“Damn straight, it is. And it’ll be funny to watch him squirm. I can’t wait to see the look on his face —”
“Charley!”
“But that’s not the only reason I’m doing this! I swear.”
“You are such a bad liar.”
I chuckled and led her to the door. “Go get ready for your fake date. Ubie should be here around six. Ish. You never know with him.”
She nodded again, handed me her cup, then headed across the hall to her own apartment. I said a quick prayer, asking for divine intervention in her fashion choice, then went back to Mr. Wong. Some of the lines of text went all the way down his back and disappeared into the top of his pants, but no way was I going there. I had to leave him at least an ounce of dignity.
I could try to draw the tats, as I had with Mr. A, but that would take me forever, and I just wasn’t that good. Time to kill two bad guys with one bullet. I summoned Angel, a thirteen-year-old departed gangbanger who’d wanted to see me naked before he’d agree to become my investigator. I was happy to report he had yet to see me naked and he was indeed my investigator. I’d blackmailed him. It was how I rolled.
“Hey, Charley,” he said, popping in behind me. Very close behind me.
I stepped away from him and gave him a good once-over. “You’re being very nice today,” I said, letting the suspicion I felt show. “What gives?”
“What?” he asked. He stepped to Sophie, my sofa, and fell back to land softly on her soft cushions. “I can’t say hey to my favorite grim reaper?”
Oh, wow. Something was definitely up. I strolled over to him, turned around, and plopped down on his stomach to incapacitate him. Then I proceeded to tickle him until he begged for mercy.
“Okay, okay,” he said, laughing like a schoolkid. It was nice. “I give up.”
“What’s up with the nice act?” When he hesitated, I went back in for the ribs.
“No! Okay, I’ll tell you. I’m just happy. My mom’s doing really well.”
“Yeah, thanks to the raise I gave you. So, she fell for the ‘dead uncle left her money’ thing?”
He wiped his eyes as I let him up. “Seems like it. She’s just happier now. Something has changed.”
“Angel, maybe she’s happy because she’s figured out you’re still around.”
His disposition went from light to dark in a flash. “No, she’s not. I told you, I don’t want her to know.”
“I know. Geez. I didn’t tell her anything. But she suspects. You know that, right?”
He sat back down and rubbed the peach fuzz on his chin. “I know. As long as she doesn’t know for certain, she’ll be fine.”
“Well, either way,” I said, going to warm up my coffee, “I’m glad she’s doing well.”
“Yeah, me, too.”
“I have two jobs for you.”
“Okay, but I’ve decided I need weekends and holidays off.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. It just sounds good. And I need benefits.”
I gave him my best deadpan expression. “Isn’t it a little late for medical?”
“No, I need other benefits. Like seeing you naked. But only sometimes. I’m not greedy.”
“You are not seeing me naked. Now, do you want to know the jobs or not?”
“Sure. Why not? I’m only dead. It’s not like I can argue.”
I curled up beside him, and he put an arm around my shoulders. “Can we make out?”
“No. Can you draw?”
He shrugged. “I used to be pretty good. Haven’t tried it in about thirty years.”
“But you can manipulate objects sometimes. I’ve seen you.”
“Yeah. Do you need a nude portrait done?”
“Yes, actually, I do.”
He rose slightly. “Really?”
“Yes. Of Mr. Wong’s back.”
Disappointment lined his handsome face. “That old guy? I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. He’s… escalofriante.”
“Angel Garza,” I said, leaning away from him. “Mr. Wong is not creepy. Why would he give you the chills?”
“He just does.”
“That’s not nice.”
“Whatever you say, ’jita.”
“And you can’t call me ’jita. It’s wrong. I’m older than you are.”
He still had his arm on my shoulders when his full mouth tilted playfully. “You are not older than me. If you’ll let me see you naked, I’ll prove it to you.”
The way Angel talked, the departed could have sex. But really? Could they? I wasn’t about to find out with a thirteen-year-old. “You are not seeing me naked. I need you to draw the tattoos on his back.”
“I can try, but I don’t think he’ll like it. What if he’s ticklish?”
I pursed my lips in reprimand. “I don’t know what else to do, unless you can talk to him and find out who he is.”
“I’ve already told you: I’m not a ghost whisperer. And if you could see what I see, you wouldn’t even want to know who he is.”
I bolted upright. “Why? What do you see?” Then I remembered something. When I was hurt and almost burned alive, I’d seen Reyes’s darkness, the flames that forever engulfed him, the scars from his past. Reyes said I was looking at him from another plane. Now I just had to remember how I did that.
I looked back at Mr. Wong and concentrated. Then I squinted. Then I squinted harder until he became a blurry patch of gray.
“Is it working?” Angel asked, a soft laugh escaping him.
I gave up with a hopeless sigh. “No.”
“You’re the grim freaking reaper. You can do anything. You just haven’t figured that out yet.”
“Dude, how do you know more than I do? Are my abilities, like, common departed knowledge?”
“No,” he said with a shrug. “You kind of learn things as you go. It’s like on-the-job training.”
“That’s exactly how I feel. So, like what? What can I do that I don’t know about?”
“I just told you. Pretty much anything.”
“That’s so helpful. Thanks,” I said, giving up. Again. “What do you see?”
He looked at him, studied him a long while, then said, “Power.”
My eyes rounded. “Power? What do you mean? What kind of power?”
“That’s it. Just power. You’d have to see it to understand. Me da mala espina.”
Well, that was a huge help. “Something ominous is coming, huh? When isn’t it? I want you to try to draw the tattoos on his back onto this paper when you can.” I pointed to my sketchpad.
“Okay. Most likely the pencil will slip through my fingers, but I can try right now if you want.”
“Nope – right now, you have another job.”
“Okay. I get paid time and a half for overtime, right?”
“No. I need you to go check out a demon posing as a man.”
“I don’t like demons.”
“I don’t either.”
“That’s funny, since you’re sleeping with one.”
“Reyes is not a demon.”
“Keep telling yourself that, mijita. He is the most notorious demon of them all.”
“Are you going to go check this guy out or what?”
“Sure, but when the prince of hell turns on you and decides to engulf the world in a blazing inferno, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
“Deal,” I said, plastering a smile on my face.
5
I’m only here to establish an alibi.
— T-SHIRT
I told Angel where he could find the Dealer, with instructions to just get a feel for him. For his power. “But don’t get too close, else he’ll sup on your soul,” I’d added, after which he’d rolled his eyes. He could be such a drama queen.
I looked back at Mr. Wong and studied him. Power. I just didn’t see it. Duff!
I bolted up again. When Duff, a departed man who’d followed me home
from a bar one night – long story – first saw Mr. Wong, he seemed… surprised. Like he knew him. Or recognized him.
Mission for the moment: Find Duff.
I went to the last apartment he’d lived in. He moved around a lot, but the last time we’d talked, he told me he was back in with Mrs. Allen down the hall. She had a vicious poodle named PP. To PP’s credit, however, he did try to fight off a pack of demons for me. I had a soft spot for him now. Super soft. Like Twinkie guts, only not so marshmallowy delicious.
I knocked on Mrs. Allen’s door, waited a bit, then knocked again. PP was yapping up a storm from behind it, but it took Mrs. Allen a bit to travel that distance, even though her apartment was smaller than mine.
She cracked open the door, the chain still on, until she saw me and took the chain down to let me in.
“Hey, Charley,” she said, and I realized immediately she didn’t have her teeth in.
“Hey, Mrs. Allen.” One thing I didn’t think to come up with was an excuse for being there. “Um, I was just wondering how your… heating system was working. Mine is on the fritz.”
“My heating system.” She practically shoved me inside. “It’s awful. Never works right, and poor PP feels the cold. Breaks my heart.”
She hobbled to her thermostat. “See, it’s on seventy-five, and I know it’s not a degree over seventy-three in here.”
“Okay,” I said, searching for Duff. According to the talk on the streets, I could summon any departed, as I had with Angel, but I didn’t know Duff that well. I didn’t want to just drag him away from whatever it was he was doing. Come to think of it, what did the departed do all day?
“Duff?” I whispered, sidestepping a snarling PP and hurrying over to a bedroom door to peek inside. Nada.
“And this stove still hasn’t been fixed. I told that lazy, good-for-nothing landlord about my stove weeks ago.”
I turned back to her. “Your stove isn’t working?” I tried to walk over, but again had to sidestep PP. I glared down at him and the one fang he had left that protruded out of his gnarly mouth. “And here I thought we were friends.” He snapped at me to make sure I understood the truth of it, so I quickly made my way past. Vicious little shit.
No one in the building besides Cookie and Reyes, including the current manager, Mr. Z, knew I was a proud new owner of a run-down apartment building, so Mrs. Allen didn’t know she was talking to the person responsible for all the repairs.
“No, ma’am, it’s not. See?” She turned on all the burners, and none of them heated up. “How am I supposed to make stew?”
“Well, I’m not sure, but I’ll write that down and go talk to Mr. Z about it.”
“Lazy good-for-nothing. He won’t do anything about it.”
He would now. I’d make sure of it.
“Okay, well, thanks. I’ll let you know what I find out.”
“Thank you, honey. PP always liked you.”
PP snapped at me again, barking until I could take it no longer. I rushed out the door and back to Cookie’s apartment. I knew that Duff had spent some time crashing there, too. I’d never told Cook. It’d only freak her out, and as fun as that was to do, I didn’t want to hear how every noise in the apartment was the dead guy. Her imagination would have run rampant.
I went in without knocking, under the guise of checking on her. She was in her room, changing clothes, and from the state of her closet and drawers, she’d done that a lot.
“I just don’t know what to wear,” she said, tossing aside a nice burgundy blouse.
“That would have been great.”
“No. I don’t like the way it fits.”
“How does it fit?”
“Wrong. What about this?”
“You probably shouldn’t wear orange and purple together on a first date. Just thinking out loud.”
“But it’s a fake date. Who cares?” She picked up a glass and downed half the contents before I smelled the alcohol.
“Cookie, what the hell are you drinking?”
“I made a frozen margarita with Amber’s slushy machine. Don’t judge me.”
I stifled a giggle and looked at my watch. “Oh, my gosh. It’s almost six.”
“Oh, good heavens. I haven’t been on a date in years.”
Cookie put down the drink and started trying on blouses again while I looked for Duff, who was missing in action here, too. She tossed the fifth blouse aside when I walked back in.
“What was wrong with that one?”
“The color. You just said —”
“Right, right. But at this rate, you’re going to be late for January. Get a move on, missy!”
She glared at me. It was the alcohol talking. I could tell. “Hey, do you have any repairs you need done? I’m making a list.”
“Oh.” She straightened and started ticking off a list with her fingers. “My refrigerator is making a funny sound. The faucet in the bathroom leaks.”
“Hold on.” I ran back to my apartment and returned with a pen and paper. “Okay, fridge, faucet.”
“Yes, and the floor in the living room squeaks. Amber’s window lets in a lot of cold air. The ceiling still needs to be painted after that disastrous pool party you tried to have on the roof.”
“That wasn’t my fault. And it was a kiddie pool, for goodness’ sake.”
“Oh, and those bar things in my closet need to be rehung.”
“Bar things… in clos… et,” I said while writing. “Is that it?”
“I’ll think of more. I forgot you’re now responsible for all that.” She blinked in thought. “That’s kind of scary.”
“Tell me about it.”
I hit the rest of the building, under the guise of making a list of demands for the new owner on what repairs needed to be made. Of those who were home, which was only about half – and excluding a woman on the first floor, who kept calling me Bertie and throwing ramen noodles at me – I now had a list of about seventy-two items that needed to be replaced or repaired. Seventy-two! This ownership thing could become a hassle. Luckily, I had a man who was apparently made of money. He bought the building for me in the first place. Making good on the purchase was the least he could do in my worthy yet humble opinion. But Mr. Z was the one who’d actually do the repairs.
I’d make one last stop at his apartment, also on the first floor. He probably told that lady about me. I’d never even seen her before. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe she was a shut-in who didn’t like people invading her turf. I could understand that, but why Bertie?
After all that, no Duff. I was worried I’d have to summon him whether he wanted to be summoned or not, but first, I needed to see the resident manager slash maintenance man. Mr. Zamora opened his door wearing a pair of overalls and a graying T-shirt, the TV blaring in the background. Instead of a greeting, he pursed his lips – the ones that resided directly under a thick mustache – in annoyance. I took that as my cue.
“Hey, Mr. Z. I have a list —”
The door slammed in my face before I could finish. Right in my face.
I stood there in a shock a solid minute before I tried again, knocking harder this time to let him know I was not going away.
He opened the door again, eyed me up and down, then started to slam the door.
I stuck my booted foot in it, preventing it from closing completely.
“I’m off,” he said, swinging the door wide. “Can’t you see I’m having dinner?”
I looked inside, and sure enough, there on the table sat a feast fit for a king. If that king was really fond of hot dogs and potato chips.
“I’m sorry to bother you, but I have a list of repairs that need to be made to various apartments in this building.”
“Oh, yeah?” he said, taking the list from me. He read it over, then crumpled it up in his hand and tossed it at me. “I can’t do any repairs without prior authorization. You have to go through the management company.”
The paper had hit me in the chest, and after I got over ho
w amazingly rude he was being, I decided to file assault charges. I grabbed my chest and doubled over, moaning in agony as he looked on.
“Are you about finished?” he asked, completely unmoved. “My show is on.”
I hopped up to see over him. He was watching a rerun of Breaking Bad. At least he had good taste in television. “I love that show,” I said, trying to look past him to see which one it was. “I take Misery to their car wash all the time.”
“So, you’re okay? You didn’t get a paper cut, did you? Should I call an ambulance?”
“Okay, fine, be that way. Just tell me exactly what the procedure is to get repairs made.” I picked up the paper and smoothed it out on my stomach.
“I told you. You have to go through the property management company. I work for them now. They work for the owner.”
“I’m not sure you should be treating tenants like that.”
“Like what?” he asked, offended.
I leaned in to him. “Like slamming doors in their faces.”
“I’m off. I told you.”
“It doesn’t matter. These are tenants. These are people who make it possible for you to draw a paycheck. They deserve a little respect.”
“Listen, Charley. If you want respect, you gotta show some.”
“What?” I asked, my turn to be offended. “When have I ever been disrespectful to you?”
He squared his shoulders. “You’re loud. You throw parties. You invite strange people over at all hours. And you call me Mr. Whiskers behind my back. It makes me sound like a friggin’ cat.”
“I most certainly do not. I call you that to your face just as often as I do behind your back. And I haven’t had a party in months.”
He pressed his mouth together. “Look, no matter, you gotta go through the proper channels for me to fix anything on that list. But I gotta warn you. We have a new owner. I’m not sure what he will do with all that.” He pointed to my list.
“I’m not sure either.” I didn’t think about that. I needed working capital. I needed a sugar daddy. Or Reyes Farrow. Either way.
“Fine,” I said, folding my note and stuffing it in my pocket. “I’ll just go to the new owner directly.”
“You know him?” he asked, surprised. Of course he would think the new owner was a him. Reyes bought the building before transferring ownership over to me, a fact that still boggled my mind. Giving me an apartment complex was like giving a twelve-year-old a Fortune 500 company and saying, “Now, take good care of it.”