expressions instead of spending them. I think of it as putting coins in a piggy bank. The only way that bank can be opened is to break it and let everything come pouring out at once.”
Sierra could picture Christy and Todd sitting together under the jasmine trellis with imaginary handfuls of coins. They spent a penny or two each as they cuddled, but then, because they stopped, they were able to save their more valuable coins in their “piggy banks.”
Christy pulled her feet from the water, too, and swung around to shake them out in the warm sunshine before slipping them back into her sandals. She stood and said playfully, “I can tell you, Miss Sierra, that by the time my wedding night gets here, whoever I marry is going to get one very full piggy bank, if you know what I mean!”
fifteen
SIERRA BURST OUT LAUGHING at Christy’s comment. She was refreshingly transparent and honest. It made Sierra glad all over again that they would be together this school year.
“Well, maybe I should go buy myself a piggy bank,” Sierra teased. She leaned back and scooped up a handful of water, which she splashed all over Christy.
Christy gave a muffled squeal and laughed with her hands up in defense. “Hey, I don’t need a cold shower! I told you I have my hormones under control.”
They laughed together and headed off to Sierra’s dorm room. Overhead a clump of tall palm trees swayed in the breeze, making a swishing sound that Sierra loved. It wasn’t quite the same as the wind in the birch trees outside her bedroom window at the house where she grew up, but it was similar enough to make her feel happy and at home at Rancho Corona.
When they reached the dorm, Sierra and Christy went to work opening Sierra’s boxes and settling her into her room.
“Do you think it’s dumb to have matching bedspreads?” Sierra asked as she smoothed the deep green comforter on her bed. “Vicki’s mom insisted we buy matching bedspreads. We even have matching throw pillows. I noticed Katie and you don’t have anything that matches.”
“Katie and I didn’t have time to think about that,” Christy said. “These comforters will look great together. You were smart to pick a solid color because in these small rooms a print might get old real fast.”
“Wait until you see what Vicki is bringing. She has a huge beanbag chair, a stereo and speakers, and a little nightstand. It’s going to be so crowded in here.”
“It will all fit somehow,” Christy said.
They worked together another hour before Christy curled up on Sierra’s bed and helped herself to a catnap. Sierra took the opportunity to go down the hall to the pay phone so she could call her mom without waking Christy. She reached the answering machine and left a message that she was doing fine, setting up her room, and enjoying her friends.
After she hung up, she looked at the paper in her hand that listed Paul’s home phone number. For the first time she realized she couldn’t just decide never to see Paul again. Her sister was marrying his brother. Numerous occasions in the next year would bring them together. Whatever she decided to do with this relationship would affect both families as well. It reminded her of the thought she had had on the way to the Mexican restaurant, that nothing happens to us alone. Her life was connected with those of others, which was why it wasn’t a good idea to alienate anyone.
Still not ready to have a heart-to-heart talk with Paul, Sierra used her phone card to call Vicki. Vicki wasn’t home either, so Sierra left a quick message and then dialed Amy’s number, only to get Amy’s voice mail. At least Sierra had tried. She would try again this evening when everyone was home from work. Sierra realized she had just used up precious minutes on her phone card, and she had only been given three cards. After the cards, she would have to pay for all her calls. That was a sobering thought. That’s it. I’m buying myself a cell phone before this semester is over. I can’t believe I’ve gotten this far in my life without one!
Christy was still asleep when Sierra went back to the room, so she collected her towel and a change of clothes and acquainted herself with the shower room located halfway down the hall. The shower was industrial-sized and seemed to magnify every sound she made. Sierra thought it was funny and started to sing, enjoying the wacky echo the shower made. But soon she realized playing in the shower was a way to avoid thinking things through while under the influence of war
m, pelting shower drops. Maybe that was okay for right now.
Refreshed and clean all over, she returned to her room just as the phone on her desk rang. Christy stirred, but Sierra reached it before Christy could.
“Hi ya. It’s Katie. Is Christy with you?”
“Yes. She’s taking a little snooze.”
“Well, tell her someone came looking for her. I’ll send him over to your dorm.”
Christy sat up and asked sleepily, “Who is it?”
“It’s Katie,” Sierra replied. “There’s someone here to see you.”
“Who?”
“Hey, Katie,” Sierra said into the receiver, “Christy wants to know who you’re sending over.”
“Ask her if tall, blond, and surfer-dude mean anything to her.”
Sierra smiled. “It’s Todd. He’s on his way over here.”
“He is?” Christy sat all the way up and opened her eyes wide. “What’s he doing here? I thought he wasn’t coming until the end of the week.”
“Hey, Katie, Christy wants to know why he’s here.”
“Why is he here?” Katie repeated. “Oh brother! Tell her if she doesn’t want him, she can send him back over here, and he can take me out to dinner.”
Sierra turned to Christy, “Katie said—”
“I could hear her,” Christy said. “Tell her never in a million years, and I mean that in a nice way.”
Sierra had been holding the phone out and now put it back to her ear. “Did you get that?”
“Yeah, well, just tell her that next time he comes offering food and she’s not around, I won’t be so diligent about tracking her down. And I mean that in a nice way, too.”
Christy borrowed Sierra’s brush and started to untangle her long hair.
Sierra laughed and hung up. She began to relay Katie’s line to Christy when the phone rang again. It was a student who’d picked up the phone in the dorm lobby.