“Sit the fuck down,” he barks.
I turn, giving him a glare. He crosses his arms, narrowing his eyes and challenging me, just daring me to argue.
“I need to shower and...”
“Sit. Now.”
Growling, I hobble over to the lounge and sit down. Spike kneels in front of me and grips my foot, slipping off my shoe. He raises it and inspects it. I can see it’s swollen and purple. Great. Just what I need right now. Something else to stop me from working.
“Lookin’ like it could be fracture, or at the least, badly bruised. You need to keep this up for a few days.”
“You can’t be serious,” I cry. “I have a job I need to go to!”
“Well, you ain’t goin’ to it.”
I start to cry. It’s pathetic, but I can’t help it. Big fat tears stream down my cheeks. Dammit. Why does this keep happening?
“Ah shit,” Spike grunts. “Don’t start cryin’.”
“Can you just leave?” I snap through my tears. “Just go and leave me the hell alone.”
“Hey,” he growls. “Look at me.”
I keep my eyes directed at my lap.
“Now, Tom Cat.”
Hearing him call me Tom Cat has shudders wracking my body. It’s been so long, and the swell of emotion in my chest is nearly too much, but I lift my face, meeting his gaze.
“I might not be a great person, but I’m not enough of a fuckin’ prick to leave a girl who is hurt because of me. I also won’t let her take the fucked up end of the stick because of my actions. You tell me how much you need to cover you for a few days off, and I’ll give it to you.”
“I’m not going to do that, Spike.”
“You don’t get a choice. Give me a number, or I’ll make one up.”
“No.”
“Fine,” he says, pulling his wallet from his back pocket. He grips a wad of cash out and thrusts it at me. “That should cover it.”
I stare at the cash in my hands, and gape. “I wouldn’t make this much in a week.”
“Fuckin’ need to speak with Joe about how much he pays his girls,” he says under his breath, and then he meets my eyes again. “I fucked that bar, ‘cause I took the first swing. It ain’t on you and you shouldn’t have to miss out ‘cause of me. Take it, don’t argue, and we’ll both go our separate ways.”
“Are we ever going to be friends again, Spike?”
He narrows his eyes, and his expression becomes hard. “Don’t mistake this kindness for us being friends. I’m doing it because I fucked up. There ain’t nothin’ more to it. You ain’t ever gonna be more than an acquaintance, Ciara.”
Ouch. That burns. It burns me right down to my core. His words affect me in a way I wasn’t prepared for, and I do the only thing I can to cover the hurt. I get angry.
“Get out, Spike,” I hiss. “I don’t need your fucking pity. I’ve lived this long without your ‘kindness’, and I don’t need it now. If you can’t even be my friend, then do me a favor, and get the fuck out of my life. I should have never trusted you, and I should have never wasted so many years of my life wanting something that was clearly never worth fighting for. I’m done, Spike. I’m done trying to fix you. You’re right, there’s nothing good left in you. Nothing at all.”
I get to my feet and I thrust the cash at him. Then I turn and walk off down towards the hall. Just as I reach it, I turn and growl, “You know where the door is.”
Then I disappear into the darkness. I stand there for long moments, just listening. I hear him go - the door slams, his bike starts up, and he speeds off down the street.
My chest hurts. It aches so much that I struggle to get a steady breath. I hobble back into the lounge and my eyes fall on the coffee table. And I stop breathing. My vision blurs as tears well in my eyes. A strangled gasp escapes my throat and I grip my chest, as if that will take the pain away. There on the table is the cash, but that’s not what tears my heart to pieces. It’s the bracelet sitting on top of it. A bracelet made of leather, with silver beads representing friendship.
A bracelet I gave Spike a long time ago.
A bracelet that promised lifelong friendship.
A bracelet that swore my loyalty to him.
A loyalty I just broke.
God, what am I fucking doing?
CHAPTER 6
PAST - SPIKE
“Come on Tom Cat, you’re takin’ your sweet time!” I yell out from the bottom of Ciara’s stairs.
We’re meant to be headed out to the fair, but bloody Ciara is takin’ her sweet fuckin’ time getting ready. As always. I lean against the railing and I run my fingers through my thick, blonde hair. I really need to get rid of this, it’s startin’ to piss me off. I just don’t have it in me to look after hair this long.
I peer up the stairs again. Fuck, women can take their sweet ass time when they want to.
“I’m coming!” she yells.
I grin. I can’t help it. Ciara has that thing about her, she’s like sunshine and rain, all mixed in one sweet ass package.
“So, you’re the Motorcycle Man she’s been babbling about.”
I hear the sweet, silky voice behind me, and turn, letting my eyes fall on a very attractive girl that has to be Ciara’s sister, Cheyenne. She’s told me a lot about her, but I’ve not had the chance to meet her. Grinning, I take her in. She’s different to Ciara, she’s missing those wild cat eyes, but she’s equally as beautiful. She leans her hip against a nearby cabinet, and lets her eyes travel down my body. Is this girl seriously checking me out right now?
“And you must be the Sister.”
She gives me a devilish smile, and steps forward, extending her hand. “Cheyenne, and you are?”
“Spike.”
She raises her brows. “Spike? I thought your name was Danny?”
“I’m Danny to Ciara, but to everyone else, I’m Spike.”
“I didn’t know you were so...hot,” she says, letting those eyes travel over me again.
I laugh huskily. “Yeah, well, good genes.”
“I’ll say,” she giggles. “So, tell me what your intentions are with my Sister?”
I snort. “Ain’t no intentions there, darlin’. She’s my best friend.”
“Ah, so it’s not a romance?”
“No.”
I fuckin’ wish it were sometimes.
“And why is that, Spike?” she purrs, sliding her tongue out and running it over her bottom lip.
Fuck. Ciara’s sister is flirting with me. Openly. Not holding anything back.
“Wouldn’t you like to know?”
She steps forward, running a finger down the front of my shirt. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. If only Ciara was this outgoing, maybe then we wouldn’t be dancing around feelings that we both know are there, yet neither of us want to admit. It’s the fear of losing the friendship, but fuck, it’s draining. I’ve wanted Ciara since the day I laid eyes on her. She’s fucking gorgeous, inside and out. She puts me in the friend-zone, though. No matter what I do, no matter how many hints I drop. She just doesn’t see me. I’m tired of it, and in a sense, I guess I’ve given up. If a friend is all I can have her as, then that’s what I’ll stick with. She’s always going to be my girl, but I can’t keep waiting.
“Oh, Spike, I’d love to know. If she is silly enough not to snap you up, I most certainly will.”
I don’t get a chance to answer her, because I see Ciara standing at the top of the stairs. I turn my gaze to her, and my heart stutters. I’m not sure if it’s the long, slightly curled, blonde hair, the full red lips, the porcelain skin, or the yellow eyes, but fuck, she’s perfect. Her blue dress gently sways around her knees as she steps down towards us. Her eyes are on Cheyenne, and her face is filled with something I can’t quite pick. It could be jealousy, or anger. I know the two of them aren’t close, Ciara has told me a little bit about it. Whatever the look, it’s full of emotion. When her eyes finally turn back to mine, I see a hint of betrayal.
“I see you met Ch
eyenne,” she says, though her voice is empty.
“Yeah, I did.”
“You never told me Spike was so gorgeous,” Cheyenne laughs, placing a hand on my shoulder. I flinch.
“What did you call him?” Ciara asks.
“Oh, didn’t you know that’s what everyone calls him?”
Ciara’s eyes flash with hurt, before she covers it up, and shrugs. “Well, I’m glad you two met. Are we going?”
I nod, extending my hand. Ciara reaches down and takes it, and we turn, heading for the door.
“I’ll see you around, Spike. I’d love to know more about that nickname...perhaps you’ll tell me all about it next time you’re here,” Cheyenne purrs again.
Well fuck. Why do I get the feeling this is going to become a complicated situation?
~*~*~*~*
PRESENT - CIARA
“Hey Tom Cat!”
I smile as Cade comes running up to me when I’m at the compound the next day. He grins, wide and beautiful, and wraps me in a hug. For a moment, I enjoy the comfort. I need it. More than I realized. He pulls back, and looks down at me, studying my face.
“You don’t come here often, what’s up?”
I force a smile. “I was just after Jackson.”
“He’s in the main bar.”
“Thanks,” I say, walking towards the bar. Cade falls in step beside me. “How were your few days away?”
He nods, grinning. “Fuckin’ sweet. Was good to get away.”
“I bet Addi had a good time?”
“Fuck yeah, she always has a good time with me. She’s a fuckin’ wildcat.”
I shove him lightly, and he laughs.
“Get your mind out of the gutter, biker.”
He wraps an arm around me. “Can’t help it. The girl drives me crazy.”
“Crazy is good.”
He grins down at me, and then spins me around to face him. “She’s inside, go and say hello to her when you’re done with Jacks, yeah?”
I nod. “Yeah.”
“You all good?”
I nod, forcing a smile. “I’m good.”
“I’ll catch you later, Tom Cat.”
I watch Cade turn and walk off and then with a shake of my head, I walk inside.
The bar is quiet for a Thursday. It’s usually filling up with bikers by now. Addison is at the bar, drying a batch of glasses. I wave to her when she looks up, and her eyes brighten.
I can’t help the smile that stretches across my face. If anyone in the world understands pain, it’s Addi. She’s got a vibe about her that screams survivor, yet at the same time, it screams warmth and friendship. She’s definitely someone you want in your life.
“Hey! Ciara!”
“Hey Addi,” I say, walking over and stopping at the long, wooden bar. I lean my hip on it. “How’s it going?”
She drops the dishcloth and sighs. “Pretty good, sick of work.”
I nod in understanding. “I know what you mean, it’s my first day off in ages.”
“Are you getting paid again?”
I narrow my eyes. “How did you know about that?”
“Spike told Cade.”
I feel my brows raise now. “Spike and Cade speak?”
“They have been, yeah. It’s a slow process, but it’s happening.”
That makes me happy, for both of them. They deserve to find that friendship again. I imagine it would never be quite the same, but something is better than nothing at all.
“I’m happy for them,” I say, fiddling with the end of the dishcloth. “And yeah, I’m getting paid again. Spike gave me some money anyway, but I’m going to give it back.”
Now Addi’s brows raise. “You and Spike have been talking?”
“We’ve been arguing more like it, but yeah...I think I hurt him the other night.”
Addi turns, storming around the bar and stopping in front of me. She grips my shoulders and pulls me towards a table, shoving me down. She sits on the chair over from me, puts her elbows on the table, face in hands and leans forward. “Spill, like now.”
I laugh nervously. “It’s nothing, Addi. Just the usual Spike and Ciara bullshit.”
“Oh, you are such a liar! Now spill, or I’ll force it out of you using whatever means possible.”
I giggle and roll my eyes at her, and then I lean forward too. “We’ve been talking a little more, and slowly we’ve been hashing some things out. Last night, my car ran out of gas and, well, Spike was the one who stopped for me. We got into this massive fight and he kissed me,” I blurt out quickly.
Addi’s eyes widen, and she grins, big and beautiful. “Spike kissed you?”
“It’s not what you think. I was yelling at him because he never kissed me when he took me that night all those years ago, and so he kissed me to make it even. It meant nothing to him, I can assure you.”
Addi puts her head in her hands and groans, and then she meets my gaze again. “Honey, you can’t see it, can you? Spike is freakin’ head over heels for you.”
I snort. “No, he’s not. Trust me. He might have had feelings in the past, but they’re long gone now.”
“Oh god! You two are so bloody stubborn. Trust me when I say his angry reaction is because he cares so much. Spike isn’t the type of man to react angrily to just anyone. He’s the type who reacts out of emotion and, trust me honey, he feels something when he’s around you. It’s why he’s trying so hard to push you away.”
Is Addison right? Or is she just clutching at straws to find some sort of explanation so he won’t break my heart?
“Either way,” I say, my voice low and croaky. “He’s not about to give in anytime soon. He gave me the bracelet back; that means I hurt him. God, Addi, I said some really mean things last night.”
“What bracelet?” she asks, confusion washing over her pretty features.
“A long time ago, I gave him a bracelet. It was kind of like a promise to always have each other’s backs, to always be there for each other. I spat mean words at him last night and he left, but he left the bracelet on the coffee table.”
“Can I be honest with you, Ciara?” Addi says, her face serious.
“Of course you can.”
“Look, I know a great deal went down between you and Spike, and half of it I’ll probably never know or understand but what I’m seeing here, is two people determined to blame one another for things that went wrong, yet not one of them is willing to say sorry. You’re looking for Spike to take away the hurt he caused you, but what about his hurt?”
I hang my head, because she’s right. Spike deserves my apology, just as much as I deserve his.
“I know you’re right, but every time we get together we just end up blaming each other instead of dealing with what happened and moving on.”
“Are you in love with him, honey?”
I flinch. “How can I love someone who hates me so much?”
“Easily, now answer the question.”
My heart begins to hammer. I hate the question because it rips out so many emotions inside me. I can’t think when she’s asking me to bare my soul to her.
Once upon a time, I adored Spike. I’m fairly sure he was the first man who taught my heart how to love, even though I never admit it to him. Now, though, when I think of him, I am torn. I feel so much for him, yet at the same time my hurt overrides real feelings. I close my eyes, sucking in a rugged breath. If I admit what’s in my heart, deep down behind everything, then I’m changing the way I think about everything, but if I keep it locked down...I continue on this path of denial.
“Yes.”
My voice comes out as a croaky whisper. It’s the best I can muster up. I clench my eyes closed harder, until they hurt. Addison will never realize what admitting that is doing to me inside. She will never realize that now I have said it, I will never walk away from it. I feel her fingers glide over my hand, and she tugs it into her grip. For a long while we just sit like that, me with my head down and eyes closed, and her holding
my hand, occasionally running her thumb over it. When I finally look up, I’ve managed to fight the tears and am holding strong. Addison meets my gaze, and she gives me a gentle smile.
“I know how hard it is to admit you have feelings for someone like Spike, but now you’ve done it, you can move forward.”
“There is no forward,” I say in a small, broken voice. “I’ve fucked it all up.”
“No, you haven’t. You can fix this, Ciara. You just have to be willing to admit you were wrong, too.”
“I still don’t know if it’s enough. I don’t know if I can be second best...”
“You’re not second best, you know that. It’s not like you were both presented to him and he picked one. He thought you didn’t want any more than friendship. Eventually he was going to move on and stop waiting honey, it just so happened that he moved onto your sister.”
“I know...”
“Give it a few days, then try and talk to him again. Approach it differently.”
I lift my hand, running it through my hair and letting out a deep sigh. “God, why can’t I just find a normal man?”
Addi giggles. “They’re never normal honey.”
“Ciara?”
I hear Jackson’s voice, and turn to see him striding into the bar. I came to apologize to him for being so rude the other night. I turn and flash Addi a quick smile, before standing and walking towards Jackson.
When we reach each other, we both stop. He gives me a smile, like my angry mood the other evening didn’t bother him at all. Jackson is such a sweet man. I really don’t know how he manages to run a club full of bikers.
“Hey Jackson, I just wanted to come in and apologize for the other night. It was wrong of me to snap at you like that.”
He offers me his arm. “Walk with me.”
I hook mine through his, and as we pass Addi, he leans down and kisses her head. She flashes him a grin and then returns to the bar.
Jackson and I walk through the halls until we reach the front door. He leads me out and we sit on a couple of old chairs beside the front door.
“You know I ain’t pissed at you, Ciara?” he says, turning to face me. He rests his big hands on his knees and his green eyes meet mine.
“I know, but it was still wrong of me to behave like that all the same. I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that just because I was pissed off at Spike.”