They say to beware of your species, and that I should be scared, very scared. And I am.
The kickboard, bathing cap, and goggles have all been packaged up into a very thoughtful gesture.
Perhaps I should avoid seafood to help with my constantly churning stomach whenever I go near water? I must confess I feel caught in a rip. But thank you, all the same.
I’m not sure what I can do with all this apparatus unless I’m in the pool?
Your Land Loving Creature
After sending the email she picked up the phone, thinking about whether to call her dad. She’d been avoiding his phone calls since the split with Derek. She needed to be honest with her parents, to at least give them a heads up.
With the phone in her hand Sophie remembered that even her mother had tried to call her over the weekend when she was shopping.
“Sophie,” her mum said, picking up on the first ring. “I knew you would call when you had a chance.”
“What’s going on?”
“Well, nothing. It’s just nice to hear from you every now and then.”
“Thanks Mum. Um...there’s something I need to talk to you about.” This was it, time to face the truth, tell them she and Derek were over.
Her mother shrieked on the other side of the phone. “It’s happened hasn’t it? It’s finally happened. You’re engaged. To Derek.”
Sophie gasped. “No.” She had the direct opposite news to tell.
“Oh honey, what else could it be? You’re not… um, pregnant dear?”
Sophie sighed. “No, Mum.” She already felt irritated. “There is no engagement, and no pregnancy. It will never happen between me and Derek.”
“Why’s that? You two are perfect for each other and… worse things could happen than getting pregnant.”
“Because.” Should Sophie tell her, explain about what he had asked of her? Her heart constricted. “It was all over working too hard.” Even as she said the words, Sophie wondered whether Derek had cheated on her. Maybe the blame didn’t lie just with her.
“Working too hard? Whatever are you talking about? The solution to these things is to try to make your partner happy. Maybe you could try a little harder in your relationship.”
“It’s not like that. Oh, just forget it.”
“Couples fight. Did you want me to talk to him, sweetie? Put in a word for you? I know all your best attributes.”
“Mum,” Sophie exclaimed. Her mother probably preferred talking to Derek than to her.
“I’ve got his number. I’ll call him now.”
“No.” Could she be any clearer? “No. Definitely not. Do not call him. I’ve got enough issues with Derek.”
“Oh Sophie, well whatever is going on with the two of you, patch it up. He’s a handsome one, that one. A keeper.”
Obviously not enough of a keeper to wait a millisecond before he got together with gorgeous fucking Georgina.
“Oh Mum, got to go, got something important from a client.” It was true, a message flicked onto her screen. The sea urchin had responded to her email. Very quickly, too. That was interesting. She was finally getting timely responses from Matthew Silver. Ha-ha! Progress with at least someone in the male population.
From: Matthew.Silver@SilverSwimmingChain
Sent: 15 October 2007 10:39
To: Sophie.Smart@ClarksAdvertisingAgency
Subject: Re: Thanks
Dear Miss Sophie Mermaid Smart,
There are very few mermaids who are land-loving creatures, and you must clearly be the rare kind with no problems finding your feet. Together, we’ll help you find your tail, so you can splash around in the water without a care in the world.
Before any attempt in finding your mermaid tail, like visiting the pool for a tail-finding swimming lesson with a dolphin, I would recommend you sit in your bathtub (in your brand new swimsuit if it helps.)
Fill the tub halfway up with water, wearing both bathing cap and goggles.
Once you feel comfortable in this position, place your head face down in the water and blow a series of bubbles out of your mouth (still while wearing all this apparatus).
Count ten seconds and lift your head back up out of the water. Repeat this exercise a few times.
If you find the idea of a bathtub quite off-putting, consider wearing the apparatus in the shower.
Yours truly,
Mr. Mathew Dolphin Silver
P.S. Did you know that the clown fish is a close friend of the sea anemone, and is able to swim close without getting stung?